Second date at his house?

[Gaeta]

I'm French-Canadian,

 

No kidding. I'm French canadian too. You're probably out of Qc cause here, especially montreal, we threw religion out the window generations ago and women of all generations are sexually liberated and guilt free about it.

[Gaeta]

French canadian women have a reputation of being easy and wild (something most of us are proud of ;-)). Maybe that's what he is counting on. In my dating l have come across many men mainly interested in me because of my french heritage

[elaine567]

French canadian women have a reputation of being easy and wild (something most of us are proud of ;-)). Maybe that's what he is counting on. In my dating l have come across many men mainly interested in me because of my french heritage

 

Oh là là...

[Amytm]

I don't want to be seen as easy. I want him to respect me and I want a LTR. But I also want to have sex with him. And because I've never had these feelings I don't know if I really want to have sex, or I'm just turned on. Or if my preconceived ideas about sex are holding me back. Maybe all I really want is to sleep with him, but because I think that would make me easy and people would think less of me I'm holding back. OR maybe I just want a LTR and want to have sex because he turns me on and I'm not use to controlling those feelings. If I'm unsure when I'm with him I should wait.

 

Condoms.... I assumed they guy would wear them without hesitation? I didn't think I'd have to make sure he puts it on. Don't they care about their sexual health and not getting someone pregnant? Or do they just not use a condom if they trust the person to be clean and on BC?

 

I was born and raised in Quebec City, my adoptive parents moved us to New Brunswick when I was 10.

Edited March 17, 2016 by Amytm

[elaine567]

But I also want to have sex with him.

 

Seems like your mind is made up that having sex with him is a done deal. Which is fine, no big deal, but you have to remember and be cool with the fact that afterwards you may never see or hear from him again, as that is often the result of wham bam thank you ma'am type relationships.

I am not saying that is this particular man's MO, he may quite innocent as to the meaning of "2nd date dinners at my house", but just be aware.

 

OK Condoms are a must, but have you any other means of contraception organised?

[Gaeta]

I don't want to be seen as easy. I want him to respect me and I want a LTR. But I also want to have sex with him. And because I've never had these feelings I don't know if I really want to have sex, or I'm just turned on. Or if my preconceived ideas about sex are holding me back. Maybe all I really want is to sleep with him, but because I think that would make me easy and people would think less of me I'm holding back. OR maybe I just want a LTR and want to have sex because he turns me on and I'm not use to controlling those feelings. If I'm unsure when I'm with him I should wait.

 

Condoms.... I assumed they guy would wear them without hesitation? I didn't think I'd have to make sure he puts it on. Don't they care about their sexual health and not getting someone pregnant? Or do they just not use a condom if they trust the person to be clean and on BC?

 

I was born and raised in Quebec City, my adoptive parents moved us to New Brunswick when I was 10.

 

A lot of men don't care about avoiding std's and pregnancy. They just want to get it on. They think it just happens to other people, not them.

 

There is no trusting the person to be clean. It's not the world we live in anymore. You use latex condoms till both of you go get tested then you can stop using them.

 

So I assume if you are in New Brunswick you are living in a small city or even a small town. The way you carry yourself will come around eventually. In those small places there is always someone knowing someone knowing you and ready to gossip about you. Just be careful.

[Amytm]

A lot of men don't care about avoiding std's and pregnancy. They just want to get it on. They think it just happens to other people, not them.

 

There is no trusting the person to be clean. It's not the world we live in anymore. You use latex condoms till both of you go get tested then you can stop using them.

 

So I assume if you are in New Brunswick you are living in a small city or even a small town. The way you carry yourself will come around eventually. In those small places there is always someone knowing someone knowing you and ready to gossip about you. Just be careful.

 

I didn't think men would do that at all... Or lie that they have something. So do you use condoms in a relationship too?

 

I (and my parents followed to be around my kids) moved to Toronto a year ago for a job. But you are right about the small town gossip. Everyone knew my business and I knew everyone else's. Thankfully Toronto is huge, and I don't even have mutual Facebook friends with him. I haven't made a lot of friends outside work friends.

 

Seems like your mind is made up that having sex with him is a done deal. Which is fine, no big deal, but you have to remember and be cool with the fact that afterwards you may never see or hear from him again, as that is often the result of wham bam thank you ma'am type relationships.

