ancoraimparo Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Hi all, just wanna share a story of two of my experience with a Thai bar girl. Now, don't take things the wrong way. But, I have always believe that everyone have equal chances in life and not judge by their profession. I just broke up in a LDR just yesterday Last year 2015, I happen to meet this amazing Thai girl in Malaysia. Our relation started off with me being very defensive as I knew deep in my heart never to give a chance. Until one day, she confessed to me that she was deeply in love with me. She cried for me, when I supported her in bars; where she persuaded me for "Jackets" (RM500). Where every single time, I paid. I decided to pursue her. She said the usual things to me that she don't come from a well off family and have family to take care off. Our relation took off at a period of 3 months with several dates. It was the sweetest time of my life. I did when for a visit to Thailand to visit her as we made a promise. I am 28 and she is 24. Despite not being well off, she can afford plenty of clothing, drive a vios 2013 and fly to many places like Malaysia, Singapore and now Shanghai and stay for 6 months per country and going back hometown Thailand 3-4 times each interval. She did double eyelid surgery which cost around (RM3-4K) and could still afford cosmetic treatment like buccal fat removal. Her family has a padi field and orchard back in Thailand. Life seems tough, but her character doesn't seem to reflect on her background. She is the type of girl who love being pretty and I must admit she is very attractive for a Thai. Things came for the worst, after she left Malaysia. Before she left Malaysia, she told me to wait for her; that she is afraid that I will be with another girl and that she will make an effort to message me. A few months later, after she did her double eyelid surgery. She blocked me in Facebook saying that her mum has access and blocked me, started to never replied my messages, and I felt like I was in a one-sided relationship. She apologized to me for that many times I am the type of guy that don't like to hide, so I told her everything about my background etc. She commented that if there is anything want to to say, I should tell her and not my friends. As I am the one who communicated with her, I did fell that she too the effort to hold on. But, felt to me half hearted at times. She said she is not like any other bar girls and that probably because my friends all had bad experience with them that I should not belief what they say. She will never message me first, if I don't message her. Yet, several times she takes the effort to test me if I really love her. We tried to meet up several times, but; failed because of my work schedule. I did want to fly to Shanghai to see her. I told her I wanted to stay close to her since she told me that she was studying Chinese. But, she disallowed and told me she was working and working is important. I tested her Mandarin, and it was not convincing. Furthermore, said that I can only be with her on weekends Saturday and Sunday (2 days). We were suppose to meet up after 20th April at Koh Samui. When she replied my message provided I buy air tickets for her to fly there. There was no feeling of excitement to meet me. It was a test if she will try to pursue to see me. At the very least fly to Don Muang Airport before flying to Koh Samui. I was mad at her, so I posted 9 photos of me with several friends boys and girls. With three of which are me with three different girls individually. They are from different parts of the world with me commenting I have friends around the world. (3-4 days before the break up) The day before, I message her good night and miss her. Yesterday, she message me, not to have feelings for her all of a sudden. She texted she have tried to love me, but cannot. She told me to go my way, and she go her way end of relationship. It was a hard on. I could feel she is firm. I asked her is it a break off? She replied yes. She texted we are happier as friends. That she is tired of working and supporting herself. Yet, several months ago when I first met her; she said she was thought to be independent and not lean on guys. She said wants someone who can support her to be her boyfriend. Who can take care of her and her family. And that we do not think the same. (Which, I have to agree as I wanted a girlfriend who is independent and can grow with me.) She texted that I cannot love and take care of her. Last night, I saw her post in Wechat with a gold pendant and diamond watch. She stopped wearing the silver pendant I gave her. She was smiling as usual after she message me. I feel hopeless and lost at this very moment. Isn't love enough to go through thick and thin if only we both work together? Is the world so realistic that financial stability is that important for women? Can a simple surgery like a double eyelid change a person's confident to such great lengths? Am I taking this relationship too seriously? Or is it just that I am just a toy being played out, since I am not in the league? Have I done anything wrong? I do not know. I am sad, confused, angered felt cheated. The worst thing of all, she blocked me in Facebook! I asked her several times to unblock and the only thing she reply to me now was "I don't play Facebook" When my friend search for her, her account still exist I went to great length for her by learning the Thai language, bought her a gold pendant which I