The bread crumbs are getting stale

[Cloudcuckoo]

Force, I have no experience of being an OW (I am an xBS), but, one of my very good friends, a beautiful, intelligent, brilliant woman was and I was her safety net to catch her each time she was hurt or let down by the MM she was having an A with.

 

My friend, Abigail, was in this relationship for 15 years, it was fairly open amongst her friends as most believed his lies of him staying with a wife who was terminally ill and he being her carer. What you have written I have heard from her in the early days of their relationship, she would change her look, because he liked her to look a certain way, she would tone down her personality, as she was a strong woman and he liked her more submissive. I watched as he let her down time and time again. He future faked so much even I almost believed him. I kept saying to her, it's his actions not words that matter, but while she would nod and agree and say, things are going to change, he would turn the charm on (he knew what buttons to push) and she would drop anything for him.

 

As the years went by he let her down at some of the most terrible times for her, her grandson died, her father died, he was to be her plus one at her daughter's wedding and he never showed up for one. He made excuses and she believed him. He told her they would be together when he retired, what he did was to walk away, he just dropped her with no contact, I had to do some digging to see if he was alive as she was turning herself inside out in worry.

 

I saw him and his supposedly sick wife one day when I went into town, they were giggling, holding hands and when he saw me he tried steering her out of my sight. I 'bumped' into them, he had to introduce me and I asked if she was feeling well, she looked at me as if I had lost the plot. it was obvious from what she said there was no terminal illness, they had just booked the cruise he had promised my lovely friend.

 

The result of all this is that my beautiful friend killed herself, he couldn't even be bothered to turn up for her funeral. His words were, they had ended things anyway.

 

My point to this post is that please don't hang your hopes on this man, he sounds selfish and a player. Actions matter, words are easy. I see so many women loving these men, future faking is cruel, making someone do this or that is wrong. If someone loves you, they will leave their marriage to be with you, they won't want you to be hidden they should want to shout it out to the world. Few A's result in long term relationships, the few I have seen on here are where the MM has been given an ultimatum. I have read poster's who would and have given the MM the world on a stick, only to find the man (or woman) isn't who they pretend to be. I think they compartmentalise and some wouldn't recognise truth and reality if it hit them with a stick. never be someone's hidden secret. You are all worth so much more.

 

Sorry if this is inappropriate, maybe I am triggering as I was looking through some old pics tonight of me and Abi and I just thought what a damned waste of her love and her life. All for the sake of a man who wanted it all and gave nothing. Take care x

 

Seren, that's quite one of the most awful stories of what terrible things a human can do to crush another I've read here. For someone to lose their life over such a vile creature hell bent on having what he wants is the ultimate in disgust.

 

It's sickening beyond all comprehension, and I'm terribly sorry that you've lost such a treasured friend.

 

Force, this should, and probably does, make you, as it did me, sick to your stomach. That should be enough to encourage those scales to fall and to keep walking forward without looking back.

 

As others have mentioned, his agenda is simply to get his leg over with you. Don't fall for that old 'I miss you' chestnut! You've obviously come a long way in discarding that baggage, so chin up and carry on!

 

Cuckoo

[Adoraxx]

@Seren, so sad to hear about the loss of your beautiful friend Abigail; I can totally understand that she couldn't cope when she found out about the extent of the MM's lies

 

@Force, so nice to see that you're back!! I hope you had a good vacation . The email that your xMM sent you, was a typical xMM email. My own xMM could have written that one although he would have probably replaced the "I want to be inside of you again" by something like "I'm longing for you soooo much", because he thinks that his tricks usually work a little bit better when he tries to conceal them some more.

 

I know it's very difficult when you get an email like that, but if you can, do indeed focus on the words "I miss being inside of you again" because that's what it's all about for him (and my xMM too btw).

 

Last Summer I got an email from the xMM that sent me a little bit into 'aww'-mode too. He wrote: "Oh Adoraxx, there is also something like jealousy: I would be really upset if you would have found someone new online. I still think about you much and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I regret what I said to you last time because I love you so much and I'm still in love with you, only YOU. But well, I don't know if this is still going to be of help (?), but it's true". Of course I knew that it couldn't possibly be true because his actions said something totally different and after that, it was more of the same old, same old and it ended with "I am soooo crazy about my wife".

 

Or what about: "oh baby, I miss you so much and you miss me too - I know you do - so let's just continue the way it was: I just want to hold you and hug you". Of course he didn't just want to hold me and hug me, he wanted sex.

 

They will say anything if it makes us bend to what they want!! But I know you know that

 

Hugs!!

Adoraxx

p.s. I got a couple of more emails but I ignored them all.