I am not saying that is this particular man's MO, he may quite innocent as to the meaning of "2nd date dinners at my house", but just be aware.

 

OK Condoms are a must, but have you any other means of contraception organised?

 

 

I don't want to have sex if he's just going to disappear after because I was too easy. We both said we wanted something serious, he could have lied but I was telling the truth.

 

I have an IUD.

[CarrieT]

Two dates does *not* a relationship make!

 

If you want "something serious," than you wait for sex. Because actions speak louder than words and right now, you are hung up on all the lines he has fed you and believe that having sex will immediately mean you are in a committed relationship.

 

And how can you both be on the same page with feelings and intentions when you barely know each other?!?

[Gaeta]

I didn't think men would do that at all... Or lie that they have something. So do you use condoms in a relationship too?

 

Yes you keep on using condoms when you are in a relationship till you both get tested. THEN only after being tested you stop using condoms. Amytm 25% of people have herpes and don't know about it. 80% of people have oral cold sores and don't know about it. A man that has a cold sores and performs oral sex on you can give you genital herpes. Mouth to genital is 40% of the new herpes out there. Then there is HPV, who's very prevalent these days, and I am not talking about all the other STD's, and the news ones entering our country newly identified by Health Canada.

 

You never ever trust your body to a man just because he says he is clean. This new man admitted he played the field, didn't he!! He did have random sex so don't play with your health.

[Summer3]

Two dates does *not* a relationship make!

 

If you want "something serious," than you wait for sex. Because actions speak louder than words and right now, you are hung up on all the lines he has fed you and believe that having sex will immediately mean you are in a committed relationship.

 

And how can you both be on the same page with feelings and intentions when you barely know each other?!?

 

Actually, if she has sex with him now she can kiss any chance of a relationship goodbye. He might be testing her.

[Timshel]

Sweet Jesus! Amy, you have 4/5 kids already. If you want a serious, loving and long term relationship........falling into bed on the second date would be a faux pas.

 

Didn't you say you got pregnant with an IUD? Please consult your physician about birth control and STDs before taking up sexual activity.

 

Best wishes to you and your children. Be safe

[Summer3]

I don't want to have sex if he's just going to disappear after because I was too easy. We both said we wanted something serious, he could have lied but I was telling the truth.

 

I have an IUD.

 

Amy...he IS lying to you. If he was looking for a long term relationship he would have tried to impress you by taking you out to a nice restaurant and then a movie. He is luring you to his house with his "awesome" cooking skills...You haven't been around the block. I have. He's lying.

[Amytm]

Yes you keep on using condoms when you are in a relationship till you both get tested. THEN only after being tested you stop using condoms. Amytm 25% of people have herpes and don't know about it. 80% of people have oral cold sores and don't know about it. A man that has a cold sores and performs oral sex on you can give you genital herpes. Mouth to genital is 40% of the new herpes out there. Then there is HPV, who's very prevalent these days, and I am not talking about all the other STD's, and the news ones entering our country newly identified by Health Canada.

 

You never ever trust your body to a man just because he says he is clean. This new man admitted he played the field, didn't he!! He did have random sex so don't play with your health.

 

I didn't know that... With my ex we were each other's first there was nothing to worry about. So if he wants to do oral or have me do oral I say no until were in a relationship and tested?

 

Actually, if she has sex with him now she can kiss any chance of a relationship goodbye. He might be testing her.

 

Why would he test me? To see if I'm easy and if I am then I'm not relationship material?

 

Amy...he IS lying to you. If he was looking for a long term relationship he would have tried to impress you by taking you out to a nice restaurant and then a movie. He is luring you to his house with his "awesome" cooking skills...You haven't been around the block. I have. He's lying.

 

What if he wanted to impress me by cooking a good dinner? Or is that not a thing? Do I just cancel the whole thing and not go?

[Summer3]

Why would he test me? To see if I'm easy and if I am then I'm not relationship material?

 

 

 

What if he wanted to impress me by cooking a good dinner? Or is that not a thing? Do I just cancel the whole thing and not go?

 

I'm not saying he is testing you but it's a possibility. If you sleep with him he might think "Oh this one will sleep with anyone on a drop of a hat. Yuck." And trying to "impress" a girl on a second date with cooking skills is cheap and cheesy. If it was a 10th date it would be cute.

