Second date at his house?

[katiegrl]

TXGuy, read my post 322.

 

This has NOTHING to do with him not wanting to label this bf/gf.

 

Not IMO anyway.

 

He is a liar .... are you suggesting that you condone him lying, and him expecting her to lie?

 

Do you see any reason why, when asked if he is dating someone, he cannot simply say yes, and leave it at that?

 

He does not need to go into detail, he does not need to elaborate, he does not need to say anything other than a simple yes he is seeing someone, end of conversation!

 

Why lie??!!!

 

Do you not believe that some men are not to be trusted, and are players?

 

If so, you are quite naive... because they do exist, and we as women need to pay close attention, and when a guy behaves as he has, lying, among other things, and expecting her to lie....well that is a huge red flag, and if you can't see that, then frankly I don't know what to tell you...

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[TXGuy]

TXGuy, read my post 322.

 

This has NOTHING to do with him not wanting to label this bf/gf.

 

Not IMO anyway.

 

He is a liar .... are you suggesting that you condone him lying, and him expecting her to lie?

 

Do you see any reason why, when asked if he is dating someone, he cannot simply say yes, and leave it at that?

 

He does not need to go into detail, he does not need to elaborate, he does not need to say anything other than a simple yes he is seeing someone, end of conversation!

 

Why lie??!!!

 

Do you not believe that some men are not to be trusted, and are players?

 

If so, you are quite naive... because they do, and are, and we as women need to pay close attention, and when a guy behaves as he has, lying, among other things, and expecting her to lie....well that is a huge red flag, and if you can't see that, then frankly I don't know what to tell you...

 

I've read your posts. You have been dead wrong from the beginning of the thread. He's a monster. He's using you. He only wants sex. (I might have you confused with some of the other hysterical posters, but there was one suggesting he could have RAPED her in the truck. Another recent post, possibly you, suggested that he might not even have children, that it was some ploy to get her into bed. Even the nanny might somehow be faked.)

 

I get it. You don't trust men. You think they are all evil and are trying to take advantage of women. But, you are 0 for 25 on your predictions so far in this thread. This guy has been a stand up guy throughout the process.

[katiegrl]

I've read your posts. You have been dead wrong from the beginning of the thread. He's a monster. He's using you. He only wants sex. (I might have you confused with some of the other hysterical posters, but there was one suggesting he could have RAPED her in the truck. Another recent post, possibly you, suggested that he might not even have children, that it was some ploy to get her into bed. Even the nanny might somehow be faked.)

 

I get it. You don't trust men. You think they are all evil and are trying to take advantage of women. But, you are 0 for 25 on your predictions so far. This guy has been a stand up guy throughout the process.

 

Yeah you have definitely got me mixed up with another poster...I never said or suggested any of those things...except the nanny question, which is certainly questionable considering the man thinks nothing of lying.

 

And hate men?? Hardly, that is laughable. Lol

 

In fact, after only three months single after a six year relationship, I am now seeing a great guy ...who would never behave the way this bozo is behaving.

 

Nice try though in attempting to straw man argue, and avoiding the topic at hand, that being he is a liar....admits it, and apparently thinks nothing of it...

 

Which apparently you condone and think is okay.....okie doke!

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[TXGuy]

Yeah you have definitely got me mixed up with another poster...I never said or suggested any of those things...except the nanny question, ...

 

I thought I might have inadvertently lumped you in with some other with some other 'negative nellies.' But, it turns out you suggested "all" of those things:

 

Potential faked children: katiegrl #324

Potential faked nanny: Katiegrl #324

He could have date raped OP: Katiegrl #247

Dealbreaker/red flag/don't trust: Katiegrl #322, 245, 230, 216

Add'l long negative post including insisting he didn't even respond to her text (when he sent first text after date) #207

Even one where you suggest he is sketchy for having 5 kids: #241

 

I stopped looking at page 17 (working backwards). I'm sure there are a bunch more in pages 1-16.

