What are my immediate next steps?

[Mnek]

Okay, so we just actually had a real dday.

 

She knew I knew she was having an affair (but I didn't know all the details). Last Friday, I just told her to end it or get out. She did end it. I saw the message to him and she gave me access to her devices.

 

Yesterday, she broke NC and tried to lie about it. I confronted her about it, showed her the text messages that I had saved and she confessed to everything. So last night was the actual dday that we never had. So after I got answers to all my questions about what she has done, I told her I was going to expose this to our family this weekend. We went to sleep and now she woke up today and seems like she is finally starting to feel the consequences. I told her to decide if she is ready to try to work it out otherwise its over. The problem is, I was the one willing to reconcile no matter what but now that I know everything she has done, I'm not sure if i still am.

[ladydesigner]

Okay, so we just actually had a real dday.

 

She knew I knew she was having an affair (but I didn't know all the details). Last Friday, I just told her to end it or get out. She did end it. I saw the message to him and she gave me access to her devices.

 

Yesterday, she broke NC and tried to lie about it. I confronted her about it, showed her the text messages that I had saved and she confessed to everything. So last night was the actual dday that we never had. So after I got answers to all my questions about what she has done, I told her I was going to expose this to our family this weekend. We went to sleep and now she woke up today and seems like she is finally starting to feel the consequences. I told her to decide if she is ready to try to work it out otherwise its over. The problem is, I was the one willing to reconcile no matter what but now that I know everything she has done, I'm not sure if i still am.

 

I wish more WS's would realize this sh*t but MOST seem to 'get it' too late.

[Marc878]

Reconciliation without NC is a worthless endeavor.

 

Exposure is your best bet here. No consequences tells her she can do it again.

 

Your biggest enemy is fear. Like most you are affraid you will lose her. When if you read your threads you already have.

 

She made her choice now make yours. Forge ahead with your life and if she chooses to come along maybe you have a chance.

 

Take some time away and decide if you can really live with this. No matter what your life is never going to be the same. Lack of trust and she's tasted the very exciting fruits of an affair. Most can't make it work after this.

 

However, it's your life. I wouldn't waste mine on this. Life's precious and short.

 

Often the BS sees remourse when it's actually just consequences from being caught. Two very different things.

[BuddyX]

How do you know she's out of the fog?

My X went 3 layers deep to stay in contact with the OM.

 

She's scared because you'll exposed her. But trust me, she's still thinking about him. She's having major withdrawal.

 

You're working your ass off to reconcile, and she's still "trickle truth"

[aliveagain]

Not all of us can forgive infidelity. You need to know you can trust the one your with. Even if you forgive her you still have the issue of the imbalance she created by having sex with another man, that can never be erased. His mark will always be on her specially after becoming emotionally attached to him. Think about what you want because in the end you have to look at yourself in the mirror and wonder if compromising your integrity was worth what you got. You have only been married a year and a half, how will you make it the rest of your life if you can't trust her?

[lolablue17]

. So last night was the actual dday that we never had. So after I got answers to all my questions about what she has done, I told her I was going to expose this to our family this weekend.

 

What has she done?

[R.Gant]

I'd say expose to her family and yours. Don't use facebook or email's. just show them the copy of you have.

 

tell her family and your family how you feel, take some time to think whether you want to gamble on this marriage or just take you chances else where.

 

Marriage and partnerships are sometimes a roll of the dice, sometimes you get very unlucky.

 

Your young and can definitely find someone else that's respects you and values marriage.

[merrmeade]

DON'T let her talk you out of telling them without you there or something. I was totally ambushed when 'we' told our (adult) kids about my husband's affair with their aunt (yes, aunt - very gross) and he calls it "an inappropriate emotional relationship with S." I was incredulous and corrected him.

 

I wasn't nearly pissed enough and I was embarrassed for our family shame. It affects everyone. (I know, I know it's absurd. No need to state the obvious again, peanut gallery.) My point is that, you, OP, may also start doing the rug-sweeping dance in your head as you THINK you see her ticking off those 'essential requirements' of a remorseful WS. She is FAR from having proven herself.

 

Problem was I thought of the point of disclosure to our children was to name the elephant in the room since they were already calling it "weird." But I think exposure is not just for family members' need/right to know. It also brings the reality home for the WS and is necessary whether or not you stay together.

[Bufo]

From what you have posted about her recent communcation with OM two things are apparent

 

First she still thinks she s in the drivers seat. This tells me that she believes you are of a "reconcile at all costs"'mentality. Does she understand your minimum requirements for you to consider R?

