Second date at his house?

[Zapbasket]

Girl, he shot his wad in his pants.

 

He's embarrassed!

 

"I've never done that before".

 

Exactamundo.

 

Tell him what a great time you had. Tell him you love getting physical with him, but you're not quite ready to have sex (if that's still the case), and you hope he's cool with that. Tell him that make-out session was really hot for you, too.

 

Sounds like he's just a little embarrassed that he lost control. He'll come around (no pun intended ); just be sure you let him know how great the whole night was for you. Also, it sounds like he's genuinely sizing you up for a real relationship. Be sure you do the same--ask him questions that reveal how he's handled relationships and life challenges and such in the past, things that help you size HIM up in terms of attributes that are important to you in a serious relationship with long-term potential.

 

I'd still suggest waiting a while longer on having sex with him. You're still just getting to know each other and it all looks promising.

[Cora]

Oh my gosh I've been waiting on your update all night. The suspense was killing me. Glad you had a good time and it sounds like he genuinely likes you. He was just a bit embarrassed is all. Just take things slow with him or fast depending on what you want. Have fun....dating is an adventure for sure.

[Amytm]

I didnt even think of that... Or know that could happen. Is that bad that he did? Or normal? If it's normal why is he embarrassed?

 

A friend of mine (didn't have as much detail) said "Classic player. He's following the old '1 base per date'. At this rate you'll be in bed on the 4th date." I didn't even know what she was talking about until I looked it up. Is that an actual thing? And she called it dry sex, or something like that.

 

He still hasn't messaged me back. Do I tell him that I didn't even know? He always texts me in the morning but not today.

 

I'm still not ready to have sex. Did I go too far last night?

 

If he came then he enjoyed it, right? So why was he sometimes putting his hand down there to move it and lifting me off him, but then moving me back so I was sitting right on it? And said "we should stop"? Was he unsure?

[losangelena]

Yeah, I'd say he was probably waiting to do that later, when you were both naked, so he was embarrassed AND disappointed. He probably thinks you realized what happened, too.

 

I'd say just give him a few days. Hopefully he'll swing back around.

 

Hate to read that you assumed something was your fault, though. Don't blame yourself so easily, OP.

[losangelena]

I didnt even think of that... Or know that could happen. Is that bad that he did? Or normal? If it's normal why is he embarrassed?

 

The two are not mutually exclusive. Yes, it's normal, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a man on earth who wouldn't get embarrassed over performance issues, especially during his first time with a partner.

 

A friend of mine (didn't have as much detail) said "Classic player. He's following the old '1 base per date'. At this rate you'll be in bed on the 4th date." I didn't even know what she was talking about until I looked it up. Is that an actual thing? And she called it dry sex, or something like that.

 

I've never heard it put that way before. If he wanted to, I don't see why he wouldn't have tried for sex on this date, had he not shot his load off early.

 

He still hasn't messaged me back. Do I tell him that I didn't even know? He always texts me in the morning but not today.

 

I wouldn't.

 

I'm still not ready to have sex. Did I go too far last night?

 

I think the better question is, did you go too far for yourself last night? If he hadn't cum too soon, would it have escalated? At what point were you thinking, "this is where I'll cut it off?" Or would you have just gone with the flow? If you're not good at drawing those kinds of boundaries (with yourself or others), then I think you'd be better off, for your own sake, avoiding the types of scenarios you found yourself in last night.

 

If he came then he enjoyed it, right? So why was he sometimes putting his hand down there to move it and lifting me off him, but then moving me back so I was sitting right on it? And said "we should stop"? Was he unsure?

 

A lot of guys will say that to see if you agree to stop. If you don't, it's a bit of green light to keep going. As far as moving on and off his penis, if his pants were on and buttoned, he was probably moving it for comfort, or for a better angle.

 

If getting off was his end game, then I doubt you'll hear from him again. If he was just embarrassed, he may swing around. Again, you didn't do anything, "wrong." If the guy was sincerely relationship-minded toward you, he may not have even tried for that kind of hot-and-heavy dry-humping session; and it would certainly be unfair if he thinks less of you because you participated.

