Does my professor like me? PS I am in a relationship

[Smmr6362]

I am 26 and recently started going back to school. My boyfriend has as well. We are both studying biology in Boston, which is about an hour from our hometown.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years. We have had good and bad times. More recently, when he is stressed he goes into a rage. He has indirectly bruised me several times. (months apart, and by indirectly I mean throwing something that ends up hitting me) Besides when this happens, we can have really great times together. He always apologizes and things go back to normal. No one knows about this, at all. He is basically part of my family now.

 

First off, I know that this isn't a good thing. He is overall a good guy, and I have came to forgive him for just about anything he does. (also not good)

 

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have a class together with this amazing professor. Prof. is only about 8 years older than me. We have a large class and we always tend to make eye contact during class. I know that he is single. The school does not have a policy stating that professor cannot date students, but they would prefer it didnt happen obviously.

 

Prof. and I have a whole lot in common. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone. I would even be satisfied with just hooking up with him. The subject he teaches is what I am majoring in, biology. He seems like a really good guy, so I am not sure what to do here.

 

Should I try to become closer with my professor? Is there a way to subtly let him know that I would be interested? Any advice would be appreciated.

[Smmr6362]

My BF and I went to his office recently. He basically made eye contact with me the entire time even though bf did a lot of the talking, don't know if that makes a difference!

[Lois_Griffin]

What you NEED to do is dump your abusive boyfriend who you keep making excuses for. You sound like the typical abused woman - protecting him at all costs, making excuses for him, not telling your family what a douche bag he is, and being grateful that he's a 'good guy' when he's not 'indirectly' bruising you.

 

You're in college. You're not stupid. Start acting intelligently.

[losangelena]

A little bit of eye contact during a lecture is not "interest."

 

Stop worrying about him for now and work on getting out of that abusive relationship you're in. "Indirect bruising," because something he threw hit you? Why the eff is he throwing things to begin with? Please stop making excuses.

[Smmr6362]

You are right. And honestly, in the past I have known women who were abused before. I would always think, "why would they stay with him?" Their situations were more intense, but that's not to say that mine couldn't end up that way. Maybe I just needed to hear that from someone. I have talked to literally no one about this. Thank you

[Phoenician]

Agree with Lois ,

throw the towel , what will he break when u will be in a financial crisis after marriage ?

 

regarding the prof , there is conflict of interrest , the course ...

finish the term and don't take a course with him next semester ,then jump on him ...

[Smmr6362]

So as far as the professor thing, yeah he's hot and I'd definitely be interested. But after reading these few posts so far, I wonder if I was just trying to think of an excuse to break up with current BF? Obviously I do not need one. I am sorry if you guys probably think I am an idiot, I have never been in a situation like this before.

 

This is honestly the only real relationship I have been in, seeing as I have been in it since high school.

 

I know I have to be smarter than this though

[losangelena]

Yeah, that could definitely be it. I think it's normal to, when in a bad relationship, fixate on someone as an object of lust, who's usually unavailable or inappropriate in some way. Your prof, regardless of rules or interest, still has a verboten quality that, given your less-than-stellar relationship, is attractive. Simply put, the fantasy is a nice distraction. It would probably fall apart if you ever sincerely went for it.

 

Deal with your BF, then think about being with someone else.

[Redhead14]

I am 26 and recently started going back to school. My boyfriend has as well. We are both studying biology in Boston, which is about an hour from our hometown.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years. We have had good and bad times. More recently, when he is stressed he goes into a rage. He has indirectly bruised me several times. (months apart, and by indirectly I mean throwing something that ends up hitting me) Besides when this happens, we can have really great times together. He always apologizes and things go back to normal. No one knows about this, at all. He is basically part of my family now.

 

First off, I know that this isn't a good thing. He is overall a good guy, and I have came to forgive him for just about anything he does. (also not good)

 

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have a class together with this amazing professor. Prof. is only about 8 years older than me. We have a large class and we always tend to make eye contact during class. I know that he is single. The school does not have a policy stating that professor cannot date students, but they would prefer it didnt happen obviously.

 

Prof. and I have a whole lot in common. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone. I would even be satisfied with just hooking up with him. The subject he teaches is what I am majoring in, biology. He seems like a really good guy, so I am not sure what to do here.

 

Should I try to become closer with my professor? Is there a way to subtly let him know that I would be interested? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Should I try to become closer with my professor? -- You are asking the wrong question. The question is "how do I safely break it off with my current boyfriend?"

 

That is what you should be thinking about before you start looking to find a new boyfriend. Because, if you don't end it with this BF and you start something with a new guy, you are going to be finding yourself in a bigger world of hurt . . .

[smackie9]

Don't make your life into a bigger mess. Just think of the guilt you would feel for cheating, and how your BF would react if he found out or suspected something. Cheating never results in any thing good. It's only an escape temporarily,...... your problems will still be there.

 

Does your college not provide counselors? I would book an appointment if I were you.

[elaine567]

Abusive bfs who get into "rages" when stressed and who bruise you by throwing things at you, are not people you want to mess around with.

