professorx31 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Alright so here's the short version . Me and my fiance broke off the engagement two months ago. We were fighting too much. We recently worked it out. We were living together before. She now wants to start over and be just boyfriend and girlfriend. She wants to live in different houses still. The problem is she is a teacher and is very busy. Now we see eachother maybe once or twice a week. I miss sleeping next to her every day . She said she does too. She is hesitant because she doesn't want to return to a toxic environment. I find my self very clingy lately ( unusual for me) I feel like We don't have time now that we live in seperate houses. 45 mins away from eachother. I miss her so much. Should I give her time to want to move back with me? I really love her and I know she loves me. I feel like I am going to push her away by being too pushy. At the same I want to be more than a boyfriend. I miss our everyday life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 First off, congrats on trying to work on the relationship! Since she just wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, start dating her once a week. You've got to build her attraction back up...just don't be clingy. Keep it to once a week until she reaches out wanting to see you more...and don't text and call all day, every day. Best of luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
duncsvoice Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Alright so here's the short version . Me and my fiance broke off the engagement two months ago. We were fighting too much. We recently worked it out. We were living together before. She now wants to start over and be just boyfriend and girlfriend. She wants to live in different houses still. The problem is she is a teacher and is very busy. Now we see eachother maybe once or twice a week. I miss sleeping next to her every day . She said she does too. She is hesitant because she doesn't want to return to a toxic environment. I find my self very clingy lately ( unusual for me) I feel like We don't have time now that we live in seperate houses. 45 mins away from eachother. I miss her so much. Should I give her time to want to move back with me? I really love her and I know she loves me. I feel like I am going to push her away by being too pushy. At the same I want to be more than a boyfriend. I miss our everyday life. Man, am I jealous of you. Yes, give her the time she wants. You have the time to miss each other without being in that environment, so when you do see each other, I bet it's pretty wonderful? I've learnt from my break up with my fiancee (nearly two months ago...) that space is a wonderful thing. It allows you to focus on what you were doing wrong (and right of course) in the relationship and make changes to yourself, without being in a toxic environment. You have been given a second chance that quite honestly, I would kill for. Enjoy your space, fill your time with things that you enjoy and make really fun plans for when you are together. Be cool buddy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 It is my experience that once a relationship starts going backwards, it will probably never go forwards again. I would bail. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author professorx31 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 What if seeing each other once a week is not good enough. for me? It would be fine if it was a new girl, but We lived together. I miss waking up next to her. It almost hurts more to barely have her in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 If your relationship needs are not being met, and you feel you're not having enough time together, you should discuss that with your partner. If you can't come to an agreement which you're both happy with, then I don't see much future for the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Alright so here's the short version . Me and my fiance broke off the engagement two months ago. We were fighting too much. ... I miss sleeping next to her every day . She said she does too. She is hesitant because she doesn't want to return to a toxic environment. Why were you fighting so much, why was it a toxic environment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author professorx31 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 [/b] Why were you fighting so much, why was it a toxic environment? The previous summer we split up because I was working too much. 84 hours a week. She slept with someone else after about two weeks. I took her back because she was honest about it. I brought it up constantly that she slept with someone else. I decided to take her back. I should of let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 The previous summer we split up because I was working too much. 84 hours a week. She slept with someone else after about two weeks. I took her back because she was honest about it. I brought it up constantly that she slept with someone else. I decided to take her back. I should of let it go. I'm glad you realise that was wrong... you were making her feel like she cheated..but she was a free agent when you split up. Why not do as suggested .... have fun when you see her ...enjoy the dates ... don't be needy or act desperate. When she has such a good time she'll want more. Show her a good time and let things take a natural course. If it's meant to be .... it will be. Have you reduced your working hours? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 The previous summer we split up because I was working too much. 84 hours a week. She slept with someone else after about two weeks. I took her back because she was honest about it. I brought it up constantly that she slept with someone else. I decided to take her back. I should of let it go. Even though you were officially split up, the way you feel about her sleeping with someone else so quickly will leave its mark. As it stands, I doubt you trust her, and that is a no-go for any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 The previous summer we split up because I was working too much. 84 hours a week. She slept with someone else after about two weeks. I took her back because she was honest about it. I brought it up constantly that she slept with someone else. I decided to take her back. I should of let it go. It's not officially cheating, but it still stings just the same. I'm sure it brought up a lot of emotions. I'm not saying to browbeat her over the head with it or constantly bring it up, but you need to work through it together. It kind of sounds like you need a counselor to me. It seems like there might be a lot that is left unsaid between you two and probably a better way to handle what each of you is feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 First off, congrats on trying to work on the relationship! Since she just wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, start dating her once a week. You've got to build her attraction back up...just don't be clingy. Keep it to once a week until she reaches out wanting to see you more...and don't text and call all day, every day. Best of luck! I really like this option, do not over pursue and be needy (story of my life). Fill your time between dates. If it goes well she will want to see you more. Then you can move to that stage and discuss it. If you over pursue I'm guessing she will pull away and this opportunity will pass. Go SLOW and let it build for both of you. Best Wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 There is always hope if you are both committed to making it work. However, in order for that to happen there has to be some sort of compromise. Clearly one night a week is not going to be enough to meet your needs, and she wants a lot more space so you really need to talk about what you both want from each other and see if you can meet somewhere half way. If you can't find a happy medium then you need to face the fact that the relationship is doomed to be a very unhappy one. If that is the case, it might be in both your best interests to end the relationship and find someone more compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
arrow44 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 How long have you guys been back together? I would definitely give her some time. She probably misses you and your every day life as well. She might just be a little hesitant to move back in together as she doesn't want things to fall back into the way they were. I'm sure she is just taking it slow because she really wants things to work out this time. If you have already asked and she's not ready do not pressure her or all you're going to do is push her away. Just give it time and appreciate that she is back in your life, you're at a point that many couples never get to... A second chance! Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I love a happy ending but I would tread with caution. In December my Ex told me he loved me and wanted us to try again. We had to take it slow because it would be a long distance relationship. I was fine with this and when we were together it was great- when we were apart (which was more than together) not so great. He was very distant and unavailable. I was unfulfilled and was starting to think I was being needy- once you yourself feel like you're being needy I think you make allowances/excuses for behaviour you shouldn't allow. That said, there is no reason why it won't work. I think the important thing is how you manage your time when you're not together that matters because when you're together everything will seem fine. I wish you good luck and hope this works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted April 9, 2016 Share Posted April 9, 2016 Its not true what the other poster said about relationships not going forward after going backward. Ask anyone who is married. There are plenty of ups and downs. In your case though you must erase being needy from the equation. Otherwise you will end up alone again. I can say with sincere honesty that there is nothing grosser to the opposite sex than being needy. Its a total turn off. So if she isn't meeting your needs, find someone who will. Otherwise you are going to have to find a way to suppress it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts