Caught watching porn ~ blocked on whatsapp fb calls

[CarrieT]

No I meant what I said lol. Basically I am saying every guy watches porn. Some posters are saying it is a deal breaker for them, but it is just what guys do. At least it is what normal guys do. I have not met a single guy who doesn't so far in my life. I think it's best to change your mentality rather than forcing your SO to not watch porn, because he will just do it behind your back anyway.

 

Ooops - you are right.

 

And I don't believe that "every guy watches porn." In my current relationship, I had the porn collection when we got married - my new husband doesn't care for it at all.

 

I've known lots of guys who prefer the real thing to what they can watch.

[Spikiera]

Ooops - you are right.

 

And I don't believe that "every guy watches porn." In my current relationship, I had the porn collection when we got married - my new husband doesn't care for it at all.

 

I've known lots of guys who prefer the real thing to what they can watch.

 

Well, I also prefer the real thing. I wasn't saying that guys would rather watch porn. I was saying...most guys will watch it here and there. Some watch a lot compared to others.

 

It is close to impossible to find one that doesn't watch it AT ALL. To break up with someone because they watch porn is kinda ridiculous.

[smackie9]

Now here's a tip about watching porn....use private browser. All windows ops have it. It's actually used for a multi user computer, but in reality it's a great tool for porn watchers.

 

Open your home page and click on file in your tool bar. Click on "new private window"

The window explains history, searches, cookies and temporary files will not be saved. Will save downloads and bookmarks so avoid those. You just type in your fav porn site like a search engine to get there. Once you are done, you close it off, and voila there is on evidence of you watching porn, no matter how hard she digs around, nothing is saved.

[Floveet]

CTRL + SHIFT + N

Open the browser in Private mode To go further.

 

To answer ... I once had a girlfriend that was THINKING that men didn’t watch porn and that watching made you a pervert.

Also thought that sex was not part of a relationship.

It lasted 5 years. The 5 most poisonous years of my life. I dumped her. She still loves me and now think that the only way to get me it through sex.

I guess that just depends of the education and mind of the girl.

 

But clearly come on … As long as you are not spending your life on Porn and are able to discuss, but mostly that she is able to LISTEN . Don’t stop what you want to do and DON’T apologise for casually watching porn.

 

That’s my opinion tho. Seems that more people here are thinking porn is a deal breaker…

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you can't fix it if your girlfriend is willing to. It doesn't matter what our opinions about porn are. It doesn't matter what your friends think. You're not in a relationship with us or them. This may be a deal-breaker for her.

 

Back off and stop contacting her for a few days. She is obviously very upset and your continued attempts to talk aren't helping right now. Give her some time to process. From her point of view, this is a major upset. Until she's willing to listen, there's really nothing you can do.

 

Ultimately, it sounds like you two aren't very sexually compatible. You want certain activities and she doesn't. You've been together 4 years; this isn't going to suddenly change now. Especially in light of recent events.

[lychee]

I think it was doomed to come to this because ... even if you tried not too ..you knew deep down you still would. I think it's so important to be with a partner who we see eye to eye when it comes to sex/porn/fantasies .

 

IMO I do think she's overreacting because porn doesn't bother me, I watch it myself and if my partner had a problem with that .. that would be another reason why we're not compatible.

 

You're not cheating on anyone here.

 

But.

 

She feels differently and you agreed to not do it. So you lied and she is now hurt and feels like she can't trust you. The part of you saying you watch it 'cause she's no kinks ... yeah that wasn't smart either, you should have kept it to yourself. She sounds like she has low self esteem.

 

Blocking you on social media without communication is childish and manipulative. Think long & hard why and if you should make efforts to be with her.

 

Sex is so important, if you're missing out and not satisfied .. this will always be a problem and from the looks of it, she will never be okay with porn.

[Phoenician]

I am not going to discuss what's right and wrong .

 

What is right in one place is not in other places; for ex it is wrong that ppl do swing and live in an open marriage , but what about if they can't leave each other , they have a heavy load and can divorce ?

what about if they agree in a form that is suitable to everybody ?

then i bet it is not cheating anymore .