 

So far, he's passed every test with flying colors. So, he doesn't want to get the rest of the world involved in their lives at this point. He would probably have been better off suggesting that OP change the subject if asked rather than 'lie' about it - which is probably be what he would do if it came up with him.

 

It just seems to me that you and many other commentators have been taking every move this guy makes as some type of red flag or nefarious play on this guy's part. Up to now, all have turned out to be unfounded.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinions. I'm simply pointing out you (and the others) have, in general, misread bad intentions into this guy from the beginning.

Edited March 21, 2016 by TXGuy

[katiegrl]

I thought I might have inadvertently lumped you in with some other with some other 'negative nellies.' But, it turns out you suggested "all" of those things:

 

Potential faked children: katiegrl #324

Potential faked nanny: Katiegrl #324

He could have date raped OP: Katiegrl #247

Dealbreaker/red flag/don't trust: Katiegrl #322, 245, 230, 216

Add'l long negative post including insisting he didn't even respond to her text (when he sent first text after date) #207

Even one where you suggest he is sketchy for having 5 kids: #241

 

I stopped looking at page 17 (working backwards). I'm sure there are a bunch more in pages 1-16.

 

So far, he's passed every test with flying colors. So, he doesn't want to get the rest of the world involved in their lives at this point. He would probably have been better off suggesting that OP change the subject if asked rather than 'lie' about it - which is probably be what he would do if it came up with him.

 

It just seems to me that you and many other commentators have been taking very move this guy makes as some type of red flag or nefarious play on this guy's part. Up to now, all have turned out to be unfounded.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinions. I'm simply pointing out you (and the others) have, in general, misread bad intentions into this guy from the beginning.

 

LOL... can't believe you went back to find all those posts, how about all my other posts wherein I was rooting for her and was hoping it would work out?

 

Guess you missed those, huh...lol

 

But you know what? I stand by all those posts .... I don't distrust *all* men, I distrust "this" man, and no he has not passed all these *tests* with flying colors, as he has admitted himself he is a liar, and is encouraging OP to do the same!

 

What is he hiding? Why lie about it, when asked? Again, one more time, I have NO problem with him not wanting to label this, I wouldn't either at this early stage.

 

But why lie, when asked? Even casually?

 

Would you lie if you started dating and having sex with a woman you were into, when asked?

 

And ask her to lie also?

 

Does this make sense to you?

 

Why do you insist on dismissing this very important detail? Or assuming to know what he really meant?

 

On second thought, nevermind, you've said your peace.

 

We women are all a bunch of man-hating evil mongers, who distrust all men, think they are all players, out to use women ....... that's coming through loud and clear.

 

Which is fine, you're entitled to your opinion, just as we are all entitled to ours as well.

 

Peace out!

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[TXGuy]

LOL... can't believe you went back to find all those posts, how about all my other posts wherein I was rooting for her and was hoping it would work out?

 

Guess you missed those, huh...lol

 

....

 

Peace out!

 

I didn't miss them:

Generally/arguably positive posts (though somewhat suspicious): #287, 275, 283.

 

There might have been some neutral/hard to classify posts as well, but I didn't capture those.

 

:-)

[Amytm]

The reaponses I got tell me that I need to talk to him again to have things clarified. They lying mostly.

 

Yes, he does have kids. I saw their rooms when I walked by them, and there is a playroom on the main floor, art on the fridge.

[katiegrl]

Amy, TXGuy will probably flame me for this ...lol....but you said he wants to lie because he doesn't want to feel pressured to answer questions, and then have to explain, in case it doesn't work out.

 

And that he has had a bunch of short tem relationships that haven't worked out... and has experienced this happening.

 

Did you ask him to elaborate on that....why so many *short term* relationships that haven't worked out?

 

A man's (and woman's) history is important and having been in a bunch of short term relationships that haven't worked out doesn't exactly bode well for your future together either IMO... assuming you ultimately want a long term relationship leading to commitment.

