Ouch

[ShatteredLady]

Maybe baby steps will work better this time. Are you actively looking for another job? Contact some recruiters & push this time for a promotion!! Get an ego boost & see if you can grow from there.

 

You know this has to end don't you? Your poor esteem.

[Savannah2]

Well he is leaving today for three day vacation with just his wife. It tears me up inside knowing they will be together just the two of them. He said he will miss me but I don't know how true that is.. I think he just lives in the moment and is happy when he's with her and happy when he gets time with me. I don't think at anytime during this trip without me he will wish he were with me instead of her on vacation. I don't think he's ever felt that way. He's an opportunist. He likes having me as a fun distraction at work but that's about where it ends. His wife comes from a wealthy family so he gets a lot of kick backs being with her and I think he knew that when he married her. He will always be looking out for himself and what or who will benefit him the most in every situation. A true user on every level.

[Lady2163]

He will always be looking out for himself and what or who will benefit him the most in every situation. A true user on every level.

 

So if you know this about him and he has no reason to change, what are YOU going to do that is different?

[Savannah2]

I think it has made me see this situation differently. It was hard for me to accept that he used me even though there were so many red flags I just didn't want to believe. I couldn't understand how someone could do that. As I look at the way he deals with things and people in his life, I see a pattern now of him using people to his benefit. There isn't any motivation if there's not a payoff for him.

[privategal]

Sweet Savannah.

One day you will be ready and it will still be very hard to see the truth and whats real.

When someone is so weaved into our hesrts and thoughts, we cant let go. Its too hard to believe they dont care or vest in us or think of us in the same deep and true ways.

Of course he will like that attention and care from you for his ego.

Of course you make a boring work day more fun.

But he LOVES his wife.

He is going to be with her forever.

Hes taking advantage of your inability to let go.

If you are willing to take this treatment and still pine and write and come around then why not use you for a past time.

Cause he clocks out and you are out of sight out of mind.

I knooow it hurts but I want you to hear blunt cold facts.

You arent special, you stroke his ego.

You are disposable.

Your better than this.

Your precious and you got it wrong with him. Please begin to be honest with yourself and be glad you arent his wife.

Hes a fraud pretending hes a great husband on this trip.

She thinks behind her back he is loyal and look at his conduct.

Dont allow the disrespect. Be glad you didnt end up with a shady bad deal of a life with him.

[Ophelia25]

Hey, Savannah. I've been reading through this thread and bristling some of the really direct and almost mean sounding comments about what's wrong with you because of this. Probably because I am in a similar situation and feeling the same way, but I feel mostly sad, because I know what this feels like and I'm so right there. I'm not past it, I'm not even sure I WANT to be past it, but so many people in this forum give such good advice and I sure don't see many threads about how they had an affair and ran off together into the sunset and lived happily ever after. I guess that does happen from time to time - maybe there's another forum about them somewhere?

 

You have simple, pure, devotion for this man. You love him. I feel the same way about mine. Yes, there are a million complications, and I screwed up because I loved someone that I didn't have a right to love. In my case, I never stopped loving a high school boyfriend and when his marriage got boring and he came back to me with regrets, it just reopened everything my heart had been burying for ten years like a dam bursting. Its more than he can handle. He was hoping I could be like a fun flirtation on the side to lift him from the drudgery of his "American Dream" two kids, two dogs, cute little not that horny wife. Someone who was there when he needed me and would quietly disappear when he had other things to do. And I tried, because I love him. Yes, I guess in some ways that warrants chastisement. I'm weak, I deserve better, he's not worth it, he doesn't really care, I should know better, he wasn't mine to love, etc., etc. I KNOW all this. I'm sure you do, too. But it doesn't change how I FEEL about it, and about him.

 

In all honesty, I think he loves me, and perhaps this is just me being delusional and naive. But I know he loved me when we were kids, and I know he used to tell me all the time he did. I think it just got too hard for him because I wanted more of his affection than he knew how to let me have. He closed off and it became only about sex. And I let it because I wanted him in any capacity at all. YES, STUPID. But, I don't think it's something we should be faulted for. People love people, and I don't see why it's okay to condemn them for feelings they can't control.

