Messaged 230 women so far, dating life still barren wasteland

[Emilia]

Yeah seems like all the bad things I heard about OLD for guys is true.

 

Though you say go to bars and clubs but I don't see how those are places to meet new people especially women.

 

I mean on paper it sounds like a good idea to go there to meet women, but when you actually go to these places they just aren't. I don't drink alcohol but I have gone to bars to hang out with friends and I notice just like me most people are there to hang out with friends and in their own little group. So if you wanted to approach someone it's going to look really really awkward as girls are typically with their boyfriends, and their male and female friends.

 

Clubs are even worse as they have music so loud no one can really talk without yelling and the lighting is bad and most of the people are there to hang out with friends.

 

Places like these really only would work for somebody who is already pretty charismatic and very handsome so they'd turn a potentially awkward meeting into a positive one. Unfortunately these are not usually girlfriend material women, just looking for one night stands. Not that kind of guy.

 

 

Approaching on the street I think is the worst way even with charisma from what I've heard from women they typically think you are creepy if you talk to them on the street or assume you are trying to sell them something. Most people are very unfriendly so I don't think that will work. For me at least women generally don't look my way or in some cases avoid me like clutching their purses and such (no I'm not trying to hit on them they just do that when they see me).

 

Joining clubs sound like a good idea unfortunately I would have to find a club I'm in interested in that would also have women as members as well who just so happen to be single and available and attracted to me.

Or you could be actually trying to do something but that's harder than creating online profiles. I suspect that's the reason for your lack of success. This quoted post is one excuse after another.

[zenguy]

Yeah seems like all the bad things I heard about OLD for guys is true.

 

Though you say go to bars and clubs but I don't see how those are places to meet new people especially women.

 

I mean on paper it sounds like a good idea to go there to meet women, but when you actually go to these places they just aren't. I don't drink alcohol but I have gone to bars to hang out with friends and I notice just like me most people are there to hang out with friends and in their own little group. So if you wanted to approach someone it's going to look really really awkward as girls are typically with their boyfriends, and their male and female friends.

 

Clubs are even worse as they have music so loud no one can really talk without yelling and the lighting is bad and most of the people are there to hang out with friends.

 

Places like these really only would work for somebody who is already pretty charismatic and very handsome so they'd turn a potentially awkward meeting into a positive one. Unfortunately these are not usually girlfriend material women, just looking for one night stands. Not that kind of guy.

 

 

Approaching on the street I think is the worst way even with charisma from what I've heard from women they typically think you are creepy if you talk to them on the street or assume you are trying to sell them something. Most people are very unfriendly so I don't think that will work. For me at least women generally don't look my way or in some cases avoid me like clutching their purses and such (no I'm not trying to hit on them they just do that when they see me).

 

Joining clubs sound like a good idea unfortunately I would have to find a club I'm in interested in that would also have women as members as well who just so happen to be single and available and attracted to me.

 

Honestly, your negative opinion of everything probably doesn't help matters. What you believe in your head is the reality you create. Look, I don't know what you look like, but I do know there are plenty of ugly guys that are doing just fine in their dating life. I've never had an issue with OLD, but I guess I'm attractive, so that might be the main thing.

 

And btw, in case anyone is interested, this is my first message to everyone in OLD, a good percentage of women respond:

 

"How's it going? How's your week/weekend(depends if it's just past the weekend or late in the week) been? I liked your profile, you seem interesting, and I'd love to chat. -MyRealName"

 

Then my followup, again, always, is a response to what they said followed by:

 

"I'd love to talk on the phone with you sometime, I find emailing gets old real quick. My number is -phone number-."

 

Anyways, it's possible that meeting people in real life would be better for you, but you need to start with erasing the self defeating attitude. Believe me when I say every situation you described isn't as dire as you make it out to be.

[Alamo657]

So I've been trying OLD thinking it will be of some use seeing as how I can't seem to meet women in real-life boy was I wrong.

 

So far since starting OLD I messaged a total of about 230 women got 10 replies, 2 of which were rejections that even resulted in a block for some reason, though one of them did say they don't date black guys, and the other 8 were "that's so sweet but no not interested" and of those they were the girls I was least attracted to.