 

you cheated on her not because you are watching porn , it is because you promised and broke your promise ;

 

I believe you belong to different worlds , what is normal to you is not for her .

 

if you are satisfied , you wouldn't watch porn .

 

incompatibilities are not just an easy issue to resolve , it is not just sexual incompatibility , because soon when you bond you will find out that it is just a chapter in a book .

 

when you like somthing that is incompatible to your partner who can not even accept that you have the right to do it even alone ; then it is a big issue .

 

throw the towel and find someone compatible , you are still young .

 

i am not saying she is wrong or you are wrong ; it is that if you stay ; you will end up in living in a sexless rotten LTR .

 

I have always beleieved that an LD is not sacrificing when a sexual urge is there ; he/she doesn't have that urge ; he/she is sacrificing when the urge exists yet they won't do it !

[elaine567]

Blocking you on social media without communication is childish and manipulative.

 

Is it?

Or is she just adopting the No Contact rules?

[dreamingoftigers]

No I meant what I said lol. Basically I am saying every guy watches porn. Some posters are saying it is a deal breaker for them, but it is just what guys do. At least it is what normal guys do. I have not met a single guy who doesn't so far in my life. I think it's best to change your mentality rather than forcing your SO to not watch porn, because he will just do it behind your back anyway.

 

I don't FORCE anyone to anything.

 

I hate that so many people, out of ignorance, make it out to be controlling.

 

If you want a relationship with me, I have some deal-breakers. Don't like it? Don't date me! Simples.

 

It's not my fault other people are cowards who can't say who they really are. They are the ones with the issue of they can't be honest about who they are and what they want.

 

I don't want porn or alcohol having a presence in my relationships. Given the fact that I am Mormon and would pretty much only date within the church this isn't a "high bar." It's pretty much an expected one. If a guy wants to play honesty hide-and-seek, that's ON HIM. Not on me.

 

Everyone is welcome to have their own set of deal-breakers. I am not certainly stupid enough to enter into a relationship with someone, knowingly misrepresent myself and then wail about the "controlling injustice" of it all. If 99% of guy watch porn. Fine. 99% can have it. I will look to the other 1% to date.

 

If 99% of guys watch it and lie about it, then 99% of guys can expect to be dumped by me for it. And for lying about basic relationship deal-breakers.

 

Not to mention. I am a two to three times a day girl if that's cool with him. I've NEVER found a sex drive go match mine and I am so sick of the mentality that I would have to line up behind some idiot's special porn before getting my basic needs met. Just another reason it's a deal-breaker.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think it was doomed to come to this because ... even if you tried not too ..you knew deep down you still would. I think it's so important to be with a partner who we see eye to eye when it comes to sex/porn/fantasies .

 

IMO I do think she's overreacting because porn doesn't bother me, I watch it myself and if my partner had a problem with that .. that would be another reason why we're not compatible.

 

You're not cheating on anyone here.

 

But.

 

She feels differently and you agreed to not do it. So you lied and she is now hurt and feels like she can't trust you. The part of you saying you watch it 'cause she's no kinks ... yeah that wasn't smart either, you should have kept it to yourself. She sounds like she has low self esteem.

 

Blocking you on social media without communication is childish and manipulative. Think long & hard why and if you should make efforts to be with her.

 

Sex is so important, if you're missing out and not satisfied .. this will always be a problem and from the looks of it, she will never be okay with porn.

 

I am going to second this BIG time.

 

I see this as less of a porn issue and more of a compatibility issue.

 

I hear you when you say you want advice about sticking it out rather than jumping ship. I respect that but what you need to understand is that when it comes to SEX, it often is a HUGE problem and an extremely pervasive one at that. It's a very hard obstacle to tackle and overcome.

 

Being sexually incompatible, although may seem fine and doable in the beginning WILL rot your insides with enough time. Trust me. I've been here myself and am speaking from experience.

 

I stayed in my marriage for 20 YEARS waiting and doing what I could to make it better. I was convinced I was the problem because I had needs and desires and spent years berating myself only to realize I wasn't the problem in the end at all. Just a woman who needed and wanted uninhibited intimacy with her husband. Never happened.

