Finding/Loving oneself? How?

[Radarsat]

I've heard it a million times...before you start dating someone again and getting into any relationships, I must learn to love myself first.

 

Problem is I hate myself and I don't know where to even begin. I hate my body (overweight, bald, short - 5'7", sleep apnea - must wear "unsexy CPAP", hairy back, skin tags, apparently short but girthy penis) and I'm severely depressed. I'm hoping to get into an inpatient hospital next month 1.5 hours away for a 60 day program treating anxiety/depression. But I'm going insane. Suicidal...the whole works.

 

How in the hell do I "find myself" and learn to be alone? I'm so lonely but when I look at myself in the mirror I say, "no wonder no one loves you...just look at yourself".

 

I just don't know where to begin. I know some of you will say maybe the hospital program will help. (Homewood Health - Integrated Mood & Anxiety), but I've heard that it won't fix me...it'll just guide me. What if I can't stay on the path? I'm worried that I'm just doomed forever. I've been told before that 60-70% of people with mental health issues cannot be treated. I wish I hadn't said anything to anyone about where I was going when I went to the railway track. Next time, I'm turning off my phone and saying nothing to anyone. They can just find me.

[Alamo657]

It's common now to label deficient upbringing and psychology as a pathology that can be cured with "therapy", with antidepressor as "painkillers" so to speak.

 

Truth is, we cannot rewrite our brain like a computer, and the adult we become will be the core around which we build the rest of our lives.

 

The loneliness and ostracism you experience are the result of a lack of confidence coming from your upbringing as a child, which made your unnattractive appearance that much unbearable, because you had nothing else to fall back on (success in other fields).

 

The problem is, we must be social, but some of us just can't, and our life is miserable, because we do not have the keys to connect with other people on a deeper level.

 

I'm beginning to accept that my lovelife is coming to an end because even tho i still got the looks, everything else is a disaster zone, and if i didn't fix it at 34, i don't see how i can.

 

However, it doesn't mean my life must end.

 

There are a few things we can do :

- stay fit by doing sport and eating healthy

- practice an outdoor hobby to increase our life expectancy and health, which will be shortened by loneliness

- be useful to other people trough volunteering

- remain connected to the postive sides of society (entertainment, hobbies) and disconnect from the negative (politics, news, depressing books)

 

People might think we are shallow, but negativity only increase our anxiety and must be avoided (like those forums).

 

I don't think people with very advanced depression or melancoly can ever recover, but they can work to make their life bearable by not indulging in what makes them even more miserable (judgement of others, lack of control over our bodies).

[Buddhist]

Self-love is a bit of a misnomer because most people take it to mean holding oneself in high regard and feeling absolutely wonderful about who you are. When you are depressed and hate yourself this is just a step too far to even contemplate. It's an impossible goal.

 

Self love however it doesn't actually mean that. Self-love is just the absence of condemnation and judgement of the self. If you stop hating on yourself, then love will grow all by itself. You don't have to create it, just make room for it to grow by giving the combination talk a break every now and again.

[xxoo]

Your kids love you. You are completely lovable and valuable.

 

Try looking at yourself through the eyes of a loving friend or family member.

 

Take care of your body. With exercise, you'll feel and look better. But remember that your outside shell is not who you are.

 

What kind of man do you admire?

[circlesinfinity]

I've heard it a million times...before you start dating someone again and getting into any relationships, I must learn to love myself first.

 

Problem is I hate myself and I don't know where to even begin. I hate my body (overweight, bald, short - 5'7", sleep apnea - must wear "unsexy CPAP", hairy back, skin tags, apparently short but girthy penis) and I'm severely depressed. I'm hoping to get into an inpatient hospital next month 1.5 hours away for a 60 day program treating anxiety/depression. But I'm going insane. Suicidal...the whole works.

 

How in the hell do I "find myself" and learn to be alone? I'm so lonely but when I look at myself in the mirror I say, "no wonder no one loves you...just look at yourself".