 

As for a little about me I'm in my twenties, virgin, never had a GF, software engineer, and a nerd. I'm also black.

 

I've never been successful in the whole dating arena I try but I'm always rejected. My physical standards at least aren't high I'm just not attractive I guess.

 

Though tbh it's probably not meant for everyone to find someone.

 

OLD summed up :

 

for Men :

Are you good looking and fit

Do you have pictures of you with friends

Do you make a meaningful hobby out of your free time activities (ie be in a band if you play guitar, do competition if you're into a sport)

Will your job socially upscale your girlfriend with her friends

How much do you earn

 

for Women :

How beautiful are you

What's the size of your bra ir you're not that pretty

do you have STD

 

If you don't fit in those standards, OLD is not for you, because it is elitist in nature.

[Necris]

Also, most people prefer to date within their race. If you're approaching other races, generally expect it to take more tries and a greater number of rejections before you find someone of a different race who is open to your race.

 

 

I approach all races since I have no racial preferences.

 

Unfortunately success with black women is about the same as with white women. Though of the few replies I got back most of them were black but they were also rejections but a response nonetheless.

 

Funny enough even one black woman also said she didn't date black guys, I'm like wtf:confused:?

[Necris]

Honestly, your negative opinion of everything probably doesn't help matters. What you believe in your head is the reality you create. Look, I don't know what you look like, but I do know there are plenty of ugly guys that are doing just fine in their dating life. I've never had an issue with OLD, but I guess I'm attractive, so that might be the main thing.

 

And btw, in case anyone is interested, this is my first message to everyone in OLD, a good percentage of women respond:

 

"How's it going? How's your week/weekend(depends if it's just past the weekend or late in the week) been? I liked your profile, you seem interesting, and I'd love to chat. -MyRealName"

 

Then my followup, again, always, is a response to what they said followed by:

 

"I'd love to talk on the phone with you sometime, I find emailing gets old real quick. My number is -phone number-."

 

Anyways, it's possible that meeting people in real life would be better for you, but you need to start with erasing the self defeating attitude. Believe me when I say every situation you described isn't as dire as you make it out to be.

 

That message example you gave is about the same as the type of messages I send, unfortunately I'm not attractive.

 

It's not like I don't try it's just that I never succeed or get anywhere so it feels hopeless when for years no girl ever finds you attractive and they all reject you.

[Necris]

Or you could be actually trying to do something but that's harder than creating online profiles. I suspect that's the reason for your lack of success. This quoted post is one excuse after another.

 

I just experience failure in real-life dating, some people literally never approach girls so yeah that's not going to work, but I actually go out and try to talk to women in real life but it never goes anywhere and I'm always rejected. Been trying for years no success in any shape or form.

 

That's why I decided to try OLD but it's just as bad, the only benefit is I can approach far more women faster.

[preraph]

Never heard anyone say OLD was a wonderland. Everyone says it usually sucks. Just looking at your avatar and name, I would only suggest that you don't put anything that scary/negative on your dating profiles because that's enough to make most anyone see it and just keep going.

[Otter2569]

Jack up your profile and get opinions from women. My profile is a work in progress and I tweak it as needed. I save the different versions on my PC.

 

Also use several good pics that you feel reflect your personality...unless of course you spend your free time in the library or surfing porn LOL.

 

It doesnt hurt to have some nice replies or witty responses handy. Honestly, if I am feeling off, I will wait and reply later. Sometimes things flow and sometimes they don't.

 

The key is to stick out...in a good way.

[Easyguy14]

So I've been trying OLD thinking it will be of some use seeing as how I can't seem to meet women in real-life boy was I wrong.

 

So far since starting OLD I messaged a total of about 230 women got 10 replies, 2 of which were rejections that even resulted in a block for some reason, though one of them did say they don't date black guys, and the other 8 were "that's so sweet but no not interested" and of those they were the girls I was least attracted to.

 

As for a little about me I'm in my twenties, virgin, never had a GF, software engineer, and a nerd. I'm also black.

 

I've never been successful in the whole dating arena I try but I'm always rejected. My physical standards at least aren't high I'm just not attractive I guess.

