aviva_dawn Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I am in an exclusive relationship with my boyfriend and we are very content and happy together. I am curious about the rest of those who post on this board. Why did your relationships (if you are currently in one or were in one in the past.) go from dating to being exclusive? At which point in your relationship did exclusivity become a possibility? My brother and I were talking about this (He is dating someone and wants the relationship to become exclusive.) not too long ago. Mostly talk about the "whys" of exclusivity. So my question is one of simple interest in what everyone else has to say.
Merin Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 My currant relationship became exclusive by the 3rd date. For several reasons.. one being what Kevin already mentioned.. sharing sucks! AND I'm not down for casual sex with people or friends with benefits.. IF I'm going to be intimate with someone then for me that means my partner nor myself are getting it on with anyone else the reasons there are again Sharing sucks! and there are to many risks of STD's from casual sex with someone when you don't know who else they may or may not be having sex with and IF they are using protection this, that, the other...
UCFKevin Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I must be of an odd style of dating but when I date someone, I only date one person. I don't see one girl one day and then see another the other day. That's just...rotten. And I sure as hell wouldn't want the girl to do the same to me. Even if it's brand new, I don't want competition for Christ's sake.
Merin Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I must be of an odd style of dating but when I date someone, I only date one person. I don't see one girl one day and then see another the other day. That's just...rotten. And I sure as hell wouldn't want the girl to do the same to me. Even if it's brand new, I don't want competition for Christ's sake. It's to bad there aren't more people that share this POV.. there is nothing wrong with dating one person only even if it's brand new.
sarah12 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Yeah it's exclusive right from the beginning for me too.
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 because you don't commit to strangers, that's why the whole point of commitment is get married....its not meant for premarital sex which is where most people mess up it really should be casual dating...ie multiple partners...you get to know your favorites and things will eventually die down with most and you finally pick-mutually who like best and would like to spend most of your time getting to know no sex then if you still like each other and think you might be marriage material...you start the engagement process and go for counseling then you get married then tada you have sex (here come the benefits:) then you have babies then you have rugrats then you have adolescents then you have teenagers then you have power struggles then finally they leave you have each other all to yourselves for the rest of your lives then its all about having fun and companionship no more sex to mess it up (j/k) actually it should be fun and companionship from the day you had your first casual date that's what we know as being friends then best friends see sex ruins everything
sweetlove Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 My boyfriend and I were not "exclusive" for the first couple months of dating. BUT, we did have an exclusive sexual relationship. We could go out on casual dates, but we could not sleep with others. This allowed us the time to get to know each other while continueing to have a separate life. We were also not ready for an emotionally committed relationship. By doing this, it also kept us from getting serious too fast. It also had it's bad points -- I was going out with another guy (whom I had met before my boyfriend) on occasion (waterskiing, biking, etc), and my boyfriend saw us one time. Although he had a tough time admitting it, it wasn't easy on him. This was the first boyfriend that I ever took it slow with --- and it has been my best relationship. I took the time to get to know him by keeping the deep emotions away....which I believe can blind a person.
scratch Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I come from a very different place than most of you with respect to this issue. First off, I believe that sex and love are only tangentially related, i.e. I would never become involved in a romantic relationship to elicit sex nor would I have sex with someone to stimulate the romantic feelings between us. However, I take monogamy and commitment very seriously - I would never enter into an exclusive relationship with someone with whom I didn't have designs on marrying. And, when I do commit, it is 100%. The only reason I will end an exclusive relationship is if I find out the other person breached my trust in such a way that I'd walk away from my own family had they committed an equivalent breach. I can be pushed into an exclusive relationship before I'm ready when a girl I feel has tremendous potential gives me an ultimatium ("either we're exclusive or we're not even friends anymore"), but ideally I'd like to know a girl for at least six months, and date her for at least two or three, before I know her well enough to want to commit. If she wants to wait to sleep with me until I want to commit, I won't gain or lose respect for her in any way. The women I've dated for whom I've had the most respect have been those who agreed with me to let things slowly take their course. Just like I would not respect a man who pressured a woman into sex, I won't respect a woman who pressures a man into commitment.
Sinead1981 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I must be of an odd style of dating but when I date someone, I only date one person. I don't see one girl one day and then see another the other day. That's just...rotten. And I sure as hell wouldn't want the girl to do the same to me. Even if it's brand new, I don't want competition for Christ's sake. I feel exactly the same way. When I start dating somebody, they're the only one I'm dating from the word "go." I want to focus all of my dating energy, so to speak, on getting to know that one person. I'm really not comfortable with the idea of "juggling." I'm sure other people find that it works for them, but it doesn't work for me. I'm strictly a one-man woman!
Kaotic Dizaster Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I don't do the juggling thing either ... I don't even date a guy unless they seriously catch my attention . Which means he has potential and then I focus on that one guy and see how it goes . I think the whole "shopping around" is a risk for many reasons . What if you mess up a good thing with one guy you are dating for another that you "think" is the one . It's just easier to stick to one at a time .... but thats only my opinion!
Sinead1981 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by *Kaotic Dizaster* I don't do the juggling thing either ... I don't even date a guy unless they seriously catch my attention . Which means he has potential and then I focus on that one guy and see how it goes . I think the whole "shopping around" is a risk for many reasons . What if you mess up a good thing with one guy you are dating for another that you "think" is the one . It's just easier to stick to one at a time .... but thats only my opinion! Yeah, you brought up another important point. For me to be interested in a guy at all, there has to be something inside me that says "he's special" so when I find that, I want to focus on it!
millefiori Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I thought I was the only one who thought that dating multiple people at the same time was a waste of time. That's cool that some people think different as well.
UCFKevin Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Unfortunately we seem to be in the minority. It's almost the norm nowadays, it seems, to date a bunch of people at once.
Grinning Maniac Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I only date one girl at a time as well. I've never been comfortable with the juggling thing. I'd rather see if something works from the get go instead of pull myself in many directions at once.
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