girl1985 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Hi everyone. I'm 31 years old, live in south florida and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now (he's the same age). A little about me, my parents were together for 25 years and recently split 5 years ago. My mom is dating a much younger man. He's actually in his late 30's. This was hard to accept initially but I have learned to really like him and be happy for my mom. My dad and I see each other once a month or so. He is a very kind but passive man. Very shy and doesn't open up to me much about his life. I have to drag information out of him which is annoying. I was never daddy's girl and he was more of a provider than a father figure growing up. We had a lavish lifestyle and then he lost it all 5 years ago: his business, house, and marriage. I moved out and bought my own condo and my boyfriend has been living with me for over 2 years now. When I met my boyfriend, he was into the party scene, had a marketing/advertising job making good money, and lived with 2 roommates. He has a college degree and is super intelligent. After being laid off job after job, he decided to take a completely different route and now wants to be a firefighter. He started school last July and has already completed EMT and will be done with Fire school in June so all that's left is paramedic school which takes about a year. EMT was a breeze but he started Fire school in January and the schedule is very demanding. He is in school MWF 5:30pm-10:30pm and Saturdays 8:30am-5:30pm. He works part time as well MWF and has T/TH off. I work a 9-5 and have been at the same job doing insurance for almost 8 years. I hate my job and seeing my boyfriend so happy when he comes home and the fact that he's found his passion makes me question myself and realize my unhappiness. A lot of things happened in January which I believe has caused me to develop anxiety....my boyfriend started fire fighter school, he and my sister had a huge blowout and are no longer speaking, and I decided to stop competing (I am a former bodybuilding bikini competitor). I am currently seeing a therapist who has determined that I have severe control issues and the fact that I don't have control over any of the 3 previously mentioned situations, has caused me great anxiety. I am a planner and like to have control. I tend to focus on the future and how I want my life to be, what trips I want to plan and things of that sort. When I'm bored at work, I research houses, wedding venues and other things that stress me out. I realized with my boyfriends school, we can't plan anything, I have to wait for him to finish school before we can really start our lives. I've developed a bit of resentment towards him for this and it makes me feel horrible because I know he is doing this for us and our future, not just him. Also, being a firefighter wife one day gives me major anxiety. I have friends in the situation who say it's not bad and there aren't many fires in south Florida and they mainly respond to car accidents and less severe situations but I tend to think negatively so these thoughts consume my day to day life. My boyfriend is an amazing man. He's everything I ever wanted and I love his family too. He is an only child and his parents are still together. They treat me like a daughter and it's nice to go to Sunday dinners since this is something I don't have anymore with my family. Our communication is amazing. He knows everything that is going on and is super understanding. We talk about everything. A lot of times I question my love for my boyfriend and it happened after January when all of these situations happened which I have no control over. I hate feeling this way. How can you be madly in love with someone and then a week later develop these unsure feelings of doubt? Some days are good and some are bad but my therapist said to just enjoy my self when I'm with him and really live in the moment. I normally exercise everyday but I've started yoga and reading books on positive thinking. It helps and then I just randomly have bad days. I'm wondering if this is normal and if these thoughts will ever go away. I hate feeling like this and don't want to go on medication Link to post Share on other sites
Author girl1985 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 I forgot to mention that since my boyfriend started school, he doesn't give me as much money for rent because he is only working part time and cannot afford it and has to pay for school. He pays the cable/internet bill because he does want to contribute and he hates that it has to be this way but I am trying to be understanding. I know he would do this for me in a heartbeat and I know relationships are about helping each other out. I lived there fine before he moved in and very comfortably but I also have been paying for a lot of things we do on weekends and stuff (dinner, movies, activities) because I feel bad. He feels emasculated and hates that he can't take me out and stuff like he used to. He does every once and a while but when he does I feel bad. Maybe this is causing some of my anxiety? Link to post Share on other sites
Rumely Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Don't have an answer to your question, but paragraphs are your friend. Really hard to read. Link to post Share on other sites
FireAndIce77 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Hello there! I have been in a relationship for 21 years and what I know for sure is this feeling comes and goes and now In hind site I see it as a positive. It always made me evaluate what I wanted and it helped me learn to sort out what's real and what is coming from my insecurities. My advice I guess is enjoy him and learn as much about your self in the process. Time does solidify relationships if they are "meant" to work out. Lol time tells. Enjoy the ride. Relax. I hope you find some peace in this situation ! Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
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