Vangirl Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I started dating this guy that just moved to my country about two months ago, and things have been great - perfect, really. He told me right away that he'd just come out of a seven year relationship with another girl where they were practically engaged, which was fine with me. Then he tells me after a couple of weeks that the only reason he broke up with that other girl was because he was moving here and she didn't want to/or couldn't move with him. He was reluctant to tell me that, but I was okay with it, not super happy, but okay. Then, only last Friday, he was acting kind of depressed and distant. So obviously I asked him what was wrong. He finally admits to me that he's in love with two people - one being me, and the other being his seven year ex. He says I remind him of her, and lately he's been thinking about her, etc. It's obvious he misses her, and he has pictures of her in his bedside table (I was snooping out of curiousity - bad move). He really is the sweetest guy, and he's not doing this on purpose to hurt me, but it really, really hurts. He's the first person I've ever said "I love you" to, and I'm so worried that even if we can/ or should work past this, his ex might finally miss him so much that she DOES decide to move here to be with him. I don't know what to do. Please someone, give me some advice - anything! I can't stop thinking about it, even when we're together and having a good time. Any time he's quiet, I wonder if he's thinking about her. What should I do???? Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 My advice is to break up with him. The way his other relationship ended is an impossible situation. He will always compare you to her. He has her on a pedestal. He didn't break up with her because of lack of love or anything negative that she did. He broke up because of distance. He likes you because you remind him of her. He doesn't love YOU, he loves the parts of you that REMIND him of HER. I know it hurts and I feel bad for you but until he gets over her he will never love you for you. And once he is over you he may not feel the same about you. If he had the choice he would probably choose to have her here with him. You're his second choice. You deserve better than this. You should break up with him, maybe at some point if he gets over her and you're still single you will find each other again and can have a REAL relationship on equal ground. Where he can fall in love with the whole you. But he will never get over her while he is still with you because what he loves about you is that you remind him of her. Link to post Share on other sites
zack121 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 hmmm... what about just asking him what he wants? perhaps the truth would be painful, but it might allow you to get a better understanding of whats going on. I am not sure, if people go out/be with people that remind them of ex's or not. i have not been there myself, but where do you draw the line, my ex had long hair, i'm attracted to females with long hair, does that mean I would go out with them becuase they remind me of her?? I think if somebody only is with you because you remind them of ex, then does not sound very healthy. I'm all for talking to him. straight out. the picture thing has me worried, i dont think that sounds right either, ex pictures should be either in a photo album, or torn up. Link to post Share on other sites
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