 

Compromises are part of any healthy relationship but it is a GIVE and TAKE on BOTH parts.

 

I commend you for wanting to work it out and the only thing I will tell you is that it will NEVER work out if you're not BOTH working at it with everything you've got. One person CANNOT do it alone. Trust and constant and open communication is absolutely paramount!

 

And being a martyr for the sake of honor isn't as admirable as one might think anymore. Life is far too short to be anything less than happy and fulfilled.

 

Also, her behavior in terms of blocking you is utterly immature. Just my two cents.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[MightyPen]

I didn't read all the posts, but to the OP, I'd say she's forcing the issue and treating it as an ultimatum.

 

I don't know this for a fact, but I'd say the vast (vast) vast (vast) majority of men enjoy viewing porn, as least occasionally. If she's really going to fly off the handle about it, I really don't see how you two can continue on. She's forcing you to lie/hide it or make a promise that realistically you can't live up to and that you don't want to make anyway. I'd be out the door (and I'd take my porn with me).

[Roma7]

Holy crap people are getting their informatiom wrong. Reminds me of the game chinese whispers where the end facts are totally different than what I noted.

No where did i say i contacted her. No where did ahe never know i wqtched porn and i lied to her. It hit her hard because she saw it. Not often is every few days. Often is daily.

Cheers guys. Ill deal with it as i see fit. Sheesh. To others who want to ask for help from strangers - dont.

[Satu]

Snip

 

*I don't want porn or alcohol having a presence in my relationships. Given the fact that I am Mormon and would pretty much only date within the church this isn't a "high bar." It's pretty much an expected one. If a guy wants to play honesty hide-and-seek, that's ON HIM. Not on me.

 

 

*I'm right there with you on this.

[dreamingoftigers]

Holy crap people are getting their informatiom wrong. Reminds me of the game chinese whispers where the end facts are totally different than what I noted.

No where did i say i contacted her. No where did ahe never know i wqtched porn and i lied to her. It hit her hard because she saw it. Not often is every few days. Often is daily.

Cheers guys. Ill deal with it as i see fit. Sheesh. To others who want to ask for help from strangers - dont.

 

Often is a subjective term, not an objective one.

 

And by the way you communicate on here, are you sure she blocked you over the porn?

 

Your self-pity "no one gets it" streak when asked or confronted about things is really off-putting. I can see her blocking and ending over that.

Edited March 15, 2016 by dreamingoftigers

[Spikiera]

I don't FORCE anyone to anything.

 

I hate that so many people, out of ignorance, make it out to be controlling.

 

If you want a relationship with me, I have some deal-breakers. Don't like it? Don't date me! Simples.

 

It's not my fault other people are cowards who can't say who they really are. They are the ones with the issue of they can't be honest about who they are and what they want.

 

I don't want porn or alcohol having a presence in my relationships. Given the fact that I am Mormon and would pretty much only date within the church this isn't a "high bar." It's pretty much an expected one. If a guy wants to play honesty hide-and-seek, that's ON HIM. Not on me.

 

Everyone is welcome to have their own set of deal-breakers. I am not certainly stupid enough to enter into a relationship with someone, knowingly misrepresent myself and then wail about the "controlling injustice" of it all. If 99% of guy watch porn. Fine. 99% can have it. I will look to the other 1% to date.

 

If 99% of guys watch it and lie about it, then 99% of guys can expect to be dumped by me for it. And for lying about basic relationship deal-breakers.

 

Not to mention. I am a two to three times a day girl if that's cool with him. I've NEVER found a sex drive go match mine and I am so sick of the mentality that I would have to line up behind some idiot's special porn before getting my basic needs met. Just another reason it's a deal-breaker.

 

First of all, my post was not directed to you, so no need to get super defensive about it. OP's gf clearly is trying to force him not to watch porn. Myself and lots of others will think it's ridiculous, that's just my opinion - this is what a forum's for, sharing different opinions and have discussions.

 

I am not even going to bother explaining my logic behind what I said. Some people will get it, some won't.

[sandylee1]

I'm a woman .... it doesn't bother me in the least . My husband can view porn in his down time if he wants. However , not every woman has the same view. You're not compatible if she feels that strongly about it. Time to move on and find someone who isn't bothered by it.