 

Second, she is being much more honest with him than with you. Did she ever tell you that your M was on a one month trial? She told him truthfully or not

But if that statement was true, you may have become Plan B.

 

Only a foolish person chooses Limbo. You are not a fool but are in Limbonwith a wife still in her A expecting you to wait and abide by her decision. At least she seems to realize she can't cake eat forever. OM will probably tell her she can. That way he gets what he wants at no cost to him.

 

You should step it up now. You are still in a three person marriage. Take action to end that now. Don't let her have time to decide. This may not be a contest you want to win.

[aliveagain]

Did you expose her infidelity? How did that go? As long as they continue to communicate the affair is still going on and it is the two of them against you. They strategize the lies she is telling you while she gets her ducks in a row over the next month. Tell her what you require to even think about reconciliation, start the paperwork because you need to knock her cake eating a$$ off the fence and back into reality, follow the "180" and start to detach yourself from her because there is no marriage as long as she has a boyfriend that she still chooses over you. Decide if you can live with what she has done to you now that you know the truth. Make her go through the humiliation of STD testing, it's another form of reality. Take yourself out of infidelity the sooner the better because your healing won't start until you do.

[Buckeye2]

This was written by Bandit.45 on another forum

 

Just Let Them Go

 

"The end result?

 

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,

let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

 

That is the end result.

 

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

 

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

 

Nothing else works better or quicker.

 

Let them go.

 

Agree with them and their feelings,

"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

 

Wouldn't that be true love?

 

If you really loved your spouse,

and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,

wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

 

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?

Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

 

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

 

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

 

But cheating, no excuses.

 

Think about cheating.

A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

 

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

 

Fighting the affair? For what reason?

To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?

What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?

They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

 

And for your last point,

The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

 

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

 

You give them what they want.

You don't fight them on this issue.

You agree with their feelings,

they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

 

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

 

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",

you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",

you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

 

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

 

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

 

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them."

 

Bandit.45

[Clay]

Actually Bandit did not write that but its a great piece none the less. Morturi put it on that site in 2011 and even he states he doesn't know who wrote it.

 

Bandit is a great poster. I kind of wished he was over here to.

 

I hope OP reads it and takes it to heart.

 

Never stay with someone that is willing to hurt you in such a cruel way.

 

C

[Mnek]

Damn, you guys are going to hate me for saying this but you are all right. After a real d day and some show of remorse we agreed she would stop talking to him and we would give therapy a try. I guess she was just scared she got caught not worried about how she is treating me. I found yet a 3rd different chat app on her phone that she uses to continue to talk to him. She is in deep and it's going to be difficult for her to end it with him. It blows my mind because this relationship with OM has only been going on for like a month! How can someone be so insane to throw away their whole life for one month? I can't comprehend it. I'm going to IC this weekend to see if it will help me get over these feeling of confusion and anger.

 

She is going to IC to get help also. She at least admits she has issues and wants to figure out how and why this happened. She does say stuff like she doesn't know how this happened. She's not sure if she wants to get a divorce. She is ambivalent she doesn't know what she wants.

 

I have spent some time thinking about if I would be willing to reconcile and forgive her. I have decided I can live with this and try to work through it but only if she is willing to put in the effort too. but she is putting forth zero effort as you all have said. At this point, I don't want to get divorced because the thought of her getting out of the marriage this way and getting half my stuff is ridiculous. I have an initial consultation with a lawyer next week.

 

I am obviously afraid of losing her but my anger is making me get over that fear quickly. As I said it's only been a month of this but she knows I know about OM and continues to treat me this way. Our marriage was not this bad for me to deserve this. She doesn't deserve me.

 

We exposed to parents but that shame was obviously not enough to make her stop. I am working on 180s and I need to start detaching like now. I assume that means, go to work, don't text her, come home, go to gym, eat, etc., don't talk to her much at home and go to bed.

 

I want to let her go but I can't decide if I want to just move out (we rent) or make her move out. It seems easier for me to just leave since we rent. I'll keep thinking about it. Thanks everyone.

[Marc878]

If she isn't remoursful your chances of reconciliation are zero.

 

Reconciliation doesn't just happen.

 

If she is in any form of contact the affair is still ongoing.

[kgcolonel]

These are all the things to do if you wish to allow someone to walk all over you and continue cheating on you.

 

You have no boundary and no consequences for her = she continues to cheat on you.

 

I hope you will rethink this. I hope you will find your self respect and DO some things that show her that you aren't going to live with her doing this to you. Otherwise she will continue disrespecting you = mainly because she can.

