Do you think it's possible to actually change things about your personality?

[PandaPookie]

I think I did. A long time ago I thought my voice was too deep and awkward sounding and I thought I was too dull personality wise. I felt so nervous and self conscious around people and barely said anything. I was very serious, didn't smile much and would get angry over things people would do and just rant on about it. So I started making an effort to speak in a higher and more friendly (less awkward) tone. I started acting hyper, bubbly and super friendly. I started acting like things people did didn't bother me and acted more happy, silly and almost never ever serious. It took an effort to change those things. Like if I was thinking about it I would be that happy bubbly girl but if I lost my focus I was back to being me again. But I found it fun and after a while it became less and less of an effort to act like the girl I wanted to be. They say that you can't be happy when you're being someone other than yourself but I really felt happier than I had been in a long time. Now I actually feel confident. I think I make friends more easily and I think I brighten up peoples days when I'm "the new me."

But my boyfriend says it gets under his skin and he likes the old me that he met years ago better. I've tried acting how I use to be because of how much the new me was pissing him off. But it's hard. I think I've acted one way for so long that it actually became who I am. When I try to "be myself" I feel like I'm acting. Apparently my mannerisms and attitude are totally different than they were before.

 

Do you think I have actually become this smiley bubbly girl or do you think I've simply burried the real me and that I haven't truly changed?

 

It's strange. People who knew me before I changed don't like how I've become but people who met me after I changed seem to like me a lot and think that I'm fun to be around.

 

I don't know how to be myself again. I feel like I've forgotten who that is. I mean other than being awkward, serious and quiet I don't know... I'm not saying I WANT to be who I was again. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, his family and my family missing the old me I would be totally content being the new me and would never want to look back at that awkward gawky girl again.

 

So even though I'm effortlessly like this now, do you think I'm still the same person? I think changing was easy because I had a clear picture of how I wanted to be. I actually wrote down the different personality traits I wanted and the ones I wanted to get rid of and I stuck to altering myself. Like I would practice in front of the mirror. But if I wanted to be who I use to be I think that would be harder because I forgot exactly who that was.

[basil67]

When I went to marriage counselling with my ex-husband, one of the issues he raised was that I had changed. The counselor replied that we all change during our lives. And she was right.

 

Even if we don't purposely change, our life experiences mold us as we journey through life. As for purposeful change, it's not a bad thing if we didn't like who we were. In your case, I can see why you changed from being nervous, self conscious, awkward and angry. As long as you can can be serious when it's required (like if a friend is upset or in being professional at work), your changes are probably all for the better.

 

It's very likely that you will never be the old you again. Just as my 48yo self will never again be like my 28yo self.

 

Change is normal. Embrace it. If someone likes you better when your way of being is making you miserable, then it's clear you've outgrown them.

[preraph]

You can recreate yourself, and you should. Become your best self. And yes, if you want to change, you can change even your personality, take off the rough edges, use self-discipline and self-awareness to stop yourself from being too blunt or from letting people run all over you. No one has more control over yourself than you do.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I think I did. A long time ago I thought my voice was too deep and awkward sounding and I thought I was too dull personality wise. I felt so nervous and self conscious around people and barely said anything. I was very serious, didn't smile much and would get angry over things people would do and just rant on about it. So I started making an effort to speak in a higher and more friendly (less awkward) tone. I started acting hyper, bubbly and super friendly. I started acting like things people did didn't bother me and acted more happy, silly and almost never ever serious. It took an effort to change those things. Like if I was thinking about it I would be that happy bubbly girl but if I lost my focus I was back to being me again. But I found it fun and after a while it became less and less of an effort to act like the girl I wanted to be. They say that you can't be happy when you're being someone other than yourself but I really felt happier than I had been in a long time. Now I actually feel confident. I think I make friends more easily and I think I brighten up peoples days when I'm "the new me."

But my boyfriend says it gets under his skin and he likes the old me that he met years ago better. I've tried acting how I use to be because of how much the new me was pissing him off. But it's hard. I think I've acted one way for so long that it actually became who I am. When I try to "be myself" I feel like I'm acting. Apparently my mannerisms and attitude are totally different than they were before.

 

Do you think I have actually become this smiley bubbly girl or do you think I've simply burried the real me and that I haven't truly changed?

 

It's strange. People who knew me before I changed don't like how I've become but people who met me after I changed seem to like me a lot and think that I'm fun to be around.

 

I don't know how to be myself again. I feel like I've forgotten who that is. I mean other than being awkward, serious and quiet I don't know... I'm not saying I WANT to be who I was again. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, his family and my family missing the old me I would be totally content being the new me and would never want to look back at that awkward gawky girl again.

 

So even though I'm effortlessly like this now, do you think I'm still the same person? I think changing was easy because I had a clear picture of how I wanted to be. I actually wrote down the different personality traits I wanted and the ones I wanted to get rid of and I stuck to altering myself. Like I would practice in front of the mirror. But if I wanted to be who I use to be I think that would be harder because I forgot exactly who that was.

 

 

I think you have your mindset backwards on this one personally. If I'm reading your post correctly... and I like to think I'm a pretty good reader ... sounds like you sat down and wrote out a list of things you didn't like about yourself, and set out to change what you could change. In doing so, you aren't changing into someone else, rather growing into the person THAT YOU ARE! There isn't anything fake about it at all. It's hard to change as you noted. But you stuck with your plan. You note you don't want to go back, which means you are blossoming into who you truly want to be and you are happy. I say just be you and be happy. If your BF doesn't come around, we'll ... why would someone so happy with themself want to be with someone who isn't happy with them? Especially when you pointed out how happy others seem to be with you?