[No_Go]

Regarding not calling/texting: if we're in the sane time zone, it's Sat morning!

 

No need to be joined at the hip after 2 dates (in my opinion - ever)

 

Regarding the dry hump - I think it's the safest possible sexual activity, so great you both enjoyed.

 

Regarding him coming in his pants- he was probably not happy with it, that's why he was moving you to avoid the extra pressure that will bring him over the edge. In the big picture - man's nonsense (same like worrying over penis size or lasting long)

[katiegrl]

 

---

 

***Regarding not calling/texting: if we're in the sane time zone, it's Sat morning!

 

---

 

No need to be joined at the hip after 2 dates (in my opinion - ever)

 

Regarding the dry hump - I think it's the safest possible sexual activity, so great you both enjoyed.

 

Regarding him coming in his pants- he was probably not happy with it, that's why he was moving you to avoid the extra pressure that will bring him over the edge. In the big picture - man's nonsense (same like worrying over penis size or lasting long)

 

No Go, reminding that OP texted him saying she had a great time and expressed desire to go out again, to which he has NOT responded.

 

Not even a "me too, and yes would love to get together again too, I'll be in touch."

 

That is very telling IMO....especially given how strong he has been coming on prior to this date!

 

Also, the entire way this guy comes on to her, with all his sweet talk "let's meet at 4:00, more time to win you over before I kiss you goodnight," "you get prettier every time I see you," the flowers, buying her a pen so she can't forget him????

 

This was a *first date* after a first meet for heaven's sake...it's too much..... the man definitely had an agenda!

 

And sorry Amytm, but the way you behaved in the truck, you may as well have had sex.

 

His goal was accomplished (he got off), sooner than he would have liked, but he got off nevertheless, which was his goal all along....which is why he kept maneuvering you around....repositioning your body.

 

He knew you wouldn't go back to his place, so he figured he go for his truck. Ugh

 

Notice as soon as he got off, orgasmed, his entire attitude toward you changed, he went cold, and then suddenly ... poof was gone!

 

You must have felt horrible.. I sure would have if as soon as a guy got off, he went cold and left. Any woman would have too. That is not indicative of s nice man with good intentions IMO.

 

So what that he came in his pants, big whoop. He went to restroom and cleaned up.

 

I doubt you will hear back from him, but anything is possible I suppose.

 

I hope he does as I know you like him....do not contact him again.

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Amytm]

I think the better question is, did you go too far for yourself last night? If he hadn't cum too soon, would it have escalated? At what point were you thinking, "this is where I'll cut it off?" Or would you have just gone with the flow? If you're not good at drawing those kinds of boundaries (with yourself or others), then I think you'd be better off, for your own sake, avoiding the types of scenarios you found yourself in last night.

 

A lot of guys will say that to see if you agree to stop. If you don't, it's a bit of green light to keep going. As far as moving on and off his penis, if his pants were on and buttoned, he was probably moving it for comfort, or for a better angle.

 

I had no intention of having sex, even in the moment. We obviously wouldn't have right then and there. We were in a car, in public. It crossed my mind, but I wasn't going to do it. I told him when we started kissing that I didn't want to go further.

 

I don't feel like I went to far for myself. But I don't know how other people view that. It was pretty much agreed that sex on the second date would be bad. But I don't know how sitting on him, making out until he comes compares. I have a pretty good feeling that we'd go a little further every day, depending on the circumstances.

 

So when he said he should stop, and I didn't say anything and kept kissing him, did I give him the idea that sex was okay?

 

If he thought I wanted sex then he'd think I'm disappointed, right? So should I text him again and say I'm not disappointed and had a great time.

 

Regarding not calling/texting: if we're in the sane time zone, it's Sat morning!

 

No need to be joined at the hip after 2 dates (in my opinion - ever)

 

I know. It's just that he's texted me every morning so far. We don't text much otherwise but he's always sent a good morning text "to make sure I get a good start to my day". I don't want him to think that he ruined it and I'm so disappointed. Maybe I'll text him a good morning text instead.