 

This is absolutely correct....I understand your reluctance however right now you are going to appear weak to her. That being said, go ahead and file for D....if things change on her part, you can delay or stop the process but if they don't, you're that much further down the road and (this is a big and) you will send the message that it is either you or him and she needs to get her head straight.

 

One question....do you really want to be married to someone who can't decide about you???? Don't you deserve someone who WITHOUT A DOUBT not only loves and cherishes you but also has the character to honor their vows to you and everyone else those vows were made before????

 

File, tell her when and how she will be served, this will also tell her that you are a man of your word.

[Clay]

If she isn't remoursful your chances of reconciliation are zero.

 

Reconciliation doesn't just happen.

 

If she is in any form of contact the affair is still ongoing.

 

This is the truth. As long as you see these things then you (OP) are in second. She has already decided and your just along to support her while she figures out how to be with him. He was not included in your marriage. Now that you know he is a part of your marriage you need to make this black and white for her. He goes or she goes. Its just that simple.

 

Your never going to win her love trying to nice her back.

 

Good luck

 

C

[66Charger]

I think staying with someone while they are in the middle of a affair is the stupidest thing you could do. She has already picked and it aint you. A WS, when hit with Dday, if truelly remorseful, would stop immediately.

 

Forcing someone to chose is ridiculous. If they desire another, then they do. If she decides to stay, it is only because of consequences. Not because she loves only you. You live in fear. Your love is fear based. You don't have love. You have nothing.

 

Your best bet is to go cold turkey. The OM has declared war on your marriage, and it is 2 on 1 and you are the 1. Your wife does not love you as a Man. Accept it and go dark today. Move out or have her move out tonight. Dont give choices, because you will be lied to. And another thing, its not only divorce papers that snaps the fog. Replace her. Right away. Start going out. Get yourself ready, because fact is, she is going to leave you anyway.

 

This idiotic thought process, that some men go thru, when they say they cant understand why she would throw the marriage away or that it is not like her. She must be "sick".

 

She aint sick bro. But you are if you can look in the mirror and accept your "second class status". Maybe you should try on a dress. You need to be called out. You need to stop looking at your wife and start looking in your mirror.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Again, reading your posts is like deja vu. This mirrors exactly what was going on between my wife and I. Like you, I would have done anything to save my marriage but there's no way of doing that when your spouse is not willing to put in the effort.

 

What she might be doing right now is trying to drag things out. You said the co-worker was not married so he's single (no girlfriend?)? If so, your wife was probably just an easy lay for him, a no strings attached relationship where he didn't have to take her out to dinner or buy her gifts. They just meet up and have their fun. He's probably shown no commitment to her (and probably never will), and she wants to be with him but she's afraid of letting go of your branch and swinging to his when there's a chance his might snap and she will fall.

 

My wife said she wanted to go to a counselor by herself a few times before we went together (again, dragging things out a couple of weeks before we even went to one together). I had a tracker on her car to get proof for myself that she was still going over to his house and she was. When i told her i was filing for divorce i got no remorse from her and the tracker showed her staying the night at his house every night the next week. I also saw that she never went to her counselor appointment she had made.

 

I know exactly what you're feeling right now, but I really do think you need to let her go. It will be the toughest thing you've ever had to do and I'm not going to lie to you, you'll feel like **** for a good 2 - 3 months. But after a while you'll start to adjust, and you'll feel better about life than you ever have before. You'll no longer have to worry about if your wife is texting another man when she steps out of the room, or wondering if she really is just running errands on a Saturday afternoon and not over at his house. It doesn't matter what "issues" she's dealing with, there is nothing in a marriage that renders an adult woman incapable of knowing fundamental right from wrong or leaving them bereft of any compassion for the people they are hurting. She has no respect for you. Pull yourself together, stand up tall, and go file for divorce and let her know what you did. Let her know that you will no longer tolerate her holding onto your branch with just one hand.

[ladydesigner]

Damn, you guys are going to hate me for saying this but you are all right. After a real d day and some show of remorse we agreed she would stop talking to him and we would give therapy a try. I guess she was just scared she got caught not worried about how she is treating me. I found yet a 3rd different chat app on her phone that she uses to continue to talk to him. She is in deep and it's going to be difficult for her to end it with him. It blows my mind because this relationship with OM has only been going on for like a month! How can someone be so insane to throw away their whole life for one month? I can't comprehend it. I'm going to IC this weekend to see if it will help me get over these feeling of confusion and anger.

 

She is going to IC to get help also. She at least admits she has issues and wants to figure out how and why this happened. She does say stuff like she doesn't know how this happened. She's not sure if she wants to get a divorce. She is ambivalent she doesn't know what she wants.

