Second date at his house?

[losangelena]

He texted me this:

"Hey Hun, I'm sorry for last night. I should have been able to control myself better, and I should have reacted better. I've never had that happen and didn't know how the aftermath was going to play out. You said you didn't want to go past kissing and I respect that, I don't want you to think that I don't. Of course I had an amazing time too, the whole date was great, and I want to see you again.

 

You said your mom is keeping the kids the weekend so they could go to the zoo? My kids are with their mom until Sunday night. I'm all yours until then. Whatever you want. I'll call you soon, just have a quick conference call."

 

It's like an early Christmas miracle. Was not expecting that at all.

[Saracena]

About an hour later he texted and said "Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the night. I've never done that before." Done what? Ruined the night? QUOTE]

 

 

This. Definitely sounds to me he was processing things and explains why I think he WAS in fact, embarrassed.

 

Amy- A heavy 40-minute making out session with someone you're very attracted to is bound to lead where it did. I would keep these much shorter in future if you want to avoid taking things further!

[jen1447]

It's like an early Christmas miracle. Was not expecting that at all.

 

That's much better, but (and I hate being a worry-monger) the first reaction is usually the most authentic. He may have even 'reloaded' by now and had his manners inspired by that.

[katiegrl]

It's like an early Christmas miracle. Was not expecting that at all.

 

Well it's like I always say ....things are never, or often times not, as they appear to be.

 

Even now (hate to say) after he texted, it may not be what it *appears* to be.

 

In any event, Amytm, how you feeling? Better?

 

Did you text him back?

 

Let us know when he calls!

 

I am actually rooting for you here!!

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Amytm]

It's like an early Christmas miracle. Was not expecting that at all.

 

I feel like I should be happy about it but I'm not. Having trouble processing my thoughts about it. It feels like everyone is saying I might has well have just f*cked him, even 2 friends I talked to. And so maybe I just should since apparently I pretty much did.

 

A friend of mine is a classic player. Always has been. He's a good friend, though. Im talking to him right now and he thinks the guy has be right where he wants me and knows exactly how to work me. I feel like he genuinely likes me. Kind of makes me wish I never asked for help or opinions because then I wouldn't be so conflicted.

[Saracena]

He texted me this:

"Hey Hun, I'm sorry for last night. I should have been able to control myself better, and I should have reacted better. I've never had that happen and didn't know how the aftermath was going to play out. You said you didn't want to go past kissing and I respect that, I don't want you to think that I don't. Of course I had an amazing time too, the whole date was great, and I want to see you again.

 

You said your mom is keeping the kids the weekend so they could go to the zoo? My kids are with their mom until Sunday night. I'm all yours until then. Whatever you want. I'll call you soon, just have a quick conference call."

 

 

Amy-Just read your update and although I'm not at all surprised, needless am very happy for you! Great news!

[TXGuy]

I feel like I should be happy about it but I'm not. Having trouble processing my thoughts about it. It feels like everyone is saying I might has well have just f*cked him, even 2 friends I talked to. And so maybe I just should since apparently I pretty much did.

 

A friend of mine is a classic player. Always has been. He's a good friend, though. Im talking to him right now and he thinks the guy has be right where he wants me and knows exactly how to work me. I feel like he genuinely likes me. Kind of makes me wish I never asked for help or opinions because then I wouldn't be so conflicted.

 

I agree with this. Between you IRL friends and a significant portion of the LS peanut gallery insisting your guy is some type of predator, I'm concerned you are going to internalize that nonsense and blow your shot with this decent guy who is one of the few people out there that has shared your life experiences (having a litter of kids).

[katiegrl]

I feel like I should be happy about it but I'm not. Having trouble processing my thoughts about it. It feels like everyone is saying I might has well have just f*cked him, even 2 friends I talked to. And so maybe I just should since apparently I pretty much did.

 

A friend of mine is a classic player. Always has been. He's a good friend, though. Im talking to him right now and he thinks the guy has be right where he wants me and knows exactly how to work me. I feel like he genuinely likes me. Kind of makes me wish I never asked for help or opinions because then I wouldn't be so conflicted.