The first one said: "Hello"

The second one said: "how are you doing now?"

The third one said: "Fine! I might see you again some time on the street then. Bye."

 

And one hour after that, he deleted all three emails and sent me a new "hello" email :/.

[sandylee1]

Force

 

Please keep on ignoring him .... if you never knew he only wanted this A for the sex .... you certainly do now.

 

I said it before. .. you are WAY TOO GOOD for him and you are worthy of more than this. ...so much more.

 

Keep reading that list of things you posted about him... especially his nonsense about trying to tell you what to do with your hands.

 

You can do this. I'm routing for you.

[Forceawakensme]

Force, I have no experience of being an OW (I am an xBS), but, one of my very good friends, a beautiful, intelligent, brilliant woman was and I was her safety net to catch her each time she was hurt or let down by the MM she was having an A with.

 

My friend, Abigail, was in this relationship for 15 years, it was fairly open amongst her friends as most believed his lies of him staying with a wife who was terminally ill and he being her carer. What you have written I have heard from her in the early days of their relationship, she would change her look, because he liked her to look a certain way, she would tone down her personality, as she was a strong woman and he liked her more submissive. I watched as he let her down time and time again. He future faked so much even I almost believed him. I kept saying to her, it's his actions not words that matter, but while she would nod and agree and say, things are going to change, he would turn the charm on (he knew what buttons to push) and she would drop anything for him.

 

As the years went by he let her down at some of the most terrible times for her, her grandson died, her father died, he was to be her plus one at her daughter's wedding and he never showed up for one. He made excuses and she believed him. He told her they would be together when he retired, what he did was to walk away, he just dropped her with no contact, I had to do some digging to see if he was alive as she was turning herself inside out in worry.

 

I saw him and his supposedly sick wife one day when I went into town, they were giggling, holding hands and when he saw me he tried steering her out of my sight. I 'bumped' into them, he had to introduce me and I asked if she was feeling well, she looked at me as if I had lost the plot. it was obvious from what she said there was no terminal illness, they had just booked the cruise he had promised my lovely friend.

 

The result of all this is that my beautiful friend killed herself, he couldn't even be bothered to turn up for her funeral. His words were, they had ended things anyway.

 

My point to this post is that please don't hang your hopes on this man, he sounds selfish and a player. Actions matter, words are easy. I see so many women loving these men, future faking is cruel, making someone do this or that is wrong. If someone loves you, they will leave their marriage to be with you, they won't want you to be hidden they should want to shout it out to the world. Few A's result in long term relationships, the few I have seen on here are where the MM has been given an ultimatum. I have read poster's who would and have given the MM the world on a stick, only to find the man (or woman) isn't who they pretend to be. I think they compartmentalise and some wouldn't recognise truth and reality if it hit them with a stick. never be someone's hidden secret. You are all worth so much more.

 

Sorry if this is inappropriate, maybe I am triggering as I was looking through some old pics tonight of me and Abi and I just thought what a damned waste of her love and her life. All for the sake of a man who wanted it all and gave nothing. Take care x

 

 

Seren, sorry i didn't get to respond personally to this before, i was rushing out the door so didn't get a chance to read it properly.. but now that i have.. wow.. Im so sorry for your loss. The saddest part is that he didn't even go to the funeral. -- This screams volumes about how much he truly respected and cared for her.

 

Thank you for sharing such a painful story, as im sure it was hard to write .. it did touch my heart.

[Forceawakensme]

@Seren, so sad to hear about the loss of your beautiful friend Abigail; I can totally understand that she couldn't cope when she found out about the extent of the MM's lies

 

@Force, so nice to see that you're back!! I hope you had a good vacation . The email that your xMM sent you, was a typical xMM email. My own xMM could have written that one although he would have probably replaced the "I want to be inside of you again" by something like "I'm longing for you soooo much", because he thinks that his tricks usually work a little bit better when he tries to conceal them some more.

 

I know it's very difficult when you get an email like that, but if you can, do indeed focus on the words "I miss being inside of you again" because that's what it's all about for him (and my xMM too btw).

 

Last Summer I got an email from the xMM that sent me a little bit into 'aww'-mode too. He wrote: "Oh Adoraxx, there is also something like jealousy: I would be really upset if you would have found someone new online. I still think about you much and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I regret what I said to you last time because I love you so much and I'm still in love with you, only YOU. But well, I don't know if this is still going to be of help (?), but it's true". Of course I knew that it couldn't possibly be true because his actions said something totally different and after that, it was more of the same old, same old and it ended with "I am soooo crazy about my wife".

 

Or what about: "oh baby, I miss you so much and you miss me too - I know you do - so let's just continue the way it was: I just want to hold you and hug you". Of course he didn't just want to hold me and hug me, he wanted sex.