 

It feels kind of nice in a way. My ex could never come unless it was during sex, and it took forever. So that i coukd easiky get him to that point makes me feel good. I don't know if it's weird for me to feel like that, but I do.

 

And sorry Amytm, but the way you behaved in the truck, you may as well have had sex.

 

His goal was accomplished (he got off), sooner than he would have liked, but he got off nevertheless, which was his goal all along....which is why he kept moving you around.

 

He knew you wouldn't go back to his place, so he figured he go for his truck. Ugh

 

Notice as soon as he got off, orgasmed, his entire attitude toward you changed, he went cold, and then suddenly ... poof was gone!

 

You must have felt horrible.. I sure would have if as soon as a guy got off, he went cold and left. Any woman would have too. That is not indicative of s nice man with good intentions IMO.

 

So what that he came in his pants, big whoop. He went to restroom and cleaned up.

 

I doubt you will hear back from him, but anything is possible I suppose.

 

I hope he does as I know you like him....do not contact him again.

 

That's what is bothering me, that he didn't even say me too or I'll talk to you later to schedule something else.

 

Why was what we did so bad, though? Where you said we might as well have had sex. We were both fully clothed the whole time. I didn't actually touch him.

 

If he just wanted sex wouldn't he keep coming around to keep getting it? Why would a guy get it once (not even in this case) and vanish? He spent around $200 yesterday.

[katiegrl]

It *was* sex .... google "dry sex."

 

Both of you fully clothed, but ending with orgasm ...at least for him.

 

Amytm, some men get very weird after orgasm.... he is not the first guy who has felt compelled to run away from a woman immediately after having one (orgasm) with her...whether through traditional sex, dry sex or her masturbating him.

 

My advice would be to live your life same as before you met him, get back on the site and date other guys.

 

If he calls again, great, if not then lesson learned.

 

Beware of men who come on *that* strong and fast .....they usually disappear just as fast.

[scorpiogirl]

I had no intention of having sex, even in the moment. We obviously wouldn't have right then and there. We were in a car, in public. It crossed my mind, but I wasn't going to do it. I told him when we started kissing that I didn't want to go further.

 

I don't feel like I went to far for myself. But I don't know how other people view that. It was pretty much agreed that sex on the second date would be bad. But I don't know how sitting on him, making out until he comes compares. I have a pretty good feeling that we'd go a little further every day, depending on the circumstances.

 

So when he said he should stop, and I didn't say anything and kept kissing him, did I give him the idea that sex was okay?

 

If he thought I wanted sex then he'd think I'm disappointed, right? So should I text him again and say I'm not disappointed and had a great time.

 

 

 

I know. It's just that he's texted me every morning so far. We don't text much otherwise but he's always sent a good morning text "to make sure I get a good start to my day". I don't want him to think that he ruined it and I'm so disappointed. Maybe I'll text him a good morning text instead.

 

It feels kind of nice in a way. My ex could never come unless it was during sex, and it took forever. So that i coukd easiky get him to that point makes me feel good. I don't know if it's weird for me to feel like that, but I do.

 

 

 

That's what is bothering me, that he didn't even say me too or I'll talk to you later to schedule something else.

 

Why was what we did so bad, though? Where you said we might as well have had sex. We were both fully clothed the whole time. I didn't actually touch him.

 

If he just wanted sex wouldn't he keep coming around to keep getting it? Why would a guy get it once (not even in this case) and vanish? He spent around $200 yesterday.

 

I'm sorry, but your naïveté is becoming a bit annoying. How can you not know that you were treading on thin ice with all that stuff happening in the car?

If you want to do grown-up things then you need to be able to talk to the men you date like a grown-up.

 

If you want to know what happened and what he meant when he said XYZ, then you should ask him. If you can grind on him and sit on top

of him in his truck then you can open your mouth and say what it is you want to do and don't want to do.

 

I don't agree that he's a player, I don't know if he's being genuine with you or not. But I do agree that you might as well have had sex with him. If you didn't want this to happen then you would have stayed in a restaurant or coffee shop to chat, and then gone home.

 

These things are not happening to you. You're participating in it.

[Saracena]

I

 

 

1)So when he said he should stop, and I didn't say anything and kept kissing him, did I give him the idea that sex was okay?

 

2) If he thought I wanted sex then he'd think I'm disappointed, right?

.

 

 

1) Yes, at this point I'd have been more (negative) vocal as continuing to kiss him sounded as if you wanted to continue or at the very least you weren't sure. You really have to be clear regarding your boundaries.

 

2) In all probability yes. However, since you've already said you had a good time, I'd leave the ball in his court at this point. I reckon you will hear from him though when he's processed things a bit more. Like some others I think he's quite embarrassed about things at this point.

 

How compatible do you think you two are?

[losangelena]

I had no intention of having sex, even in the moment. We obviously wouldn't have right then and there. We were in a car, in public. It crossed my mind, but I wasn't going to do it. I told him when we started kissing that I didn't want to go further.

 

Yet you sat on his lap and dry-humped him until he came. I don't say that judgmentally, just pointing out that you already had taken it further than you'd said you wanted to go.

 

So when he said he should stop, and I didn't say anything and kept kissing him, did I give him the idea that sex was okay?

 

You gave him the idea that what you were doing was OK.

 

If he thought I wanted sex then he'd think I'm disappointed, right? So should I text him again and say I'm not disappointed and had a great time.

 

I honestly don't think he was thinking of your pleasure at all or that the encounter was entirely non-reciprocal. I don't think you should text him again.

 

Why was what we did so bad, though? Where you said we might as well have had sex. We were both fully clothed the whole time. I didn't actually touch him.

 

If he just wanted sex wouldn't he keep coming around to keep getting it? Why would a guy get it once (not even in this case) and vanish? He spent around $200 yesterday.

 

No, what you did wasn't "bad," it just seems like perhaps your priorities were not aligned. We shall see.

 

I can see lines dividing already on this thread between those who think he's just embarrassed, and those who think he's gone now that he's gotten off. I'm not convinced either way, yet. I would say though that, all his "oh, I want to start the date earlier, I can't wait to see you, blah blah blah" was a full-on line. Stuff like that would automatically get my antennae up. He's blowing way too hot so early-on.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Regarding the dry hump - I think it's the safest possible sexual activity, so great you both enjoyed.

 

Funny that it's called dry, because I'm sitting here wondering what they had in the bathroom - generic, scratchy paper towels, or a blow dryer!

[Agron1]

I too have been excitedly waiting for the update. This is not the result I would have guessed. At this point, I tend to agree with Katiegrl, but he may be dying of embarrassment because he figured you knew what happened. He was definitely trying to make that the result in the moment, but once it happened he thought "crap I blew in my pants." Just have to see if he calls. If not it's a no harm no fowl thing and you learned about dating.

 

 

One base per date is not a player. Maybe in high school, but not for adults. A player will get you in bed as soon as possible. No one would ever call me a player. I'm not real comfortable around a new lady at first. Even with my awkwardness, two to four dates has been when it's happened. If it was more than that one or the other really wasn't interested and it never happened. Now having said that, you do whatever you are comfortable with. If it's a lot more dates that's fine. What ever your comfortable with.

[Sara1989]

You said you wouldn't have sex with him BUT you had a heavy make up session and you sat on his lap, it sounds like he had an orgasm which is why he acted so offish afterwards.

 

 

It is strange he hasn't bothered to text you since and yes it is a bad sign. Welcome to the world of dating!

[katiegrl]

I might be inclined to think he was embarrassed ...if NOT for his prior behavior, per the OP -- that being his supreme confidence, his utter lack of any nervousness ...all the sweet talk, flattery, etc etc etc.

 

IMO, this is not a guy who is going to run away from a woman due to *embarrassment*.

 

And even if he were embarrassed, so what? How does that translate into him not replying with a simple text saying he had a good time too?

 

That said, time will tell.

 

IMO, right now it doesn't look good, but again, you never know

[Cherryz]

You guys are very young and already have many kids.