 

But, we can be condemned for what we DO about it. You can let this go because it's killing you or you can let it eat you alive. Ha, even that statement made me laugh sarcastically. I don't see myself EVER letting it go. I don't see myself being successful at NC if he talks to me (which he will), and I don't see myself telling him no when we wants my attention. Maybe that's why counseling would help us. I tried therapy when we first started the emotional affair and I found it so draining to try to talk to a stranger about him, and she just would ask me how things made me feel until I was exhausted and confused. Maybe I had a bad therapist. Maybe I'm bad at explaining myself verbally. Are any of those online therapists legit? I could write about it all day.

 

I digress. I don't know you, and I haven't read your whole story, but I see a lot of similarities. I think my AP really loves his wife. I think they were mostly happy, and I think he enjoys the kid stuff and the band camps and the work outings and the football games and the gardening and the husband stuff. I don't think he pines away like I do, wishing he had a life with me instead. He does say he wishes we'd figured out we'd screwed up earlier, before he had kids, before he'd been married so long, but that we made choices that can't be undone. While I did mention that we have also recently made choices, and that we have chosen each other again and again in more ways than one in recent years, and that those choices can't just be ignored, I guess really, they can. He chose her first. Okay, well, technically, he chose ME first, but then he dropped that and married her, and that was the ACTUAL choice. Your AP has clearly chosen her. You may very well love him more than she does. You may be better for him than she is (I feel both of these things). But it doesn't matter because he doesn't want you like you want him. And if you keep letting him want you like HE wants to, I don't think you'll ever feel alright. I've been going at it for 8 years now, and it still doesn't feel alright.

[Savannah2]

Ophelia, do you think his wife knows? Have you ever thought of telling her? I have thought about telling her especially when I see him living this double life free of consequences... But I think it would do more harm than good. She already doesn't fully trust him. He was caught deleting texts from a co worker at his previous job. He says it was just texting but who really knows.. Bottom line is I know once this is over with me, he will most likely fall into another affair after the dust settles from this one. Maybe then he will find what he is looking for since he didn't this time with me. I don't know.

[Savannah2]

It's been a tough two days for me. He's been on vacation with her and all I can think about is them being together all day and night, them having fun together, and sex. It's horrible being tortured with those thoughts. I think he will contact me once he's back. I don't even know what to say. He's been away on a romantic vacation with her. What could I possibly say? Does he want me to ask him if he had a good time? Small talk anout what I've been doing? How do I even come back from this?

 

What I think I wantto say is... I've done a lot of thinking while you were gone and this just isn't working for me anymore and we need to stop talking.

[ChickiePops]

Ophelia..I don't think anyone is condemning you or the OP for loving a MM..it's your actions that are wrong. If you and Savannah hadn't acted on your feelings and engaged in affairs, those 'innocent' feelings of love would eventually have faded and freed you both to pursue dating available men.

 

So yes, you did choose this, and everything that comes along with it.

 

Savannah, I hope you follow through with your plan to break it off.

[sandylee1]

It's been a tough two days for me. He's been on vacation with her and all I can think about is them being together all day and night, them having fun together, and sex. It's horrible being tortured with those thoughts. I think he will contact me once he's back. I don't even know what to say. He's been away on a romantic vacation with her. What could I possibly say? Does he want me to ask him if he had a good time? Small talk anout what I've been doing? How do I even come back from this?

 

What I think I wantto say is... I've done a lot of thinking while you were gone and this just isn't working for me anymore and we need to stop talking.

 

There's a total lack of certainty and strength in your post. You aren't ready to end the affair just yet......

 

He will continue to go away with his wife and have sex with her as long as they're married... and he will be enjoying every bit of it.

 

You are the extra topping for a greedy man... who is happy for you to waste life being his bit on the side.

[Ophelia25]

Ophelia, do you think his wife knows? Have you ever thought of telling her? I have thought about telling her especially when I see him living this double life free of consequences... But I think it would do more harm than good. She already doesn't fully trust him. He was caught deleting texts from a co worker at his previous job. He says it was just texting but who really knows.. Bottom line is I know once this is over with me, he will most likely fall into another affair after the dust settles from this one. Maybe then he will find what he is looking for since he didn't this time with me. I don't know.

 

His wife knows, but doesn't. She has found some pretty incriminating pictures and texts, and been very, very angry with him on a few occasions. I dont know exactly what he told her except that I was a good friend and he didn't know how to stop talking to me, but that sometimes we got too carried away with our old feelings for each other. She hates it, she hates me (understandably), and she has on a couple of occasions contacted me and told me to leave him alone. I do, until he contacts me again, then things start back up again. I'm not sure if she's now just trying to ignore in and hoping it will go away, or if he's reassuring her all is done and we aren't talking, which he may actually believe this week - we will see about next week, or when he's alone or horny or bored. I told him that he would want me again as soon as he is traveling and alone in his hotel room, and he said, "Tell me no." "Maybe I won't forget." We will see.

