All you Gen-Y females....

[brothers343]

My wife works, she loves to work. Even are two kids work...one is 3 and the other 9 years old. We give them an allowance a week but they have to get good grades and clean up around the house. I was brought up knowing that I had to work and so was my wife. I guess we have passed it on to our kids. I also think there's many variables that make a wife or husband become stay at home parents. There's how you were brought up, money, some parents hate the school systems, there's just to many variables. I do congratulate the parents that can....it's a hard job. Especially when there young children.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

My wife works, she loves to work. Even are two kids work...one is 3 and the other 9 years old. We give them an allowance a week but they have to get good grades and clean up around the house. I was brought up knowing that I had to work and so was my wife. I guess we have passed it on to our kids. I also think there's many variables that make a wife or husband become stay at home parents. There's how you were brought up, money, some parents hate the school systems, there's just to many variables. I do congratulate the parents that can....it's a hard job. Especially when there young children.

 

Good point. We went this route because it was the most cost effective way to get where we wanted to be. Wealth is not measured in capital alone. We OWN all of our stuff. House was passed down through the family. Van is paid for. Car is paid for. We have few bills. We also grow our own veggies and provide our own heat. Since the kids are home schooled there is no fuel expended to commute them everywhere, except for field trips and what not. They catch fewer bugs and eat healthy and well, as opposed to being starved and exposed to every ones cudies... We have enough land to hunt and provide firewood.

 

Yet everyone sees us as dirt poor. We do not have anything flashy or nice. When something breaks I fix it, I don't just toss it and go back to the damn store. Yet we are judged for living this way. It is ironic really that my wife's coworkers just think we are a bunch of ignorant hicks...

 

Do I come across as either ignorant or a hick?

 

How is that fact that I understand energy physics and advanced computer science ignored because I talk with an accent and my clothes are worn?

 

How is the fact that my wife is an endless font of self sacrifice ignored because she chooses to love a mentally ill person?

 

Its because people are people. They only believe what they see. They only see what can be seen. They also fear that which they do not understand.

 

When most people around here, rural Georgia btw, find out we do not fit the stereotype they have assigned they simply write us off as weird. We do not fit in with intellectuals cause we are dirty poor people. We do not fit in with the country folks cause we use big words and read about everything under the sun. We just don't fit any where else, but with each other.

 

I guess all I'm trying to say is that sometimes there is merit to this life style beyond simply what you believe. Its actually ver cost effective.

 

Instead of chasing money I chase means. The means to produce food, power, repairs, and love.

 

I need to close my browser

 

Back to work.

[brothers343]

Good point. We went this route because it was the most cost effective way to get where we wanted to be. Wealth is not measured in capital alone. We OWN all of our stuff. House was passed down through the family. Van is paid for. Car is paid for. We have few bills. We also grow our own veggies and provide our own heat. Since the kids are home schooled there is no fuel expended to commute them everywhere, except for field trips and what not. They catch fewer bugs and eat healthy and well, as opposed to being starved and exposed to every ones cudies... We have enough land to hunt and provide firewood.

 

Yet everyone sees us as dirt poor. We do not have anything flashy or nice. When something breaks I fix it, I don't just toss it and go back to the damn store. Yet we are judged for living this way. It is ironic really that my wife's coworkers just think we are a bunch of ignorant hicks...

 

Do I come across as either ignorant or a hick?

 

How is that fact that I understand energy physics and advanced computer science ignored because I talk with an accent and my clothes are worn?

 

How is the fact that my wife is an endless font of self sacrifice ignored because she chooses to love a mentally ill person?

 

Its because people are people. They only believe what they see. They only see what can be seen. They also fear that which they do not understand.

 

When most people around here, rural Georgia btw, find out we do not fit the stereotype they have assigned they simply write us off as weird. We do not fit in with intellectuals cause we are dirty poor people. We do not fit in with the country folks cause we use big words and read about everything under the sun. We just don't fit any where else, but with each other.

 

I guess all I'm trying to say is that sometimes there is merit to this life style beyond simply what you believe. Its actually ver cost effective.

 

Instead of chasing money I chase means. The means to produce food, power, repairs, and love.

 

I need to close my browser

 

Back to work.

I congratulate you. Sometimes I feel like living the world behind and do some of the things your doing....But myself and my wife are city people used to the fast life and when I try to slow it down I get a little depressed but like I said sometimes this world can get to you. And also the people.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

I congratulate you. Sometimes I feel like living the world behind and do some of the things your doing....But myself and my wife are city people used to the fast life and when I try to slow it down I get a little depressed but like I said sometimes this world can get to you. And also the people.

 

Its funny you should mention that. We love the city too, just can't afford to live there, plus risk assessments I've done all say no to being tied to the systemic nature of city life.

 

But, when we need to blow off some steam we head to Atlanta, its nice. People in a big city aren't so judgmental as they see real crazy quite often.

 

I also worked there for years and kinda liked the people there.

