Messaged 230 women so far, dating life still barren wasteland

[Necris]

So I've been trying OLD thinking it will be of some use seeing as how I can't seem to meet women in real-life boy was I wrong.

 

So far since starting OLD I messaged a total of about 230 women got 10 replies, 2 of which were rejections that even resulted in a block for some reason, though one of them did say they don't date black guys, and the other 8 were "that's so sweet but no not interested" and of those they were the girls I was least attracted to.

 

As for a little about me I'm in my twenties, virgin, never had a GF, software engineer, and a nerd. I'm also black.

 

I've never been successful in the whole dating arena I try but I'm always rejected. My physical standards at least aren't high I'm just not attractive I guess.

 

Though tbh it's probably not meant for everyone to find someone.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Necris

[deckard11]

Hey, ay least you got replies. I've probably messaged doubled what you have and got zero replies.

[SoleMate]

That is definitely rough. I would recommend joining a local Meetup or other woman-heavy event. Go with a wingman and just work the numbers game. Chat and be nice to everybody....men, women....all ages and races....singles and couples. Let them know you're looking for a special someone. Men do have to take the initiative, it's how the world works. Good luck!

[Necris]

Hey, ay least you got replies. I've probably messaged doubled what you have and got zero replies.

 

Yeah I guess, but the few replies I got were either rejections or a "thank you for the compliment but I'm not interested"

[Jabron1]

Don't take any of it personally.

 

Most of the women that are online dating are there for the attention and ego-boost. A lot of them have no intention of meeting anyone - unless Pablo the unicorn shows up .

 

Even the ones that do like you will act flakey because of reasons that are out of your control. Online dating is a bad scene for most men. You can get rejected online by girls that you wouldn't look at twice in the street.

 

OLD is a woman's game.

 

The women have too many options, and too many men giving them easy attention. And, as stated above, a lot of the time their objective isn't the same as yours. Yours is to go out on dates; theirs is to have their worth validated.

 

Go out in the real world, and hit on women there instead. Go to pubs and clubs. Go and approach women on the streets and in shopping centers. Join a bunch of different clubs, and increase your social circle.

 

Don't even treat OLD seriously. Treat it like a video-game and have a laugh.

 

But, whatever you do, don't take it personally.

[Necris]

Don't take any of it personally.

 

Most of the women that are online dating are there for the attention and ego-boost. A lot of them have no intention of meeting anyone - unless Pablo the unicorn shows up .

 

Even the ones that do like you will act flakey because of reasons that are out of your control. Online dating is a bad scene for most men. You can get rejected online by girls that you wouldn't look at twice in the street.

 

OLD is a woman's game.

 

The women have too many options, and too many men giving them easy attention. And, as stated above, a lot of the time their objective isn't the same as yours. Yours is to go out on dates; theirs is to have their worth validated.

 

Go out in the real world, and hit on women there instead. Go to pubs and clubs. Go and approach women on the streets and in shopping centers. Join a bunch of different clubs, and increase your social circle.

 

Don't even treat OLD seriously. Treat it like a video-game and have a laugh.

 

But, whatever you do, don't take it personally.

 

Yeah seems like all the bad things I heard about OLD for guys is true.

 

Though you say go to bars and clubs but I don't see how those are places to meet new people especially women.

 

I mean on paper it sounds like a good idea to go there to meet women, but when you actually go to these places they just aren't. I don't drink alcohol but I have gone to bars to hang out with friends and I notice just like me most people are there to hang out with friends and in their own little group. So if you wanted to approach someone it's going to look really really awkward as girls are typically with their boyfriends, and their male and female friends.

 

Clubs are even worse as they have music so loud no one can really talk without yelling and the lighting is bad and most of the people are there to hang out with friends.

 

Places like these really only would work for somebody who is already pretty charismatic and very handsome so they'd turn a potentially awkward meeting into a positive one. Unfortunately these are not usually girlfriend material women, just looking for one night stands. Not that kind of guy.

 

 

Approaching on the street I think is the worst way even with charisma from what I've heard from women they typically think you are creepy if you talk to them on the street or assume you are trying to sell them something. Most people are very unfriendly so I don't think that will work. For me at least women generally don't look my way or in some cases avoid me like clutching their purses and such (no I'm not trying to hit on them they just do that when they see me).

 

Joining clubs sound like a good idea unfortunately I would have to find a club I'm in interested in that would also have women as members as well who just so happen to be single and available and attracted to me.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Necris

[Seraphina87]

Unfortunately, racism is alive and well. A friend of mine said he got more responses on online dating when he whitened his skin in his pictures. Sad, isn't it? Although at least it works well to filter out the bigots for you.