 

It is not a deal breaker, but at some point, if you choose to continue dating, you may want to ask him about this.

 

This is assuming you don't want to be just another *short term relationship* that didn't work out too.

 

Good luck Amy... despite the red flags, I am still rooting for you believe it or not...

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[Saracena]

He says it's because he doesn't want to have too much pressure on the relationship and he doesn't like sharing an early relationship until 2-3 months. He doesn't like friends asking questions or telling them every time a short relationship doesn't work out. He also doesn't want word getting to his ex-wife before he knows it's going somewhere because "she's difficult to work with".

 

Or if he's actually a nice guy that is either coming off wrong or I'm interpreting him wrong. If he was playing me, why would he even tell me that he's not telling anyone about me? Couldn't he have just said he is telling people.

 

While I would advocate that you speak to him again Amy to gain a better insight into things for your own peace of mind, I have to say on the face of it, coming from someone who's done exactly the same thing for the same reasons cited above, I can fully understand where he's coming from. I hasten to add I didn't have anything to hide-my main motivation was to stave off what I, as a very private person, would regard as very often intrusive questions about my new relationship. For some people-for me and my personality type at any rate - fledgling relationships are fraught with enough uncertainty without the added pressure of the glare of the spotlight of unwanted public interest, particularly if you move in smaller circles where some people tend to gossip. (Personally I couldn't care less who is seeing who so find all this endless fascination with other people's lives very difficult to understand!) With current boyfriend in particular I was frankly amazed at some of the questions some other women (I barely knew) asked me about our relationship! Of course over the years I've got better at dealing with things but nonetheless my perspective remains the same.

[TXGuy]

Amy, TXGuy will probably flame me for this ...lol....but you said he wants to lie because he doesn't want to feel pressured to answer questions, and then have to explain, in case it doesn't work out.

 

 

No flaming here. I'm starting to lose my emotional investment of hoping this works (though I still think it likely will). It just seems like this guy is constantly having to 'prove his worth.' So, if it works out, great. If it doesn't, I can understand why.

 

My last clarification/counterpoint:

I think concentrating on the 'lying' issue might be a bit overblown. As Amy described her hypothetical ..."I said what if a friend asks you and he said he'd tell them no." I think 1.) him (a guy) being asked that is a low probability event. And if he was asked, it can generally be deflected without 'lying.' Even if he did say 'no', I don't think it is a big deal so early in the relationship. Bringing that up with friends/family is basically inviting a barrage of follow-up questions that he is not interested in sharing at this point. That, and he has to worry about this kind of talk getting back to his kids or his ex-wife (who knows how she would take it - it could have custody implications - or just needless drama. Note she is a woman in the US court system that got only EOW custody of small children. There is likely something unstable about her).

 

Finally, I don't think he necessarily "implied OP should lie." (According to OP's account, he certainly didn't tell you to lie, implied at worse). It seems to me more like a suggestion for discretion/deflection as I mentioned in the paragraph above.

 

Good Luck with it Amy.

 

And Katie. I didn't mean to be argumentative with you (and the others). It just seemed like the comments were going 90/10 critical of this guy from beginning to end and I just didn't see him doing anything to justify it. It was a fun adventure so far. I'll continue watching but will (try to) stay out of the fray from now on.

Edited March 21, 2016 by TXGuy

[losangelena]

And Katie. I didn't mean to be argumentative with you (and the others). It just seemed like the comments were going 90/10 critical of this guy from beginning to end and I just didn't see him doing anything to justify it. It was a fun adventure so far. I'll continue watching but will (try to) stay out of the fray from now on.

 

Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I think if you look you can see a pattern, that when OP seems a bit more cautious, or presents new information about this guy, the response tends to be more negative towards him. On the other hand, if OP's posts are more upbeat or positive, the response tends to be more encouraging. This happens in most threads here. I'm sure there's a specific name for the phenomenon, but it's not unique to this thread.

