Codependent narcissist (that's me!) falls in love with girl who may have BPD

[LD1990]

Contact from the ex, round two.

 

She called me, I recognized the number and didn't answer. She left me an awkward minute-long voicemail saying she called to say hi, it has been awhile, wanted to see how I'm doing but "you know you're doing good." Then says she actually called to say bye as she's leaving soon and doesn't really know when she's coming back. Wished me and my family well, said "I really miss you guys," then there was an awkward silence and she said bye.

 

I don't even really know what this is. One friend says my ex hates that I'm ignoring her which is why she continues to contact me. Another friend who is more of a romantic and hopes I rekindle things with my ex says this shows that she cares and that I should give contacting her a shot.

 

It's hard. While I've moved on with my life in many ways, I'm still not completely over her, and I think if I were to respond, I'd just be putting my heart out there only for it to get stepped on all over again. And I guess I do wonder why she keeps contacting me. We said bye months ago. She has or had a boyfriend. She's leaving, maybe (can't trust a word she says anyway). What's the point of contacting me? Is she just looking for an ego boost?

 

I haven't responded to her. As difficult as it is, I don't plan to either.

[Downtown]

Another friend who is more of a romantic and hopes I rekindle things with my ex says this shows that she cares....

If she is a BPDer, LD, she likely does still have fond feelings for you. With her being unstable, some days her conscious mind will be connected to those good feelings and other days it will not. Because you realize this, and because you still have some affection for her, receiving the calls is going to trigger a hurtful feeling. With my BPDer exW, I still get some pangs of hurt whenever she calls me every year or so -- even though I stopped answering the phone 8 years ago. As to your current situation, LD, you really did handle this like a champ! You are on the right path!

[LD1990]

Thank you again Downtown! I appreciate the support. When it comes to matters of the heart, it's always nice when people tell you that you're doing the right thing - especially when my head and heart pull in two different directions.