I cant forget about her...

[LT1985]

So it been a month since i found out she had been seeing her ex boyfriend (who has now cut contact with her) and in total 3 months since we seperated. Yet she was stringing me on for that time. THen the final fortnight, i saw the old her finally and she wanted to try etc.. But yea who knows what that was..

 

Anyway... Ive been keeping my self busy, trying to start my own business, applying for jobs, working around the house, going to the gym.. But nothing is helping.. At the end of the day it will always come back to her, she is still the last thing i think about and the first thing i think about when i wake up.

 

Ive blocked her on FB and Instagram etc, but doesnt make it easier. People are saying she fu*ked you over dude... She doesnt deserve you etc. and thats true.. But for the last 6 months of our relationship was ruff with her dad passing away and me losing my job. During that time she was a utter bitch... Didnt show any love at all etc. And that wasnt the girl i asked to marry me, but i knew it was only because of everything going on all of the stresses etc. Then she moved to her mums for a week about a month before we offically broke up... And she came back.. Different.. She was her again... But then boom month later she left... This time didnt come back and tried to get back with her ex.

 

The thing is i admit i dont know if i could get back with her.. .It would require alot of work, but i dont want to forget about our love and who i feel in love with if her attitude changes again.. I think she has BPD, yet wont truly seek help. I was the only one ever to try and get her to go and get help.

 

I know im punishing myself by doing this... Given she has only sent me abuse lately, and didnt even say thankyou when her sister gave her, her engagement ring back (because she wanted a keep sake). But out of the 4 years we were together there was only a rocky 6 months. What she has done since has been bad but love is greater than that. No only cant tell what she is thinking at the moment.

 

The thing is i have tried to move on with other women.. and no interest in them at all i kicked 2 out in the middle of the night because i didnt want them sleeping in "our bed". I have seriously been spending more time with strippers just talking and having fun, as thats what i miss about our relationship the most.

 

People have said this is the real her.. But i know this isnt... I thought long and hard about marrying her... and i done it for a reason.. I love her... And i know that person is still inside her... She is just shutting it away, because its easier to hate me than talk to me. But if i am wrong and this is the real here, im doubting my self in every move i make in life now just incase...

 

I dont know what to do, i dont want to move forward without her, i do know what i need to do, i dont want to do that, I know its her loss, But i stil will always love her and i feel this is going toaffect anyrelationship i move on with when i eventually do. If i do..

 

I am just that depressed and confused.. I have considered hosplitising my self or something but i what is that going to achieve. I am considered sucide earlier and i knew that would hurt her. But i have to much family i love and we have well i have 2 dogs which were our children i now have to be there for.. i cant even take her off my life insurance etc. Cause i always want to make sure she is ok no matter what.

[Satu]

All this is very recent and raw.

 

It will get easier as time goes on.

 

You are very clearly in the process of grieving.

 

Here are the stages of grief; I'll leave it to you to decide which stage you're in:

 

 

Denial

 

Anger

 

Bargaining

 

Depression

 

Acceptance

 

 

It's not a simple linear process; you can move in and out of the various stages, or up and down the ladder.

 

When you arrive at acceptance, you've finished your grieving.

 

 

Take care.

[smudge21]

You're trying to fix an open wound and expecting it to magically heal if you stare at it long enough. You can't force yourself better, anymore than you can force yourself to love someone. It happens when it happens. The idea that you will always love her clearly shows you have a long way to go, but don't concern yourself with how long it takes. Just let it happen. It seems like you're trying to rush this through far too much. We all get that pain but it's not until you do start to heal that you realise the truth about that person we loved once. I get the feeling you're also holding yourself back by being afraid to heal; you fear the idea that one day this person will mean nothing to you. She'll be just a distant memory. I know that same thinking held me back to - I simply didn't want to think of her like that and it was down to hope that kept me hanging on. Just let yourself heal rather than force yourself to.

[duncsvoice]

So it been a month since i found out she had been seeing her ex boyfriend (who has now cut contact with her) and in total 3 months since we seperated. Yet she was stringing me on for that time. THen the final fortnight, i saw the old her finally and she wanted to try etc.. But yea who knows what that was..

 

Anyway... Ive been keeping my self busy, trying to start my own business, applying for jobs, working around the house, going to the gym.. But nothing is helping.. At the end of the day it will always come back to her, she is still the last thing i think about and the first thing i think about when i wake up.