 

And I think what you're reading is not a pitchfork- and torch-bearing mob. I guarantee that most of the women contributing to this thread are basing their responses not on a blanket "we hate men" stance, but rather because we too have heard similar things from similar men, and those outcomes were not positive. In other words, we're speaking from collective experience. I for one went through a similar experience early in my dating life, and I got taken for a complete ride by someone I was naively convinced had genuine interest in me. If OP can avoid even a fraction of that hurt by being smart and yes, being a bit critical of this man, then that's great. I'm with Katie though, I don't hate men at all, but there's something about this one that makes my spidey senses tingle.

 

OP, to that end, you say you don't know how to suss out your guy's level of sincerity. Well, I would stand firm on your needs/wants—tell him you're not going to keep him a secret if people ask; tell him you won't have sex with him sans protection. Assert yourself and see what he does. Again, it's been my experience that when I assert my boundaries, especially around sex, that the men who are solely interested in sex get annoyed at the barriers that I throw up, and they eff off. And that's GREAT. That's ideal, that's what you want. A sincere man will take what you have into consideration and will respect it.

[katiegrl]

TXGuy, I respect your decision to drop out of discussion, and after this post I am doing the same.

 

But before I do, I wanted to clarify a few things from my own personal perspective.

 

If Amy and this guy had been dating for awhile, let's say weeks, and he had been the pillar of awesomeness that entire time, I might be inclined to be more forgiving, giving him the benefit of the doubt in this situation... and suggesting she talk to him in an effort to work it out...

 

But they have NOT been dating weeks, it has been only four, well now five days! Less than one week!

 

And it has been one thing after the other from the get go, from him inviting her back to his place on first MEET (red flag), to him inviting her to his place for dinner on first (some would say second) DATE, saying "I will cook you a dinner you will never forget" (give me a break)....(red flag)

 

...to on their first/second date, the incident in the truck wherein he made her feel like a piece of crap by suddenly turning cold and dashing off immediately after they had *dry sex," (huge red flag) to their fourth date when now they have become sexual and he wants them both to lie when asked if they are simply dating anyone! (Even bigger red flag!)

 

Again, all this crap in less than one week, this is insane!!

 

How many more red flags does a person need to see before they finally admit "okay, gave it a shot ... but this person is not what I am looking for in a long term partner" and move on?

 

And I would give the same advice to men .... and often do!

 

Dating can be harsh. There are good peeps and not so good peeps, and downright bad peeps .. it is important to pay attention to how we are feeling when dating someone new, especially in these VERY early stages, in this case less than one week.

 

And if we are continually feeling unsure, off balance, anxious, wondering this that and the other thing, as OP has been doing, then something is just not right and time to call it a day.

 

That is called smart dating and taking care of YOU!

 

If you don't agree, that is fine, I respect that.

 

Just as I hope you can respect my opinion as well.

 

Again, best of luck Amy with whatever you decide to do.

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[clia]

I understand where he's coming from. It's only been four days. You are still a total stranger. Things could crash and burn in another week or two. Who knows? Why even get into it if someone asks when you have no idea if that person will be around next week? If his ex wife is a pain, it makes even more sense why he might want to keep it in the down low until things get more serious. My friends and I usually don't start sharing this type of info for at least a few weeks, once it seems like it might be going somewhere.

 

I just can't get over all the overanalysis and suspicion going on when I think he's behaving quite rationally and logically. I think you should just go with the flow and see what happens. Don't have sex on every date and go out on dates rather than going to his place. In my view, it's good that he asked for sexual exclusivity so soon. I certainly would not go without a condom yet, though!

[SwordofFlame]

I'm a bit confused and just want to make sure this is normal. We had dinner at his house and like he said, talked about exclusivity. He said he's only seeing me and only wants to see me. He wants us to only see each other BUT does not want to label it BF/GF or tell people that we're serious. He hasn't told his friends he's seeing anyone.