 

I have spent some time thinking about if I would be willing to reconcile and forgive her. I have decided I can live with this and try to work through it but only if she is willing to put in the effort too. but she is putting forth zero effort as you all have said. At this point, I don't want to get divorced because the thought of her getting out of the marriage this way and getting half my stuff is ridiculous. I have an initial consultation with a lawyer next week.

 

I am obviously afraid of losing her but my anger is making me get over that fear quickly. As I said it's only been a month of this but she knows I know about OM and continues to treat me this way. Our marriage was not this bad for me to deserve this. She doesn't deserve me.

 

We exposed to parents but that shame was obviously not enough to make her stop. I am working on 180s and I need to start detaching like now. I assume that means, go to work, don't text her, come home, go to gym, eat, etc., don't talk to her much at home and go to bed.

 

I want to let her go but I can't decide if I want to just move out (we rent) or make her move out. It seems easier for me to just leave since we rent. I'll keep thinking about it. Thanks everyone.

 

OP you need to go the D route. Even if you don't actually get a D it might be enough to wake her up and if not you will already be halfway out the door.

 

I could not deal with an ongoing A.

[merrmeade]

I could not deal with an ongoing A.

No way on god's earth. She thinks she has all the choices because you've let her. You, first, need to do it (serve her) because it won't change unless she's white as a sheet, trembling and begging. My husband did that and we STILL had a rocky R!

[aliveagain]

Friend, you keep saying you don't want to loose her, what exactly do you call it when a married woman has a boyfriend? What makes you think you haven't lost her yet? If she can't decide between you and her affair partner the simple translation is "she's waiting for O/M to commit to her," your her back up if he doesn't. Waiting for her to commit just makes you look weak which is very unattractive. The other man is evasive which makes him look attractive and makes her want him more. Stop being available if you want a shot at saving your marriage. If I was in your position I wouldn't let someone who makes very bad decisions decide the fate of my marriage(which is what you are doing). Get some of your dignity back by taking control of what you have left, file, make her do the work but first she has to commit to being in the marriage. Don't settle for second best, don't be the consolation prize.

[oldshirt]

Friend, you keep saying you don't want to loose her, what exactly do you call it when a married woman has a boyfriend? What makes you think you haven't lost her yet? If she can't decide between you and her affair partner the simple translation is "she's waiting for O/M to commit to her," your her back up if he doesn't. Waiting for her to commit just makes you look weak which is very unattractive. The other man is evasive which makes him look attractive and makes her want him more. Stop being available if you want a shot at saving your marriage. If I was in your position I wouldn't let someone who makes very bad decisions decide the fate of my marriage(which is what you are doing). Get some of your dignity back by taking control of what you have left, file, make her do the work but first she has to commit to being in the marriage. Don't settle for second best, don't be the consolation prize.

 

 

 

Read this over and over and over again until it sinks in.

[oldshirt]

I said this in another thread but you really need to have it sink in as well.

 

 

For an affair to survive, it needs to have a marriage and it needs to have a supportive BS.

 

 

95% of affairs are based on the thrill and fun of exciting forbidden sex while their other needs and creature comforts are being provided by the marriage and by the BS.

 

 

Think of it like a flea on a dog. if the dog dies, the flea dies. The flea needs the dog to survive.

 

 

An affair is a parasite that saps the life blood of the marriage, but it needs the marriage to survive and it especially needs the BS to continue to provide the stable lifestyle, home, financial resources, payments of bills etc etc.

 

 

If the BS bolts and the marriage dissolves and the stability and support and lifestyle that the marriage provides is gone, Then the WS and the AP are stuck with each other.

 

 

The catch here is that 95% of the time, the BS and the AP are only in it for the kibbles and for the fun and excitement. They don't actually want to be together fulltime and it is very very rare that the other person is even the type of person that they want to date or marry or be with.

 

 

When the BS and the marriage goes, then nothing is fun and exciting anymore, life becomes work. The sex loses it's luster and the kibbles are gone.

 

 

In a few very very rare instances, the WS and the AP actually do fall in love, are compatible and do want to be together. In those rare instances, the marriage is toast and the WS is going to leave anyway so the BS might as well get an early running start on the rest of their life and start moving forward without the WS anyway.

 

 

The part that you aren't getting is you are actually supporting and nourishing this affair. You are providing her her safety net and lifestyle and her stability and security. Without it, she can't have fun and enjoy her motel romps with her OM.

