Going through a odd stage in my life..

[ashy555]

I am kind of just here to talk to people and see if anyone had any insights that could potentially help me. Even just to know of someone who has been where I am.

 

I am a 25yo female and I have always been a pretty confident girl. I have the most amazing family and have had a really great upbringing. I have come to a point though where I feel I am starting to lose myself. I just moved out by myself over a month ago so it took a bit for me to adjust emotionally. I was also promoted at my job and have been under a lot more stress.

 

My two siblings are both married. I even have a 6 month old nephew. They both live about 40 minutes away but I love to see them as much as possible. My parents are only 5 minutes but are talking about moving to the country (about 1 1/2 hrs away)

When they told me this, I went home and cried myself to sleep. I am terrified to be left alone. You could say I am feeling a lot of negativity lately.

 

I think the main part in this is that I am feeling lonely in some way. I have been quite unlucky in love so far. I have never been able to pin down a proper relationship but I have dated a fair bit. Usually 3 - 6 months at a time. I am quite an attractive girl and take proper care of myself. I am extremely loyal and caring and take pleasure in being kind to everyone. I am funny and frankly I know I could be quite a catch. I just feel like men only see me for my looks and don't really want to get to know me. I know I am not meeting the right men and am having trouble breaking this cycle. Up until recently I even took about two years off to work on myself. I truly was happy and I can feel it spiralling out again.

 

This last man I was seeing for 5 months just kind of disappeared on me which is part of my problem. I have never had a proper break up. Men don't even consider me worthy of a break up. They just disappear, or fade me out. It is all starting to dawn on me how badly I get treated. Or worse.. how badly I LET them treat me. It is really affecting my self esteem and my self worth. They don't respect me. I feel like a dirty slut because I have slept with them. I feel like a fool for falling for any of them. I KNOW i deserve better. These thoughts still circle my mind. Every single one of these men have met someone better whilst with me and are currently in LTR. I have spent the last 3 weeks riddled with anxiety. The worst feeling in the world. I have had days where I haven't been able to stomach food. Just this weekend I saw something on facebook that literally caused me to cry uncontrollably on the floor. All I felt was imminent doom. I didn't know where to turn or who to turn too. I assumed this was some kind of panic attack. The feeling was so horrible.

 

I am starting to feel like I need to do some kind of soul searching. Dig deeper. Love myself more. Find myself. Right now I feel SO small and so lost. I am just not sure on how to go about this journey. I want to read more books. I was thinking of doing a few meditation classes. Decorating my unit.. Please throw any ideas my way. I would really love any advice I can get.

[basil67]

Ashy, I'm wondering if you're wasting staying with guys who you should have moved on from long ago.

 

You say that guys don't want to get to know you - but you also say that you can date for 3-6 months at a time. Why are you spending 3-6 months with a guy who doesn't want to get to know you? Surely his lack of interest in getting to know you would be apparent within the first few dates - at which point you dump him and move on to the next date.

[healingsoul]

I love your attitude and willingness to do some real soul searching. You ARE more valuable than you have given yourself credit.

 

And yes, guys/men will take a woman to bed and have a physical relationship, and yet walk away because often sex does not equate commitment or a real relationship. And nowdays that goes both ways, many girls/women deal with men this way.

 

But amazingly deep down inside we all crave real relationships! We may allow shallow, so-so or even physical relationships to fill that whole in life but eventually it grows empty because we are more than a body. We have a spirit and a complete soul. Deep down inside --even if we or broken/have been hurt/have gone through trauma-- or lived a healthy life with little casualties we really desire real relationships - soulmates, someone that sees and knows a through and through and still loves being with us.

 

But that real relationsihp must begin with us alone. So you natural instinct to want to meditate and spent time alone is a great place to start. Do you have spiritual directions or upbringing that would guide your meditation?

 

I am kind of just here to talk to people and see if anyone had any insights that could potentially help me. Even just to know of someone who has been where I am.

 

 

I am starting to feel like I need to do some kind of soul searching. Dig deeper. Love myself more. Find myself. Right now I feel SO small and so lost. I am just not sure on how to go about this journey. I want to read more books. I was thinking of doing a few meditation classes. Decorating my unit.. Please throw any ideas my way. I would really love any advice I can get.

[whichwayisup]

Men who disappear instead of ending it is a reflection of THEM, not you! They don't have the courage or desire to be mature and end a relationship properly. Don't make that about you, has nothing to do with you.

 

Sounds like you need a spa day! That will help relieve the stresses you're feeling and also just make you feel good.

 

Change is scary and hard to adjust to but just know as time goes on it will get easier. Spend as much time with your parents before they move and your siblings, especially your nephew who brings a lot of joy into your life.