 

I asked why he he doesn't want to tell his friends of my existance on this planet (not in those words) and he said because he wants to take it slow and not jinx it. But he doesn't want to take intimacy slow, just making it public.

 

I don't expect to go update my Facebook status and tell everyone I know. But if someone asks if I'm seeing someone I say yes. I don't like the thought of him pretending I don't exist.

 

He also wants us to both have STD checks (I did last week, unrelated). Which is a smart thing to do. But he said then we don't have to use condoms and it'll feel a lot better for me, and we can do oral. That's okay? I felt a bit uneasy about it.

 

He initiated sex after but I wasn't in the mood because the convo left me confused/uneasy/unhappy (that I don't exist outside his personal life and he doesn't want me to "yet").

 

I wouldn't label it bf/gf either after less than a week of dating.

How is not telling his friends about you any different than not meeting them yet? A lot of men and women won't introduce each other to their friends until like three months of dating. I don't see a problem with him not wanting to tell his friends about you. Although, telling you to do the same is odd. That's something you should get to decide to do on your own.

[stillafool]

I just think it is mean to assume this guy is out to use you. What has he done to indicate that? You were the one who pushed for sex, not him, so where does the using you for sex come from? You said yourself you felt better after sex so you wanted it and that's not being used.

 

When I met my husband we decided to keep our relationship secret for 2 months before we told anyone. Why? Because I didn't want to openly share what we had with everyone and didn't want people asking me questions about us. I just wasn't ready for all the "lets get together and meet him/her stuff" yet. We just wanted to selfishly enjoy each other.

[jen1447]

I just can't get over all the overanalysis and suspicion going on

 

That always ends up happening in threads like this - turns into an inquisition where every move is hyper-anlayzed for motive and so on. Plus it seems to be made worse here bc I think the OP is actually feeding off it. (Mainly indulges the negative/paranoid stuff.)

 

In the end this is just two ppl who recently started dating and are figuring stuff out. End of story.

[Gaeta]

Wow!! Took me a couple of hours to read all of the updates in this thread!

 

I am sorry but I expected this. Reading this thread was like reading a book I knew the end ahead of time. At the moment Amy said he wanted her to come over to discuss exclusivity I KNEW he was going to BS her!

 

I was exclusive right from the 3rd or 4th date with all of my serious relationships. That's normal, it's not an engagement or a marriage, it's an agreement to only be seeing each other, to better develop a connection so that part is ok.

 

The part about not advertising they are GF/BF right away is acceptable as well EXCEPT that is NOT at all what he is requesting from her! He is requesting that they both HIDE they are seeing each other which is a childish game I hope Amy will see through.

 

At the question: Are you seeing someone - he wants the freedom to answer NO. He wants to still appear SINGLE to the world (and other women) while he can have regular sex with Amy. That's NOT what being exclusive is about! Being exclusive is about CLOSING the relationship to others!! He's keeping it open!

 

If a woman approaches him lets say at work and ask if he is seeing someone he'll answer NO. What kind of exclusivity is that???

 

The condoms: Amy, honey, this man does not deserve to have unprotected sex with you. Keep this for the man that will WANT to be in a REAL relationship with you. Keep it for the man what will WANT to show you around, a man that will be proud to tell the world he's dating an amazing woman named Amy!

 

Is he active online? Why my intuition tells me he is.

 

A man that is genuine about getting to know you, genuine about being exclusive, genuine about LIKING YOU, will not hide you! and this not even after a 4th date!

[Gaeta]

Wow!! Took me a couple of hours to read all of the updates in this thread!

 

I am sorry but I expected this. Reading this thread was like reading a book I knew the end ahead of time. At the moment Amy said he wanted her to come over to discuss exclusivity I KNEW he was going to BS her!

