Do you still care about someone who does't care about you?

[MidnightBlue1980]

So I saw xMM today and H asked me how it went, how I felt. I said I really did not talk to him, said a hello but that was really it. As to how I felt, I said I cared about him, knew he was working on his marriage and we just keep our distance from each other. I said he does not look well and I don't want to be responsible in any way for anything happening healthwise, he has a wife.

 

H asked - why do you care about someone who does not care about you? He left you to rot and die. How could you still care about someone who treated you so poorly?

 

I don't have an answer. I said, because I am a woman? A fool? Hopeless?

 

I was curious as to others experiences. Do you still care?

[Cappycorny]

For some strange reason I still care. Working on why. Totally messed with my self esteem. And some days I just plain miss him. Should not miss him but I do. Sad.

[Grey Cloud]

I still care but I must admit it's less and less now. Every time you are in emotional pain it slowly chips away and erodes a part of you. In the end you can't keep giving if you are getting nothing in return. I don't have the mental energy for it anymore. I am sure he is happy with his w and family and I was just a blip in his radar. But I need to be responsible for me now, not him. I need to take care of myself now.

[SammySammy]

Yes. I do.

 

My ex. I still love her.

 

This is the first time I've admitted that ....

[13Hearts]

No, I don't. Because I stopped being a slave to my emotions long ago, when I figured out that it is the way I think that causes the way I feel. I gave xMM the benefit of the doubt, and the opportunity to show that he meant what he said. When he did not come through, I decided I had spent enough of my precious time accommodating and trying to build something with him. Life is just too short to spend it on people or things that are going nowhere. Things that do not meet my needs.

 

Plus, I realized that in life, you have to look out for yourself. If you're busy looking out for everyone else, there is no one looking out for YOU. Continuing to sacrifice your own needs for someone else's is not healthy. But we women seem to do it instinctively. It's either me or them and only I am responsible for my own happiness and well-being.

[Popsicle]

Because to love (and even to care) is to give.

 

When you love someone you want to give to them, you want them to be happy.

 

Love is not about you.

 

Self-respect and self-esteem is about you.

 

Love and self-respect are two separate things. They can exist one without the other.

 

In an ideal situation, you should be able to love someone, to give to them, and love you back and give to you.

 

When that doesn't happen, it's unrequited or imbalanced. And unrequited love is, unfortunately, the most common form of love.

[Doublegold]

Midnight your own situation, compounded with your Husband's input on the affair-- has to be vexing to put it lightly.

 

How do you even begin to process your own feelings in this situation, especially with your husbands opinion being expressed--after his own affair?

 

Who truly cares about who?

 

I am not sure how you can figure out how your feel about XOM/how he cares about you whilst your husband is telling you he (XMM) doesn't care about you. Too much confusion in my own opinion.

 

So sorry. Take care.

[HappyAgain2014]

No. I can't care about someone who I'm ashamed to have been involved with.

[Adoraxx]

Yes, I still care about him much and I hate it, because I know he doesn't care about me at all

[Phoenician]

No, I don't. Because I stopped being a slave to my emotions long ago, when I figured out that it is the way I think that causes the way I feel. I gave xMM the benefit of the doubt, and the opportunity to show that he meant what he said. When he did not come through, I decided I had spent enough of my precious time accommodating and trying to build something with him. Life is just too short to spend it on people or things that are going nowhere. Things that do not meet my needs.

 

Plus, I realized that in life, you have to look out for yourself. If you're busy looking out for everyone else, there is no one looking out for YOU. Continuing to sacrifice your own needs for someone else's is not healthy. But we women seem to do it instinctively. It's either me or them and only I am responsible for my own happiness and well-being.

 

 

SO " stopped being a slave to my emotions long ago"

 

this attract me that you stopped caring , rather than caring about him , right ?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Because to love (and even to care) is to give.

 

When you love someone you want to give to them, you want them to be happy.

 

Love is not about you.

 

Self-respect and self-esteem is about you.

 

Love and self-respect are two separate things. They can exist one without the other.

 

In an ideal situation, you should be able to love someone, to give to them, and love you back and give to you.

 

When that doesn't happen, it's unrequited or imbalanced. And unrequited love is, unfortunately, the most common form of love.

 

I like that. I thought maybe, by loving xMM, I let him go. In a way, the highest form of love is letting someone go.

[burnt]

you stopped caring , rather than caring about him , right ?

 

Really interesting point.

 

Is the caring that still lingers for the actual person or for the memories of the relationship with the person?

 

A bit of both I suppose--somehow entwined.

[13Hearts]

SO " stopped being a slave to my emotions long ago"

 

this attract me that you stopped caring , rather than caring about him , right ?

 

I haven't stopped caring about things in general. I'm just not wasting any more time being involved in a stunted relationship that can never grow into anything. If he died or was injured, of course I would care, but I don't care if he ever leaves his wife or not.

 

.... in fact, now that i think about it, I never cared whether he lef her or not

Edited March 17, 2016 by 13Hearts

[rainbowsandkittens]

Yes, I still care about him much and I hate it, because I know he doesn't care about me at all

 

Ditto. :(

[denwickdroylsden]

I ended it over 3 years ago but I still have extended periods of extreme longing. I have avoided all means of contact and she has done the same. A large part of me hopes she has moved on and found someone to treat her like the queen she is. Another part of me just wants her back even though that would blow up my life. No way out

 

UGH

[Lovetoohard]

I don't care about how he is doing in his life and career and such. Don't know and don't care, so maybe it's actually, more of an indifference. He's called several times after we ended it to "check up on me," but I take those calls as being motivated by his selfish MM agenda, and not a reciprocity of the level of care and concern I used to have for him. My focus has shifted to my own well-being and happiness, which I compromised. In general, I wish good things for people, including the poor bum that hangs out at the street corner, so in that sense, I wish well for him. Now as 13 hearts mentioned, if something like death or a terminal illness happened, I would care. Not necessarily to the extent of dropping everything and rushing to his side, but I would feel terrible i'm sure.

Edited March 17, 2016 by Lovetoohard