 

Though tbh it's probably not meant for everyone to find someone.

 

Messaging over 200+ women does seem a little desperate, don't you think?

[okc85]

Show us your profile.

 

You don't have to link to your profile, but show us everything you have written on there.

 

 

I bet you have negative self-talk on there. And other red flag type stuff. You need to leave out that sort of stuff. You're a complex person, you have interests, strengths, etc. Focus on that stuff.

 

I've read so many profiles where people just lay out all their drama and flaws. Why? How is that going to attract anyone? It'll just attract the types who want to 'fix' people, and you're not a project to be fixed.

 

But I can tell by how you talk about yourself that you don't think very highly of yourself.

[Necris]

Show us your profile.

 

You don't have to link to your profile, but show us everything you have written on there.

 

 

I bet you have negative self-talk on there. And other red flag type stuff. You need to leave out that sort of stuff. You're a complex person, you have interests, strengths, etc. Focus on that stuff.

 

I've read so many profiles where people just lay out all their drama and flaws. Why? How is that going to attract anyone? It'll just attract the types who want to 'fix' people, and you're not a project to be fixed.

 

But I can tell by how you talk about yourself that you don't think very highly of yourself.

 

My about myself section I know it's terrible:

 

First off, I'm new to the [x] area and I must say the GPS unit is getting a work over by me. Cause I need to find my way. I love hiking, movies, shows, video games, eating out and relaxing. I also just played my first game of pool. Seems I need a tutor. Well, I would love to find someone to explore new areas together. I'm down to earth, honest, and have a great sense of humor. I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle to explore the [x] area and hit the mountains from time to time.

[elaine567]

Never heard anyone say OLD was a wonderland. Everyone says it usually sucks. Just looking at your avatar and name, I would only suggest that you don't put anything that scary/negative on your dating profiles because that's enough to make most anyone see it and just keep going.

 

...another creepy undead gaming character... Samael.

Necris you need to follow Otter's lead and find happy characters like Santa's elves to model yourself on, not scary undead warriors.

[normal person]

Congratulations, you have the 1,000,000th profile that says you're down to Earth, funny, and that you like hiking and food. You sound totally unique and I can't see why anyone wouldn't devour your profile with the same enthusiasm they would any best seller.

 

Apologies for the sarcasm, but do you see the point?

 

 

I love hiking, movies, shows, video games, eating out and relaxing. I also just played my first game of pool. Seems I need a tutor. Well, I would love to find someone to explore new areas together.

 

 

Do you expect women to want to go out with you because you say you like hiking? Or movies? Or whatever totally generic things that everyone else likes? The point being, you're making yourself sound like every other Average Joe out there, completely indiscernible from the rest of the crowd. You've done absolutely nothing to differentiate yourself from the horde of other men who have the same complaints about OLD. A girl isn't going to drop her panties because you say you like movies. Everyone likes movies, it's given. If you want to stand out, talk about why you like those things. Give insight to you as an individual person, not just trivial facts that anyone could write.

 

I'm down to earth, honest, and have a great sense of humor. I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle to explore the [x] area and hit the mountains from time to time.

 

Saying you have certain qualities doesn't mean anything unless you can actually display them somehow. Who would you think is funny? Someone who actually writes a joke, or someone who just says "I'm funny."

 

You have to show your qualities, not just assure people that you have them. You don't give them any indication that you're telling the truth.

 

My advice, if your sense of humor is so great, just make your profile very funny. You haven't done that. That will solve a lot of your problems. Best of luck.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Congratulations, you have the 1,000,000th profile that says you're down to Earth, funny, and that you like hiking and food. You sound totally unique and I can't see why anyone wouldn't devour your profile with the same enthusiasm they would any best seller.

 

Funny, women have the same thing in their profile (i.e.- life's too short to sweat the small stuff, work hard, play hard, etc.), chances are their dance floor/inbox and date night is full regardless.

 

Doesn't stop men from contacting them. *shrug*

 

Reason that I say this is because I used to keep a close eye out on specifics of a dating profile, buzzwords that ring through to me when it comes to similar beliefs, activities, etc. Esp. if it's an appreciation for family.