 

I was exclusive right from the 3rd or 4th date with all of my serious relationships. That's normal, it's not an engagement or a marriage, it's an agreement to only be seeing each other, to better develop a connection so that part is ok.

 

The part about not advertising they are GF/BF right away is acceptable as well EXCEPT that is NOT at all what he is requesting from her! He is requesting that they both HIDE they are seeing each other which is a childish game I hope Amy will see through.

 

At the question: Are you seeing someone - he wants the freedom to answer NO. He wants to still appear SINGLE to the world (and other women) while he can have regular sex with Amy. That's NOT what being exclusive is about! Being exclusive is about CLOSING the relationship to others!! He's keeping it open!

 

If a woman approaches him lets say at work and ask if he is seeing someone he'll answer NO. What kind of exclusivity is that???

 

The condoms: Amy, honey, this man does not deserve to have unprotected sex with you. Keep this for the man that will WANT to be in a REAL relationship with you. Keep it for the man what will WANT to show you around, a man that will be proud to tell the world he's dating an amazing woman named Amy!

 

Is he active online? Why my intuition tells me he is.

 

A man that is genuine about getting to know you, genuine about being exclusive, genuine about LIKING YOU, will not hide you! and this not even after a 4th date!

 

That being said.

 

We warned you he was coming on too strong and often it ends with the man losing interest. To me - He lost interest. He is offering you a FWB accommodation at best. From here things will go downhill.

 

Not because of him. He has not done much wrong. You offered yourself on a silver platter without discussing what's next.

[CarrieT]

You offered yourself on a silver platter without discussing what's next.

Repeated for truth.

[kendahke]

I'm a bit confused and just want to make sure this is normal. We had dinner at his house and like he said, talked about exclusivity. He said he's only seeing me and only wants to see me. He wants us to only see each other BUT does not want to label it BF/GF or tell people that we're serious. He hasn't told his friends he's seeing anyone.

 

I asked why he he doesn't want to tell his friends of my existance on this planet (not in those words) and he said because he wants to take it slow and not jinx it. But he doesn't want to take intimacy slow, just making it public.

 

I don't expect to go update my Facebook status and tell everyone I know. But if someone asks if I'm seeing someone I say yes. I don't like the thought of him pretending I don't exist.

 

I've read so many threads on here where the girl is upset that the guy doesn't want to put "labels" on their relationship, doesn't want to introduce her to his friends, etc., and ends up spending months into years only to find out what she's actually in is a protracted FWB/F-buddy scenario. If he doesn't want to introduce you into his social circle, there's not much you can do about it... forcing the issue is the fastest way to end this. Thing is, he didn't take it slow when it suited your purposes. Funny how now, after 2 rounds of sex, he's ground this to a halt on the social front.

 

He also wants us to both have STD checks (I did last week, unrelated). Which is a smart thing to do. But he said then we don't have to use condoms and it'll feel a lot better for me, and we can do oral. That's okay? I felt a bit uneasy about it.

 

He initiated sex after but I wasn't in the mood because the convo left me confused/uneasy/unhappy (that I don't exist outside his personal life and he doesn't want me to "yet").

 

You broke his fever for him. That's why he's compartmentalizing you.

 

This is why we were all saying to slow your roll.

 

He sounds like he's managing everyone's (including your) expectations. You have to admit--to go from not seeing anyone to having a girlfriend in the space of 5 days is a bit sudden to spring on close friends and family. Of course they're going to ask him how long he's known you, how he knows you and how he knows you and he might not feel comfortable telling his friends that he met you less than a week ago, you're a single mom with 4 kids, and you two had sex twice so far (they will ask). He might just want to avoid getting the stank side eye from them.

 

If you're going to stick around, looks like you're going to have to wait and be cool with waiting, sorry to say.

[Amytm]

Not because of him. He has not done much wrong. You offered yourself on a silver platter without discussing what's next.

