lucy14 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Does accepting the fact, that he is not coming back after a month apart, make you feel worse? He is constantly on my mind and I seem to be crying more. I would have thought acceptance would make me feel better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mudbloodgirl14 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Sorry for your pain.. Maybe you're not yet fully accepting the fact.. I'm with the same situation like you.. 1 month apart from my ex.. But still in the process of accepting the fact that we can never be together.. Like you, i'm still crying over him up to now.. I still miss him so bad, wishing and hoping that he'll come back (for real).. But since I know to myself that it may never happen, I'm doing my best to stay out of his life.. I'm now on my day 28 of NC with him.. Although I received some viber messages from him these past few days, I didn't reply to him because I know it means nothing but a breadcrumbs.. Stay strong, and hopefully we can fully accept the fact the soonest.. For now, all we can do is to go through the pain and sadness until it hurt us no more.. Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Does accepting the fact, that he is not coming back after a month apart, make you feel worse? He is constantly on my mind and I seem to be crying more. I would have thought acceptance would make me feel better. Well, acceptance entails losing hope, and losing hope is a very sad thing. I'm going through the same right now. After almost two months of NC in which I started doing better, going out, working out, enjoying my hobbies, my friends, even other girls, I'm suddenly feeling down again and missing her like crazy. I guess when you start NC you secretly want to provoke a reaction, which unfortunately, rarely ever happens, so as weeks go by, it dawns on you that they'll never come back. That's what I interpret as acceptance and therefore, you'll feel sad for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Reality is a nasty piece of work. It's true that we all start NC with a view to them coming back. We also work on ourselves too, focus on energy elsewhere, try to move on... but still we have that dream, that hope, that eventually they'll come back. It's only after a long time do you realise that they are never coming back and suddenly it is like breaking up all over again. You go from living in a relationship to living in hope to living in reality, and it hurts so much.. but it also means that you are still healing and are getting better, even though it may not feel like it. Letting go totally, no more hope or dreaming, is the biggest step in healing and moving on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Feeling like crap is part of moving on. Means you are on the right track! In fact, I envy you for accepting the reality after one month. You'll probably still have some rocky months to follow, but don't beat yourself up over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 Sorry for your pain.. Maybe you're not yet fully accepting the fact.. I'm with the same situation like you.. 1 month apart from my ex.. But still in the process of accepting the fact that we can never be together.. Like you, i'm still crying over him up to now.. I still miss him so bad, wishing and hoping that he'll come back (for real).. But since I know to myself that it may never happen, I'm doing my best to stay out of his life.. I'm now on my day 28 of NC with him.. Although I received some viber messages from him these past few days, I didn't reply to him because I know it means nothing but a breadcrumbs.. Stay strong, and hopefully we can fully accept the fact the soonest.. For now, all we can do is to go through the pain and sadness until it hurt us no more.. Thank you for your reply...mudbloodgirl. so sorry to hear you are in the same situation, its crap, I had some breadcrumbs too, early on in the split wanting me to talk to him then I would contact him and he would ignore me, 12 days ago I had had enough because every time he contacted me I got my hopes up, I responded with a ****ty txt about contacting me and when I responded ignoring me but ended it with, if you dont want to be with me man up and move on I was so angry at him. I have not heard from him since, so take it he has maned up and I have accepted the fact he doesn't want me back x Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 Well, acceptance entails losing hope, and losing hope is a very sad thing. I'm going through the same right now. After almost two months of NC in which I started doing better, going out, working out, enjoying my hobbies, my friends, even other girls, I'm suddenly feeling down again and missing her like crazy. I guess when you start NC you secretly want to provoke a reaction, which unfortunately, rarely ever happens, so as weeks go by, it dawns on you that they'll never come back. That's what I interpret as acceptance and therefore, you'll feel sad for a while. Thank you Keiji. Awww sorry you are feeling sad too, what a good way of putting it, yes acceptance does mean losing hope, I suppose that is why Im feeling this way. You are right about NC to seek a reaction but it hasn't worked. also I put a stop to him sending me breadcrumbs. He dumped me suddenly for no apparent reason after six months of a very intense relationship, told me how much he loved me one day then wouldn't answer the phone the next, as simple as that really, no fall out nothing, just wanted space...well he has got it now..xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 Reality is a nasty piece of work. It's true that we all start NC with a view to them coming back. We also work on ourselves too, focus on energy elsewhere, try to move on... but still we have that dream, that hope, that eventually they'll