PLT Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Awww I feel for you its crap isn't it...I too have started smoking after giving up for over 2 years and hate it...people do break up but they shouldn't do it so callously with no thought for the person they were supposed to have loved. It's still early days for us I'm sure we will get there in the end...xxx Well mine still hasn't actually told me she's dumped me! I went over to hers, she started a fight (again) over nothing, I said "not today" as it was the anniversary of my fathers death, and came home, she sent a text saying "hope you are home safe" and thats the last I heard from her. I have begged and pleaded with her via fb messenger to speak to me since then but she doesn't even respond. I wish she would just block me, but I guess it's much more fun for her to hear how much i'm missing her and love her and blah blah. I'm just so sick of feeling like NOTHING matters. In 4 weeks I think I've had maybe 2 ok-ish days. It doesn't help that I'm out of work at the moment so have no money and lots of time. I am studying part time so that takes up some of my time but the rest of it just seems to float on by. My head knows that even if we did get back together, it is completely unworkable. I could never trust her again and I'd always be wondering after every little disagreement whether she will just vanish again. My heart just doesn't want to accept it though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 I really feel for you mine was much the same he just ignored my phone call right in the middle of a txt conversation....I have not begged and pleaded but have asked him to try again but no response...just totally cut me off for no known reason so I know how you are feeling....I have now been in no contact for 16 days it's for the best x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PLT Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I really feel for you mine was much the same he just ignored my phone call right in the middle of a txt conversation....I have not begged and pleaded but have asked him to try again but no response...just totally cut me off for no known reason so I know how you are feeling....I have now been in no contact for 16 days it's for the best x Well done! I haven't fared so well, and sent her another message today. I have nothing more to say now though. Well, I have got a ton of questions but I know I'll get no answers, and if I do, it won't be ones I want to hear, so my NC MUST start now, and I MUST not break it, I have very little of my dignity left as it is. I'm 44 years old and have NEVER begged anyone to talk to me after a break up before. Every other relationship in my life, once it's done, it's done. No going back, regardless of whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. This one though, this one has got right under my skin and in my head. It was a 3.5 yr relationship, and knew her as a friend for a couple of years before that too so I'm just in shock at how I could have got her so, so wrong. I never in a million years thought she could be so uncaring, callous, and cold hearted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 It's hasn't been easy but it's worth no contact...I have only respond to him he contacted me 3 times and when I responded he ignored me so the last time I told him a few home truths and ended it with , if you don't want to be with me man up and move on, I suppose I got my answer.... my relationship lasted only 6 months but it was very intense with hI'm making all the moves i just followed...I had known him for 40 years on and off... I feel the same as you...how could I be such a bad judge of character..xx Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel39 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 It gets worse before it gets better because as time is going by the realist hits that just maybe they aren't coming back and this is were grief kicks in because before that we had hope. Letting go is so painful and accepting life without them. All the plans hopse dreams have to be let go of and that's is so painful. It takes time to be at a place where you accept that all this is no more but it will only happen when your mind and heart is ready until then you are stuck in hope. I guess this where we try to change ourself and improve everything for when they come back only to feel the pain when we start to realise they are not. You get stuck in what the point Iv been in this stage. Since joining this yesterday and all the valuable information I have turned a corner for the last 2 days who knows tomorrow I might wake up back to square one but Iv got past the stage of hope and I'm accept its over .... Do I want this no .... Do I want him back yes ..... Is he coming back no , who knows ! Do I want to be ill and sick it's been 10 weeks I need to pull myself together and be that girl that I was before I met him . .. The one I wanted and guess what the one that wanted him but he walked out I still told him I loved him and wanted to make it work and he will wondered down the line if he's made a mistake and by then I won't actually care because I'm going to enjoy been single and free... This needy girls that he thought I was is no more I'm sticking to nc and moving on now without another man !xx Link to post Share on other sites