plan to give her on our next visit (highly likely not going to happen), when many places to get her a special pandora snowflake limited edition pendant, do stupid things like making video slides to remind her of our good times. I have this stupid thought that I should continue to pursue learning the Thai Language and go find her in Thailand once I mastered it 1-2 years time. Just to prove to her how deep my love is towards her. To be honest, there is nothing more than her looks which I am attracted to in the beginning. But, slowly; I fell for her skin deep. Yet, if you ask me why I love her, I still don't know why. Advise, guys. Anyone who have such experience or similar. Please share with me. For more in depth information. I did have another post about this girl: Title: (LDR) Girlfriend face change, due to double eyelid surgery (I have scaled down the details as 10 month long story isn't easy to compress) Thank you 1
Els Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I'm not sure what to tell you. If you choose to go into a relationship with someone despite all the glaring red flags flying in your face, and solely due to their looks, then you're gonna be in for a hard time. This has nothing to do with her nationality or her job or whatever - she's obviously not in love with you and is using you. If you ignore such red flags in behaviour, that's on you. Until you learn that, you'll be trapped in this cycle. 3
joseb Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Reading your story it doesn't sound like she even made much of an attempt to hide the fact that she was using you. She even advertised the fact that she had plenty more guys like you buying her stuff. Sorry, I'm sure you are a nice guy, but you sound incredibly naiive. Hopefully you learn from this experience and see it for what it was. 3
scorpiogirl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 She's a bargirl. Do you really think you were the only one? Who was buying her clothes and cars? It seems you like bargirls though ( two experiences?) so you know the deal, and you know you're not the only one. But in my experience, men who go for these women never learn their lesson, and prefer these girls they pay for to women they actually have to impress with their personalities, intelligence and good character. There's no advice. She used you. As they do. Move on. 2
SammySammy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 While some men seek real relationships with sex workers, it's not a winning strategy for most. Your chance of being nothing more than a source of income is very high. Your chance of finding true love is very low. You can pursue her, but be aware of the reality of the situation. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3b/Paris_Tuileries_Garden_Facepalm_statue.jpg You silly, silly man. You are getting friendzoned by a prostitute: that means you are now her low-priority option. You are at an all time low. The only way is up from here. She is a mercenary. She doesn't give a damn about you. You are being exploited. This is a classic case of a guy running 'nice-guy' game, and it backfiring on him. Wise up. Cut her off pronto, like the leech she is. Go and approach other girls, or get a hobby, or do anything else other than invest any more in this person. Edited March 13, 2016 by Jabron1 2
Buddhist Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) You have to understand, finding a guy to marry and pay for everything is a legitimate career choice for Thai's who cannot afford university or do not want to build a career. Career opportunities in Thailand are not great if you are not well connected. This is nothing personal, it's just the way poorer Thai's go about life. If she is a bargirl then her family do not have connections, she cannot afford a university education and her career choices are limited. She will continue to look for a husband as a career choice. Looking after a boyfriend is what she considers an occupation so of course you will find this type of girl accomodating, pleasing, attractive. It's her chosen job. You however did not come to the party with her wage as her boyfriend so she is looking for another potential husband. It's that simple. Bargirls frequently date multiple partners until they married. The one who puts the ring on her finger, pays for her, and her family's lifestyle is the winner. This is where she gets the money for eyelid surgery and her oversea's trips. They are all payments from her boyfriends who don't know they are all dating the same woman. Edited March 13, 2016 by Buddhist 2
Author ancoraimparo Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) "It's that simple. Bargirls frequently date multiple partners until they married. The one who puts the ring on her finger, pays for her, and her family's lifestyle is the winner. This is where she gets the money for eyelid surgery and her oversea's trips. They are all payments from her boyfriends who don't know they are all dating the same woman." Dear Buddhist, are you a Thai by any chance? I wish to ask is there no love for the poor in the Thai Culture? If the above quote is true, then bargirls are now treating themselves like a bargaining tool so to get themselves a better lifestyle. I understand a little Thai culture such as naam-jai, sam nuk bun kun and gat-dtan yuu. And I know the girls work very hard for their parents as naam-jai. But is this hierarchy still dominant in Thailand, that is becomes ingrain in them? Believing that they will forever be under the low class and never move up unless they know the higher ups. I am in a little disbelief. But, you do have a point here. Edited March 13, 2016 by ancoraimparo