[katiegrl]

Agree with the others, but out of curiosity, what does your initial message say?

 

You said a few have messaged back saying "thanks for the compliment but not interested."

 

What kind of compliments are you giving them??

 

Try and stay away from that in your initial message.

 

Instead, read her profile and ask a couple questions about what's written on there.

 

Questions that require a response.

 

Not too much at first, just something that shows you read her profile and are interested in her, not just her looks and how attractive she is!

 

That's important.

[mike_89]

Unfortunately, racism is alive and well. A friend of mine said he got more responses on online dating when he whitened his skin in his pictures. Sad, isn't it? Although at least it works well to filter out the bigots for you.

Not wanting to date someone of a certain skin colour is as racist as not wanting to date someone from a certain gender is sexist. All those sexist heterosexuals out there!

 

OP, what kinds of messages are you sending? If you're getting so few replies you're sending the wrong messages (or your pictures/profile are bad). Your message should come off as casual or humoristic, because you don't want to convey the idea that you're taking OLD (or any dating at all for that matter) too seriously. A really simple opening line that works fine on Tinder for example is this: Hey, nice to "meet" you.

 

But like Jabon1 said, OLD is a woman's game. It's like an uphill battle from the start and your odds of succeeding are way higher if you meet a girl in real life.

[TheArtist]

Personally I wouldn't recommend OLD as the best way of finding your first girlfriend. OLD can be quite disheartening at times, especially how short and dismissive some people can come across; it's not for the beginners.

 

You need to get out and mix with people, take a class or join a club, and get talking to women that way. Improve your social skills and you'll find everything much easier.

[Jabron1]

Not wanting to date someone of a certain skin colour is as racist as not wanting to date someone from a certain gender is sexist. All those sexist heterosexuals out there!

 

Was thinking the same thing.

 

That post seemed like it was encouraging the OP to take on a weak minded, victim mentality. And there's few things less attractive than a man who acts like that.

 

Men should go out and create their own reality, rather than be a 'victim' of someone else's.

[Popsicle]

So many men say OLD doesn't work but they refuse to get offline....

[LookAtThisPOst]

So I've been trying OLD thinking it will be of some use seeing as how I can't seem to meet women in real-life boy was I wrong.

 

So far since starting OLD I messaged a total of about 230 women got 10 replies, 2 of which were rejections that even resulted in a block for some reason, though one of them did say they don't date black guys, and the other 8 were "that's so sweet but no not interested" and of those they were the girls I was least attracted to.

 

As for a little about me I'm in my twenties, virgin, never had a GF, software engineer, and a nerd. I'm also black.

 

I've never been successful in the whole dating arena I try but I'm always rejected. My physical standards at least aren't high I'm just not attractive I guess.

 

Though tbh it's probably not meant for everyone to find someone.

 

I feel for you.

 

I actually thought I had a string of luck lately when I had a couple of women actually RESPOND...set up dates...the..they ghosted.

 

One of them took down their OK Cupid profile around the same time she ghosted. I asked her "Why"? in a text and she never replied.

 

It's gotten to that point of when you're talking to someone on the phone and the call drops and you're there yellingn, "Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello?"

 

*Silence on the other end*

 

VERY rude.

 

You need to get out and mix with people, take a class or join a club, and get talking to women that way. Improve your social skills and you'll find everything much easier.

 

Yep...recommend Meetup...highly...at least at the events, the people are willing to put up with approaching you, lol.

[Otter2569]

Jabron1 summed it up nicely - it a game. A game with a lot of moving parts and some emotion so my advise to you is to adjust your expectations accordingly. Don't rely soley on OLD and dont expect instant results. Its just one of many options available to you.

 

I first got on OLD 5 years ago and I used to kick butt. Within a few weeks I had a 2 year relationship. Also had many fun dates and relationships. I was telling everyone how awesome OLD was.

 

However that was then. I have noticed a huge change in the last year or so. Tons more people, lots of ghosting, drop offs, flakes, no shows...its like bizzarro world.

 

Stay strong my friend, OLD is not for the weak!

Edited March 13, 2016 by Otter2569

[angel.eyes]

OLD works for many men and women. Lots of people meet and marry via OLD. At least a third of my friends who are married met their spouse this way. These are heterosexual relationships, so obviously it works for both men and women.