 

Since you are a single mom, know that you are vulnerable. People that are no good

often look out for single mothers, Because they think those are more easy and desperate for someone to accept them with their kids.

 

It may have been to fast to kiss him on first date. First dates are more to see who this guy is. Once you start touching and kissing someone it mess with your mind and emotion and you can easily fall fast for them even if it make no sense, and also get confuse.

 

So its best to have the get to know him or freinds first mentality. Especially in your situation.

 

A decent gut, or at least a guy that have good intentions with you will never ask you to come to his home, while you not even his girlfriend.

Once a guy is looking for dark, lonely, isolated places to meet up with you, see it as a redflag if thats how he is dating you.

Dont go to his house!! He want to finish that hot things that happen on the first date. I would say break it off. Since man often knows from day one what their plan is with you.

 

But if you dont want to break it off, at least dont go to his house. And meet at daylights and at open places where there is more people in the restaurants etc.

And start dating with people in your city. Since you have kids, you have much more things to think about then just falling inlove blah blah. A new man is not your priority.

Beside if you choose wrong your kids will suffer much more then you.

THis is the best moment to break this off and not get hurt!!

Since there is already sexual feelings, you may go further with him sexually and end up in a mess.

 

And if he is a guy with more experience then you, even if you ddnt tell him that your husband was your only man, he may feel that either-way that you have not much experience.

[Cherryz]

Ps: If you want a happy good life, dont base it on what the whole world is doing or how fast they are going. Because if you look at the result, you dont see them happy because they went fast into things.

 

The best thing is to tke time to know people and take things slow before jumping into it.

Because it help you know the person and his real intentions.

Or if there is any skeletons, you can get to know some if you take time to know the person first. Instead of giving him everything rigth away and fast.

Beside a man wont respect you if you are a easy woman to get.

[katiegrl]

Since Amytm has not replied in a few .... perhaps he called and they are talking right now?

 

Trying to think positive here!!!

[losangelena]

I might be inclined to think he was embarrassed ...if NOT for his prior behavior, per the OP -- that being his supreme confidence, his utter lack of any nervousness ...all the sweet talk, flattery, etc etc etc.

 

IMO, this is not a guy who is going to run away from a woman due to *embarrassment*.

 

And even if he were embarrassed, so what? How does that translate into him not replying with a simple text saying he had a good time too?

 

That said, time will tell.

 

IMO, right now it doesn't look good, but again, you never know

 

I'm inclined to agree with you, Katie. This was the guy, after all, who invited OP to his house for this particular date. It's not like he suddenly turned into the boy next door.

 

OP, baring some miracle, I'd say you're good to be rid of this guy. I had some early missteps in dating, confusing a man's lust with a desire for intimacy and a genuine interest in me. But, you confuse the two enough and you learn, quickly.

[No_Go]

Katie, he texted her (and she responded) at 2am! After they ended the date at 1 am. My best guess is he fell asleep after the message (I've done it so many times).

 

Yes, he was coming strong (gifts etc). Maybe he likes her. Funnily one of the best dating experiences in my life was with a guy like this. We had 2 8 hour dates, tons of kissing/making out on the beach, no sex though. He brought me a book on the second date.... I wish he was interested for more but he blew me off afterwards (haha maybe proving your point... But even if it was just a play...it was soooo good).

 

I never got it what is dating with 'good intentions'. Obviously even the men (or women) with best intentions (e.g. Looking for marriage), still will want sex if they are attracted. For mature adults it shouldn't take months IMO.

 

No Go, reminding that OP texted him saying she had a great time and expressed desire to go out again, to which he has NOT responded.

 

Not even a "me too, and yes would love to get together again too, I'll be in touch."

 

That is very telling IMO....especially given how strong he has been coming on prior to this date!

 

Also, the entire way this guy comes on to her, with all his sweet talk "let's meet at 4:00, more time to win you over before I kiss you goodnight," "you get prettier every time I see you," the flowers, buying her a pen so she can't forget him????

 

This was a *first date* after a first meet for heaven's sake...it's too much..... the man definitely had an agenda!