 

Ive blocked her on FB and Instagram etc, but doesnt make it easier. People are saying she fu*ked you over dude... She doesnt deserve you etc. and thats true.. But for the last 6 months of our relationship was ruff with her dad passing away and me losing my job. During that time she was a utter bitch... Didnt show any love at all etc. And that wasnt the girl i asked to marry me, but i knew it was only because of everything going on all of the stresses etc. Then she moved to her mums for a week about a month before we offically broke up... And she came back.. Different.. She was her again... But then boom month later she left... This time didnt come back and tried to get back with her ex.

 

The thing is i admit i dont know if i could get back with her.. .It would require alot of work, but i dont want to forget about our love and who i feel in love with if her attitude changes again.. I think she has BPD, yet wont truly seek help. I was the only one ever to try and get her to go and get help.

 

I know im punishing myself by doing this... Given she has only sent me abuse lately, and didnt even say thankyou when her sister gave her, her engagement ring back (because she wanted a keep sake). But out of the 4 years we were together there was only a rocky 6 months. What she has done since has been bad but love is greater than that. No only cant tell what she is thinking at the moment.

 

The thing is i have tried to move on with other women.. and no interest in them at all i kicked 2 out in the middle of the night because i didnt want them sleeping in "our bed". I have seriously been spending more time with strippers just talking and having fun, as thats what i miss about our relationship the most.

 

People have said this is the real her.. But i know this isnt... I thought long and hard about marrying her... and i done it for a reason.. I love her... And i know that person is still inside her... She is just shutting it away, because its easier to hate me than talk to me. But if i am wrong and this is the real here, im doubting my self in every move i make in life now just incase...

 

I dont know what to do, i dont want to move forward without her, i do know what i need to do, i dont want to do that, I know its her loss, But i stil will always love her and i feel this is going toaffect anyrelationship i move on with when i eventually do. If i do..

 

I am just that depressed and confused.. I have considered hosplitising my self or something but i what is that going to achieve. I am considered sucide earlier and i knew that would hurt her. But i have to much family i love and we have well i have 2 dogs which were our children i now have to be there for.. i cant even take her off my life insurance etc. Cause i always want to make sure she is ok no matter what.

 

It's like I'm reading my own situation (instead with cats not dogs). The problem with being someone is BPD is that the relationship becomes SO intense, and so do the feelings and the love, so when they aren't there any more it almost feels like you are going cold turkey on a drug.

 

You are doing the right things, but maybe see a counsellor to talk it out. As it stands, you aren't doing yourself, or her any favours. Maybe the real her will come back to you (I'm the same, the nasty girl who left wasn't the one I fell in love with), but you need to remember that the girl you fell in love with, wasn't the one who left.

 

Carry on with your own self improvement, it'll get better.

[LT1985]

It's like I'm reading my own situation (instead with cats not dogs). The problem with being someone is BPD is that the relationship becomes SO intense, and so do the feelings and the love, so when they aren't there any more it almost feels like you are going cold turkey on a drug.

 

You are doing the right things, but maybe see a counsellor to talk it out. As it stands, you aren't doing yourself, or her any favours. Maybe the real her will come back to you (I'm the same, the nasty girl who left wasn't the one I fell in love with), but you need to remember that the girl you fell in love with, wasn't the one who left.

 

Carry on with your own self improvement, it'll get better.

 

 

I read your story.... and wow it does sound simular. But yes the girl who left me wasnt the only i feel in love with and the girl who i want back isnt the one she is at the moment.

[LT1985]

Im currently at the stage where im just hurt... not angry... just hurt

 

But hurting is so much worse than anger, as you still love them deep down but you can’t explain how you feel.. No words, actions, expressions can help your hurt.

 

I know is saying saying these hurtful things etc to make it easier for her to move on, or maybe she is doing it cause she think it will make me hate her and move on.. I will never hate her... But being hurt is so much worse than hate. Its hate but with every bit of love you have for them still there…

 

Maybe she does mean everything she say or maybe its just the only way she can try and get over me. But if thats the case she must be trying pretty hard and if its that hard maybe you should put some effort into getting us back

 

But remember right now I don’t want her back.. she has hurt me beyond belief.. she have crushed my hopes of the family we were creating.. and left me to pick up the pieces… Like i say i would love to think we could try but i don’t think she could or even if i want to.. But that doesnt mean we can’t be ambical.. But the thing is i know i can. But i don’t think you can because deep down inside you no you ****ed up.. and you still have feelings for me..