Buddhist Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) "It's that simple. Bargirls frequently date multiple partners until they married. The one who puts the ring on her finger, pays for her, and her family's lifestyle is the winner. This is where she gets the money for eyelid surgery and her oversea's trips. They are all payments from her boyfriends who don't know they are all dating the same woman." Dear Buddhist, are you a Thai by any chance? I wish to ask is there no love for the poor in the Thai Culture? If the above quote is true, then bargirls are now treating themselves like a bargaining tool so to get themselves a better lifestyle. I understand a little Thai culture such as naam-jai, sam nuk bun kun and gat-dtan yuu. And I know the girls work very hard for their parents as naam-jai. But is this hierarchy still dominant in Thailand, that is becomes ingrain in them? Believing that they will forever be under the low class and never move up unless they know the higher ups. I am in a little disbelief. But, you do have a point here. I am not Thai. I had a Thai partner. Basically Thailand is very corrupt like most second world countries. Jobs are obtained based on contacts and money changing hands. There is no such thing as discrimination laws and fair hire policies. It's not like the west where anyone with the drive to succeed can become upwardly mobile quite easily. It is not like that in Thailand, where you are born is most likely where you will stay if you don't find a sponsor to a better life. And where you are born can be shockingly low compared to the standard of living elsewhere. My partner was well connected but still not Hi-So. Even he had trouble getting work that was suitable. He was university educated but the best he could do was a frontline job in a hotel that paid about $600 per month. He came from an upper middle class family with contacts in the government and other highly sought after industries. A poor girl from nowheresville? Forget even that. I don't blame people for doing this, they are just working the system they've been given. A young woman with nil prospects can buy a ticket to freedom by becoming a professional girlfriend and wife. If she's lucky enough to be pretty then it's her best shot at getting out of dodge. Edited March 13, 2016 by Buddhist 3
Mumbles Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 OP I have been down this road. I won't rehash what others have said above as they'd covered it very eloquently insofar as this being, very often, the only way to a better life for so many Thai girls, particularly those unfortunate enough to be born outside of BKK. How you deal with it is going to come down to your own wants, desires and expectations. If you would like a western style girlfriend then this path isn't going to work for you at all and you should, as already suggested, finish things immediately and move on. If you are looking for something considerably less formal and a lot more like a distant FWB, well, you might hang in there, but pay close attention to your wallet. You need to be absolutely and completely honest with each other-dont pretend this is going to end in marriage. You will have to pay for her time when you're together, but it won't cost a lot, not in western terms. However, always remember when you get the requests for gold or a new house for mum (yes! this really happens) that you are not in it for the long term, so politely excuse yourself from this type of thing. If you are looking for a wife, these Thai bar girls can fit the bill, but you need to be careful. If they've been 'in the game' for a long time, 2-3-4-10 years, then you are much more likely to be skillfully played as one of many potential suitors. Unless you are very experienced with escorts/prostitutes I would be extremely cautious of playing this game as you'll most likely be eaten alive. For those few who survive the trial by fire and still want their Thai bar girl to become a wife the most important aspect of their situation both now and ongoing is money - you need it and a lot of it. Don't assume your loving bargirl/wife is faking it with you, she most likely isn't (if you survive this far) but family and their wellbeing will always be number 1 and you, as a 'farang' will never rise above number 2 in life ... even if you make it that high up. This post sounds really negative and I didn't start it to be that way, but, if you pursue the current course and continue to see this girl you're really going to have to be tough yourself, harder than maybe you've ever had to be. 1
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Hi all, just wanna share a story of two of my experience with a Thai bar girl. She said wants someone who can support her to be her boyfriend. Who can take care of her and her family. And that we do not think the same. (Which, I have to agree as I wanted a girlfriend who is independent and can grow with me.) She texted that I cannot love and take care of her. Last night, I saw her post in Wechat with a gold pendant and diamond watch. She stopped wearing the silver pendant I gave her. I think you have just lost out in the money game she is playing. It is a serious game, her and her family's future will depend on it. 2
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