 

And sorry Amytm, but the way you behaved in the truck, you may as well have had sex.

 

His goal was accomplished (he got off), sooner than he would have liked, but he got off nevertheless, which was his goal all along....which is why he kept maneuvering you around....repositioning your body.

 

He knew you wouldn't go back to his place, so he figured he go for his truck. Ugh

 

Notice as soon as he got off, orgasmed, his entire attitude toward you changed, he went cold, and then suddenly ... poof was gone!

 

You must have felt horrible.. I sure would have if as soon as a guy got off, he went cold and left. Any woman would have too. That is not indicative of s nice man with good intentions IMO.

 

So what that he came in his pants, big whoop. He went to restroom and cleaned up.

 

I doubt you will hear back from him, but anything is possible I suppose.

 

I hope he does as I know you like him....do not contact him again.

[jen1447]

At least the second date wasn't at his place.

 

I can see lines dividing already on this thread between those who think he's just embarrassed, and those who think he's gone now that he's gotten off. I'm not convinced either way, yet.

 

I think there's a third option here. First, I can't really imagine he'd be too happy w/the results even tho he technically got off, second his embarrassment would probably take a back seat to his desire to make it right and show her what a stud he is on another try.

 

What concerns me more tho is his behavior in the 'afterglow' - inconsiderate, sullen, etc. That may be to some extent due to his poor performance, but it's extended into today as well. It means first of all he's not a 'happy cummer' (will roll over and go to sleep - not a good sign for a longterm relationship) and second that it's a lot if not all about him. His booboo face, his self esteem, etc. A person who was more mutually invested would feel bad that she didn't get to cum too and strive to treat her right in whatever way afterwards, not get introspective and mourn for himself. :-/

[losangelena]

At least the second date wasn't at his place.

 

 

 

I think there's a third option here. First, I can't really imagine he'd be too happy w/the results even tho he technically got off, second his embarrassment would probably take a back seat to his desire to make it right and show her what a stud he is on another try.

 

What concerns me more tho is his behavior in the 'afterglow' - inconsiderate, sullen, etc. That may be to some extent due to his poor performance, but it's extended into today as well. It means first of all he's not a 'happy cummer' (will roll over and go to sleep - not a good sign for a longterm relationship) and second that it's a lot if not all about him. His booboo face, his self esteem, etc. A person who was more mutually invested would feel bad that she didn't get to cum too and strive to treat her right in whatever way afterwards, not get introspective and mourn for himself. :-/

 

Seriously, especially the bolded. Almost any which way you slice it, it looks bad.

 

When you said "third option" I got optimistic for a second.

[TXGuy]

You said you wouldn't have sex with him BUT you had a heavy make up session and you sat on his lap, it sounds like he had an orgasm which is why he acted so offish afterwards.

 

 

It is strange he hasn't bothered to text you since and yes it is a bad sign. Welcome to the world of dating!

 

He texted her right after the date and she responded.

 

It has been less than 12 hours since the date ended. The fact that he has not texted this morning is not a big deal at all. I went bed earlier than this guy and I just got out of bed a half hour ago.

[MidwestUSA]

At least the second date wasn't at his place.

 

 

 

I think there's a third option here. First, I can't really imagine he'd be too happy w/the results even tho he technically got off, second his embarrassment would probably take a back seat to his desire to make it right and show her what a stud he is on another try.

 

What concerns me more tho is his behavior in the 'afterglow' - inconsiderate, sullen, etc. That may be to some extent due to his poor performance, but it's extended into today as well. It means first of all he's not a 'happy cummer' (will roll over and go to sleep - not a good sign for a longterm relationship) and second that it's a lot if not all about him. His booboo face, his self esteem, etc. A person who was more mutually invested would feel bad that she didn't get to cum too and strive to treat her right in whatever way afterwards, not get introspective and mourn for himself. :-/

 

You'd think he'd at least have come up with the line 'I'm sorry, but you're just SOOOOOOO hot, I couldn't hold it back'.

 

Maybe he didn't get to the chapter that explains that.