skinut2234 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 wife and I are separating after 19.5 years... I will be moving into a small apartment. I asked if we could amicably divide up time with my 2 daughters so we can hopefully have some sort of normal life (they are 15 and 17)- I obviously want to see them as much as possible but understand. if someone has been through this- what is a reasonable schedule? I had thought during school weeks I would have one night in the house (since it's still mine) where I can cook dinner etc etc- then they get one night with me at my apartment- then one weekend night (whichever works - Friday or Sat)- I cannot afford an attorney right now so the two of us have to agree. She is playing hardball in that she said she does not want me in the house... I don't know what to do (or what I am "allowed" to push back on...... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 I had thought during school weeks I would have one night in the house (since it's still mine) Understand, this is probably not going to happen. The house will be divided as part of the divorce process (possibly simply transferred 100% into your wife's name). Spending one night a week in your ex's home (I use the word home to mean where she lives, rather than the word house to mean the physical bricks and mortar) is simply not an option unless your ex agrees to it, which very few would agree to; and that agreement can easily change especially when new partners come onto the scene. She is playing hardball in that she said she does not want me in the house... Well, that kind of blown away that option then. Any contact in her home will be subject to her approval and permission. I don't know what to do (or what I am "allowed" to push back on...... You're allowed to do or push whatever you like. What she will agree to, is another matter entirely. At the age of 15, and especially 17, I would expect the kids to have significant say on how much time they spend with either of you. But even then they can't force your wife to let you into her home. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 If you don't have legal representation, you're at her mercy (and her attorney's, presumably). You won't be able to make any legit 'demands,' as they'll bscly be writing the visitation rules. I mean, you can try to stand up for yourself at any custody/visitation hearings but that rarely works well if one side has representation and the other doesn't. You just don't qualify as your own professional advocate here. I guess the silver lining is that the kids will be 18 soon and you'll be able to interact w/them all you want, regardless, away from the home. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 There are lawyers available for low or no cost. They are usually not very good, so you get what you pay for. But, it's better than not having a lawyer at all. It pays to do your research to ensure you get the best representation available. Go into a meeting with your attorney prepared. Know what your rights and responsibilities are. Do everything you can to get the best possible result though your finances are limited. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 At the age of 15, and especially 17, I would expect the kids to have significant say on how much time they spend with either of you. And beyond that, they have their own varying schedule of friends, interests and activities that won't always fit into "Tuesday night at Dad's house". When my son was 17, I told him "come over whenever you want". I saw him less frequently than when he was a child but so did his Mom. He was often doing his own thing... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 The harder you fight for them the more invested you appear to the court, otherwise you appear to abandon your family and any rights you had. If you can, keep the house. That's a big sign that you plan to be involved in the family. The house is kind of like a proxy for your interest in raising your kids. If you keep the house you're coming across as saying you need it to raise the kids. If you let go of the house to your ex you're saying she needs it to raise the kids. In order to keep the house and your parental rights, stay. Don't move out. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Whose house is it? Yours, hers, or the both of yours? Why in the world would you even have to ask? Either share or sell it. Why cant you have the house and she get a apartment. Because she is female? The weakness of men, these days. Kick me out of my house? Dont think so. If you have no guts, then dont whine, and I dont mean that as a slam. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 You can't afford NOT to have an attorney. Even just one hour to sit down and understand your rights. If you walk away from the house you will regret it. Unless the house is in her name and is not considered marital property, she doesn't get to tell you to leave. And vice versa. When I divorced my ex bought me out of the house and I bought another one down the street. The "here and there" back and forth schedule is not going to work given your kids' ages, IMO. Much too disruptive. We shared 50-50 custody every other week, but now that my youngest is 15 she especially hates going back and forth so we just went to every 2 weeks. As each of my 3 kids turned around this age we basically started to do away with the back and forth schedule and let them make their own schedule. One thing you might consider given it's only a few years is to keep the house, let the kids stay in it full time as now, and you and your wife do the rotating into and out of the house every week or 2 weeks. Don't let your wife run the show. You have the same rights as her. Don't just walk away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
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