Messaged 230 women so far, dating life still barren wasteland

[angel.eyes]

Oh come on The Lich wasn't that bad of an avatar he's a cartoon character from Adventure Time a kid's show that comes on Cartoon Network.

 

Ah, it had a name! Sorry, but that avatar was the stuff of nightmares, not attracting women.

 

deviantart.net/the_lich

 

Who was the target audience for that show? Was it the women you're looking to date? Does it give anyone the warm fuzzies?

[angel.eyes]

Why are you so fascinated with the undead anyway?

[zenguy]

That message example you gave is about the same as the type of messages I send, unfortunately I'm not attractive.

 

It's not like I don't try it's just that I never succeed or get anywhere so it feels hopeless when for years no girl ever finds you attractive and they all reject you.

 

Gotcha, well perhaps some better camera angles, and backgrounds are in order. Unfortunately most women get a lot of messages, it's never just yours, so you do have to stand out. I know when I first tried OLD my pictures were terrible, I don't remember getting those messages that people "thumbed me up" or whatever before, but I was still able to get responses when I messaged people. Now I dipped my toe again after 3 years of being in a relationship, with much better pictures, a couple from European vacations I took with my last girlfriend, and it's now a constant thumb upping.

 

I understand, you try, but given your username and profile picture it speaks to a person that is a little angry, I understand that it may be as a result of a lot of rejection, but it may be coming across both in how you look in pictures and in the way you write your profile, and messages.

 

I'll let some other people give you profile suggestions as it seems people are already doing that for you, but just keep trying different things(definitely don't just redo what didn't work before), I'm confident in saying that your persistence will pay off.

[normal person]

Funny, women have the same thing in their profile (i.e.- life's too short to sweat the small stuff, work hard, play hard, etc.), chances are their dance floor/inbox and date night is full regardless.

 

Doesn't stop men from contacting them. *shrug*

 

Some women can write that they're serial killers and men will still contact them. A lot of men just don't care what a woman writes, hence the disparity. Her value is in her beauty or in some cases, the mere fact that she's got a vagina. Women don't value men the same way. I think you're the poster who denounced a previous post of mine about leverage and the social model of asking people out versus being asked out. Well, here it is in another example (hopefully you'll bother to read it this time).

 

If you have something someone else wants (in this case, it's yourself, your body, your beauty, your time, etc), then you have leverage over that person and they have to play by your rules. So if you write something incredibly boring or incendiary, and the person still wants your attention anyways, then it's very clear that it doesn't matter what that person writes. You're right -- a lot of times, it doesn't stop men from contacting women. That's why women can get away with it. However, many many many times it will stop women from contacting men, and that's the situation we're dealing with here. Most women have a multitude of options, however a lot of those options aren't up to snuff. Men are typically the pursuers until a guy can get them to pursue. If you want her more than she wants you, then she's got the leverage and you're the one who has to impress and meet standards, not her to yours.

 

Well I could tell them about some of my passions.

 

I could write about how I prefer object oriented languages and my love for C++ vs Java and how I like using SQL Server but don't really care too much for DB2.

 

Or I can say how I created a few simple mods for some video games I like playing and talk about how I like playing RPG, FPS, and strategy games. Then tell them about my D&D experience and how I'm working on a worldbuilding project but tbh not really getting far.

 

But tbh alot of my interests just aren't interesting at all to the majority of women, most people in general don't really like "nerdy things".

 

I do think you're right that your interests just aren't appealing to the majority of women. However, sadly, that's the price you have to pay for dedicating your time to these things and not things that women find attractive or agreeable. Instead of playing games, you could've been in the gym, learning a new skill, getting an advanced degree, working on your business, or improving yourself or life in a way that'd be more attractive. You chose to do other things with your time, and now you've got to live with the dividends, or lack thereof, of the things you invested in. Who wouldn't want to sit around eating, watching movies, and doing things they love all day? It sounds great, but personally, I'd rather have a woman's attention, so I spent my time working to do things that'd appeal to them. I had to put off hobbies and other things I enjoyed to do so. You chose to indulge yourself and put off things that'd make you more appealing. You spent your time having fun, I spent my time toiling for the life and things I wanted to have. You made your bed, you've got to lie in it now.