 

I have hundreds of times thought about telling his wife more. I have two mental "letters" to her, one that is very kind and apologetic, where I explain how we got into this huge mess and how very guilty we both are, and the other that's a little meaner - like a quit posting on social media how "amazing" your life is, because your husband is a crappy cheater and you know it kind of letter. I oscillate from hating her for taking him away from me when we were teenagers (which she didn't PRECISELY do, but more or less) to feeling sorry for her having to be married to him knowing how he has always felt about me, to feeling like she is as gullible and stupid as I am for being love with such a turd, and why should I try to make it any better or worse?

 

But mostly, I just think I should leave it alone where she is concerned. Knowing more would just hurt her more. She might throw him out, and then he'd come find me for pity, and because he'd blown it with her. Or, she might get so mad that she gives an ultimatum (duh, not sure why she hasn't yet) that if he speaks to me again, she will leave. And I also know that telling her will just hurt him, and as sad as he makes me, I don't want him hurting. I want him to be happy, I just wish he'd figure out how to do that.

[privategal]

Id say let the universe deal him what is to come in the way of his marriage, his karma.

Write any letter you want then burn or flush or put them in the ocean.

We all have our own cross to bare.

I know this is an excruciating mess to find yourself in repeatedly.

I dont think it has to stay this way for you.

If he is happy being married now or not, has no bearing on the fact he is not partner or marriage material.

You can rise above and make this your past when you are ready.

Its chipped away at you and you have to get the spine to be really really done.

Find the path to letting him go where he cant hurt you anymore.

Force him to 100% choose his W by exiting yourself from the chaos.

[Savannah2]

Ophelia- our MM seem very similar and his W is also constantly posting on FB pictures of them looking so happy.. The outside world would have no idea that the very first thing he did was message me when he had cell service (he was on cruise with her) and the second she leaves the room he's messaging me. It does sicken me. I think she should know the truth. He placates her constantly. I don't think I will be his last affair..he is vulnerable due to his ego and issues in their marriage that he refuses to accept or deal with. So I'm sure he will get caught eventually amd she will probably leave him.

[imperfectangel]

Savannah I was the same as you except my mm did tell me he loved me, kissed me etc it was amazing BUT he kept his marriage completely desperate to the point where he didn't even tell me he was having child/ren. I broke when I saw a supposedly happily family photo. It was too much. Seeing it for myself, how fake he must be how deceiving he is. It's just too much. It's true when people say actions speak louder than words just look at his actions. Your mm could easily walk away but he's choosing not to. You will reach your point of no return when I can't say but you will get there

[sandylee1]

 

 

And I also know that telling her will just hurt him, and as sad as he makes me, I don't want him hurting. I want him to be happy, I just wish he'd figure out how to do that.

 

Of course it will hurt him.. because he'll have to face the music.

 

You want him to be happy ? Just do nothing and he's happiest with having a wife and a mistress.

[Cappycorny]

Heavy on my mind are The weight of my thoughts about my four year affair. I see so much now that was so terribly wrong about the way he treated me. I thought the sex was so amazing but the truth is it lacked real intimacy.. No kissing, rushed clothes half off... You get the idea...

 

I hate myself for what I allowed him to do to me. He never told me he loved me. I made so many excuses for him. Told myself that he really does love me he's just torn between the two of us since he said he wants us both...I was lying to myself the whole time and it destroyed my soul. How can it be that this person I thought was saving me was really destroying me this whole time? How could I let this happen? I don't doubt my feelings for him. What is wrong with me that I could feel so deeply got someone who does not reciprocate those feelings back? I feel like such a broken person. Thank you for listening. No one knew about this affair so this place is the only outlet I have.

 

 

I totally hear you about the rushed off cloths and just pretty raw sex as it sounds. I was in the same boat this last year and while I thought I liked that I really did not. I'm learning the issue is ME! I need to deal with Me. I'm really sorry you're feeling awful I do know how awful it can feel. Peace and healing to you.

[Ms. Faust]

Sadly, Savannah's situation is no star crossed love affair. The BW probably is really not an ogre. Savannah, you and your MM have been together for 4+ years and you all have had sex what... 1, maybe 2 times iirc? Your "love making" sessions consists of him getting a blowjob.