[truthtripper]

According to what I heard on the radio the other day, we actually spend the MOST quality time that we've ever spent with kids (spanning generations) yet we still feel we should be spending more time and we feel guilty about it.

 

I found it pretty fascinating but if you think about it, women throughout history didn't have a lot of cuddle time either. Running a household was not done by appliances on timers and the amount of kids they had was insane. Each kid probably got fairly minimal attention compared to the only children of today.

 

My grandmother did my full-time care for the first six or so years, but thank goodness my parents didn't. They were nuts!

The "women throughout history" you're referring to are not the hunter gatherer women from 200,000 years ago. We should really be adopting the natural childcare methods they used. There is little or no mental illness/personality disorders in modern day hunter gatherer tribes, for example in New Guinea. Children would be less likely to have insane parents like we have.

[truthtripper]

The first three years of a child's life is important cuz they are forming intangible bonds. They just smell and see mum around, it gives them a sense of security. When the kid starts school, then go back to work or do whatever you want.

 

So far we are seeing effects of the lack of the presence of parents in our youth. It's attachment disorders, but 60 Minutes wants to lie and call it a 'mental illness epidemic' - where people are ticking time bombs ready to go crazy without reason.

Infants don't have an adult concept of time. Telling them "mommy will be back in a few hours", means nothing to them. This is what causes the separation anxiety. When the child is old enough to understand this, around 4-6yrs, separation anxiety is less likely to occur.

 

In today's world, child separation anxiety is expected and considered as normal infant behaviour. If it becomes disabling for the family, then they need the help of doctors and psychologists.

[truthtripper]

The first three years of a child's life is important cuz they are forming intangible bonds. They just smell and see mum around, it gives them a sense of security. When the kid starts school, then go back to work or do whatever you want.

 

So far we are seeing effects of the lack of the presence of parents in our youth. It's attachment disorders, but 60 Minutes wants to lie and call it a 'mental illness epidemic' - where people are ticking time bombs ready to go crazy without reason.

Infants don't have an adult concept of time. Telling them "mommy will be back in a few hours", means nothing to them. This is what causes the separation anxiety. When the child is old enough to understand this, around 4-6yrs, separation anxiety is less likely to occur.

 

In today's world, child separation anxiety is expected and considered as normal infant behaviour. If it becomes disabling for the family, then they need the help of doctors and psychologists.

[Taramere]

My mother went back to work soon after I was born, and I didn't like the childminder I had until I was three. She had a pack of kids of her own, and I was really just an unwanted pest in her eyes. I could feel it. I've got flashes of memories from that early period in my life, and though there's nothing terrible attached to it - as an adult I can see that my life at that point wasn't as happy and trust-filled as it could have been.

 

Apparently my mother occasionally took me into the school she worked at (when she had childminder problems) - and I'd spend the day with nuns and schoolchildren who would fight over who got to look after me. Which would have been a bit disorientating. To go from A (situation with childminder who didn't like me and didn't want me around) to B (a load of nuns and children squabbling good naturedly over who got to look after me) must have been pretty confusing.

 

I don't remember any of those school visits, but I remember my first day at nursery at the age of three. I assumed that this was the new place my mum would be working at - and that I would be seeing her throughout the day. When I realised she was leaving, I started to cry. The nursery assistant quickly placed me onto a toy dolphin, I decided that I liked her and the other staff and the realisation that my mother would be working somewhere else was no longer upsetting.

 

I think kids adapt to situations very easily so long as they know their parents will pick them up at the end of the day, but I do think it's crucial that they like and feel comfortable with whoever is caring for them in the absence of their parents. I don't know about other kids, but I liked pretty much everybody - unless I sensed that they didn't like me/thought I was a bother.

 

People who like you, and who you feel comfortable with, become part of your extended network as a child. I can remember looking forward to my parents going out, because I absolutely adored my babysitter. She would play games with me, read stories to me..and was generally an excellent babysitter. So for me, it was a treat to spend time with her.

 

I really do think it's as simple as that. Provide a child with good carers who are interested in them/happy to spend time with them in their parents' absence - and it will be an enhancing experience for them. One which helps them to learn trust for/form bonds with people outside of their immediate family. A bad carer is the factor that takes what could be a very positive situation and turns it into an unpleasant one that might create some attachment problems for a child.

 

The whole "I'm a traditionalist argument" is sometimes worthy of challenge. At times it can provide a bit of an escape route for women who have issues including social avoidance and difficulty in managing the outside world. That's not a good model for a child. My instinct is that my very early childminder was one of those people. If a SAHM has an active social network and interests outside the home then great. If she's staying at home and shutting out her issues with medication, a secret alcohol habit, compulsive cleaning etc...not so great for a child to be witnessing.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Taramere

[truthtripper]

I think kids adapt to situations very easily so long as they know their parents will pick them up at the end of the day, but I do think it's crucial that they like and feel comfortable with whoever is caring for them in the absence of their parents.

Yes, two crucial factors.