 

My advice for you is to try and find the appealing aspects of the things you like and try to reach a broader scale with it all. Don't focus on the "nerdiness" of it, highlight the creative or constructive things about it. What do you create with it? What does it do for you? Why do you like it so much? Enthusiasm is usually attractive. Computer programming can look great in the right light. Do you make good money off of it, at least? There's a foot in the door.

[Necris]

Another thought, as you see profiles that really jump off the page and make you smile why not save them and see what it is that makes it so appealing. I am not saying to copy them for yourself but look at the content, the phraseology, the humor and style that made it unique.

 

You want to be undead and unboring.

 

Not sure what you mean by this.

 

Are you talking about looking at other guy's profiles or are you talking about the girl's profiles I looked at and what makes them truly interesting?

 

If the latter most girls don't really have good profiles hell some of them don't put anything in their description just things like "message me and find out". Or if they do take time to write up a description quite a few have a description basically detailing what they want from a man but not much at all about themselves and the few that do describe themselves keep it very simple and generic.

 

I basically just choose girls based on do we have at least one common interest or characteristic or if she's not super unattractive like looking like a dude in drag, obese (some fat is okay but when you abandon yourself to food that's not okay), looking like you belong in a "people of walmart compilation" etc.

 

And I choose girls that don't already have children.

[preraph]

When you make first contact, what are you saying?

[Necris]

I do think you're right that your interests just aren't appealing to the majority of women. However, sadly, that's the price you have to pay for dedicating your time to these things and not things that women find attractive or agreeable. Instead of playing games, you could've been in the gym, learning a new skill, getting an advanced degree, working on your business, or improving yourself or life in a way that'd be more attractive. You chose to do other things with your time, and now you've got to live with the dividends, or lack thereof, of the things you invested in. Who wouldn't want to sit around eating, watching movies, and doing things they love all day? It sounds great, but personally, I'd rather have a woman's attention, so I spent my time working to do things that'd appeal to them. I had to put off hobbies and other things I enjoyed to do so. You chose to indulge yourself and put off things that'd make you more appealing. You spent your time having fun, I spent my time toiling for the life and things I wanted to have. You made your bed, you've got to lie in it now.

 

My advice for you is to try and find the appealing aspects of the things you like and try to reach a broader scale with it all. Don't focus on the "nerdiness" of it, highlight the creative or constructive things about it. What do you create with it? What does it do for you? Why do you like it so much? Enthusiasm is usually attractive. Computer programming can look great in the right light. Do you make good money off of it, at least? There's a foot in the door.

 

You act like I wasted my time.

 

Being smart and learning programming, engineering and mathematics and getting my degree and job in software engineering does actually pay the bills. I got a nice car, live in a nice neighborhood, great credit, don't have to scrape and worry about paying bills, and when I got free time I can play video games and such.

 

But from your post it seems the things you do that are attractive to women aren't things you really like doing just something you chose to do so women will see you in a more positive light but is that what you really want?

 

Let's take two guys, guy A likes yoga, painting, playing guitar, cooking, dancing, winetasting etc. He is truly passionate about these things and likes to take classes on these subjects and attend events to learn more about these things meet likeminded people. While guy B actually has no true interest in any of these things but spends his time and life trying to learn for the sole purpose of hoping to find hot girls.

 

Guy A is going to have fun and it's not dependent on if he finds a girl through these activities in fact he really doesn't care.

 

Guy B is probably going to feel miserable as the girls may sense his desperation and none of them want to be with him so he ends up going home feeling like he's a loser and wasting his time.

[Necris]

When you make first contact, what are you saying?

 

Depends on the girl every message is different.

 

But basically I compliment her/acknowledge a similar interest on something on her profile and then I ask her how is she doing and tell her I'd love to chat.

[Necris]

Ah, it had a name! Sorry, but that avatar was the stuff of nightmares, not attracting women.

 

deviantart.net/the_lich

 

Who was the target audience for that show? Was it the women you're looking to date? Does it give anyone the warm fuzzies?

 

But...I'm not trying to attract women on loveshack....

 

As for why the undead it fits the name, which is something I randomly chose based off a game I liked. But also I like the idea of cheating death, I don't like the zombie thing but creatures like Liches who retain their mind and get to live on forever.