 

When I was married I had two affairs one physical, one emotional. Both of them were along the same lines: I was submissive, being degraded, and yes, the physical one was primarily me giving a blowjob. I acknowledged that I was getting a thrill out of the way I was being treated and the degradation (I also acknowledge I needed serious therapy at the time). I had no attraction to these people other than a means to an end. I could (and eventually did) end it without looking back.

 

You, on the other hand, are starry eyed gaga over a guy who sees you as nothing more than someone who performs oral sex on him. That is where you are getting snagged. You think you are in love with someone who continues to degrade you.

 

How many times have you told us "I see him for how he is now"? A bunch. Actually, just about every time you come here. You've even started threads on it. But you continue going back for more.

 

Why is it you continue doing this? And please don't say because you love him, why is it YOU continue to allow HIM to treat you this way?

[Ophelia25]

Sadly, Savannah's situation is no star crossed love affair. The BW probably is really not an ogre. Savannah, you and your MM have been together for 4+ years and you all have had sex what... 1, maybe 2 times iirc? Your "love making" sessions consists of him getting a blowjob.

 

When I was married I had two affairs one physical, one emotional. Both of them were along the same lines: I was submissive, being degraded, and yes, the physical one was primarily me giving a blowjob. I acknowledged that I was getting a thrill out of the way I was being treated and the degradation (I also acknowledge I needed serious therapy at the time). I had no attraction to these people other than a means to an end. I could (and eventually did) end it without looking back.

 

You, on the other hand, are starry eyed gaga over a guy who sees you as nothing more than someone who performs oral sex on him. That is where you are getting snagged. You think you are in love with someone who continues to degrade you.

 

How many times have you told us "I see him for how he is now"? A bunch. Actually, just about every time you come here. You've even started threads on it. But you continue going back for more.

 

Why is it you continue doing this? And please don't say because you love him, why is it YOU continue to allow HIM to treat you this way?

 

I can't answer for Savannah, of course, but I do feel like her. And for me, feeling WANTED, passionately wanted, is so powerful that it seems to trump all else. The thought that someone wants me so much that he will risk his family, beliefs, marriage, etc. for even a few minutes of pleasure is, well, beyond addictive. I also give him sexual engagement (even without the actual ACT) that his wife does not/will not, and it makes me feel like I have a special place for him, I fill this hole that she doesn't. Like he needs me, if not for a lifelong partner (which I don't know if I could manage anyway), then for something that brings both of us pleasure. I make him feel youthful, desired, playful. I'm an escape from the drudgery of daily life and way to indulge in fantasies that he's had since he was 16 - I'm even the person he had them about. I'm drawn to that so powerfully it's almost like I can ignore the ill treatment. Almost.

 

Please recognize that I don't think this is an appropriate or safe way to feel - it's just one of the many explanations I've tried to come up with for that very question - why do I allow him to treat me this way? He makes me feel like he needs me and wants me, and I feel as if he is the only person who does anymore.

 

Facing the fact that he really DOESN'T is so hard. Especially when he keeps giving out little tidbits and hints that he does. Perhaps this is a ploy just to keep me close at hand in case he wants me again. But, what if he is just as lost as I am? What if he denies his actual feelings for me because they are just too hard to confront in his perfect little life? He hints that is the case, but I think he also has realized that I can't manage without the emotional attachment and now he's running.

 

Sorry, Savannah, I know your situation is not just like mine, but we seem to have so many similarities here - Ms. Faust's question spoke to me as well. Maybe reasoning through the "whys" will help us realize how dumb/deluded/misguided/whatever we are.

[Ms. Faust]

Ophelia, I have followed your story from the beginning, and I think you are very aware that you are lost in the cloud of love when it comes to your MM. He is your "one who has got away". From what you have said you have romanticized your teenage relationship. I think both of you use the erotic texting as a way to break the drudgery, though from what you have described, you sound much more codependent then he.

 

Sorry, Savannah, I know your situation is not just like mine, but we seem to have so many similarities here...

 

Any similarities are surface level. You have a lot of starry eyed romance... Savannah has... really, nothing. Her MM gets a blowjob. It sounds awful and it is. She gets nothing out of their relationship other than angst and mental incapacity, and he gets someone who performs oral sex on him. She keeps saying "Oh yeah, now I see him for how he is! Now I realize!!" but I don't think she really does. I hope that one day OP will find the strength to move on for real.

