Visiting for the first time

[AnalogueAnimal]

After months of postponing, delays, bad times.. I finally bought my flight tickets and I will be seeing her in a week. This is my first ever visiting another country all alone.

 

I have so many insecurities right now. I wonder what if she doesn't like me the moment she sees me? I wonder what if there's no chemistry in bed.. She has high expectations of sex since she is virgin and I am too.

 

And I am quite scared about the customs as well. Would I face any problem if I tell them she's just a friend who will guide me through the city and look after me?

 

Is there anything I need to be aware of? Do's and dont's? I'm gonna look up on google.

 

I would like to hear from the one's who have already faced this before.

 

Thanks!

[TMichaels]

After months of postponing, delays, bad times.. I finally bought my flight tickets and I will be seeing her in a week. This is my first ever visiting another country all alone.

 

How old are you? Have you ever visited another country?

 

I have so many insecurities right now. I wonder what if she doesn't like me the moment she sees me?

 

Surely you two have seen pictures and/or Skype chatted with each other. If so, I doubt she's going to suddenly *dislike* the sight of you! Chillax!

 

I wonder what if there's no chemistry in bed.. She has high expectations of sex since she is virgin and I am too.

 

Why rush things? There's no law saying it's mandatory you have sex with each other the first time you meet. In fact, given your situation, I'd recommend the first thing you do *is not* jump immediately into bed.

 

It'll cloud your judgment to see things clearly and as you already know, it puts an enormous amount of pressure on the two of you, when there's already enough as it is.

 

And I am quite scared about the customs as well. Would I face any problem if I tell them she's just a friend who will guide me through the city and look after me?

 

Basically at customs/immigration they will ask you the purpose of your trip as in "Business" or "Pleasure" and how long you plan to stay. The answer to that question is "Pleasure" -- tell them you are there "on holiday" which means you're there for a short stay/vacation which is true as opposed to being there to meet with clients/attend a trade show, etc.

 

If you have a brand-new passport which has no other country stamps, they might ask you if this is the first trip to XYZ country and what do you plan to do while you're there.

 

If it's your first trip to that country, say that as they can look it up if they want to make sure you're not lying. As far as what you plan to do when you're there, tell them you've always wanted to visit "XYZ" and plan to see things like "A, B, and C" as in some of the usual tourist hot spots.

 

As far as how long you plan to be there, tell them the truth (I assume you'll be there for a week or so) as again, they can verify whether you have a return plane ticket booked, and may ask to see it if they suspect you don't have plans to go home.

 

It's doubtful that they will ask you where you are staying while in their country. If they do, say something like I'm going to "X" (city) for "Y" days, and then am going to spend "Z" days in "XYZ" (city) or whatever.

 

In other words, it's not necessary to tell them what hotel (or not) you're going to be staying at, unless they specifically ask you.

 

If I were you, if they ask for housing specifics, I'd say I was staying in "ABC" hostel. Reason being, generally you don't need to make reservations in advance to stay at a hostel, so less chance for them to ask for a copy of your reservation if for some reason they were suspicious.

 

Basically, what immigration/custom officials are concerned about is that you're not planning on entering the country and staying past your visa so that you're a burden on their state or are up to no good.

 

Saying that you are going to visit friends, especially a girlfriend/boyfriend can raise a red flag for a number of reasons. One, you might be tempted to stay on and not leave the country when you are supposed to. Secondly, some people entering the country to see/stay with friends/significant others have no intention of ever going back home -- again, not something immigration likes to see as they didn't follow proper immigration/visa procedures.

 

Thirdly, immigration/homeland security people are aware that sometimes friendships or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship may have been cultivated (especially online) for ulterior motives AKA get a woman to fall in love with some guy online, have her come visit him, stick an explosive or drugs in her luggage (without her knowledge with) and off she goes to return home never suspecting a thing because she's in the "haze of love."

 

Of course, there are millions of people who legitimately are traveling to meet friends/significant others every year and have no intention of doing anything illegal or suspect.

 

However, from personal experience when you're a young single traveler, better not to rise the specter of suspicion by saying you're there to visit your girlfriend/boyfriend especially one you've never met before in person. Do you see why that would raise suspicion?

 

Is there anything I need to be aware of? Do's and dont's? I'm gonna look up on google. I would like to hear from the one's who have already faced this before. Thanks!

 

Biggest "DO?" Calm down and be rational. Yes, meeting someone you have strong feelings for the first time is exciting, but that doesn't mean you should throw all reason out the window.

 

 

 

Let's just say for a moment that things *don't* go well once you get there. Do you have a "Plan B?"

• Make sure your credit card or ATM card will work in a foreign country. (Don't take or carry a lot of cash; get local currency from an ATM as you need it.)
  
• Have you advised friends/family members that you're making the trip and for how long you'll be gone? Did you give them a copy of your passport and/or itinerary before you left in the event they need to find or help you?
  
• Will your cell phone work in the country you're going to? If not, you might want to purchase a "throw-away" phone when you get there that will allow you also to make international calls.
  
• Do you know where the Embassy for your country is located where you are visiting? Do you have the address/phone number in the event you need their assistance?
  
• Have you compiled a list of email addresses/phone numbers of friends/family so that in the event you need to get in touch with anyone back home you can send them a message? If you needed to go to an Internet café to do so, do you know of any that are located in the neighborhood you'll be staying in?
  
• Have you researched possible hotels/hostels in good areas of the city you'll be visiting in the event you want/need to stay somewhere else?
  

Biggest "DON'T?"

 

 

While the whole reason you're going on this trip is to meet this young woman, don't put all your eggs in that basket. As I said before, you need to get a hold of yourself and think rationally.

 

Instead of thinking: "What if she doesn't like me?" You ought to be thinking, "Just like in real life, it's possible when we meet we won't hit it off. Oh, well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Doesn't mean I can't have a great time visiting a part of the world I never have been before -- whether that's with her or one my own."

 

Which leads to my final suggestion, which is to approach this trip like a holiday. Do your homework before you go, come up a list of local or regional sights that you'd like to visit, restaurants you'd like to sample, and experiences you'd like to have while you're there.

 

That list not only will come in handy if it turns out things go south with your girlfriend and you need something to do until you return back home, but will also be useful if things go well as you'll have a good idea of some fun or new things to do and experience together.

 

Hope the above is helpful. Keep us posted.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[d0nnivain]

Biggest don't: Do NOT have sex. You are both virgins. It doesn't matter how long you have talked via the internet. You are still strangers. Take the pressure off yourselves this visit & don't even try. Spend time together. Get to know each other IRL.

 

Make sure you have your own accommodations -- hotel or a room in a place that is not her house -- so you can retreat if things aren't great.

[Miss Peach]

Biggest don't: Do NOT have sex. You are both virgins. It doesn't matter how long you have talked via the internet. You are still strangers. Take the pressure off yourselves this visit & don't even try. Spend time together. Get to know each other IRL.

 

Make sure you have your own accommodations -- hotel or a room in a place that is not her house -- so you can retreat if things aren't great.

 

I was going to say something similar to this.

 

I once did something like you're proposing OP and the guy offered to pay my hotel way. He thought that entitled him to stay with me. I would never again do that. Things got so bad when we met in person I actually picked up my things walked away on foot to get away from him.

 

I would also make sure you take credit cards, cell phone, and whatever else you may need so you can take care of yourself if needed. Hopefully she'll be lovely but always prepare for the worst.