 

Also, having same common interests is helpful. Gives you something to break the ice with and you can delve into the specifics that you would probably you both share.

 

That way, you can gauge whether or not they are genuine about their hobby or not.

 

I used to get a kick out of women who say they like to kayak and hike, but cannot even give the name of the river they paddled or name a single local park that they hiked. LOL THOSE are the boring/dull ones. ;-)

[Tayla]

Necris, I liked your opening line involving the gps! Good humor!

 

Its rather uncomfortable to write out descriptions... almost seems like we are going up for self promoting.

 

I recall an episode of the Simpsons- Marge wanted to be a realtor. She was viewing the captions of houses... One said, seller hot to sell! Marge said: The house is on fire! the other caption was : Lovely views! , Marge said: Its getting ready to fall off a cliff!

 

Point being, we can spin things to fit the cause,but the reality is... How close to the facts is it? Fact: I'm female, opinion: I am reserved.

[Toodaloo]

Can I make a suggestion?

 

Enroll in dance lessons or a yoga class. Yes I am serious.

 

Also what are you writing in you opening message? It really is critical.

[Otter2569]

Another thought, as you see profiles that really jump off the page and make you smile why not save them and see what it is that makes it so appealing. I am not saying to copy them for yourself but look at the content, the phraseology, the humor and style that made it unique.

 

You want to be undead and unboring.

[mike_89]

Can I make a suggestion?

 

Enroll in dance lessons or a yoga class. Yes I am serious.

I think this is great advice. If you join a yoga class it's probably very obvious why you're there but dancing lessons are awesome. As a man you should know how to dance IMO, it gives you a kind of charm and you just need to be able to lead a woman. Ballroom and Latin American are a lot of fun.

 

Also, if you are not very attractive, go and hit the gym a couple of times a week (and be sure to get a personal trainer or someone who knows the ins and outs of decent training so that you won't hurt yourself with improper technique). Losing fat and gaining muscle really is HUGE. If you don't have time for this you should make time for this. Working out boosts your self confidence and just makes you feel a lot better while also improving your looks. Try to convince one of your friends to go with you and it'll be easier to stay motivated and keep on your schedule!

[angel.eyes]

Okay. So you're open to all races. That's good, as you aren't limiting yourself.

 

My about myself section I know it's terrible:

 

First off, I'm new to the [x] area and I must say the GPS unit is getting a work over by me. Cause I need to find my way. I love hiking, movies, shows, video games, eating out and relaxing. I also just played my first game of pool. Seems I need a tutor. Well, I would love to find someone to explore new areas together. I'm down to earth, honest, and have a great sense of humor. I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle to explore the [x] area and hit the mountains from time to time.

 

Actually, this is a really great start! It's light and conversational in tone. The section is about the right amount in length. Enough to highlight key interests, but not so long that the reader's eyes glaze over. I smiled at your comments about your GPS and your need for a tutor to play pool. You're humorous! And you gave me a couple of opening topics if I were responding to you.

 

What I would do is add some details. The more you do, the more likely you are to have some people connect emotionally with you.

 

So for example:

• What trails or spot did you just discover and enjoy? Or what have been some of your favorite hiking places so far?
  
• What are a couple of your favorite movies?
  
• What shows? (I'm not even sure if you mean plays, musicals, TV shows, concerts, or something else entirely.)
  
• What was the name of the place where you played pool?
  

Ten or twelve descriptive words can take you from analog black and white to HD Technicolor.

 

The other thing I would do is add a sentence or two about what traits you seek in a potential date, unless there's another section specifically for that.

 

Finally, how are your pictures, especially your main profile photo? Are you smiling, friendly-looking, and seemingly approachable and open in your photos? Any of you hiking or eating out with your friends, since those are activities you mention? Have a female friend in your target age range help you choose among your photos.

 

I understand why you're down on yourself and so negative. It's hard when you keep trying and aren't getting what you want. But chin up! You're doing a lot of things right, and you have a lot going for you. You haven't given up. You're trying. You're looking for different ways to meet people. Believe that you are meant to meet and date someone. It sounds hokey, but what we believe including all your negative self-talk (I'm not good-looking, no one will ever like me, she'll think I'm creepy if I start a conversation, etc.), impacts your reality and what ultimately happens.