 

They will say anything if it makes us bend to what they want!! But I know you know that

 

Hugs!!

Adoraxx

p.s. I got a couple of more emails but I ignored them all.

The first one said: "Hello"

The second one said: "how are you doing now?"

The third one said: "Fine! I might see you again some time on the street then. Bye."

 

And one hour after that, he deleted all three emails and sent me a new "hello" email :/.

 

This is SO good for me to read as i can just see how typical my xMM is ! --- I kind of think of both of our xMM's as having a Douchebag Off... I actually think mine might win for putting the 'inside' reference. Like you said, yours at least knows how to conceal his intentions a little bit.. Mine is too stupid:)

[Adoraxx]

This is SO good for me to read as i can just see how typical my xMM is ! --- I kind of think of both of our xMM's as having a Douchebag Off... I actually think mine might win for putting the 'inside' reference. Like you said, yours at least knows how to conceal his intentions a little bit.. Mine is too stupid:)

 

Haha Force, don't be so quick to say that your xMM 'wins'!! As you know, I have known the xMM for many years now and I think it was about 3 years ago when I got the following email after he ignored me for a long time and paid no attention to me whatsoever:

 

"Hello Adoraxx, how are you doing... do you still sometimes do it with yourself... would you want to do it again with me? Email me when you have time and when you feel like it, then I will come to spoil you"

 

As you can imagine, I was furious when I got that email and I replied with a very hurt and angry reply (that I'm not a hooker etc etc) and what did he say? >>>> He said he was just JOKING! Sure he was......... not!

 

And after that, he started to try to conceal his intentions :/

 

They're Douchebags for sure!!!!

 

Hope you're having a good day

Hugs!

[lemondrop21]

Last Summer I got an email from the xMM that sent me a little bit into 'aww'-mode too. He wrote: "Oh Adoraxx, there is also something like jealousy: I would be really upset if you would have found someone new online. I still think about you much and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I regret what I said to you last time because I love you so much and I'm still in love with you, only YOU. But well, I don't know if this is still going to be of help (?), but it's true". Of course I knew that it couldn't possibly be true because his actions said something totally different and after that, it was more of the same old, same old and it ended with "I am soooo crazy about my wife".

Wait I want to clarify - did he make both of the above statements in one email??

[Forceawakensme]

Haha Force, don't be so quick to say that your xMM 'wins'!! As you know, I have known the xMM for many years now and I think it was about 3 years ago when I got the following email after he ignored me for a long time and paid no attention to me whatsoever:

 

"Hello Adoraxx, how are you doing... do you still sometimes do it with yourself... would you want to do it again with me? Email me when you have time and when you feel like it, then I will come to spoil you"

 

As you can imagine, I was furious when I got that email and I replied with a very hurt and angry reply (that I'm not a hooker etc etc) and what did he say? >>>> He said he was just JOKING! Sure he was......... not!

 

And after that, he started to try to conceal his intentions :/

 

They're Douchebags for sure!!!!

 

Hope you're having a good day

Hugs!

 

Lol! "Do you sometimes do it with yourself?"... wow, hes a piece of work.. i really wished you'd responded with-- None of your business you dirty old Perv".

 

I think our DBags are neck to neck

[Adoraxx]

Wait I want to clarify - did he make both of the above statements in one email??

 

the first statement first in an email, and then also both statements in ONE conversation!!!!!!!!!!

[Adoraxx]

Lol! "Do you sometimes do it with yourself?"... wow, hes a piece of work.. i really wished you'd responded with-- None of your business you dirty old Perv".

 

I think our DBags are neck to neck

 

haha they're DBags & Dirty old Pervs!!! Btw, is your xMM older than you too? We have an age difference of 16 years

[lemondrop21]

the first statement first in an email, and then also both statements in ONE conversation!!!!!!!!!!

 

It just shows the immense amount of internal conflict there which is unlikely EVER to be resolved. Once you move on, he'll probably move on to another OW because clearly he's unwilling to do the work needed to truly address that internal struggle. The sooner you accept this, the better. At least that's what I tell myself, xMM says similar things to me although never quite in the same conversation lol.

[Adoraxx]

It just shows the immense amount of internal conflict there which is unlikely EVER to be resolved. Once you move on, he'll probably move on to another OW because clearly he's unwilling to do the work needed to truly address that internal struggle. The sooner you accept this, the better. At least that's what I tell myself, xMM says similar things to me although never quite in the same conversation lol.

 

I agree!! I do have the feeling that he had a new OW during the NC. She might have dumped him and maybe that's why he emailed me (I didn't respond)