 

The problem is with expectations. It isn't the effortless panacea that those struggling to date expect. The people who do the best online are the same people who do the best offline. Whatever is getting in the way when you approach in real life is likely getting in the way online. Do you have lots of friends? If not, work on building your social circle and getting out in real life. Once you've mastered those and have improved social skills, then start trying to date.

 

Also, most people prefer to date within their race. If you're approaching other races, generally expect it to take more tries and a greater number of rejections before you find someone of a different race who is open to your race.

[LookAtThisPOst]

However that was then. I have noticed a huge change in the last year or so. Tons more people, lots of ghosting, drop offs, flakes, no shows...its like bizzarro world.

 

This INCREASE is likely due to the real world and online intertwining with each other.

 

Actually, though going out to social gatherings is probably the lesser of the two evils...but I'm noticing that the divide between online and the real world are overlapping or bleeding into each other.

 

I've noticed a lot of ghosting or "no shows" at Meetups. People RSVP'ing to events. People dropping out at the last min., but still KEEPING their "place in line" to keep their options open.

 

My friends on Facebook also schedule events the same fashion as Meetups.

 

People overbook REAL life events to the point where they become unreliable to see their faces.

[Otter2569]

Angel, great point on the race issue. I'm sure there are statistics out there on those that prefer to date within & outside their race but as you say, its not everyones preference.

 

IMO it is a preference...just like I prefer brunettes. I have never dated outside of my race, not because I'm a racist, I'm just naturally attracted to a certain types of women. I would certainly date outside of my race but attraction is what attraction is

[Otter2569]

Just sharing my experience here about (as others are saying) not relying soley on OLD to meet people. Please don't think that I am bragging.

 

I recently started seeing a woman I met on OLD last summer....just a FWB situation

 

I'm currently chatting with and planning to meet a woman from an OLD site this week.

 

I'm dating a women that I used to work with years ago. She contacted me a few weeks back after not talking for about 2 years.

 

Theres a woman in town, friend of a friend, that is beating down my door.

 

There is a women from Facebook I am chatting with and could certainly date if I wanted too.

 

A friend says there is someone he wants to set me up with.

 

Two Ex GFs want to go out for drinks. One said she wants to be in a relationship with me (not going there). The other says call if you want to get together.

 

 

I just got out of a relationship that kicked my ass emotionally so I am not putting much effort into dating but for what ever reason I seem to have a lot of options at the moment. Trust me, I know these are not all quality picks and that it could all be gone in a flash. I just don't have enough time in the day to chase every opportunity - nor do I want to.

 

My point being that there are a lot of ways to meet people: OLD sites, your friends, work / professional contacts, your social network.

 

Stay thirsty my friend!

Edited March 13, 2016 by Otter2569

[Jabron1]

Just sharing my experience here about (as others are saying) not relying soley on OLD to meet people. Please don't think that I am bragging.

 

I recently started seeing a woman I met on OLD last summer....just a FWB situation

 

I'm currently chatting with and planning to meet a woman from an OLD site this week.

 

I'm dating a women that I used to work with years ago. She contacted me a few weeks back after not talking for about 2 years.

 

Theres a woman in town, friend of a friend, that is beating down my door.

 

There is a women from Facebook I am chatting with and could certainly date if I wanted too.

 

A friend says there is someone he wants to set me up with.

 

Two Ex GFs want to go out for drinks. One said she wants to be in a relationship with me (not going there). The other says call if you want to get together.

 

 

I just got out of a relationship that kicked my ass emotionally so I am not putting much effort into dating but for what ever reason I seem to have a lot of options at the moment. Trust me, I know these are not all quality picks and that it could all be gone in a flash. I just don't have enough time in the day to chase every opportunity - nor do I want to.

 

My point being that there are a lot of ways to meet people: OLD sites, your friends, work / professional contacts, your social network.

 

Stay thirsty my friend!

 

It's nice to hear a guy cultivating his options for a change!

 

Good for you, mate.

[Otter2569]

I have also modified my dating style of the years.

 

For OLD first dates I always would meet at a nice, casual pub or restaurant for drinks...which usually led to more drinks and some food. It was a big $$ and time commitment. That was back in the good old days when I was knocking it out.

 

Today, with all the BS, I'm not into wasting my time or $$. Now I try to talk on the phone first (to screen them out). You'd be surprised what people will tell you (kids are animals, ex was a drug addict, health issues, they dont eat meat...). I also always meet over coffee or something light.

 

Sometimes I wont even turn my car off (joking)!