 

Well, you may be inexperienced and a bit naive, but you still have intuition, and if your intuition tells you he likes you, and that his intentions are good (that he is looking for something serious as he claims) .... then I say go with that!

 

If you end up getting played, and/or hurt, that is life....you live, you learn, you grow, you evolve.

 

We all do....it builds character and makes us stronger!

 

Then again, it may work out!!

 

It is all a risk....with everyone. There are never any guarantees when it comes to dating and relationships. Never ever!

 

So take the chance and hope for the best.

 

Keep us posted!

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[losangelena]

I feel like I should be happy about it but I'm not. Having trouble processing my thoughts about it. It feels like everyone is saying I might has well have just f*cked him, even 2 friends I talked to. And so maybe I just should since apparently I pretty much did.

 

A friend of mine is a classic player. Always has been. He's a good friend, though. Im talking to him right now and he thinks the guy has be right where he wants me and knows exactly how to work me. I feel like he genuinely likes me. Kind of makes me wish I never asked for help or opinions because then I wouldn't be so conflicted.

 

Well, OP, I think what's essential right now is that you get straight about what it is YOU want moving forward with this man and conduct yourself accordingly. Stop trying to figure out his intentions for now. They really shouldn't matter.

 

For instance, if you know you don't want to have sex this weekend, then don't put yourself in a situation where this is a possibility. If he is fine with waiting, then great. If he disappears, then you know and you can move on. Conversely, if you're OK with having sex, then go for it, but don't be surprised if he disappears (NOT saying he will). Have sex if you want to, but don't do it if you think it's what he wants or that it'll make him stick around. Those are both bad reasons to go there. Walk into this with your eyes open. You are ultimately responsible for the decisions you make. As someone else said, these are not things that are "happening" to you.

 

We may be a "peanut gallery," but I assure you we're only trying to help, and are speaking from past experiences.

 

Best of luck to you!

[Agron1]

Yah, the whole thing is quite bizarre! If he is a player, the real players are going to take his "player card" away and rip it up. I've read a couple pickup books and never once was "going in your pants" the preferred result.

 

 

He must only be able to do it once a night, or he would have been trying to get you back to his place after the movie. Might rule out the multiple times per night talked about earlier.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Agron1

[Amytm]

We're going to go get something to eat and take it from there. He wants to pick me up this time so we aren't dealing with 2 cars if we go do something else.

 

He called. He asked how I was feeling about last night and apologized again. I said it was fun, the only thing I was unsure of was his reaction after. He said it was obvious that he came and couldn't read my reaction for how to proceed and knew (or thought) he messed up. Eventually I had to say I didn't actually know until I got home. Which led to me saying I've only been with 1 person. Avoiding it would have meant lying. He was surprised by it but said it was refreshing and he likes that. He said "but... I'm not in the same boat". Said he really likes me and we'll go at my pace.

 

Either he really doesn't care that I've only been with one person, or it weirds him out or he'll use it to his advantage. He said he doesn't care and likes it, but we'll see I guess. I couldn't lie about it.

 

Apparently I already f*cked him so we'll see what happens. Both kid free until Sunday night, perfect time to spend the night. Only time for the next 2 weeks.

 

He must only be able to do it once a night, or he would have been trying to get you back to his place after the movie. Might rule out the multiple times per night talked about earlier.

 

I don't think that's really an issue if that's true.

[Agron1]

Apparently I already f*cked him so we'll see what happens.

 

 

You have NOT had sex with him yet. Don't think I've already done that, so might as well go all the way. If you want to go all the way, that's fine. He used your body to masturbate. Stop and check-in with yourself every now and then. Say, "Self is this what I really want?" If the answer is "No," you need to stop what your doing.

 

 

Good luck!

[losangelena]

You have NOT had sex with him yet. Don't think I've already done that, so might as well go all the way. If you want to go all the way, that's fine. He used your body to masturbate. Stop and check-in with yourself every now and then. Say, "Self is this what I really want?" If the answer is "No," you need to stop what your doing.

 

I agree with the bolded. Well, I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded.

[xpaperxcutx]

I agree with the bolded. Well, I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded.

 

How is this any different than giving a handjob to a guy and then rationalizing its not sex?