 

No. Don't cancel the date. Tell him you won't go to a man's place alone after you just met him. Tell him you'd feel more comfortable going to a public place for now. Let him earn your trust to be alone in his home.

[katiegrl]

Amytm, is he still on line?

 

He's been coming on quite strong, indicating he is wanting something *serious.*

 

Does he mean with you? Or just in general?

 

Does he mean now? Or in five years?

 

Anyway, if it were me I would check to see if he is still skulking around on line.

 

If he had not been coming on *this* strong, with all these sexual innuendos, good morning beautiful, etc ....I would say no big deal if he is still searching for others on line.

 

But since he DID indicate to you he is wanting something serious (the implication being with YOU).....and indicating he is wanting a sexual RL (with you)......then I would think he would wish to focus on YOU, and stop the on line activity.

 

At least for now..

 

So if you have not checked to see if he is still active on line since meeting you, then please do.

 

If he is, then you are probably one of MANY women he is pursuing and wanting something *serious* with.

 

Be smart, and choose wisely!!!!

[Gaeta]

I didn't know that... With my ex we were each other's first there was nothing to worry about. So if he wants to do oral or have me do oral I say no until were in a relationship and tested?

 

Depends how much of a chance you want to take.

 

One of my very good female friend ended up at the emergency room on Xmas day with something she thought was a bad yeast infection. Turned out it was herpes. Test revealed it was type 1, the one we usually have on the mouth. She called her boyfriend of 5 months and he confirmed he use to have cold sores but didn't think it was something he needed to disclose. She is stuck with this for the rest of her life, and he broke up with her a couple of months later. He had told her he was clean, he just didn't know a cold sore IS an std.

 

Again, you do as you wish but now you are informed what's out there and the risks.

 

That being said I think you are ahead of yourself, we're all telling you if you want a relationship then don't sleep with him right away. He has all the signs of a player.

[introverted1]

Do you think he thinks that too? That's it's a "done deal" that we'll have sex?

 

If you present even remotely the same way in person as you do here, it's safe to say that he knows exactly how to proceed with you.

 

I hope it goes well and I make wise decisions.

 

Then think and decide with your head, not your genitals.

[Amytm]

I know I shouldn't sleep with him. I think I just want to be prepared for when it does happen. At some point it will. Or if I'm an idiot and it happens tomorrow.

 

Amytm, is he still on line?

 

He's been coming on quite strong, indicating he is wanting something *serious.*

 

Does he mean with you? Or just in general?

 

Does he mean now? Or in five years?

 

Anyway, if it were me I would check to see if he is still skulking around on line.

 

If he had not been coming on *this* strong, with all these sexual innuendos, good morning beautiful, etc ....I would say no big deal if he is still searching for others on line.

 

But since he DID indicate to you he is wanting something serious (the implication being with YOU).....and indicating he is wanting a sexual RL (with you)......then I would think he would wish to focus on YOU, and stop the on line activity.

 

At least for now..

 

So if you have not checked to see if he is still active on line since meeting you, then please do.

 

If he is, then you are probably one of MANY women he is pursuing and wanting something *serious* with.

 

Be smart, and choose wisely!!!!

 

I just checked, he was last online Tuesday, the day he asked me out (for lunch on Wednesday). I haven't been on mine since either. I didn't think about it, just haven't been on.

 

He didn't straight up say that he wants something serious with me. He said he's done having fun and now he wants something serious and wants to remarry. He said he wants someone with kids so they understand him and he loves kids and might want another (that would be 10 between the two of us). I asked if he had been having any luck so far and he said "Not yet, but I like where I am right now" and gave me a look and smiled.

 

If you present even remotely the same way in person as you do here, it's safe to say that he knows exactly how to proceed with you

 

I don't think that I do. We didn't talk about sex at all, or things that I was unsure of. But who knows if he saw me as naïve.

[katiegrl]

Amytm, you say you have four kids....any daughters?

 

If so, since you do appear to be quite naive, I would suggest you read as much as possible about men, their nature, how they think, types of men you should avoid, and be wary of, as opposed to men who are trustworthy, and relationship-oriented.

 

Natalie Lue's books and articles are a great source of information!

 

Reason being, when your daughters reach a certain age, you will want to advise *them* as to the best course of action to take as they begin dating...so as to avoid these *player* types who are essentially full of crap in the majority of cases.

Edited March 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[kendahke]

Why does that show he was wanting sex?

