Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 So I met this married man online - I am not married but have been with my kids father since HS, as the MM has been too. So we talked for like three months... He said he loved me and we were making future plans.. He said he was madly in love and wanted to marry me in the future. Well my bf found out and he suddenly became distant and wasn't really offering me any emotional support. I got pissed and blocked him for a day.. He didn't try to contact me at all after I unblocked him. So I let three weeks go by and still no word and I message him and he says why do you think you'd hear from me again don't you remember our last convo..? (Well I was being mean because I felt emotionally abandoned by him and was scared I was going to lose my kids, house, etc. he asks said at this time he fell off the wagon and hasn't been good at all but said nothing about missing me he just seemed as though he was deflecting guilt onto me. So why would a MM do that..? When the other woman s bf finds out, just back off?? Why did he abandon ME when my bf found out.. It's not like his wife found out... Link to post Share on other sites
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 A. Maybe he realized what a crappy thing he was doing B. Maybe he was worried your boyfriend would tell his wife C. Maybe he decided it wasn't worth the drama Anyway, you cheated with someone who was also cheating. Why are you surprised he wasn't of high character? You already know what kind of character he has. Are you doing anything to show remorse to the man YOU betrayed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 A. Maybe he realized what a crappy thing he was doing B. Maybe he was worried your boyfriend would tell his wife C. Maybe he decided it wasn't worth the drama Anyway, you cheated with someone who was also cheating. Why are you surprised he wasn't of high character? You already know what kind of character he has. Are you doing anything to show remorse to the man YOU betrayed? Me and my bf have had issues for years I am here for the kids only- I am in therapy I just found I have bpd and this leads me to these sort of impulsive attention seeking behaviors. I feel very bad for what I did- but I can't help the feelings I still have for the other man Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 A. Maybe he realized what a crappy thing he was doing B. Maybe he was worried your boyfriend would tell his wife C. Maybe he decided it wasn't worth the drama Anyway, you cheated with someone who was also cheating. Why are you surprised he wasn't of high character? You already know what kind of character he has. Are you doing anything to show remorse to the man YOU betrayed? And also why would the other man have to be so cruel to me - to make it seem like I am to blame so he can get off guilt free..? I wonder if he even rly did "fall off the wagon" and was as miserable as he said he was. Would a man make up being miserable of he rly wasn't..? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 I just don't get why he had to ignore me after that why couldn't he man the **** up and tell me he either didn't mean what he told me how he loved me. And it was just a game to him??? I mean cmon I just wanted closure and to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Real men don't cheat on their wives. You got the real him the whole time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Closure is a myth. It does not exist. You will never be able to figure out the "why," and he probably doesn't know either. Just block him from your life and work on YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I just don't get why he had to ignore me after that why couldn't he man the **** up and tell me he either didn't mean what he told me how he loved me. And it was just a game to him??? I mean cmon I just wanted closure and to move on If he had the quality of 'manning up' he wouldn't be cheating in the first place. Why would you expect that of him after 90 days if he isn't doing it for his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 So I met this married man online - I am not married but have been with my kids father since HS, as the MM has been too. So we talked for like three months... He said he loved me and we were making future plans.. He said he was madly in love and wanted to marry me in the future. Well my bf found out and he suddenly became distant and wasn't really offering me any emotional support. I got pissed and blocked him for a day.. He didn't try to contact me at all after I unblocked him. So I let three weeks go by and still no word and I message him and he says why do you think you'd hear from me again don't you remember our last convo..? (Well I was being mean because I felt emotionally abandoned by him and was scared I was going to lose my kids, house, etc. he asks said at this time he fell off the wagon and hasn't been good at all but said nothing about missing me he just seemed as though he was deflecting guilt onto me. So why would a MM do that..? When the other woman s bf finds out, just back off?? Why did he abandon ME when my bf found out.. It's not like his wife found out... It's likely that he just wanted an affair. When you started to become to needy, he realized you wanted or needed more. I don't know why woman have so much trouble believing me when I tell them that most married men looking for an affair do NOT want the OW to fall in love with them or see them as marriage material. If they say they love you, it's MOST of the time a manipulation or part of the fantasy. I was honest with my OW about only wanting and affair. I never told her I loved her. Unfortunately, she was deluding herself about only wanting an affair. She wanted more. To that end she has deluded herself into thinking I only stay with my wife because I don't want the drama of a divorce. Geesh. Most men who look for affair will tell the OW they love them, even when they don't. They do these because it keeps the OW interested. If you want to get out of your relationship. Find a job first so that you can become financially independent, than move out and look for the a single man to date. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 It's likely that he just wanted an affair. When you started to become to needy, he realized you wanted or needed more. I don't know why woman have so much trouble believing me when I tell them that most married men looking for an affair do NOT want the OW to fall in love with them or see them as marriage material. If they say they love you, it's MOST of the time a manipulation or part of the fantasy. I was honest with my OW about only wanting and affair. I never told her I loved her. Unfortunately, she was deluding herself about only wanting an affair. She wanted more. To that end she has delude herself into thinking I only stay with my wife because I don't want the drama of a divorce. Geesh. Most men who look for affair will tell the OW they love them, even when they don't. They do these because it keeps the OW interested. If you want to get out of your relationship. Find a job first so that you can become financially independent, than move out and look for the a single man to date. Ya that's my plan I am in school and need to finish so I can find a good job before I leave. Ya I never said anything about love he brought it up first... HE is the one to mention marriage, even more kids... Wtf.. He fkd w me he just strung me along for his own personal enjoyment I never led him on and was true about my feelings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Many men specifically chose married//attached women to have affairs with as she is in the same position as him, so is unlikely to tell his wife ofr fear of her husband finding out, and his "future faking" is never called into question either. Neither usually really want to leave their core relationships. As soon as your bf found out, he then felt extremely vulnerable, a) you may want something from him, ie asking him to leave his wife as he told you he "loves" you , or b) as a free woman you may tell his wife as you have then nothing to lose. He got scared and blocked you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 He fkd w me he just strung me along for his own personal enjoyment I never led him on and was true about my feelings The forum here is full of similar stories unfortunately. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 The forum here is full of similar stories unfortunately. So as this was happening and he was saying all these things to me do you think he believed he rly felt them..? Or was he intentionally stringing me along.? He always said I'd never hurt you intentionally..!!! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 So as this was happening and he was saying all these things to me do you think he believed he rly felt them..? Or was he intentionally stringing me along.? He always said I'd never hurt you intentionally..!!! I honestly do not know. It seems to me some MM do get carried away in the cheating "love bubble", whilst others are very callous and calculating and will lie to get what they want, I guess there are many different layers of "caring" in between those two extremes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 I honestly do not know. It seems to me some MM do get carried away in the cheating "love bubble", whilst others are very callous and calculating and will lie to get what they want, I guess there are many different layers of "caring" in between those two extremes. Ya it's hard to say since I don't know him very well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I agree about the married ap - my wh assumed there was lower risk since the ow was married. That way the affair only happened at work and didn't impact his weekends. Until she no longer liked that he spent time with his family. It's when she began to play hardball a bit more and be 'sloppy' about her texting, calling etc. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 I agree about the married ap - my wh assumed there was lower risk since the ow was married. That way the affair only happened at work and didn't impact his weekends. Until she no longer liked that he spent time with his family. It's when she began to play hardball a bit more and be 'sloppy' about her texting, calling etc. Do you think it's possible other MM was acting like I did something wrong and was to blame because I am the one who got us caught ..? By not turning off my messenger notifications my boyfriend found out that way. Maybe MM was mad that I am the one who got us caught...?? He kept saying this isn't my fault..etc Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 I think he sounds like a pill. He's cheating on his wife. I'm sure he blames her for that. So not a huge leap to blame you for this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Do you think it's possible other MM was acting like I did something wrong and was to blame because I am the one who got us caught ..? By not turning off my messenger notifications my boyfriend found out that way. Maybe MM was mad that I am the one who got us caught...?? He kept saying this isn't my fault..etc How is your bf coping? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 How is your bf coping? He's ok- this has happened before , and he knows I've been living with an undiagnosed mental illness that could possibly be factor in my cheating so he's sticking by my side. We've been together for 20 yrs on and off so it's hard to keep it alive. That's why I have a tendency to cheat I guess... But we go to therapy together and he does have his days .. It's hard and I rly don't understand how he is still around if I was him I'd be long gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 He's ok- this has happened before , and he knows I've been living with an undiagnosed mental illness that could possibly be factor in my cheating That's cool that you found something to blame it on. I should try that next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Ya it's hard to say since I don't know him very well. You don't know him at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 Many men specifically chose married//attached women to have affairs with as she is in the same position as him, so is unlikely to tell his wife ofr fear of her husband finding out, and his "future faking" is never called into question either. Neither usually really want to leave their core relationships. As soon as your bf found out, he then felt extremely vulnerable, a) you may want something from him, ie asking him to leave his wife as he told you he "loves" you , or b) as a free woman you may tell his wife as you have then nothing to lose. He got scared and blocked you. Well actually did end up telling his wife this past weekend because I was so upset he was ignoring me ... He blocked her from my Facebook acct when my be found out so I made a fake acct and messaged her and told her everything Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Oh my goodness! What were you hoping to achieve by doing that? I hope you did it gently. She's completely innocent in this mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for informing the BS what's happening in their own lives, I just seriously doubt your motivations & what you expected the results to be. Have you spoken to your prescribing doctor about everything that's going on? I'm not saying that your illness is complicit in this mess but it's a very emotional experience & your meds may need adjusting. Keep an eye on yourself & your thought patterns, please! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Verucasalt Posted March 16, 2016 Author Share Posted March 16, 2016 Oh my goodness! What were you hoping to achieve by doing that? I hope you did it gently. She's completely innocent in this mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for informing the BS what's happening in their own lives, I just seriously doubt your motivations & what you expected the results to be. Have you spoken to your prescribing doctor about everything that's going on? I'm not saying that your illness is complicit in this mess but it's a very emotional experience & your meds may need adjusting. Keep an eye on yourself & your thought patterns, please! Yes I was very cooperative and nice and apologetic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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