Break up with him, then pursue other people even the prof if you really want to, but making abusive bfs mad and angry by cheating on them, may mean he could seriously hurt you here.

Personally I would not take that risk.

[jen1447]

I'd sleep w/the prof and then tell your soon-to-be-ex BF.

 

Srsly, get rid of the BF. You don't want that element in your life and it'll likely never go away or get better. Then you can entertain the idea of the prof like elaine said, but first things first.

[preraph]

You do understand that lecturers are taught to make eye contact with their audience, right? Don't drag this poor professor into your mess. You have opted to remain in a badly abusive relationship that you know very well you need to get out of. I am getting the idea you feel you must have someone save you and don't have what it takes to just leave on your own. Well, as long as that is your behavior pattern, you will end up in one bad relationship after another because you're acting out of desperation.

 

You need to contact a domestic violence hotline and let them educate you on the safe way to leave an abuser. The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

[Smmr6362]

preraph, that's actually what I've been working on the past hour. Like I said above, I think that I was trying to come up with any excuse to leave him, but obviously I do not need one. I have never been through anything like this before and am not properly prepared or educated on the subject.

[Satu]

You should part company with your abusive bf asap.

 

Thats the most important thing at the moment.

[Miss Peach]

I agree with the PPs to get rid of the BF. But I see the professor as something similar to workplace romances. I wouldn't even go there until you switch majors or have finished college. If it turns out badly, you will have to see him over and over and it will suck.

[preraph]

preraph, that's actually what I've been working on the past hour. Like I said above, I think that I was trying to come up with any excuse to leave him, but obviously I do not need one. I have never been through anything like this before and am not properly prepared or educated on the subject.

 

I understand it's scary. You call that hotline and wait for them to call back if necessary. They will give you tips on how to contact them safely. You might want to first do it on a friend's phone so he doesn't see it. Because they will help you make an exit plan that will be safer. Abusers are worst as you're trying to leave. So please call that number and do it where he can't find out and then talk to them. There might even be a women's shelter close by, but that's no guarantee. Still, they can give you security tips. Good luck.

[NYC-BigKat]

I am 26 and recently started going back to school. My boyfriend has as well. We are both studying biology in Boston, which is about an hour from our hometown.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years. We have had good and bad times. More recently, when he is stressed he goes into a rage. He has indirectly bruised me several times. (months apart, and by indirectly I mean throwing something that ends up hitting me) Besides when this happens, we can have really great times together. He always apologizes and things go back to normal. No one knows about this, at all. He is basically part of my family now.

 

First off, I know that this isn't a good thing. He is overall a good guy, and I have came to forgive him for just about anything he does. (also not good)

 

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have a class together with this amazing professor. Prof. is only about 8 years older than me. We have a large class and we always tend to make eye contact during class. I know that he is single. The school does not have a policy stating that professor cannot date students, but they would prefer it didnt happen obviously.

 

Prof. and I have a whole lot in common. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone. I would even be satisfied with just hooking up with him. The subject he teaches is what I am majoring in, biology. He seems like a really good guy, so I am not sure what to do here.

 

Should I try to become closer with my professor? Is there a way to subtly let him know that I would be interested? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Oh no why do u wanna cheat on your boyfriend like nothing? If you'r serious, this is disgusting.

[ExpatInItaly]

Can you imagine what kind of rage your boyfriend would fly into if he thinks you're interested in your professor?

 

Get rid of the boyfriend. Your relationship is toxic.

 

Don't worry about the prof. You're idealizing and fantasizing without really knowing him at all, from what I gather. Eye contact doesn't indicate interest, sorry. He might be a nice man, or he could be a womanizing jerk. My point is, you like the idea of him. Because it's an escape from your current unhappiness.

 

Time to get healthy on your own again.

[Mirage10]

One thing at a time, first things first. You need to sort out your relationship with your boyfriend one way or the other, first.

[Floveet]

May I ask the reason of why he is throwing stuff at you at the first place ?

 

I have been sometimes throwing stuff on the floor when my ex got short tempered while I try to calm her down then for no reason start to tell me how **** I was and how bad I was as a Boyfriend to apologise 2 minutes later.

Then when coming to her, rejecting me like ****.

 

At this point, with the stress I would "rage" and throw stuff. Not at her tho. But sometimes reached her.

 

Does that mean I'm abusive ?

 

That is why : What's the reason ?

Why does he get abusive ?

Why does he hurt you ?

[HereNorThere]

You can always tell when someone is trying to justify poor behavior when they start listing off reasons why their partner is so bad before they get to the part about wanting to hurt their partner.

 

If he's a jerk, move on. If you want to get used by your professor for a little while after that, have at it. Most older guys aren't going to turn down free sex from a younger college chick, so I'm sure you'll have no problem getting him or some other schmuck if that's what you like.

 

"Indirect bruises" yada yada. If it happened once and you're still with him, that's on you. However, it obviously wasn't enough to leave when he was what you wanted, so I suspect it's just a really good excuse to screw him over without feeling guilty. It's probably one of the better angles a cheater can play if they can play it.