Edited March 13, 2016 by angel.eyes

[angel.eyes]

...another creepy undead gaming character... Samael.

Necris you need to follow Otter's lead and find happy characters like Santa's elves to model yourself on, not scary undead warriors.

 

This is progress. His previous avatars were a lot worse. I had a hard time even looking at them. While no one looking to date, should have this as an avatar (or a username that suggests necrosis and rotting flesh), trust me, this avatar is much much better than its predecessors.

[Necris]

Congratulations, you have the 1,000,000th profile that says you're down to Earth, funny, and that you like hiking and food. You sound totally unique and I can't see why anyone wouldn't devour your profile with the same enthusiasm they would any best seller.

 

Apologies for the sarcasm, but do you see the point?

 

 

 

 

 

Do you expect women to want to go out with you because you say you like hiking? Or movies? Or whatever totally generic things that everyone else likes? The point being, you're making yourself sound like every other Average Joe out there, completely indiscernible from the rest of the crowd. You've done absolutely nothing to differentiate yourself from the horde of other men who have the same complaints about OLD. A girl isn't going to drop her panties because you say you like movies. Everyone likes movies, it's given. If you want to stand out, talk about why you like those things. Give insight to you as an individual person, not just trivial facts that anyone could write.

 

 

 

Saying you have certain qualities doesn't mean anything unless you can actually display them somehow. Who would you think is funny? Someone who actually writes a joke, or someone who just says "I'm funny."

 

You have to show your qualities, not just assure people that you have them. You don't give them any indication that you're telling the truth.

 

My advice, if your sense of humor is so great, just make your profile very funny. You haven't done that. That will solve a lot of your problems. Best of luck.

 

Well I could tell them about some of my passions.

 

I could write about how I prefer object oriented languages and my love for C++ vs Java and how I like using SQL Server but don't really care too much for DB2.

 

Or I can say how I created a few simple mods for some video games I like playing and talk about how I like playing RPG, FPS, and strategy games. Then tell them about my D&D experience and how I'm working on a worldbuilding project but tbh not really getting far.

 

But tbh alot of my interests just aren't interesting at all to the majority of women, most people in general don't really like "nerdy things".

[Necris]

This is progress. His previous avatars were a lot worse. I had a hard time even looking at them. While no one looking to date, should have this as an avatar (or a username that suggests necrosis and rotting flesh), trust me, this avatar is much much better than its predecessors.

 

Oh come on The Lich wasn't that bad of an avatar he's a cartoon character from Adventure Time a kid's show that comes on Cartoon Network.

[William]

Folks, I did a quick review for location and noticed some solicitations for the thread starter to post their dating profile or a link to it, which is considered personally identifiable information and disallowed here, so don't ask and don't post dating profiles please.

 

Also, since this appears to better align with our ISO forum, I'll move it and the discussion can continue there. Thanks!

[angel.eyes]

See how much detail you put in when talking about your passions? That's what's missing in your profile. Add a little detail. Personally, I think you made the right choice by focusing on your interests that appeal to a broader range of women. Just add a little detail...

 

Have you looked at Meetups in your area?

[katiegrl]

Well I could tell them about some of my passions.

 

I could write about how I prefer object oriented languages and my love for C++ vs Java and how I like using SQL Server but don't really care too much for DB2.

 

Or I can say how I created a few simple mods for some video games I like playing and talk about how I like playing RPG, FPS, and strategy games. Then tell them about my D&D experience and how I'm working on a worldbuilding project but tbh not really getting far.

 

But tbh alot of my interests just aren't interesting at all to the majority of women, most people in general don't really like "nerdy things".

 

A few of us asked you this already, but what does your initial message say?

 

Please read my first post about this re giving women compliments.

 

Do you do this?

 

The fact a few women responded back saying "thank you for the compliment, but not interested" would indicate that you do.

 

The initial message is super important...what do you say?

 

"Hi, you're pretty"....

 

What?