 

I could also have a picture of the cross for my avatar as I am Christian just though the undead fit the name better.

[Kehv]

I believe online dating is not the best way to meet women, at least not for everyone. Sure it will be easier for good looking guys but for all the average guys out there it's hard since you've got to come up with the right words to say, which is harder through text in my opinion.

 

Like others have said, every decent girl, let alone the hot ones, got hundreds of guys messaging them.

[spriggan2]

I am a (former) World of Warcraft nerd, economics major working in healthcare administration. I love old classical piano and reading weird as hell Lovecraftian (nihilistic) fiction. No way in hell am I going to bore/scare/creep girls out with this raw information. There is a small subset of women who might find your unadulterated nerdy stuff interesting, but to even get to them you're going to have to attract many who don't. So you have to broaden and sell yourself a bit. It's a numbers game.

 

First you need to make your interests palatable. You like programming? Talk about how you can write code to give a girl more Instagram followers than Kim Kardashian. <- I realize that example doesn't make sense, but hopefully you get my point. Something a girl can relate to and it's either appealing or funny and shows you are self aware of your nerdiness.

 

Secondly, you need to temper your nerd interests with shared interests...something a girl can look at and go "oh we have that in common." Something social preferably. In my profile I talk about my interest in trying some of the brand new restaurants downtown that my city has. So many girls have "foodie" in their bios so I figure they'll be into that. There has to be something you have in common which you can mention creatively, or with nuance.

 

Also you can talk about your personality rather than interests. You seem very pessimistic. That can work for you if you know how to use it. Off the top of my head..."I'm not a glass half empty kind of dude. If Trump's president a half glass won't be enough." Just some BS. It's more about your energy and playful vibe really.

 

However all that is almost useless. You need some flattering pictures before anyone will even bother with the bio. I'm a black male too btw. In my profile I have a picture where I'm wearing a tie, just to go against the stereotype that black males are uneducated thugs. You also need a picture with friends, you need to look busy and well connected and fun and friendly. The pic is more important than the bio so make sure you have it down. Also if you don't have a fashion sense and aren't well groomed, get that sorted pronto. Looking dapper and clean and stylish is sexy. It can make up for what you lack in the looks/height department.

 

Bottom line is you have to play the game, but you don't have to let it get to you. Figure out what works and accommodate that. Stubbornness when something isn't working is not going to fix your problem, so you might as well change or quit.

 

Swipe EVERYONE right if you're on Tinder. Accept your meager assortment of matches, get dates, figure out what works on dates, be casual about it, be optimistic about it. Go out to clubs and bars to supplement your online dating experience. This takes your mind off using one method exclusively to meet women. You don't go out for one night stands, you don't go out to get a GF right away, you do this to have fun and meet people.

 

I spent a night in a club once and found no one to talk to, when the club shut down I went to this pizza joint and waited in line next to a random girl. The drunk stranger behind me asked if we were together, I said yes, the girl thought that was hilarious and invited me to sit with her and we talked for an hour and she gave me her number. Another club night when I was leaving I randomly fell in stride with a girl who's an aspiring streaming consciousness writer who reads fantasy. I felt our conversation was worth the night. Another night I danced/grinded with a lawyer from DC who plays violin and reads historical fiction. The girl I'm seeing now from Tinder is a biology PhD who sings in a choir and has an affinity for video games because her brother is going to school for game development. There are definitely interesting women out in the club scene these days. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Nerds are taking over, but many are still closeted.

 

Persistence, patience, learning, open-mindedness, optimism, low stress, amusement. If you actually want things to work for you rather than complain about them not working, be smart and realistic and figure it out. It's not perfect but it's better than nothing. You seem like an intelligent guy, crack the code!

 

And for heaven's sake keep the undead crap out of sight until maybe the fifth date.

Edited March 14, 2016 by spriggan2

[hasaquestion]

Well I could tell them about some of my passions.

 

I could write about how I prefer object oriented languages and my love for C++ vs Java and how I like using SQL Server but don't really care too much for DB2.

 

Or I can say how I created a few simple mods for some video games I like playing and talk about how I like playing RPG, FPS, and strategy games. Then tell them about my D&D experience and how I'm working on a worldbuilding project but tbh not really getting far.