[mcjordan]

you like manipulating words to assume or insinuate things which is none of those. my words are very precise. I said everything from the get go. dont try to make things seem worse then they are.

 

"but that she disapproves and she “caught” you, which indicates you lie to her (and maybe have been lying for years?)."

 

where did I say that I lied to her or she had no clue that I was watching porn. she caught me on the phone. it doesnt mean she didnt know. dont manipulate words. its the thing I hate the most with people. like lawyers who try to turn words around to make a case for themselves. you should ask if it easnt clear for you but if you come and assume its true and then you try to turn it around by saying maybe you lied to her for years. thats manipulating words. you have no credibility in my eyes. so dont tell me im defensive. its being defensive to you lying and manipulating. be accurate in what you say.

 

I wasnt deceitful or untruthful. I said everything from the get go. I was denying watching porn even when we had that first discussion years back. she caght me with her own eyes. but she knew I did it. I said it in the first post 2nd sentence. I didnt deny it like most men. I said it as it is.

 

"Perhaps the porn was just a last straw or excuse for other reasons that she was done."

 

I see your BS insinuations or assumptions. dont try blowing this up to more than what was said or what it is. you dont know so keep those comments to a minimum.

 

"but if someone breaks up and cuts us off, we have no choice but to move on."

 

maybe thats you. you dont see a choice. maybe you dont put effort in and if someone says I dont want to see you anymore, you take it literally and never thought about giving a bit of space and letting things cool off a bit and then try to make contact and possibly work things out. maybe you dont care to commit and fight. see what I did there? I assumed and insinuated. just like you.

 

bottom line, you want to offer advice on how I can try to fix things? otherwise, goto the next comment to offer your help.

 

This is one of several posts I could have quoted. If this is how you communicate with your girlfriend then I would say you need some work.

 

There is no absolute when it comes to "is porn bad" or "is porn fine." People who decalre all porn bad for all people are just trying to make an opinion a fact. People who say "EVERYBODY knows there's no harm in porn" is doing the same thing.

 

This is a compatibility issue. She doesn't like porn at all, and she doesn't want you to look at it. You enjoy viewing it from time to time and don't plan to stop. Neither of you are necessarily wrong. But surely you can see the impasse there. You can only control you, and I doubt she is going to be impressed by what "all your male friends say."

 

So you have some choices to make.

[mcjordan]

Now here's a tip about watching porn....use private browser. All windows ops have it. It's actually used for a multi user computer, but in reality it's a great tool for porn watchers.

 

Open your home page and click on file in your tool bar. Click on "new private window"

The window explains history, searches, cookies and temporary files will not be saved. Will save downloads and bookmarks so avoid those. You just type in your fav porn site like a search engine to get there. Once you are done, you close it off, and voila there is on evidence of you watching porn, no matter how hard she digs around, nothing is saved.

 

Nice...promoting lying and dishonesty. How....sweet

[mcjordan]

I didn't read all the posts, but to the OP, I'd say she's forcing the issue and treating it as an ultimatum.

 

I don't know this for a fact, but I'd say the vast (vast) vast (vast) majority of men enjoy viewing porn, as least occasionally. If she's really going to fly off the handle about it, I really don't see how you two can continue on. She's forcing you to lie/hide it or make a promise that realistically you can't live up to and that you don't want to make anyway. I'd be out the door (and I'd take my porn with me).

 

What a spineless copout. No one forces another person to lie. That is completely on the liar.

[BlueIris]

It's not my fault other people are cowards who can't say who they really are. They are the ones with the issue of they can't be honest about who they are and what they want.

...

If a guy wants to play honesty hide-and-seek, that's ON HIM. Not on me

 

Absolutely. I just broke up with someone for this reason. It's exhausting and eventually boring to deal with people who aren't comfortably open about who they are and what they do.

[BeholdtheMan]

I do watch porn every few days. I realize its insulting to her.

 

Watching porn is your right

 

Find a girl who can deal with it

[mcjordan]

Watching porn is your right

 

Find a girl who can deal with it

 

Is being deceitful his right too?