I feel terrible

[CrazyAmie19]

This situation that I'm in right now is really making me feel like crap!

 

You see Saturday night I had a really bad night! My boyfriend who has been my best friend since as far back as I can remember broke up with me! I was really upset..I stayed up all night long going insane..literally. I slit my wrist...but I stopped once I realized what I was doing.

 

The next day which was Sunday I had to go to work..so I went to work and I was freaking out all day long hoping that nobody would notice the slit on my wrist..nobody did thank god..or atleast they didn't say anything about it..anyhow..all day at work I was screwing things up and everything was going wrong. I'm afraid now my boss totally hates me and my co-workers too..I kept asking question after question and I know I wasn't working as fast as I could..in other words I was the annoying dumb slow employee that annoys everyone that day! I appologized to everyone about everything and they all said it was okay and not to worry about it..but deep inside it's killing me cuz I know if I was working with someone like that I'd get extremely annoyed.

 

I don't know what to do..I don't want my boss and co-workers to hate me..I love them all..I know it sounds crazy but I love these people as if they are my family..it's just killing me right now.

 

I feel terrible..really terrible

 

sorry..just had to vent..any advice or stories from similiar situations please post!

 

Thanks!

[westernxer]

You slit your wrist... you need some help, and fast.

 

Please look into seeing a counselor, or someone you can trust.

[chaos70]

You'll be surprised how understanding some companies are when you are going through a rough time.

My other work actually sent me home because I was an emotional wreck when the whole thing went down with stbxw. They were surprised I was only gone for a day...but I had sucked it up because I needed the money.

 

Second...no reason to even commit suicide because of a guy. I'll admit I briefly considered it because I was low, but what stirred in me was the desire to prove her wrong. I had worth, and I have value. (riding an emotional high right now)...and damnit, I ain't going out like that.

[CrazyAmie19]

Nobody knows about my night except for 2 of the girls that I work with that I told. I didn't think it would be appropriate to explain to my boss that my boyfriend broke up with me and that I wasn't thinking clearly all day..and that I had a lot on my mind..that'd make me look weak and it would probably piss them off if I told them my explanation of why I was screwing everything up..it would look like I was making up an excuse.

 

I just wish somehow everyone could just erase that day and start fresh!

[chaos70]

Depends on the relationship you have with your boss. If he values you, he will understand that this is temporary and explains why things went crazy today. Work stress + personal stress = bad things. If you aren't valued, then yea...just chalk it up as a bad day...and let the next one be a new start.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by CrazyAmie19

I just wish somehow everyone could just erase that day and start fresh!

 

Yes, but, you slit your wrist. That's not normal.

[prissymissy]

Amie,

 

You sound like a smart and intelligent person that bad things have happend to. You said that you do not want to talk to your manager about your problems because it seems like you would be a weak person, Amie, a weak person is someone who decides to end their life with their own hands when times get tough.

 

I lost a VERY VERY VERY close person to me due to suicide. Suicide is a weak persons excape. You are not thinking about the people that love you and suicide is a selfish way out.

 

Sweetie, everybody has tough times, things DO GET BETTER. Trust me, it has escaped my mind numerous times. You have to think about the good times and not dwell on the bad ones.

 

Take up a hobby or something to take your mind off of things for a while. I started making jewlery, I buy beads and crystals and stuff from bead stores and craft stores, it is amazing the things that you can do when you have a lot on your mind. It is cool to see the finished product and to wear it.

 

Also, try a "ME DAY" Go to get your nails done, get a pedicure treat yourself to a massage something, all of those things will do wonders for you as well. Take time for you, make yourself happy, breathe and enjoy life. It will get better.

 

Good Luck!

[lindya]

I'm always troubled when people respond critically to admissions of suicidal thoughts or behaviour - however well-meant the criticism might be. Suicide is a desperate act taken by people who truly are unable to see any other way out of a dark, dark tunnel. Describing it as a "weak person's escape" and encouraging guilty feelings about how loved ones would feel only encourages suicidal people to feel even more worthless than they already feel. That, and more trapped.

 

Amie, I look on your reaction to the split with your boyfriend as a wake-up call. Break-ups are incredibly distressing, but when they provoke a reaction like that then it's a sign that you need to talk about your feelings with someone trustworthy and look into getting professional help. I think that this incident is probably your mind's way of screaming to you that over time it's become overloaded with difficult issues, and now needs you to get some urgent assistance in addressing and beginning to resolve them.

 

The fact that you've posted this is a good sign. Even if things feel completely dark for you just now, talking about what you did the other night is probably a sign that you're getting yourself ready to turn things around and start getting better - difficult as that might be to imagine right now.

 

You need to make an appointment with your doctor for as soon as possible and see whether he or she can fix up some free counselling for you. There's no need to tell work all the details; just let them know you're going through some difficulties just now, and need a little support if your work isn't up to its usual standard.