 

But tbh alot of my interests just aren't interesting at all to the majority of women, most people in general don't really like "nerdy things".

 

I hear the last sentence a lot, and I find it silly.

 

I'm not going to score any points with girls talking about the last book I read about data science. But if I describe the models I make on my down time and what I use them for, people are def impressed.

 

Is it going to make anyone want to to jump your pants? Obviously not - but no particular interest does that.

 

At the end of the day, people respect value. If you're applying 'nerdy interests' in a constructive way, its going to get you noticed. Won't get you laid - there's no substitute for looking attractive, confident, and charming - but it will be a plus.

 

But that's not just limited to "nerdy" interests - all interests are like that. Girls like it if you play sports not if you watch them, if you cook great not if you eat a lot, if you make music not if you listen to it.

 

At the end of the day, "nerdy" interests aren't any different from any other interests. If you actively pursue an interest in a way that creates value or makes you socially valuable and stand out in the crowd, it'll "score you points with girls.

 

Now some interests have less potential to give you social value (gaming in particular). But that's not BECAUSE its nerdy, that's because gaming leaves practically no room to create value.

[normal person]

You act like I wasted my time.

 

Being smart and learning programming, engineering and mathematics and getting my degree and job in software engineering does actually pay the bills. I got a nice car, live in a nice neighborhood, great credit, don't have to scrape and worry about paying bills, and when I got free time I can play video games and such.

 

But from your post it seems the things you do that are attractive to women aren't things you really like doing just something you chose to do so women will see you in a more positive light but is that what you really want?

 

If you have a marketable skill that pays the bills well, fair enough, you have definitely not wasted your time. Yes, I do put off things I like for things I like more. I love playing guitar, going out drinking, reading, watching sports, etc. I haven't done much of any of that recently because I'd rather work and make a lot of money, I can do the rest later. Money will benefit me more now than sitting on my couch will. I don't like working out, but I do it anyways because it's better than the alternative.

 

 

Let's take two guys, guy A likes yoga, painting, playing guitar, cooking, dancing, winetasting etc. He is truly passionate about these things and likes to take classes on these subjects and attend events to learn more about these things meet likeminded people. While guy B actually has no true interest in any of these things but spends his time and life trying to learn for the sole purpose of hoping to find hot girls.

 

Guy A is going to have fun and it's not dependent on if he finds a girl through these activities in fact he really doesn't care.

 

Guy B is probably going to feel miserable as the girls may sense his desperation and none of them want to be with him so he ends up going home feeling like he's a loser and wasting his time.

 

While I understand what you're saying, you're not really describing either me or you in this scenario. We need some more specificity. Unlike you, guy A's interests are pretty mass-appeal. They're fun, socially engaging activities, your interests don't really follow suit. While I do like things in that realm, I'd rather pass for now, work my butt off and enjoy that stuff twice as much later on. And if you had these sorts of interests, I think things would be easier for you.

 

As for guy B, I didn't say anything about desperation. I don't think it's a waste of time to do things in pursuit of a goal. Often the goal isn't "to get hot girls," it's to get the most out of life in general. The things I see guy B doing are, working to be the best person he can be, optimizing all his time for maximum efficiency, not wasting opportunities to better himself like spending a weekend playing board games or watching movies. This is a guy with ambition, drive, work ethic, not the time-wasting loser you described. Every aspect of Guy B's life will benefit.

[Mccoy321]

OP, I'm sure most of the advice given is well intentioned. However, the simple truth is, what you write on your profile/in an opening message makes zero difference in OLD. If you're good looking you will do well. If you're not, you won't.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with your profile as you relayed some of the text earlier. With photos of an attractive man atop, that would have been a ticket to an inbox flooded with messages.

 

 

Don't waste your time tweaking and changing and amending everything you say. It will make no difference. If you write a lot, all the advice will be to shorten it. If you don't write so much, you will be advised to lengthen it. You will find you are providing too little detail, you'll change it, then you'll be told you're providing too much. You'll turn yourself inside out, but you will still look the same. You will still be ignored.

 

 

Forget online dating, the guys who tell you they're successful will nearly always leave out one detail, they themselves ARE good looking. They will deny it, because they want to believe that it's their masterful profile construction and charm behind their success. It isn't. Go out there and meet people. Find people in meet up groups who share the same interests, at conventions of your favourite TV shows and movies. Please forget OLD, you will drive yourself crazy trying to work out why all the 'great profile advice' has had no effect.