 

 

And you are actually the OM's best friend and wingman here because without you, he would have to wine and dine her and suck up to her friends and family and help her take care of her house and help pay her bills, change the oil in her car and rub her feet. But as it stands right now, he has you to take care of all of that stuff and all he has to provide her is fun and orgasms. He has it made and he is doing it on your dime.

 

 

There is a 95% chance that if you toss her out and cut off all support and communication with her (other than legal stuff through your attorneys) he will go radio silent on her in a matter of days or weeks.

 

 

And also while she is out hiring lawyers and packing her stuff and looking for apartments and dealing with all the legal stuff, the last thing she is going to care about is meeting him at the park to give him a hummer.

 

 

Stop supporting her and stop trying to reconcile with her. Toss her out and let her fend for herself for awhile and the A will quickly die.

 

 

Once the $h!^ hits the fan with the A and the A ends in a painful death and she is alone again and finally grasping the damage that she has caused, then you can reassess and decide if you want to try to build your relationship with her from scratch again.

 

 

Either way, the relationship and marriage you had with her is forever gone and will never be the same. There is a slim chance you may be able to build a new relationship if you so choose, the innocence and purity of your prior R is forever gone.

 

 

To kill the parasite, you have to get rid of the host and that host is you supporting your wife and providing her a comfortable lifestyle to the point where she is able to grab stolen moments of fun and excitement with the OM.

[ladydesigner]

I said this in another thread but you really need to have it sink in as well.

 

 

For an affair to survive, it needs to have a marriage and it needs to have a supportive BS.

 

 

95% of affairs are based on the thrill and fun of exciting forbidden sex while their other needs and creature comforts are being provided by the marriage and by the BS.

 

 

Think of it like a flea on a dog. if the dog dies, the flea dies. The flea needs the dog to survive.

 

 

An affair is a parasite that saps the life blood of the marriage, but it needs the marriage to survive and it especially needs the BS to continue to provide the stable lifestyle, home, financial resources, payments of bills etc etc.

 

 

If the BS bolts and the marriage dissolves and the stability and support and lifestyle that the marriage provides is gone, Then the WS and the AP are stuck with each other.

 

 

The catch here is that 95% of the time, the BS and the AP are only in it for the kibbles and for the fun and excitement. They don't actually want to be together fulltime and it is very very rare that the other person is even the type of person that they want to date or marry or be with.

 

 

When the BS and the marriage goes, then nothing is fun and exciting anymore, life becomes work. The sex loses it's luster and the kibbles are gone.

 

 

In a few very very rare instances, the WS and the AP actually do fall in love, are compatible and do want to be together. In those rare instances, the marriage is toast and the WS is going to leave anyway so the BS might as well get an early running start on the rest of their life and start moving forward without the WS anyway.

 

 

The part that you aren't getting is you are actually supporting and nourishing this affair. You are providing her her safety net and lifestyle and her stability and security. Without it, she can't have fun and enjoy her motel romps with her OM.

 

 

And you are actually the OM's best friend and wingman here because without you, he would have to wine and dine her and suck up to her friends and family and help her take care of her house and help pay her bills, change the oil in her car and rub her feet. But as it stands right now, he has you to take care of all of that stuff and all he has to provide her is fun and orgasms. He has it made and he is doing it on your dime.

 

 

There is a 95% chance that if you toss her out and cut off all support and communication with her (other than legal stuff through your attorneys) he will go radio silent on her in a matter of days or weeks.

 

 

And also while she is out hiring lawyers and packing her stuff and looking for apartments and dealing with all the legal stuff, the last thing she is going to care about is meeting him at the park to give him a hummer.

 

 

Stop supporting her and stop trying to reconcile with her. Toss her out and let her fend for herself for awhile and the A will quickly die.

 

 

Once the $h!^ hits the fan with the A and the A ends in a painful death and she is alone again and finally grasping the damage that she has caused, then you can reassess and decide if you want to try to build your relationship with her from scratch again.

 

 

Either way, the relationship and marriage you had with her is forever gone and will never be the same. There is a slim chance you may be able to build a new relationship if you so choose, the innocence and purity of your prior R is forever gone.

 

 

To kill the parasite, you have to get rid of the host and that host is you supporting your wife and providing her a comfortable lifestyle to the point where she is able to grab stolen moments of fun and excitement with the OM.

 

Great analogy oldshirt your post rocks!

[Satu]

OP:

 

She's telling you what she thinks you want to hear, whilst at the same time doing the opposite.

 

She has absolutely no intention of cutting contact with the OM.

 

You should live separately.

 

File for divorce.