come back. It's only after a long time do you realise that they are never coming back and suddenly it is like breaking up all over again. You go from living in a relationship to living in hope to living in reality, and it hurts so much.. but it also means that you are still healing and are getting better, even though it may not feel like it. Letting go totally, no more hope or dreaming, is the biggest step in healing and moving on. How well put thank you Smudge, well here's to healing, Im going to pick myself up and sort myself out, and hopefully truly let go because I haven't at the moment, I have just accepted he is not coming back...x Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 Feeling like crap is part of moving on. Means you are on the right track! In fact, I envy you for accepting the reality after one month. You'll probably still have some rocky months to follow, but don't beat yourself up over it. Thank you for your kind words NVO, Yes I have excepted it but still having moments of maybe he will contact me, Our relationship was really good, but its his loss. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 You're likely not going to reach acceptance in one month. If it were that easy, there would be no such thing as loveshack. It's a long and windy road to get there and it's full of potholes and many accidents along the way. Be kind to yourself and brace yourself for the ride to come. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 1 Month is not a long time at all. Mine took me 9 months to get over a 3 year relationship. I no longer think of what we had, what I wanted, anything really. It is bliss. It's a long road, don't be hard on yourself, you will get there if you allow yourself. Don't sabotage yourself, be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 You're likely not going to reach acceptance in one month. If it were that easy, there would be no such thing as loveshack. It's a long and windy road to get there and it's full of potholes and many accidents along the way. Be kind to yourself and brace yourself for the ride to come. 1 Month is not a long time at all. Mine took me 9 months to get over a 3 year relationship. I no longer think of what we had, what I wanted, anything really. It is bliss. It's a long road, don't be hard on yourself, you will get there if you allow yourself. Don't sabotage yourself, be strong! dyna85 and loveiswar101 Thank you for your replies. You are both right I thought I had accepted it but maybe I haven't. I am 53 and since my divorce I have had a few relationships been upset for a couple of weeks and got on with it, never anything like this!! I thought I had meet "the One", it was only 6 months but we spent so much time together, he seemed fully committed, everything was so easy between us, and to then just cut me off 2 days after telling me how much he loved me with so much passion, I cant get my head around it. I cant believe he cant be missing me, I think of him none stop. I have not heard a thing for 2 weeks now. I know I cant contact him he needs his space, but I dont hold out any hope now of him contacting me, so that is what I thought I had accepted he is gone. Sorry for the ramble feeling crap this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Rambling is fine, let out what you fell here. It helps! He may be missing you you, who knows, but sorry to say but he may not, but what you can't do is just stop your life thinking that. 2 weeks..then a month...been down this track a few times...it will fade. Stay active, eat well, smile and enjoy what you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Rambling is fine, let out what you fell here. It helps! He may be missing you you, who knows, but sorry to say but he may not, but what you can't do is just stop your life thinking that. 2 weeks..then a month...been down this track a few times...it will fade. Stay active, eat well, smile and enjoy what you have. Thank you loveiswar Yes I am trying to do as you say, but he is constantly in my thoughts. I know I will get over him its just taking longer than I though, maybe because there was no warning. Im the same as you been here quite a few times before but it has never took me this long to pick myself up. I am so lucky in that I have a fantastic support system within my family and friends and as I never dropped any of them they are here to pick up the pieces. All he has is his drinking buddies, to quote his daughter. Im getting my glad rags on next week and will be out to party. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Bloody well sick of crying...someone says something nice and I cry...keep filling up all the time. Sorting my under stairs cupboard to try and take my mind off of things ring my friend for a natter tell her I'm going to hers tonight get off the phone and cry. Feel like a bloody idiot really mad at myself. He is not coming back!!! You silly cow... Rant over x Link to post Share on other sites
Enweth Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I can relate to that. i can be absolutely fine but if someone asks if i'm ok, i would just break down. Thus i am avoiding all my friends and talking to no one about the breakup. some of my friends have noticed my quietness and have reached out to me without me saying anything. for this, i'm really thankful to have them as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 We are both lucky to have such good friends xx Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I think im starting to accept the fact that he's never coming back and I seem to be moving backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
BatManuel Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Write a really long list of everything wrong with them. Everything. Be mean. I have a list that I turn to when I'm wanting her back. Objectively I know she's gone, but sometimes I just miss her...then BAMN. Look at my list. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I think im starting to accept the fact that he's never coming back and I seem to be moving backwards. This is exactly how I feel, I think a previous poster said its because by accepting they are not coming back we, lose hope makes sense really. The trouble is I still keep hoping, my heart keeps contradicting my head. Write a really long list of everything wrong with them. Everything. Be mean. I have a list that I turn to when I'm wanting her back. Objectively I know she's gone, but sometimes I just miss her...then BAMN. Look at my list. I think I need to do this, trouble is he was really good to me,I will have to concentrate on what a twat he looked was when he was drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Katiely Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I know what you mean with your heart is contradicting your head, it's exactly the same with me. Been just over three months now and I still find it hard to accept, especially since he is seeing someone else. We are not NC as this doesn't work for us. We volunteer for an animal welfare group and can't have NC, and he contacts me a lot, but this makes it a lot more difficult I find. We also still see each other doing stuff, volunteering etc., and said we'd stay friends but again it makes moving on a lot more difficult for me as he often wraps me around his finger and I get fresh hope again, only to crash at some other time as he runs hot and cold. Saying that last weekend we had a bit of a disagreement and I cancelled on him, because I felt I just like a toy for him he plays with when he feels like it and it helped me a lot with seeing who he really is. I hope that I won't relapse again but I'm not putting myself under too much pressure as I've realised that this just makes me feel worse. I've started a diary on my laptop and write down my feelings every day, which helps me a lot. Doesn't have to be much, some days I barely write two sentences, other days a full page. I try and tell myself that it's his loss and I deserve a lot better, some days it works and others it doesn't. All the best to you and everyone else out there trying to cope and move on, I can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel but I know that one day I will be able to move on! Just have to sort out the head-heart thing.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Hello That must be awful for you having to stay in contact..no wonder you are still feeling so cut up. Would it be possible for you to help at another shelter or work different shifts. It's wrong of him to blow hot and cold with you seems he just wants to pick you up and put you down and that's cruel. Hopefully you will get there in time.xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Its 5 weeks today and I am having a total meltdown. I have excepted he is not coming back so why am i getting worse with each day, I have cried all day and got myself in a state, I have rang the doctors but they cant get me in, I need to go back on my anti depressants I cant stand this any longer. I was cutting them down when I met him and he made me so happy i came off of them completely, he has set me back so much. Luckily i have some old ones so have started them off of my own back. Keep thinking of him going about not a care in the world whilst im brokenhearted, not giving a **** about the pain he has caused me. Link to post Share on other sites
PLT Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Its 5 weeks today and I am having a total meltdown. I have excepted he is not coming back so why am i getting worse with each day, I have cried all day and got myself in a state, I have rang the doctors but they cant get me in, I need to go back on my anti depressants I cant stand this any longer. I was cutting them down when I met him and he made me so happy i came off of them completely, he has set me back so much. Luckily i have some old ones so have started them off of my own back. Keep thinking of him going about not a care in the world whilst im brokenhearted, not giving a **** about the pain he has caused me. I really feel for you. I'm in the same boat, although it'll be 4 weeks tomorrow. I can't stop crying. I feel weak and worthless. I started smoking again. I'm back on the anti-d's but they are not making the slightest bit of difference. I'm a grown man with 2 divorces behind him and I can honestly say this break up has been the worst I've ever endured. Your last sentence really resonates. I just know she is carrying on as normal, barely affected at all emotionally, and likely seeing someone else, while I sit here alone a broken man, that she created, and she doesn't give a ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 I really feel for you. I'm in the same boat, although it'll be 4 weeks tomorrow. I can't stop crying. I feel weak and worthless. I started smoking again. I'm back on the anti-d's but they are not making the slightest bit of difference. I'm a grown man with 2 divorces behind him and I can honestly say this break up has been the worst I've ever endured. Your last sentence really resonates. I just know she is carrying on as normal, barely affected at all emotionally, and likely seeing someone else, while I sit here alone a broken man, that she created, and she doesn't give a ****. Awww I feel for you its crap isn't it...I too have started smoking after giving up for over 2 years and hate it...people do break up but they shouldn't do it so callously with no thought for the person they were supposed to have loved. It's still early days for us I'm sure we will get there in the end...xxx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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