[candie13]

didn't bother reading any posts on this thread except for the first one.

 

OP, here's my 2 cents:

 

- to get to women's heart, PERSONALIZE. Sending standard "hi" messages to 200 women won't secure a decent response rate. Try asking questions about their pic, jokes about their specific profile content and under no circumstances, do NOT ask them them out during that message

 

- I'm 35 and ok looking. I'm getting a lot of messages on OLD. Lots of nice men, sweet men and lots of creeps disguised as the first 2. I must have been on at least 100 of first unsuccessful dates. It's damn damn hard

 

- personally, i've stopped doing OLD, it's not my thing. I'm still keeping an eye on it for a short while, but I go out with friends. Really nice and cool. Meeting people through my friends, having face to face conversation, testing the vibe... It's how it should be.

 

OLD could be ok, but for other stuff. Sex, thrills, ego boosting. Not finding a gf and certainly not finding love. That's just my personal take on it.

 

cheers, chin up and go out. Mingle !

 

lots of luck

[LookAtThisPOst]

You act like I wasted my time.

 

Being smart and learning programming, engineering and mathematics and getting my degree and job in software engineering does actually pay the bills. I got a nice car, live in a nice neighborhood, great credit, don't have to scrape and worry about paying bills, and when I got free time I can play video games and such.

 

But from your post it seems the things you do that are attractive to women aren't things you really like doing just something you chose to do so women will see you in a more positive light but is that what you really want?

 

Let's take two guys, guy A likes yoga, painting, playing guitar, cooking, dancing, winetasting etc. He is truly passionate about these things and likes to take classes on these subjects and attend events to learn more about these things meet likeminded people. While guy B actually has no true interest in any of these things but spends his time and life trying to learn for the sole purpose of hoping to find hot girls.

 

Guy A is going to have fun and it's not dependent on if he finds a girl through these activities in fact he really doesn't care.

 

Guy B is probably going to feel miserable as the girls may sense his desperation and none of them want to be with him so he ends up going home feeling like he's a loser and wasting his time.

 

 

Thing is...regardless of what normal guy says, there are tons of women out there that are into this kind of thing.

 

Just go to the geek cons, sci-fi conventions, and the like. I knew of two World of War craft gamers that hooked up and got married.

 

Regardless of what people think here on LS, there are TONS of women into this kind of thing.

 

I actually had some some volunteer work at a local con and got to know people, got home and reconnected with them on Facebook later.

[zenguy]

I like geeky things, but not to an obsession level, there's nothing wrong with liking that stuff but there's no reason why you then have to make it your identity. Like if you don't go to cons, no need to go further down that rabbit hole in some weird chase for someone that has your exact personality. Every guy these days is at least a little bit geeky, I'd say most girls are used to it and will be ok with it.

 

I'm someone that definitely doesn't have a lot of strong interests. But I at least know things that I have a vague interest in that people might find interesting. I don't agree with the idea that you have to jump through an extra set of hoops to find someone, it's really just a case of building your confidence, maybe join more social groups, try to get some friends that are positive forces in your life. It sounds like you might be well off, don't be afraid to point that out out of a fear of attracting a gold digger. Women are attracted to success, they can't help it. I don't necessarily recommend trying to be funny if it doesn't come naturally, but at the least you should have a really positive outlook that makes people want to be near you to feed off your positivity. "Be Yourself" isn't the proper advice, what people should be saying is "Be Comfortable in your own skin".

Edited March 14, 2016 by zenguy

[Kehv]

Finding a woman that likes the same guy things is a very hard thing to do.

 

Think about it, how many men like to go shopping? It's the same for women.

Personally, I like gaming and football but I also like feminine women, sometimes you just can't have it all.

 

Ofcourse you can go on your endless journey of finding a hot girl, who is into gaming and football but also likes feminine stuff and all the other traits you want in a girl, if you can find that person then I congratulate you but for most men that will never happen.

[pteromom]

The people saying they don't like your creepy stuff aren't the ones for you. You are you.

