lostinmymind Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I posted earlier, but nobody responded, it was probably just too long. I'll try to keep it short this time, I just have so much to say... My ex was super sympathetic when she first initiated a break between us. She called me for months and we even got back together like everything was ok for a short period of time. She wanted the break because she didn't know what she wanted, she wanted to "be young, make mistakes, have flings, see other people". She said she loves me, but can't give me the commitment I am willing to give her right now. She said she wanted a break because she didn't trust herself and didn't want to make a mistake that would ruin us for good. I pestered her (too much) with questions and it eventually pissed her off. She now is mean and condescending to me and thinks everything I do now is an attempt to win her back. I stopped calling her about 4 days ago to let her cool down, when we do start talking about I am not going to bring 'us' up at all. We have to remain friends (at least) because we both want to and we will be living across the hall in apartments next year in college (her idea earlier this year). I guess I can't see us living so close and something not happeneing between us again, but I don't want it to be for the wrong reasons. Recently she jumped on the first chance she got to 'date around' and has been hanging out with this new guy. He's a jerk and I hear he has a new girl every other week, and has no personality at all. He invited her to spend 3 weeks in another state with him only a week after they met. (creepy...i hope she doesn't go) Since she met him she has started being more distant from me. She has also started dressing more sexy, wears more makeup, flirts with every guy she comes in contact with, and is acting EXTREMELY fake, it's like she is trying too hard. She is a kind, caring person and I love her with all my heart. Why is she acting so different suddenly? Is she really confused like she says she is? What should I do? I HAVE to get her back, but I am willing to wait and have fun in the meantime. She used to act like we would get back together but now she acts like it's a complete unknown. Is it normal for people to go through a weird phase like this, or has she just decided she wants to become a completely different person now? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind I posted earlier, but nobody responded, it was probably just too long. I'll try to keep it short this time, I just have so much to say... My ex was super sympathetic when she first initiated a break between us. She called me for months and we even got back together like everything was ok for a short period of time. She wanted the break because she didn't know what she wanted, she wanted to "be young, make mistakes, have flings, see other people". She said she loves me, but can't give me the commitment I am willing to give her right now. She said she wanted a break because she didn't trust herself and didn't want to make a mistake that would ruin us for good. I pestered her (too much) with questions and it eventually pissed her off. She now is mean and condescending to me and thinks everything I do now is an attempt to win her back. I stopped calling her about 4 days ago to let her cool down, when we do start talking about I am not going to bring 'us' up at all. We have to remain friends (at least) because we both want to and we will be living across the hall in apartments next year in college (her idea earlier this year). I guess I can't see us living so close and something not happeneing between us again, but I don't want it to be for the wrong reasons. Recently she jumped on the first chance she got to 'date around' and has been hanging out with this new guy. He's a jerk and I hear he has a new girl every other week, and has no personality at all. He invited her to spend 3 weeks in another state with him only a week after they met. (creepy...i hope she doesn't go) Since she met him she has started being more distant from me. She has also started dressing more sexy, wears more makeup, flirts with every guy she comes in contact with, and is acting EXTREMELY fake, it's like she is trying too hard. She is a kind, caring person and I love her with all my heart. Why is she acting so different suddenly? Is she really confused like she says she is? What should I do? I HAVE to get her back, but I am willing to wait and have fun in the meantime. She used to act like we would get back together but now she acts like it's a complete unknown. Is it normal for people to go through a weird phase like this, or has she just decided she wants to become a completely different person now? She started to date someone else right away to get away from you. She's not a different person, she just doesn't want to be with you the way you are now. Start living in reality. See things for what they are. My suggestion is to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A Glover. Maintain minimal to NO contact with her. Don't pursue her as you'll only make it worse. Read the book, figure out what you were doing wrong with the relationship. I'd also suggest reading some books on building your self-esteem. Women want CALM, CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED, MASCULINE men. They don't want jerks, it's just that a jerk right now is more appealing to her than a door mat. And that, from what I gather so far, is what you are. Yes, she has immaturity issues but that can be overcome if you are CCSM. Right now I don't believe you to be. I'm posting this advice so much that I think I should just write a whole new "How To" thread on door mat men and how to correct your behavior and be MEN....but I think it's already been done and so therefore no need to reinvent the wheel. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 As strong as Confused comes across what he wrote is right on...in my opinion I think women are tired of men not knowing what they want, who they are or where they are going...we don't want to feel like we have to be the strong one all the time... Best thing you can do is stand tall, don't let her behavior affect you and take what you have learned and move on...she is finding other people and so should you...don't sit and wait for her to make up her mind..if she knew that she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have chose this route.. on a side note Confused nice honda..sorry no more post stealing..lol Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered on a side note Confused nice honda..sorry no more post stealing..lol 2005 CBR600RR I have a 2003 Bandit 1216R (was a 1200S but has been puched out, racing cams, ported head, jet kit, full Yosh exhaust, Eurobike lowers, etc. 150 rear wheel horsepower). I'm painting it in the REPSOL MotoGP scheme except I will use gloss black instead of blue. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinmymind Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 I pretty much totally agree. The thing is I didn't start acting like a "doormat" until she broke up with me. That was when I started acting like an idiot and she thought she had to take care of me. She even said "the more you do this the more I don't want to be with you." She said she never wants me out of her life. I should also mention that I was her first boyfriend and it lasted for a year and throughout that time I helped her overcome some extreme self-confidence issues, some of which I think are resurfacing but she is trying a different outlet to deal with them. I guess this break started out her just wanting a break from the relationship and time to clear her head and figure out what she really wants. Unfortunately I have been pushing her away and making myself seem less and less appealing. I should probably cut my losses and salvage the relationship that we do have. If I start acting confident again things might start looking up again between us. For now I will let her have fun with this new jerk she met though. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind I pretty much totally agree. The thing is I didn't start acting like a "doormat" until she broke up with me. That was when I started acting like an idiot and she thought she had to take care of me. She even said "the more you do this the more I don't want to be with you." She said she never wants me out of her life. I should also mention that I was her first boyfriend and it lasted for a year and throughout that time I helped her overcome some extreme self-confidence issues, some of which I think are resurfacing but she is trying a different outlet to deal with them. I guess this break started out her just wanting a break from the relationship and time to clear her head and figure out what she really wants. Unfortunately I have been pushing her away and making myself seem less and less appealing. I should probably cut my losses and salvage the relationship that we do have. If I start acting confident again things might start looking up again between us. For now I will let her have fun with this new jerk she met though. Don't focus on her. Focus on you. Now go buy "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A. Glover and a book on self-confidence. And my best tip is to always remember CCSM because that is what women want. Before you speak to her, before you interact with her in any way, remember that acronym. CALM CONFIDENT SELF-ASSURED MASCULINE As long as you remember that is how you need to be for YOURSELF, then after you read the books and start to implement things, CCSM will make complete sense. Women want a MAN, not a DOOR MAT. Link to post Share on other sites
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