 

Because of what transpired the first time you two were together. Him acting like "oh I've got all the time in the world now", even though he was trying to get you into his house the second time he saw your face instead of taking you out on a proper date is why everyone is saying that that's what he was after.

 

So calling someone hun and beautiful to soon is bad?

 

That bothers some women, but not me. I haven't had an experience where being called "beautiful" or "hun" at this point turned the guy into sex fiend.

 

What if he's just inexperienced or out of the game and making mistakes? Is that possible? I mean, his oldest daughter is 9 so he was with his wife for at least 7 years.

 

He's got 5 kids. He's not inexperienced by any stretch of the imagination. Is he out of sync with dating? Probably; but unless he married as a virgin, more than likely, he knows his way around that block.

 

Don't assume that every man you meet who has been married a long time and has children is as inexperienced as you are. The fact is you don't know anything about how this guy you're dealing with conducted his life before he got married, mainly because you two haven't known one another long enough to get to that point of knowing that information.

 

It won't kill you to wait until you have way more information--in fact, the discipline will benefit you. It won't lead you to do something in haste that you'll end up regretting in leisure.

[SwordofFlame]

As a guy, just want to chime in here. Not ALL guys who bed you early on will vanish immediately afterwords. Sure some will, but for me, how soon we have sex doesn't really effect if I want to continue dating her or not.

[Amytm]

Amytm, you say you have four kids....any daughters?

 

If so, since you do appear to be quite naive, I would suggest you read as much as possible about men, their nature, how they think, types of men you should avoid, and be wary of, as opposed to men who are trustworthy.

 

Natalie Lue's books and articles are a great source of information!

 

Reason being, when your daughters reach a certain age, you will want to advise *them* as to the best course of action to take as they begin dating...so as to avoid these *player* types who are essentially full of crap in the majority of cases.

 

Yes, I have 2 daughters. My oldest is 7. I want to be able to help them when the time comes. Right now I would not be able to. I also want to be able to talk to them about sex and answer any questions they have. I don't want them to feel like sex is bad like I was raised. Right now I probably have more questions than they ever will. I think about those things a lot, how I'll help them.

 

Because of what transpired the first time you two were together. Him acting like "oh I've got all the time in the world now", even though he was trying to get you into his house the second time he saw your face instead of taking you out on a proper date is why everyone is saying that that's what he was after.

 

That bothers some women, but not me. I haven't had an experience where being called "beautiful" or "hun" at this point turned the guy into sex fiend.

 

He's got 5 kids. He's not inexperienced by any stretch of the imagination. Is he out of sync with dating? Probably; but unless he married as a virgin, more than likely, he knows his way around that block.

 

Don't assume that every man you meet who has been married a long time and has children is as inexperienced as you are. The fact is you don't know anything about how this guy you're dealing with conducted his life before he got married, mainly because you two haven't known one another long enough to get to that point of knowing that information.

 

It won't kill you to wait until you have way more information--in fact, the discipline will benefit you. It won't lead you to do something in haste that you'll end up regretting in leisure.

 

I'm going to wait. I don't want to mess it up or get played. If he asks me back to his place after our date tomorrow, does that mean all he wants is sex?

 

He was very confident on our date. He led everything and showed no sign of being nervous or anything. I was the opposite. Not a total nervous wreck, but he noticed ibwas nervous.

[Amytm]

As a guy, just want to chime in here. Not ALL guys who bed you early on will vanish immediately afterwords. Sure some will, but for me, how soon we have sex doesn't really effect if I want to continue dating her or not.

 

I wonder if you are in the minority or majority.

[Gaeta]

He's got 5 kids. He's not inexperienced by any stretch of the imagination. Is he out of sync with dating?

 

He's not new on the dating scene. He told her he has been playing the field since his divorce.

 

Also, this is Toronto, not southern US. Canadian men don't call women beautiful and honey on their first date, unless they want to throw sand in your eyes.

[Gaeta]

I'm going to wait. I don't want to mess it up or get played. If he asks me back to his place after our date tomorrow, does that mean all he wants is sex?

 

It doesn't matter what it means, as a young woman, mother of 4, serious about finding a man for a serious purpose, you do not accept home invitations unless you've had 3-4 dates.

 

It's not only about if it means he wants sex, it's about what YOU project when you accept such invitation.