 

I just realized how much I have been putting on a pedestal and he doesn't treat me well or deserve it. Even the sex wasn't that good now that I think about it. I felt like a $5 hooker most times because he just seemed mainly interested in Bjs, handjobs, no kissing or imtercourse. Yeah it was bad.

Edited March 23, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[Babs22]

It's been a tough two days for me. He's been on vacation with her and all I can think about is them being together all day and night, them having fun together, and sex. It's horrible being tortured with those thoughts. I think he will contact me once he's back. I don't even know what to say. He's been away on a romantic vacation with her. What could I possibly say? Does he want me to ask him if he had a good time? Small talk anout what I've been doing? How do I even come back from this?

 

What I think I wantto say is... I've done a lot of thinking while you were gone and this just isn't working for me anymore and we need to stop talking.

 

Savannah,

I'm in the same boat with my MM going on vacation. A cruise for a week starting today. Oh yeah, and their anniversary happens while on this cruise. This is the third year he has gone on this trip. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and have come to the same conclusion as you. its time for this to come to an end. My relationship with my MM was never as bad as what yours sounds like. Initially for the first 2 years he did say he loved me. When we had sex the intimacy was and still is off the charts. I know he plans to stay married and I guess thinking about how sad I can get when they go places and how hurt I feel when he no longer texts as much just lets me feel like it's time to end it. I hope that you end your A with your MM. He is not treating you with any respect.

 

As far as telling his wife, I personally will never do that. I love him and would not want to cause him that type of pain. We both made mistakes. Maybe the difference is I am married. My M is nearly over. We stay in separate rooms. I'm looking at getting an apartment in June. Need to talk to a lawyer, etc. , but even with all that, I would not tell his wife. I do not wish either of them ill will. She is innocent in all this. I brought all this pain on myself.

 

I wish you luck in going NC with your MM. Please stop giving him power over you.

[loveisanaction]

I felt so sad after reading this thread, it took a lot not to cry because I could feel the pain you all are feeling.

 

There is one thing I have noticed concerning the ow though.

 

I’ve always said that if a woman (married or unmarried) embarks on an affair with a married man (or a man in a relationship) she should expect nothing but fun and sex. The problem with a lot of affairs is that they often do start off that way but the woman starts to develop feelings for her MM. This is not her fault, I’m sure she’d rather not but it is very and I mean very difficult for a woman to continuously sleep with a man and not develop feelings for him. We all know that women release the hormone Oxycontin, a chemical that causes a woman to bond to the man she is sleeping with. So the ow starts to develop feelings for her MM and what started off as just a NSA fun sex affair has now become a painful, lonely, sad one where the ow wants more. She is no longer happy sharing her MM with his wife and often times even begins to resent her, believing that it is because of the wife that she cannot have the MM full time.

 

A MM has no problems starting an affair with the intention of making it a NSA fun sex affair and keeping it that way. Most times he has no desire to leave his wife, he’s just looking for the part of his marriage that is missing. However, because the ow now has feeling for her MM she expects and wants him to leave his wife for her. This is often where problems in the affair begin to arise.

 

Sadly, at the end of an affair it is always the ow who gets hurt the most…

Edited March 26, 2016 by loveisanaction

[georgia girl]

I felt so sad after reading this thread, it took a lot not to cry because I could feel the pain you all are feeling.

 

There is one thing I have noticed concerning the ow though.

 

I’ve always said that if a woman (married or unmarried) embarks on an affair with a married man (or a man in a relationship) she should expect nothing but fun and sex. The problem with a lot of affairs is that they often do start off that way but the woman starts to develop feelings for her MM. This is not her fault, I’m sure she’d rather not but it is very and I mean very difficult for a woman to continuously sleep with a man and not develop feelings for him. We all know that women release the hormone Oxycontin, a chemical that causes a woman to bond to the man she is sleeping with. So the ow starts to develop feelings for her MM and what started off as just a NSA fun sex affair has now become a painful, lonely, sad one where the ow wants more. She is no longer happy sharing her MM with his wife and often times even begins to resent her, believing that it is because of the wife that she cannot have the MM full time.

 

A MM has no problems starting an affair with the intention of making it a NSA fun sex affair and keeping it that way. Most times he has no desire to leave his wife, he’s just looking for the part of his marriage that is missing. However, because the ow now has feeling for her MM she expects and wants him to leave his wife for her. This is often where problems in the affair begin to arise.

 

Sadly, at the end of an affair it is always the ow who gets hurt the most…

 

This! I see so many women on here assuming that the feelings are equal and that they are simply star-crossed lovers because money, spouse, kids, reputation stand in the way. Other than that, they are equally in love. So these women invest more, give more, stay patient, expect less and less... You name it.

They are waiting for the lightbulb moment when MM says, "The Stars have now aligned and I will leave to be with you." And so they waste precious, precious time.

 

Please hear me. They are where they want to be, despite whatever they say. They have made a choice and if your "love" cannot overcome whatever obstacles they put up to not leave, believe them 100%. You get one life - a mere 70 something years if you are lucky. Don't sacrifice it for unrequited love. I know that it pulls so strong but once you find real, reciprocal love, you will be so happy. We have had a couple of former OW post on here about getting out of the relationship and finding new love - Bentley Chic Is the most recent that I can think of. Please read their stories and get the inspiration.

 

He doesn't prove his love to you by calling you from a cruise he is on with his wife. He doesn't prove his love by having rip-off-your-clothes sex and then racing out the door so he doesn't get caught. In fact, the reason that he fears getting caught and the reason that he takes his spouse on a cruise is proof that he chooses her. Take your power back and choose you. When you do, you will be able to find the love that can give you everything.

 

Sorry if this was too blunt. You are all amazing ladies but you are sacrificing way too much for men who do not deserve you or your love.

[Ophelia25]

This! I see so many women on here assuming that the feelings are equal and that they are simply star-crossed lovers because money, spouse, kids, reputation stand in the way. Other than that, they are equally in love. So these women invest more, give more, stay patient, expect less and less... You name it.

They are waiting for the lightbulb moment when MM says, "The Stars have now aligned and I will leave to be with you." And so they waste precious, precious time.

 

Please hear me. They are where they want to be, despite whatever they say. They have made a choice and if your "love" cannot overcome whatever obstacles they put up to not leave, believe them 100%. You get one life - a mere 70 something years if you are lucky. Don't sacrifice it for unrequited love. I know that it pulls so strong but once you find real, reciprocal love, you will be so happy. We have had a couple of former OW post on here about getting out of the relationship and finding new love - Bentley Chic Is the most recent that I can think of. Please read their stories and get the inspiration.

 

He doesn't prove his love to you by calling you from a cruise he is on with his wife. He doesn't prove his love by having rip-off-your-clothes sex and then racing out the door so he doesn't get caught. In fact, the reason that he fears getting caught and the reason that he takes his spouse on a cruise is proof that he chooses her. Take your power back and choose you. When you do, you will be able to find the love that can give you everything.

 

Sorry if this was too blunt. You are all amazing ladies but you are sacrificing way too much for men who do not deserve you or your love.

 

I needed this. The first few years of the A he had me 100% convinced that we were, in fact, star-crossed lovers - I mean, Romeo and Juliet/Buttercup and Westley talk and all. He swore he'd give up everything for me. He said he'd always feel the same no matter what. He said if we ran off we could make things the way they always should have been. I balked, I didn't believe him, I didn't want to hurt his family, and slowly, the tables turned. I fell HARD and he realized it and started to back away (except for the sexual stuff - he never has wanted to back away from that - albeit, 95% virtual in our case). By then, I was in way too far and I was dumbfounded. How could that all just...disappear? He still never has told me, except that we have "bad timing." Maybe he had a "I'm turning 40" crisis and got over it, and mine followed a couple of years later. Maybe he figured out he loved his wife more than he thought. Maybe he realized I was a psycho and not at all the Juliet he thought I was - I hope he realizes that I was totally (ok, mostly) normal until he started flaking out on me. People keep saying that the reasons don't matter. I'm trying so hard to remember that.

 

But I love what you said here. I have wasted an insane amount of time when I should have been trying to enjoy my life and love my husband pandering for his attention with this ridiculous delusion that we were supposed to be together. And I don't exactly mean, like, fate or anything, just...believing that he really was hoping and wanting for us to work things out to be together. Because he SAID so, hundreds of times, until I believed him. Maybe it's just that our timing IS off, and in another year or so, I'll feel the way he does now. I can't imagine another year of feeling this way. One day at a time...

 

Thanks, though. The stars are not going to align for him anytime in this century. It's taking me SO long to come to terms with this, but I really am starting to get it.

[imperfectangel]

^ I'm the same. I'm really struggling but I'm slowly starting to accept it