darstar007 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Acceptance is something I've been searching 18+ months for. I know my marriage is over, but in my heart I can't let go. It was just so senseless and such a waste of time and effort. I struggle everyday to make sense of it and I'm killing myself in the process.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 It gets worse before it gets better because as time is going by the realist hits that just maybe they aren't coming back and this is were grief kicks in because before that we had hope. Letting go is so painful and accepting life without them. All the plans hopse dreams have to be let go of and that's is so painful. It takes time to be at a place where you accept that all this is no more but it will only happen when your mind and heart is ready until then you are stuck in hope. I guess this where we try to change ourself and improve everything for when they come back only to feel the pain when we start to realise they are not. You get stuck in what the point Iv been in this stage. Since joining this yesterday and all the valuable information I have turned a corner for the last 2 days who knows tomorrow I might wake up back to square one but Iv got past the stage of hope and I'm accept its over .... Do I want this no .... Do I want him back yes ..... Is he coming back no , who knows ! Do I want to be ill and sick it's been 10 weeks I need to pull myself together and be that girl that I was before I met him . .. The one I wanted and guess what the one that wanted him but he walked out I still told him I loved him and wanted to make it work and he will wondered down the line if he's made a mistake and by then I won't actually care because I'm going to enjoy been single and free... This needy girls that he thought I was is no more I'm sticking to nc and moving on now without another man !xx Hello Rachel Your post is spot on, when I first started this thread I thought I had acceptance but now realize I dont. Living in hope sums it up, I think yesterday I lost that hope and had my melt down. This morning I just feel numb. Do I want him back YES, do i want to go through this again NO. Is he coming back no , who knows ! Do I want to be ill and sick it's been 10 weeks I need to pull myself together and be that girl that I was before I met him We both need to do this, before I met him I was doing fine then he added to my life I had never been so happy, now I feel like a shadow of myself. i need to get myself back. I dont want anyone else I will be happy with my life without a man. although Im 53 I have a fantastic social life and lots of single friends so I will never be short of things to do. I just need to embrace the single life and be happy without a this man. Acceptance is something I've been searching 18+ months for. I know my marriage is over, but in my heart I can't let go. It was just so senseless and such a waste of time and effort. I struggle everyday to make sense of it and I'm killing myself in the process.... darstar007 18 months. god love you how awful for you, have you tried counseling? I found It helped me a couple of years ago. My heart goes out to you....xxx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stemac Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Acceptance made me feel worse really, I know she not coming back, its been about 5 month and I get upset most days when I think about us not sure if the older you get the worse a break up seems, at the age of 47 you start to think its it really worth it, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Bless you 5 months of grieving. I agree with you on the age thing at this moment I can't think about starting again with someone else and not just because of my ex, I just don't want to go down the road of trusting someone again and being let down x Link to post Share on other sites
darstar007 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Hello Rachel darstar007 18 months. god love you how awful for you, have you tried counseling? I found It helped me a couple of years ago. My heart goes out to you....xxx Thank you for the kind thoughts. Yes I've been in counseling, but can't seem to turn the corner. I've reluctantly decided to using meds (Zoloft) to help me cope a little better. The fact that she left me was tough enough, but the way she just cut me out of her life completely has been a shock. How could two people feel so different about each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Thank you for the kind thoughts. Yes I've been in counseling, but can't seem to turn the corner. I've reluctantly decided to using meds (Zoloft) to help me cope a little better. The fact that she left me was tough enough, but the way she just cut me out of her life completely has been a shock. How could two people feel so different about each other? Sorry the counselling doesn't appear to be working. If you need meds just take them they helped me through a difficult time and I have stated taking them again. Its cruel when they cut you out but maybe sometimes it is a good thing so we can get on and heal....xx Link to post Share on other sites
darstar007 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Sorry the counselling doesn't appear to be working. If you need meds just take them they helped me through a difficult time and I have stated taking them again. Its cruel when they cut you out but maybe sometimes it is a good thing so we can get on and heal....xx It's true that seeing her with another man would destroy me, so that is a benefit. I'm left to my imagination and obsession picturing her doing all the things we were supposed to do together with someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy14 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 It's true that seeing her with another man would destroy me, so that is a benefit. I'm left to my imagination and obsession picturing her doing all the things we were supposed to do together with someone else I know it's hard but try not to obsess...I have now had two days without crying he is still on my thoughts but feel better since my meltdown xxxx I Link to post Share on other sites
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