Don't know if i want a relationship

[v3o3d3]

Ive been single my whole life and am still a virgin in every sense. Most of the time i dont really care about pursuing women or a relationship. But every so often i start to feel down and wonder what its like to have a girlfriend. It looks like a lot of compromising and not alot of positives being in a relationship, but i always get the same feelings eventually. I dont really connect with people on a deep level so any woman i start to like is usually based on looks. I also dont seem to find that many girls attractive, maybe i have ridiculous standards. When i do start to like someone it usually develops into a crush, which isnt a good thing. I then try to step back and control it which then eventually leads me to losing interest in that person. Im never assertive with women either because i feel uncomfortable letting people know how i feel. This cycle of not being interested in a relationship and wanting to be in one has been going on for some time now. Im just confused as what to do.

[LXMLUV90]

Maybe you just stop being so picky and just go all in. I mean there's more to life than just relationships and either it's going to work or it's not going to work but I mean I think it's good to have SOME sort of experience in dating. That's how you figure out if it's right or not. At the same time, I understand the need to not want to rush and waste time with just anyone. I mean if you meet someone that you overall have a great time with them, you get along with on a personality level and you genuinely feel good around them and you share some sort of common interests, and they actually like you...well that's the type of person you probably want to invest in.

[TheArtist]

I dont really connect with people on a deep level so any woman i start to like is usually based on looks.

 

This is the reason you feel like you do about relationships, and to be honest if you only choose who you get to know based on their looks then you're never going to have a relationship.

 

There is compromise with a partner, but then isn't there a compromise with friends too? What if they want to go bowling but you want to catch some sun in the garden? You compromise.

 

Instead of looking at girls and thinking, 'She's hot, I'd date her, but not her less attractive friend', simply try to talk and connect with people without even thinking of dating them. The better your social skills the easier it is to get past their appearance and find out the important stuff that matters in a relationship - their personality. Then you choose if you want a relationship or not.

 

Work on being a great person who people would love to date, not someone who only talks to people who are attractive, and you won't go far wrong.

[Melrapuo]

I've been where you are. I currently am single and have been for over 3 years. Not a virgin, but I've been celibate for 4 years so I pretty much feel like one again.

 

I get hit on pretty often, but I just have no interest anymore. My relationships have always ended with me completely destroyed, so I've kind of lost trust in women. It's not every woman's fault that I felt like I did (and not entirely my ex's either), but I understand how there can just be no interest anymore in dating.

 

For you, it's a different set of circumstances but also similar in reaction. Ask yourself why you're so picky. Or why you're so hesitant? Is it because you feel inexperienced, and that, on top of being a virgin, makes you feel unworthy? Sex is great, but it's also not everything. I remember when I was a virgin, I was so afraid at being terrible at it that I didn't enjoy anything. But once I was used to having it, I allowed myself to really understand how great it can be (and love, too.)

 

That being said, I know that, at least for myself, solving my dating/intimacy issues doesn't mean trying to solve them head on. I have other personal issues to face first (acceptance, fear, depression) before I can even consider dating again. Take a step back and evaluate yourself. Sometimes, solving a problem means facing others, first.

 

Good luck to ya

[v3o3d3]

I guess my pickiness could be to do with fearing the unknown. I've raised my standards so high that there is no chance of me finding anyone attractive, therefore avoiding a fearful situation. Im not really someone who could just go up to a girl in a club or on the street and start talking to them. Maybe I need a friend to give me a push.