xpaperxcutx Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 What is so shocking? Most mature adults would have sex at 3-4 dates. The rest is game playing. These people are not virgins, they have been out and about (9 kids total), so I'd be shocked if they 'lightly kissed' for weeks:D The OP said previously she didn't want to have sex with him so soon. Currently the reason they even started having sex is because she instigated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 The OP said previously she didn't want to have sex with him so soon. Currently the reason they even started having sex is because she instigated. I agree she said that, but I got the feeling that OP didn't want to have sex so early because of what it might "mean" or that it'd scare the guy off. You can see her opinion change even in this thread. After it became clear that this guy hadn't run off after the dry humping episode, OP all of a sudden became very pro-sex, and confident that it was the right choice. People change their minds, I guess! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) I'm going to his house again tonight for dinner. Amy, in your latest post (273) you said you won't be together for two weeks... due to kids. So did he break your date for tonight? Confused. Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Amy, in your latest post (273) you said you won't be together for two weeks... due to kids. So did he break your date for tonight? Confused. She said they won't be *alone* for two weeks, because the kids will be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amytm Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 I agree she said that, but I got the feeling that OP didn't want to have sex so early because of what it might "mean" or that it'd scare the guy off. You can see her opinion change even in this thread. After it became clear that this guy hadn't run off after the dry humping episode, OP all of a sudden became very pro-sex, and confident that it was the right choice. People change their minds, I guess! I agree with this. You will be together tonight though, right? To discuss exclusivity (his words)? You sound good about all of it, which is great and all that matters.... Fingers crossed this works out the way you want it too.. ...and enjoy tonight, is he taking you out? Or another night at home? Has he seen yours and how you live? Yeah I'm going to his house and he's cooking dinner, then I'll stay for a little bit before we have to pick up our kids. He wants to discuss being exclusive. He offered to go out but I'd rather stay in one more time. He has been to my house but only to pick me up. He only saw the main floor. His house was spotless. He has a live in nanny, though. And the kids weren't home that weekend. I imagine it looks a lot different when the kids are there, mine does. Amy, in your latest post (273) you said you won't be together for two weeks... due to kids. So did he break your date for tonight? Confused. I meant after tonight we won't be together for 2 weeks. We are still on for tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amytm Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 She said they won't be *alone* for two weeks, because the kids will be there. To clarify on this. We are not meeting each other's kids any time soon. At all. They stay out of it until were both super sure. Like months down the line. We will see each other during the next 2 weeks, but only for lunch. We have the same lunch break and work beside each other. We won't be going home so no sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) To clarify on this. We are not meeting each other's kids any time soon. At all. They stay out of it until were both super sure. Like months down the line. We will see each other during the next 2 weeks, but only for lunch. We have the same lunch break and work beside each other. We won't be going home so no sex. My goodness ....you are so calm!! Given you just met this wonderful man FOUR days ago .... with whom you just had amazing sex ... who you really like ... and who also *potentially* could change your entire life! Quite a transformation from earlier in the thread ....but good for you! And again good luck! Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 My goodness ....you are so calm!! Given you just met this wonderful man FOUR days ago .... with whom you just had amazing sex ... who you really like ... and who also *potentially* could change your entire life! Quite a transformation from earlier in the thread ....but good for you! And again good luck! Maybe having sex was what she needed to calm down! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 He said "let's talk about it (exclusivity) tonight." That's pretty forward, yes? Staying the night went really well. He didn't push at all, if anyone initiated it was me. He made me feel very comfortable which led up to sex. The sex was good (though painful) and he went very slow, made it more about me than him. So I doubt very much he thinks you are inexperienced at this point and with 4 kids at 26. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Try not to get hooked too fast just in case he doesn't want more than a FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 What is so shocking? Most mature adults would have sex at 3-4 dates. The rest is game playing. These people are not virgins, they have been out and about (9 kids total), so I'd be shocked if they 'lightly kissed' for weeks:D What's shocking is she seemed worried that he was inviting her over for dinner just to get sex and we thought she was trying to avoid sex this fast. Come to find out she is the one who initiated the sex. Also he wants to take her out of the house on a date again but she'd rather stay in and have more sex. I think people should stop worrying about Amytm and start worrying about him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) Maybe having sex was what she needed to calm down! Haha ... usually it's the opposite! Not in a bad way... ..it's just that oxytonin bonding hormone kicking in. Human nature...just read this board, it's all over! Men too! Which is precisely why it's been advised to wait a bit until she's gotten to know him, developed some trust that he's not flash and dash....unless a woman is only looking for FWB. I dunno, you could be right .... but given her earlier anxiety and insecurity about everything, just find this sudden transformation a bit unusual tis all. But it's all cool... like I said I hope it all works out for her. Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I think having sex was good for you. You've only been with one other guy, and from you've written, he was a jerk. So, nothing wrong with having a bit of fun. We only live once. But you need to manage your expectations. You need to protect your emotions. You've known this man a week and you're already boyfriend and girlfriend? Okay, well, that's moving very fast, so just be careful, okay? Or just try not to take things too seriously. There's no rush. Get to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 But you need to manage your expectations. You need to protect your emotions. You've known this man a week and you're already boyfriend and girlfriend? Okay, well, that's moving very fast, so just be careful, okay? Or just try not to take things too seriously. There's no rush. Get to know each other. They are? Where did she say that? I must have missed it. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It seems like it is moving fast. As far as exclusivity - I just wish you actually knew him better emotionally and mentally first...and had a reasonable conversation about being exclusive before you had sex with him. But that's just me preferring proper order of things. And being smart and protecting yourself. Not gonna judge Amytm, BTDT myself! No more though, now I date smart and wait. I am dating an awesome guy right now (fourth date Friday night, fifth date in about an hour). Still have not had sex yet ...lots of touching and kissing though! We both want to wait believe it or not! Both he and I have done the fast and furious, and the RL becomes mostly about sex, and neither one of us wants that this time! It has been a bit tough waiting though .... I must admit! Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm not sure why anyone is worried about the OP. She wanted sex and she had sex. She's a grown woman with 4 children, hardly a babe in the woods... As for this guy bailing on her... well, my take is that there may be even fewer women willing to take on a guy with 5 kids than there are men willing to take on a woman with 4! Either way, I imagine it's a pretty small dating pool for them both and this should work in favor of longevity. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 They are? Where did she say that? I must have missed it. Maybe I misread the posts. I thought someone said they've only been dating for a week Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Maybe I misread the posts. I thought someone said they've only been dating for a week Their first date was last Wednesday... so it's been less than a week actually. She said he wants to discuss exclusivity tonight, which implies bf/gf. Not judging, I have done it myself! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm not sure why anyone is worried about the OP. She wanted sex and she had sex. She's a grown woman with 4 children, hardly a babe in the woods... As for this guy bailing on her... well, my take is that there may be even fewer women willing to take on a guy with 5 kids than there are men willing to take on a woman with 4! Either way, I imagine it's a pretty small dating pool for them both and this should work in favor of longevity. Well she did kinda present herself as an innocent babe in woods throughout much of this thread... Not sure what happenrd to promt this sudden change in attitude, which happened before the date/sex last night ..... but as it stands now, you are right! She seems quite sure of herself, so no not worried about her at all anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well she did kinda present herself as an innocent babe in woods throughout much of this thread... Well, yea... call me a skeptic. In any case, here we are, 20 thread pages later, and OP seems to have changed her presentation, if not her attitude. Good luck OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well, yea... call me a skeptic. Only if you call me one too.. :) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm not sure why anyone is worried about the OP. She wanted sex and she had sex. She's a grown woman with 4 children, hardly a babe in the woods... As for this guy bailing on her... well, my take is that there may be even fewer women willing to take on a guy with 5 kids than there are men willing to take on a woman with 4! Either way, I imagine it's a pretty small dating pool for them both and this should work in favor of longevity. Not if he's got M O N E Y! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amytm Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm a bit confused and just want to make sure this is normal. We had dinner at his house and like he said, talked about exclusivity. He said he's only seeing me and only wants to see me. He wants us to only see each other BUT does not want to label it BF/GF or tell people that we're serious. He hasn't told his friends he's seeing anyone. I asked why he he doesn't want to tell his friends of my existance on this planet (not in those words) and he said because he wants to take it slow and not jinx it. But he doesn't want to take intimacy slow, just making it public. I don't expect to go update my Facebook status and tell everyone I know. But if someone asks if I'm seeing someone I say yes. I don't like the thought of him pretending I don't exist. He also wants us to both have STD checks (I did last week, unrelated). Which is a smart thing to do. But he said then we don't have to use condoms and it'll feel a lot better for me, and we can do oral. That's okay? I felt a bit uneasy about it. He initiated sex after but I wasn't in the mood because the convo left me confused/uneasy/unhappy (that I don't exist outside his personal life and he doesn't want me to "yet"). Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 That means sex right? I've only had sex with 1 man, my kids dad (who is not in the picture at all). And up until today I had only kissed 1 man. I'm really nervous to move that fast. He doesn't know I've been with only 1 person and I'm not sexually confident at all. I'm not sure I'm ready but I know people move fast these days. Yes, I think it does mean sex. And yes, people do move fast but you have to ask yourself why it is this guy is choosing to move fast. Does he want to be with you for a LTR or does he just want you to be there for the night? Whatever the answer is, you will find out what that is. If and when it is presented, you must give your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
startingagain15 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm a bit confused and just want to make sure this is normal. We had dinner at his house and like he said, talked about exclusivity. He said he's only seeing me and only wants to see me. He wants us to only see each other BUT does not want to label it BF/GF or tell people that we're serious. He hasn't told his friends he's seeing anyone. He also wants us to both have STD checks (I did last week, unrelated). Which is a smart thing to do. But he said then we don't have to use condoms and it'll feel a lot better for me, and we can do oral. That's okay? I felt a bit uneasy about it. Unfortunately it sounds like he is just looking for FWB. I wouldn't want a part of a relationship where he won't tell anyone in his life about you. Maybe he has another girlfriend? And no I would not do it w/o condoms, especially considering how fertile you both are. Though I would get on the pill or something more permanent if you plan to continue this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amytm Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Unfortunately it sounds like he is just looking for FWB. I wouldn't want a part of a relationship where he won't tell anyone in his life about you. Maybe he has another girlfriend? And no I would not do it w/o condoms, especially considering how fertile you both are. Though I would get on the pill or something more permanent if you plan to continue this. I have an IUD. With all my kids I got pregnant as soon as my body was ready. I don't want #5 before I'm married. He said it was just because he doesn't want to out pressure on it or anything but there is a difference between not just telling people and lying if you are asked. He said he wants us to have the best shot possible. But that doesn't make sense still. I doubt he has time for another GF but I won't lie, it crossed my mind breifly. Link to post Share on other sites
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