 

I dont know where this going but I still advise theOP to be careful. After all, the guy has 5, 6 (?) Children and we all know how that came about.

[katiegrl]

How is this any different than giving a handjob to a guy and then rationalizing its not sex?

 

I dont know where this going but I still advise theOP to be careful. After all, the guy has 5, 6 (?) Children and we all know how that came about.

 

OP said he has five .... and at 32, that is a lot of kids!

 

I wonder with how many different women too.

 

Not to sound negative, but some men associate having the ability to get a woman pregnant with being a "man.". They really like to rack them up.

 

Amytm has four kids at 26. In his mind, perfect blueprint for his baby maker number 6.

 

I believe they even discussed this on their first meet!

 

Just sayin ....

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[No_Go]

Yeah that's a lot of kids for 32yo, but a guy like him is possibly her best lifestyle match - they'd be able to understand each other (imagine a childless man/woman being faced with a partner with 4-5 small kids)...

[introverted1]

I agree with this. Between you IRL friends and a significant portion of the LS peanut gallery insisting your guy is some type of predator, I'm concerned you are going to internalize that nonsense and blow your shot with this decent guy who is one of the few people out there that has shared your life experiences (having a litter of kids).

 

Yea, I think it's important to keep in mind that, even if this guy is a player sexually, it's not likely he has a ton of relationship prospects lined up.

 

Apparently I already f*cked him so we'll see what happens. Both kid free until Sunday night, perfect time to spend the night. Only time for the next 2 weeks..

 

OP, it's really hard to get a read on you. On the one hand, you seem to present as this incredibly naive girl with zero experience about men. I get that you've only had one sexual partner but I'd expect more maturity given 4 kids, TV, movies, books, magazine, friends, etc. My 17yo daughter has way more sense about guys and their motives than you do.

 

And at the same time, I get the sense that you just want to **** this guy but somehow have it be an accident or something you tell us you didn't actually want to do, as if that will make it less... what? what is it you are trying to avoid?

 

You're 26, you have 4 kids, if you want to ****, then ****. You don't need our permission! And if you don't want to, then don't dry hump in the guy's truck.

[Saracena]

Yeah that's a lot of kids for 32yo, but a guy like him is possibly her best lifestyle match - they'd be able to understand each other (imagine a childless man/woman being faced with a partner with 4-5 small kids)...

 

Exactly what I was going to say. I, as a childless, young woman would bawk at someone like this. Even one or two would be enough to send ME running!

[katiegrl]

Exactly what I was going to say. I, as a childless, young woman would bawk at someone like this. Even one or two would be enough to send ME running!

 

Oh ...I think there are plenty of red flags about this guy for everyone... regardless of whether she has kids or not...

 

JMO, and as Amytm said herself, these next two weeks will be very telling.

[xpaperxcutx]

Yeah that's a lot of kids for 32yo, but a guy like him is possibly her best lifestyle match - they'd be able to understand each other (imagine a childless man/woman being faced with a partner with 4-5 small kids)...

 

This isn't a tv sitcom where two adults can easily come together to form the Brady Bunch.

 

I know men who are fathers with one or two kids and they are actually more doting and concerned about being there for their kids then worry about the next women in their lives.

 

This guy came on STRONG and he will probably back off STRONG.

 

As another poster has mentioned the OP is too naive and innocent. Is that all an act? I know parents who are around the same age and they don't act like they don't know what they are doing. I'm the same age as the OP And even I wouldn't sit on a guy's lap without knowing that Im a turn-on for the guy.

 

It doesn't matter if a person haven't had sexual experiences. The OP obviously had experiences with sex or else she wouldn't be stuck with 4 kids. I'm just a little concerned why the OP is doing this push/pull with the guy.if she doesn't want sex why say things about how turned on she is by him?

 

She can't keep saying no then keep doing the opposite (like dry humping him). She's coming off as a tease and most men generallydo not like girls who act this. If he is a player, once he gets her into bed he will disappear.

[katiegrl]

This isn't a tv sitcom where two adults can easily come together to form the Brady Bunch.

 

I know men who are fathers with one or two kids and they are actually more doting and concerned about being there for their kids then worry about the next women in their lives.

 

This guy came on STRONG and he will probably back off STRONG.

