Ioebobo Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. I've talked to a few different people, but I've never dome anything... Yet. Anybody have any thoughts oropinipns about this/me? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I am not going to throw stones ; nobody can be in other ppl shoes ... I was faithful for 18 years with a partner who never satisfied my needs not even the basic ones; yet till date , though i play around the limits (dancing , flirting , etc...) ; but never slept with another women . Is it normal to have the urge ? fantasies ? yes is it normal to cheat ? no . in Vows there is no shade area, like i will cheat to stisfy my needs but i love my wife . it is black/white , unless there is an agreement ... I had a post once about Bjs , that my wife hasn't given me any in 18 years .... and it is a wow urge for me ... Shall I go and get it outside ? no , I won't , although I feel deprived , the day I get one it will be the day after my divorce or having an open relationship agreement . It is not about your wife , it is about integrity ... are you sexually compatible and you want more ? or you are deprived like me and dreaming about a passion ? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 How does your wife feel about your desires to cheat? Oh you didn't tell her? Well there is your answer right there. If you are talking to others behind your wife's back with the intention or future plans of cheating, then you are already cheating. Does that make you a bad person? It is not so black and white as that. Sometimes good people do bad things, and bad people do good things. Cheating is considered a bad thing by almost everyone in the world. Whether that makes you a "bad person" depends on your moral values and beliefs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I think you will feel much better if you had an open honest discussion about how you are feeling...not about cheating, but your desires. Sometimes just getting it out there can put you more at ease. If she is loving, and caring, she will come up with some ideas to make your sex life better, more adventurous, fun, exciting, etc. to spice things up like role playing, going out dancing and dance with others just a s a few examples. If that doesn't work, maybe try some counseling to work through your feelings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 If you've never been with anyone else, I think it's normal to wonder what you're missing. Acting on it after you are married is a dicey situation. I would seriously consider all of your alternatives and their consequences. I can't say what the best choice for you will be, but I do know you're going to have to deal with the aftermath of your decision. Consequences are inevitable. Choose wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. If you have a mutually satisfying sex life with your wife, you're not missing anything, and I hope you realize that before you blow up your marriage and inflict immeasurable pain on your wife. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Tahirthegreat Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Think about it all you want, just dont act on it Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. I've talked to a few different people, but I've never dome anything... Yet. Anybody have any thoughts oropinipns about this/me? How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 As Ben Franklin said: all cats look grey in the dark. So your not missing out on anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rumely Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 You may or may not be missing out. One thing is certain. If you cheat on your wife, your relationship with your wife will never be the same again. Very few, if any, marriages end up stronger after cheating. I do completely understand where you are coming from. I once was in the exact same situation. I knew my x-wife would not understand and karma would strike me dead, so I was completely faithful. Either faithful or end the marriage are the only options in my book. BTW this was not what ended my marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. I've talked to a few different people, but I've never dome anything... Yet. Anybody have any thoughts oropinipns about this/me? I can't tell you what you may be missing or have missed. But, I will tell you what you will miss -- the woman with whom you've made a commitment/vow, your home, your dignity, the respect of friends and family, your trust worthiness, your integrity and your ability to find another relationship because they will always be wondering if you'd cheat on them too. And, if you cheat on your wife and she finds out, and doesn't leave you, you will be under a microscope for the rest of your married life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pat944 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I have read the other posts so far and agree with them that there are severe and life altering implications of this choice. There is a difference between reality and fantasy. You in a sense are ready to fulfill a fantasy of another relationship and....it won't be discovered...and if it is you will overcome it and everything will be fine with your wife....somehow. How likely is your fantasy not ultimately going to ruin your life? Link to post Share on other sites
FastHands Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Imho If one is married whyis there need to look elsewhere? I mean the temptation is there and it seems easy to do something, but pretty much going through it changes everything. I mean be honest to yourself are you happy? Not only will it change your marriage and change you that maybe you won't like it later in reflection. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) Let me start in that I think marriage fidelity is whatever the couple agrees it should be. I've slept with married people but I had talked to their spouse and there were no secrets. I don't condone lying to your spouse and an affair always includes some amount of lying and dishonesty. I can understand you're curious what you're missing but you really should have done it beforehand. If your wife is willing to trying to explore new things to keep things interesting then you're probably not missing much IMO. I think you need to start this dialog with your wife. Try to figure out what you think may be missing and explore it with her. I'm on the other side of this right now. There is a guy trying to start an affair with me. I believe his wife doesn't know. I will tell my BF about it. I suspect it's partly due to something similar to you since his culture promotes being a virgin until marriage. If he put half the energy into his marriage he is trying to put into me he might be able to resolve whatever it is he's trying to run away from. Edited March 17, 2016 by Miss Peach Link to post Share on other sites
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Think about it all you want, just dont act on it Actually I disagree with this. The more we dwell on something, the more we normalize it and want it. I'd talk to your wife and redirect your thoughts every time they go to cheating. And STOP talking to other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Thinking about and talking to other women is a slippery slope, and if you've talked with them and formed an emotional connection or have intention to meet them, you're already cheating. I suggest you figure out why you aren't satisfied with your wife, and work with her to fix it. If you can't, divorce her and seek what you need elsewhere - then. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. I've talked to a few different people, but I've never dome anything... Yet. Anybody have any thoughts oropinipns about this/me? Why not appreciate what you have! A wife who loves you, a woman you're building a life with, someone you can rely on and a woman who will always have your back? Why are you wanting sex with someone else, 3 years into your marriage? Don't be that guy. The cheater. If you feel you got married too soon and want more women, then divorce your wife and allow her to find a mature man who will only want her. Then you can do as you please. To cheat on her is extremely cruel and selfish of you to do. Link to post Share on other sites
azureorb Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Remember -- chasing another gal is cheating. It's an action. It's just way harder to prove, and harder to prove to ourselves. We're made to sleep around just as much as made to be singular with a significant other. That's why the significant other has to be a Great catch. When people are in love with being in love or in love with being married, after the dust settles -- you realize what you missed out on. So yes, you have missed out. You're going to have to deal with it. Just because you don't follow-thru on Actually porking another woman doesn't mean you're not cheating. Keep yourself from even chasing any other gal -- and try to resolve your issue. You got married to someone you've lost some interest in. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I have never had sex with anyone but my wife. We have been together for three years now, and the more Im with here, the more I want to know what I'm missing. I've talked to a few different people, but I've never dome anything... Yet. Anybody have any thoughts oropinipns about this/me? Why don't you bring up your concerns with your wife. Maybe she has some issues with you that need to be addressed. Marriage like relationships are a 2 way street. Perhaps she wants to screw other people too. You probably don't like the sound of that but remember infidelity is a bell you can't unring. It's quite easy actually If you are intent on having sex with others, then simply get a divorce and go about your business. No need in destroying another person in order to satisfy your own selfish desires. Link to post Share on other sites
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