 

If you want a woman who is enthusiastic about horror movies and creepy stuff or whatever you are into, you SHOULD mention it.

 

Will it turn off a lot of women? Yeah. It will.

 

But the ones who message you back will be women on your wavelength. Women who you will have a much happier relationship with. You won't end up with a woman who is scared to see a great movie that you are excited to see.

 

(Unless you are looking to just date and get laid, in which case, yes, you want to appeal to the masses.)

 

What I agree with are the commenters who have said that you need to be more specific. What movies do you like? Where do you like to go hiking? Give women something to talk about if they message you back. Give more of an idea of who you are and what makes you tick.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with being nerdy. I was always attracted to the nerdy guys. You just have to let people see who you are, in a few paragraphs - which can be really hard.

 

The other thing is that the profile pic is SO important. I remember online dating, and though it has changed since I was involved in it, I know that the photo is still the first impression. If someone doesn't get past the photo, it doesn't matter what you write. It needs to be clear and good quality. It needs to show your eyes and smile. It needs to look warm and approachable. You need to look "safe" (as in - this guy isn't going to kidnap me and hide my body on a date.)

 

You are getting there. Just keep tweaking the profile and I know you will get some responses.

[Pillow]

Where are you in the world? Are you American? What area? If you're in the middle of the wilderness or the Bible Belt , you're not gonna have a lot of luck with your specific interests.

 

There definitely are geeky/nerdy women in the world.

Edited March 14, 2016 by Pillow

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, what I write to them isn't boring in fact, I think you may have overlooked what I've written earlier in the fact that point out particulars of a person's hobbies in regards to, for example...hiking/kayaking.

 

I ask them what is their favorite parks they like to go to or rivers they like to paddle. What brand of outdoor equipment they like using.

 

Someone mentioned something really off the wall, "That's a security risk" and I was like "What?! lol"

 

If anything, the women that did respond were unengaging boring louts themselves, so I had to move on.

 

I came close, set a date, then they "ghosted"...so at least I got as far as getting a woman to ghost on me.

 

Some women can write that they're serial killers and men will still contact them. A lot of men just don't care what a woman writes, hence the disparity. Her value is in her beauty or in some cases, the mere fact that she's got a vagina. Women don't value men the same way. I think you're the poster who denounced a previous post of mine about leverage and the social model of asking people out versus being asked out. Well, here it is in another example (hopefully you'll bother to read it this time).

 

If you have something someone else wants (in this case, it's yourself, your body, your beauty, your time, etc), then you have leverage over that person and they have to play by your rules. So if you write something incredibly boring or incendiary, and the person still wants your attention anyways, then it's very clear that it doesn't matter what that person writes. You're right -- a lot of times, it doesn't stop men from contacting women. That's why women can get away with it. However, many many many times it will stop women from contacting men, and that's the situation we're dealing with here. Most women have a multitude of options, however a lot of those options aren't up to snuff. Men are typically the pursuers until a guy can get them to pursue. If you want her more than she wants you, then she's got the leverage and you're the one who has to impress and meet standards, not her to yours.

 

 

 

I do think you're right that your interests just aren't appealing to the majority of women. However, sadly, that's the price you have to pay for dedicating your time to these things and not things that women find attractive or agreeable. Instead of playing games, you could've been in the gym, learning a new skill, getting an advanced degree, working on your business, or improving yourself or life in a way that'd be more attractive. You chose to do other things with your time, and now you've got to live with the dividends, or lack thereof, of the things you invested in. Who wouldn't want to sit around eating, watching movies, and doing things they love all day? It sounds great, but personally, I'd rather have a woman's attention, so I spent my time working to do things that'd appeal to them. I had to put off hobbies and other things I enjoyed to do so. You chose to indulge yourself and put off things that'd make you more appealing. You spent your time having fun, I spent my time toiling for the life and things I wanted to have. You made your bed, you've got to lie in it now.

 

My advice for you is to try and find the appealing aspects of the things you like and try to reach a broader scale with it all. Don't focus on the "nerdiness" of it, highlight the creative or constructive things about it. What do you create with it? What does it do for you? Why do you like it so much? Enthusiasm is usually attractive. Computer programming can look great in the right light. Do you make good money off of it, at least? There's a foot in the door.

[normal person]

Thing is...regardless of what normal guy says, there are tons of women out there that are into this kind of thing.

 

Just go to the geek cons, sci-fi conventions, and the like. I knew of two World of War craft gamers that hooked up and got married.

 

Regardless of what people think here on LS, there are TONS of women into this kind of thing.

 

I actually had some some volunteer work at a local con and got to know people, got home and reconnected with them on Facebook later.

 

"Tons" in aggregate numbers perhaps, but these people still represent relatively small portions of the dating pool in comparison to people who don't. OP's lack of success could be evidence of that. The numbers just aren't favorable. Normally when people come on here looking for advice, tons chime in with "be more active, join a group, hang out at the bar with your friends more, learn a new skill, go back to school, etc" a lot of options and alternatives. But one when of the self-described nerds comes on here, a common suggestion is "don't change yourself, but start going to sci-fi conventions" with not much else. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying there are options a lot better if someone is willing to broaden their horizons.

 

Some people have this attitude that they're perfectly fine "as is" and that they shouldn't have to compromise or change anything about themselves to get something they want. That's why I can't buy the "be yourself!" mantras. People seeking advice are often in the positions they're in because all they've done to this point is be themselves and act on their own judgment and decision making. Personally, I just think that's silly. No one's perfect, we can all be better, work harder, and be less self indulgent.

 

You can always highlight what's appealing about the things you like, that's great. That can be interesting and unique and appealing. But at the end of the day, you can't diverge too far from the expectations of what society says is attractive, typical, or appropriate behavior before most people start looking at you a bit differently, and not necessarily in a good way. It's the harsh truth. You can stand out, but you've got to stand in too, if that makes any sense. Just my opinion.

[Rumely]

There's some good advise in the replies here. One quick comment--If you are getting responses that say anything having to do with "sweet," you are saying the wrong thing in your initial message. Women that don't know you are not attracted to sweet.

[GravityMan]

There are A LOT of geeky and nerdy young women in the world. It's not as much of a stigma as it used to be 15+ years ago.

 

OP, I don't think OLD or IRL has anything to do with your problem. There's something about you that's giving women bad vibes. Something in the way you approach, or the way you communicate, or the way you present yourself or carry yourself. Whatever it is may be subconscious or involuntary, but nevertheless it's coming across both online and in-person. It could be your negativity and poor self-esteem. Everyone gives off little "tells" that they may or may not realize themselves...yet others pick up on them rather quickly.

 

I would also look to broaden your horizons. Perhaps take up an active interest in some more "mainstream" stuff that intrigues you. Keep up a little more with what's going on in the world...preferably the more lighthearted/fun/entertaining stuff, not serious issues that may be incendiary. However, you can't force yourself to be interested in something. Genuine interest comes naturally and what interests (or bores) you is intertwined with how you're wired. Don't pursue anything that you know you don't like (even if that thing is popular among women), because you'll just come off as a poser or a try-hard.

 

Where you live also matters, OP. You might fare better in an urban tech area than in a place like Montana or South Carolina. But if you're struggling this much, it's much more likely due to YOU than where you live. Even a tech nerd should have at least a little success in say Oklahoma.

 

Men that are happy with who they are, that respect themselves, lead interesting lives, and put themselves out there (i.e. initiative) tend to attract women without much difficulty. Even if they're introverts, or into things like video games or Star Wars. (Looking presentable and having a decent sense of humor helps too, of course.) Trying too hard or not trying hard enough can really hurt how attractive they are to women.

 

I think most men who easily attract women in real life would also probably do well on a dating site, provided they are at least average-looking, know how to "sell" themselves well (but still genuine), and have a basic idea of how to casually communicate in a digital format.

[Necris]

I am a (former) World of Warcraft nerd, economics major working in healthcare administration. I love old classical piano and reading weird as hell Lovecraftian (nihilistic) fiction. No way in hell am I going to bore/scare/creep girls out with this raw information. There is a small subset of women who might find your unadulterated nerdy stuff interesting, but to even get to them you're going to have to attract many who don't. So you have to broaden and sell yourself a bit. It's a numbers game.

 

First you need to make your interests palatable. You like programming? Talk about how you can write code to give a girl more Instagram followers than Kim Kardashian. <- I realize that example doesn't make sense, but hopefully you get my point. Something a girl can relate to and it's either appealing or funny and shows you are self aware of your nerdiness.