 

As another poster has mentioned the OP is too naive and innocent. Is that all an act? I know parents who are around the same age and they don't act like they don't know what they are doing. I'm the same age as the OP And even I wouldn't sit on a guy's lap without knowing that Im a turn-on for the guy.

 

It doesn't matter if a person haven't had sexual experiences. The OP obviously had experiences with sex or else she wouldn't be stuck with 4 kids. I'm just a little concerned why the OP is doing this push/pull with the guy.if she doesn't want sex why say things about how turned on she is by him?

 

She can't keep saying no then keep doing the opposite (like dry humping him). She's coming off as a tease and most men generallydo not like girls who act this. If he is a player, once he gets her into bed he will disappear.

 

I agree... and don't mean to change the dynamic of this thread or bring up a sensitive topic, but behavior such as the OP exhibited in his truck .... is precisely how many date rapes occur...unfortunately!

 

The woman says no, while her actions (dry humping) say yes, the guy goes by her actions, assumes she means yes, so goes for it, often times in a very aggressive manner, ultimately ending in a *date rape*.

 

Not all date rape cases of course, but it definitely happens that way sometimes. I work in legal, so I know.

 

Fortunately, this guy wasn't "like that" .....but the next guy very well could be!

 

Amytm, I hope this thread opens your eyes a bit to the harsh realities..... so please be aware, and be careful!

 

Read Natalie Lue, Pat Allen, Evan Marc Katz!

[HereNorThere]

OMG People. You guys are soooo overthinking thinking this.

 

OP, did you have fun? Enough fun you want to see this guy again?

 

That's it. It's really not any more complicated than that. I ordered Chinese food, watched HBO and took sleeping pills last night. Dry humping at the drive-in sounds WAY better that what I did.

 

Quit making it so complicated and have a good time. If you don't like this guy, there are literally millions of others out there. If you do, I'm sure he'll still be around. Just make sure you always use a condom considering the fertility between you two, but other than that, enjoy yourself.

[katiegrl]

OMG People. You guys are soooo overthinking thinking this.

 

OP, did you have fun? Enough fun you want to see this guy again?

 

That's it. It's really not any more complicated than that. I ordered Chinese food, watched HBO and took sleeping pills last night. Dry humping at the drive-in sounds WAY better that what I did.

 

Quit making it so complicated and have a good time. If you don't like this guy, there a literally millions of others out there. If you do, I'm sure he'll still be around. Just make sure you always use a condom considering the fertility between you two, but other than that, enjoy yourself.

 

Actually, OP's very first words on this board after her date (before reading any of our comments) were "I did something stupid."

 

Which I think speaks for itself.

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Amytm]

Yes, he has 5 kids. And I have 4. If he's some kind of bad guy for having 5 then I'm just as bad. His kids were all from his marriage, and he has full custody over them. He's not a deadbeat or running around impregnating everyone. My kids were all outside a marriage and I had them younger, so if he's bad then I'm worse.

 

Having kids doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. And let's be realistic here, there isn't exactly a line up of people waiting to date either of us and a relationship with a childless man likely wouldn't go well. And thats okay, and that is NOT the reason I like him. It's just fact.

 

I like him, A LOT.

 

Yes, I am somewhat gaurded about it because my ex wanted as many kids as I could make. I dont want this guy to be the same. If he had his way, I'd be having them back to back still. He saw kids as some sort of status symbol. But then he totally bailed and I haven't seen him in 3.5 years.

 

This guy loves kids, he has said it and he's said he may want another. On our date we didn't dream of our children together. He asked 1 question, if I wanted more kids. That's a legitimate question! Why date someone if they want kids and you don't out vise versa.

 

Trust me, I'm very concerned about combining families if it ever gets to that point. That will not be easy for anyone and I wouldn't make that decision lightly. You can't just throw 9 kids under 10 into a house and expect it to be smooth as butter. Making that merge would be difficult.