 

I just don't know where to begin. I know some of you will say maybe the hospital program will help. (Homewood Health - Integrated Mood & Anxiety), but I've heard that it won't fix me...it'll just guide me. What if I can't stay on the path? I'm worried that I'm just doomed forever. I've been told before that 60-70% of people with mental health issues cannot be treated. I wish I hadn't said anything to anyone about where I was going when I went to the railway track. Next time, I'm turning off my phone and saying nothing to anyone. They can just find me.

 

I wish I could tell you how to do so. It seems strange but I just very recently started to love and accept myself. My choice was "what do I really want most, right now?". I talk to myself sometimes, basically I think out loud when I'm alone. My birthday is around the corner and I said to myself that I wanted happiness for my birthday. I could use money but if I had happiness I could have anything that I wanted!

 

The day it changed I felt very, very relaxed. It feels like someone sucked all of the " bad" out of me. I'm a walking deflated balloon, lol, that's the best way to describe it.

 

Plus I take holistic medicines to stay healthy, one is for focus, concentration and overall mental health (its a brand called Gaia) I also take burdock root to ease stress.

 

These are NOT how I got happy but after years of "trauma" it is best to have some healthy items on hand.

 

I saw you mention your manhood, there are many women who hate large penises because they can be painful. They like girth over length .

 

Also you have to understand this, you don't know why people "don't" show interest in you. It could be anything, maybe someone does but looking for the right time to tell you how they feel. When it comes to people, always think this, you have NO idea what they think or feel about you.

 

One example is that I added a guy that I used to work with to my Facebook. I think he's cute but I stopped talking to him...I don't want to say why, lol. I told myself that he could've been nervous. I saw that one of his female friends had his photo as a main profile picture. I created all these possibilities in my head as to why she did this.

"Could be his girlfriend (very doubtful of that!!!)... a friend acting silly... she's just trying to annoy him...etc." I felt happy to know that I really don't know why his picture was there and then forgot about it.

 

Later the picture was taken down lol.

 

Sorry this is long just know that you really do choose to be happy but you have to be ready.

[WaitingForBardot]

I'm not sure I could say that I love myself. I have many traits that I find admirable in others, but fall short on just as many. But in the words of the great philosopher Popeye the Sailorman ..lol..: "I am what I am and that's all that I am!". I accept that and it has always worked for me.

 

So maybe, finding/loving oneself is really just a misnomer for accepting who and what you are...

[truthtripper]

 

Truth is, we cannot rewrite our brain like a computer, and the adult we become will be the core around which we build the rest of our lives.

 

........I don't think people with very advanced depression or melancoly can ever recover, but they can work to make their life bearable by not indulging in what makes them even more miserable (judgement of others, lack of control over our bodies).

I've read that the brain is actually quite malleable(neuroplasticity-Norman Doidge) and can change with appropriate therapy and lifestyle changes. A lot of research has been done in this area over recent years. So don't give up hope. And really it doesn't make much sense from an evolutionary perspective, that we would evolve with such rigid brains that would not allow us to heal and grow.

[dichotomy]

Change what you can

 

Hairy back and skin tags - easy - gone in a day

 

weight - harder but you can loose some, and get healthier and stronger. Diet and work out.

 

Some forms or parts mental health can be resolved.

 

Accept what you can't

 

You apnea may or may not get better with weight loss, but its not an uncommon condition for both men and women especially after 40 or 50. Its good to have machine to help you get good sleep and live longer

 

Some forms of parts of mental health can be managed. You learn to cope and medicate and live with it.

 

Your penis - is what it is. Just like everyone else. You got girth - so thats something.

 

Your height - is what it is. Lots of short women out there and men too.

 

Your bald head - can be masculine and sexy. Ask any number of actors and celebrities

[Rumely]

Sleep apnea seems to be the new "in" thing. I have a CPAP and so do lots of people I know. Scratch that one from the list. All the cool kids have CPAP's.