 

Secondly, you need to temper your nerd interests with shared interests...something a girl can look at and go "oh we have that in common." Something social preferably. In my profile I talk about my interest in trying some of the brand new restaurants downtown that my city has. So many girls have "foodie" in their bios so I figure they'll be into that. There has to be something you have in common which you can mention creatively, or with nuance.

 

Also you can talk about your personality rather than interests. You seem very pessimistic. That can work for you if you know how to use it. Off the top of my head..."I'm not a glass half empty kind of dude. If Trump's president a half glass won't be enough." Just some BS. It's more about your energy and playful vibe really.

 

On my actual profile I'm positive and I don't speak about my nerdy interests accept mentioning that I do like them but I don't go into depth describing them. Instead I talk about things more people will find in common like hiking, watching a good movie, exploring new places, etc.

 

However all that is almost useless. You need some flattering pictures before anyone will even bother with the bio. I'm a black male too btw. In my profile I have a picture where I'm wearing a tie, just to go against the stereotype that black males are uneducated thugs. You also need a picture with friends, you need to look busy and well connected and fun and friendly. The pic is more important than the bio so make sure you have it down. Also if you don't have a fashion sense and aren't well groomed, get that sorted pronto. Looking dapper and clean and stylish is sexy. It can make up for what you lack in the looks/height department.

 

Bottom line is you have to play the game, but you don't have to let it get to you. Figure out what works and accommodate that. Stubbornness when something isn't working is not going to fix your problem, so you might as well change or quit.

 

I agree with the above. I'm probably mix of being not very attractive, not good at taking pictures, and have no fashion sense (I don't really understand fashion except for the obvious). So people will reject me in person and online regardless.

 

I am however working out at a gym hopefully this may help.

 

 

Swipe EVERYONE right if you're on Tinder. Accept your meager assortment of matches, get dates, figure out what works on dates, be casual about it, be optimistic about it.

 

That I do, getting dates or even just some simple conversation I don't...

 

Go out to clubs and bars to supplement your online dating experience. This takes your mind off using one method exclusively to meet women. You don't go out for one night stands, you don't go out to get a GF right away, you do this to have fun and meet people.

 

I spent a night in a club once and found no one to talk to, when the club shut down I went to this pizza joint and waited in line next to a random girl. The drunk stranger behind me asked if we were together, I said yes, the girl thought that was hilarious and invited me to sit with her and we talked for an hour and she gave me her number. Another club night when I was leaving I randomly fell in stride with a girl who's an aspiring streaming consciousness writer who reads fantasy. I felt our conversation was worth the night. Another night I danced/grinded with a lawyer from DC who plays violin and reads historical fiction. The girl I'm seeing now from Tinder is a biology PhD who sings in a choir and has an affinity for video games because her brother is going to school for game development. There are definitely interesting women out in the club scene these days. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Nerds are taking over, but many are still closeted.

 

Persistence, patience, learning, open-mindedness, optimism, low stress, amusement. If you actually want things to work for you rather than complain about them not working, be smart and realistic and figure it out. It's not perfect but it's better than nothing. You seem like an intelligent guy, crack the code!

 

 

I don't however agree with going to go to bars or clubs I quite frankly can't find the enjoyment in doing this. I've tried giving them a shot but the experience was terrible not fun at all, especially considering I don't drink.

 

Good you were able to find people at the club, but I'm definitely not a club guy, the loud music hurts my tender baby ears (very sensitive hearing), the dim lighting hurts my old man eyes, and I'm too soft spoken to be heard without yelling but not being used to yelling it sounds bad.

 

Plus like the bar people are in their cliques and it would be difficult to get in someone's clique especially if you aren't a skilled conversationalist who knows how to work people.

 

And

 

And for heaven's sake keep the undead crap out of sight until maybe the fifth date.

 

I don't adore the undead I just think the artwork is cool so I put cool pictures as my avatar.

 

I rarely even think about undead things so it's not like I'm going to girls saying I'd love it if you were a lich or something else stupid.

 

Like this picture this isn't an undead just an angel but to me it looks pretty cool.

 

https://i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/0398/75/1431305369475.jpg