 

Well that hurts to here and makes me feel like sh*t. I felt so sure it was going good that night. It's not like I forced him into it. I showed I wanted to go further and he look it from there.

[katiegrl]

Well that hurts to here and makes me feel like sh*t. I felt so sure it was going good that night. It's not like I forced him into it. I showed I wanted to go further and he look it from there.

 

I am sorry you feel like shyt Amytm but lesson learned for next time.

 

The way to determine how a man truly feels about you is NOT how he behaves before sex.... but how he behaves after sex.

 

Meaning don't allow yourself to get caught up in his fast and furious pace, and assume that must mean he is REALLY into you and wants a RL.

 

Often times when men come on strong like he did, he's not viewing you realistically.... but as a fantasy....and as a challenge. This can be very enticing for many men!

 

No doubt he was attracted, but he doesn't know you from Adam.... so once he closes the deal (has sex), his fantasy picture of you becomes non-existent, he is now dealing with reality....and the reality is, he is not really as into you as he thought he was and/or not that interested in pursuing a RL with you.

 

Not all men obviously.... so it's a risk you take when you have early sex.... that's all I'm saying.

 

HUGE lesson learned Amy.... which is okay. We have ALL been there, done that.

 

Moving forward......

[katiegrl]

I am sorry you feel like shyt Amytm but lesson learned for next time.

 

The way to determine how a man truly feels about you is NOT how he behaves before sex.... but how he behaves after sex.

 

Meaning don't allow yourself to get caught up in his fast and furious pace, and assume that must mean he is REALLY into you and wants a RL.

 

Often times when men come on strong like he did, he's not viewing you realistically.... but as a fantasy....and as a challenge. This can be very enticing for many men!

 

No doubt he was attracted, but he doesn't know you from Adam.... so once he closes the deal (has sex), his fantasy picture of you becomes non-existent, he is now dealing with reality....and the reality is, he is not really as into you as he thought he was and/or not that interested in pursuing a RL with you.

 

Not all men obviously.... so it's a risk you take when you have early sex.... that's all I'm saying.

 

HUGE lesson learned Amy.... which is okay. We have ALL been there, done that.

 

Moving forward......

 

^^ That said Amy.... I am only speculating here, I could be wrong (with respect to your guy).

 

I neither know him nor know what he's thinking.

 

Talk to him if you want to clarify.

 

If you're comfortable with it after that, continue to date him but don't have sex every time, go OUT ON DATES for heaven's sake!!

 

You two were acting like a cozy couple in a LTR, hanging out at home all the time....after only FOUR DAYS.

 

GO OUT AND HAVE FUN! Get to know each other!

 

By the way, has he contacted you? Set up the next date?

 

He's been all gung ho, so curious to know if he still is or if he has pulled back some.

Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Well that hurts to here and makes me feel like sh*t. I felt so sure it was going good that night. It's not like I forced him into it. I showed I wanted to go further and he look it from there.

 

Like you forced him into what?

 

Here's how I see it.

 

He said he wanted a relationship and he was looking for something serious but right after sex he says it's ok to be sexually exclusive but I don't want to tell anyone I am seeing someone.

 

Don't you think that's contradicting?

 

If he had told you it's ok to be sexually exclusive but I don't want to tell anyone I am seeing someone before sex, would you have gone ahead with it?

[kendahke]

Well that hurts to here and makes me feel like sh*t. I felt so sure it was going good that night. It's not like I forced him into it. I showed I wanted to go further and he look it from there.

 

You cannot sex a man into a relationship he has no intention on being in.

 

After all, you didn't know him well enough to know that he wasn't going to announce you to his social circle at 5 days.

 

If the sex was the best you've ever had, then be content with that for the time being. You know where to get some more if you're so inclined. If being incorporated into his life at 5 days was your goal, then without a previous conversation about his intention (remember me saying something about that?), this was an expectation that needed to be discussed before you stepped over the threshold of his house.