[smackie9]

Unfortunately, racism is alive and well. A friend of mine said he got more responses on online dating when he whitened his skin in his pictures. Sad, isn't it? Although at least it works well to filter out the bigots for you.

 

This post is racist. Just because they are not attracted to dark skin doesn't make a person racist.

[smackie9]

Yeah I guess, but the few replies I got were either rejections or a "thank you for the compliment but I'm not interested"

This tells me your approach, your photos, and your profile is turning them off. If possible PM me and a few others your profile if you wish so we can give you some pointers. Usually it's just a matter of a little tweaking can make a huge difference.

[Erik30]

Angel, great point on the race issue. I'm sure there are statistics out there on those that prefer to date within & outside their race but as you say, its not everyones preference.

 

IMO it is a preference...just like I prefer brunettes. I have never dated outside of my race, not because I'm a racist, I'm just naturally attracted to a certain types of women. I would certainly date outside of my race but attraction is what attraction is

 

I tend to agree with this. I do have to say that I'm mixed race myself, (White/Jewish dad, Black/Native American mom) so I never even think about the concept of "interracial dating." For me it's all just dating, and if a girl rejects me because of the way I look, I figure I'm just not her type. Not racist, just a preference. Most people can't tell which race I am anyway. I do however have a problem with it when it's something ideological for the person. In that case they usually are racist, or at least have some racist beliefs. Because they're basically implying someone like me shouldn't exist.

 

With OLD you can usually tell by her profile if the woman is open to date other races, so you won't waste your time. Some will mention specific features they like. I think OKC actually has a question about race which members can answer. (Don't know about the other sites) But I wouldn't focus on race too much anyway. OLD is difficult for all guys in general. There's already a lot of pretty good advice in this thread, maybe try your luck in the real world

[smackie9]

Erik the OP did attempt dating irl, this is why he thought OLD would be a better option.

 

Like I always say OLD is not a magic bullet. If you have trouble dating irl, you will have very little to no success with OLD.

[normal person]

So I've been trying OLD thinking it will be of some use seeing as how I can't seem to meet women in real-life boy was I wrong.

 

If you were bad at playing poker in real life, would you think you'd be good at playing poker online? The same ideas apply. I think you need to get a better grip on dating and interacting in general before you expect success within this subset of it.

 

So far since starting OLD I messaged a total of about 230 women got 10 replies, 2 of which were rejections that even resulted in a block for some reason, though one of them did say they don't date black guys, and the other 8 were "that's so sweet but no not interested" and of those they were the girls I was least attracted to.

 

Don't take it personally. Sometimes I block people just because it's more convenient than having them in your feed or sending you unwanted messages.

 

As for a little about me I'm in my twenties, virgin, never had a GF, software engineer, and a nerd. I'm also black.

 

Look, of course there will be people who will disqualify you on race alone. Everyone's got preferences. I'm not really attracted to other races at all, it's just biology or whatever the thing is that you can't control. But I wouldn't be so quick to ascribe your lack of success to your race. If your definitive traits -- the things you will use as the major selling points to other people -- are simply "age, experience, job, subculture, race," then that's your problem. All those are completely devoid of any character, personality, excitement, or emotion. They're just facts. They fail to give the reader a sense of your actual identity, or, worse: they do and this unenlightening sentence is all there is to you. And if there's nothing interesting about you, then you'd better develop something interesting or appealing otherwise you're going to have a very, very tough time.

 

Imagine reading this as a profile of someone: "20s, had a few serious boyfriends, accountant, into fitness, black." Well, do you like her? Do you want to go out with her? Oh, no? Why not? Because all this info is totally trivial and inconsequential and she's acting like this should be enough for you want to go out with her. She hasn't given anyone a sense of herself, how she acts, the things she values, how she sees the world, how she interacts with the world, her accomplishments, etc. Those are the things that will give a person identity and not sound like a robot. If your profile is anything like how you describe yourself here, no wonder women won't go out with you -- you haven't given them any reason to want to. You assume that just because you're a guy and you made a profile that that's "enough." It's definitely not. Now you have to have it actually show that you're appealing in some way. So what about you is appealing? What're you putting on your resume other than your basic stats? Why are you a better candidate than anyone else? What about your is going to make her go from reading general information to feeling something about you?

 

 

 

I've never been successful in the whole dating arena I try but I'm always rejected. My physical standards at least aren't high I'm just not attractive I guess.

 

Or, maybe women care about more than that. Just a thought.