 

I have 4 kids, I got pregnant at 18. I was with a man from 15 years old on. He was controlling and I spent most of my time with him. I rarely talked to other guys because he didn't want me to. I had hardly any girl friends because he didn't want me to. I was raised in a extremely Catholic home, I didn't watch much TV (I dont even remember what I watched), we didn't have internet, I was told from about 12 years on that sex is bad, kissing is bad, porn is bad, nudity is bad, female orgasm was bad, masturbating was bad. I wasn't even allowed to take sex education with my class. When I did start getting g older and breaking away from that I was having kids, when is their time to sit and read "how to have the best orgasms and 59 ways to please your man!"?

 

I am not teasing him. I don't tell him all the stuff I've said here. I don't say maybe we'll have sex but maybe not. The first date we kissed, nothing wrong with that. He invited me to his house for the second date, I said no. The second date we made out again and "dry humped" as you say. While doing that I said I don't want to go further. I didn't say that before then dry hump him. He acknowledged that and we didn't go further.

 

Today, we got a late lunch and that was it. He's home alone but didn't ask me to go over or try anything else. He said I could go over later if I want (business call for a couple hours) but it was completely open. And he said during the invite that we wouldn't do anything.

 

He knows now that I've only been with 1 person and respects that. He said we can go slower and he'll follow my lead and out the brakes on when he think it's necessary.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Amytm

[katiegrl]

Yes, he has 5 kids. And I have 4. If he's some kind of bad guy for having 5 then I'm just as bad. His kids were all from his marriage, and he has full custody over them. He's not a deadbeat or running around impregnating everyone. My kids were all outside a marriage and I had them younger, so if he's bad then I'm worse.

 

Having kids doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. And let's be realistic here, there isn't exactly a line up of people waiting to date either of us and a relationship with a childless man likely wouldn't go well. And thats okay, and that is NOT the reason I like him. It's just fact.

 

I like him, A LOT.

 

Yes, I am somewhat gaurded about it because my ex wanted as many kids as I could make. I dont want this guy to be the same. If he had his way, I'd be having them back to back still. He saw kids as some sort of status symbol. But then he totally bailed and I haven't seen him in 3.5 years.

 

This guy loves kids, he has said it and he's said he may want another. On our date we didn't dream of our children together. He asked 1 question, if I wanted more kids. That's a legitimate question! Why date someone if they want kids and you don't out vise versa.

 

Trust me, I'm very concerned about combining families if it ever gets to that point. That will not be easy for anyone and I wouldn't make that decision lightly. You can't just throw 9 kids under 10 into a house and expect it to be smooth as butter. Making that merge would be difficult.

 

I have 4 kids, I got pregnant at 18. I was with a man from 15 years old on. He was controlling and I spent most of my time with him. I rarely talked to other guys because he didn't want me to. I had hardly any girl friends because he didn't want me to. I was raised in a extremely Catholic home, I didn't watch much TV (I dont even remember what I watched), we didn't have internet, I was told from about 12 years on that sex is bad, kissing is bad, porn is bad, nudity is bad, female orgasm was bad, masturbating was bad. I wasn't even allowed to take sex education with my class. When I did start getting g older and breaking away from that I was having kids, when is their time to sit and read "how to have the best orgasms and 59 ways to please your man!"?

 

I am not teasing him. I don't tell him all the stuff I've said here. I don't say maybe we'll have sex but maybe not. The first date we kissed, nothing wrong with that. He invited me to his house for the second date, I said no. The second date we made out again and "dry humped" as you say. While doing that I said I don't want to go further. I didn't say that before then dry hump him. He acknowledged that and we didn't go further.

 

Today, we got a late lunch and that was it. He's home alone but didn't ask me to go over or try anything else. He said I could go over later if I want (business call for a couple hours) but it was completely open. And he said during the invite that we wouldn't do anything.

 

He knows now that I've only been with 1 person and respects that. He said we can go slower and he'll follow my lead and out the brakes on when he think it's necessary.

 

Amytm, I think you have in fact learned quite a bit from this thread....suddenly, miraculously you sound very strong!! Taking charge of your own feelings and emotions, and experiences, which is awesome!

 

Certainly not the same innocent naive young girl you portrayed yourself to be throughout this thread, even earlier today when you said you did something *stupid* (your words).

 

What happened to prompt this sudden change in attitude and well, personality?

 

Don't get me wrong I think it's awesome.... albeit a bit baffling.

 

But good for you, I hope it all works out for you!

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl