Lack Of Dates

[Els]

Honestly, don't give up on dates. I was surprised to see you doing that in this thread. You can go on cheap dates -- they don't have to be $200 dinners.

 

For real. Especially living in Sydney, so many cheap/free things to do.

 

I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out where this thread went. But I suppose it's not that unusual...

[Ferret]

That's fine, however I beg to differ that her posts are coherent or that she articulates herself coherently.... she is ALL OVER THE PLACE with respect to her thoughts, her desires, even how she views herself (her attractiveness, etc). (Apologies to Leigh for saying this, but it's true hon).

 

One day she feels one way, the next day (the next minute!) she feels another way then back to the original way.

 

If you call that coherent, then that's your prerogative but many of us have been reading her posts for a long time (myself more than a year) and it's the same way with all her threads and posts.

 

I am NOT getting down on Leigh, as I said, I know her and I KNOW her heart to be in the RIGHT PLACE, but the fact is she doesn't not express herself well, does not come off well on this board.... and is therefore misunderstood, accused of being things she is NOT (princessy, golddigger, etc)....

 

She even admitted herself that due to her Aspergers she is afraid to raise her hand in class and speak for fear she won't articulate herself well there either, and people will mis-judge her and perhaps even laugh at her.

 

I see the same things happening here.... but go ahead and carry on ..... as I said, your prerogative to have whatever opinion you like.

 

I have seen and dealt with a lot of people with mental health issues thu out my life so I will carry on thanks...there is a difference between saying some one has a mental illness and using that to define who that person is the Op is more then her "mental illness" dose it make her posts some times a bit all over the place yes but so dose the fair amount of back pedaling she also dose...

 

Just cause she might have a metal illness are you saying she in incapable of understanding things once they are said to her? I some how dont think so..again she seams rather competent then again one would have to be to be going to any sort of medical school at all im sure if her mental illness was as bad as you are implying she would not have been accepted or even be capable to handle the work load..

 

Im not going to keep going back and forth on this with you if you believe the Op is that incompetent then that's your prerogative I do not..she herself said its got nothing to do with her illness shes articulates fine when she sticks to one thing..

[Ferret]

It is nice to know that you are one of the nice ones that wouldn't laugh at me when I make social blunders.

 

You're a rarity.

 

I would never laugh at anyone I also suffer from mental illness believe me I know its hard. That said I will not disrespect you to the point I dont think you are capable of handling yourself as a adult and understanding basic concepts. You seam like a inelegant women that said we all communicate in slightly different ways that's why no two posts are identical on here usually..

 

But there are different levels of mental illness and I dont think yours is as bad as some make them out to be.. you can articulate and you do get your point across I think we all know the basics of what you are trying to say even if a little of it gets jumbled or what not..

[katiegrl]

Ferret. I never said nor implied that Leigh was *incompetent* so would appreciate your not putting words in my mouth, thanks a bunch.

 

To the contrary, I said she was highly intelligent and capable of doing quite well in school and at work.

 

I also said she was thoughtful, giving, caring and generous, so again would appreciate your not twisting my words to mean something they are NOT. Thank you.

 

She has Aspergers, and in a different thread I think she mentioned something about Bipolar (not 100% sure but it would not surprise me).

 

Never disclosed this before (don't know I might have way back when) but I have Bipolar 2, not as serious as Bipolar 1 ... but it does sometimes cause my brain to go into overdrive and my thoughts getting jumbled up.

 

So I get it.

Edited March 25, 2016 by katiegrl

[Ferret]

I can't just get a full time retail job!

 

I am at my college campus 4 DAYS A WEEK.

 

I WORK WEEKENDS.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that it is not just a GIVEN to be able to go and get a FULL TIME retail job?

 

You seem like the type who ASSUMES that if I " wanted " to, I could go get a full time retail job that fits into my uni schedule.

 

Please come and live in my small coastal town, study during the week andsee how easy it is to find a FULL TIME retail job. Or better yet, try and get ANY full time job that works around a full time uni schedule. Where I live.

 

 

I thought I went over this im not ASSUMING anything I said surely there must be retail jobs also available unless you live out in bumble buck no wears? you say the cost that's were what like 80% of Australia's population lives? ok granted you could be in a tiny town I just found it odd that you said bars and waitress work are ALL that is available..

 

Again its neither here nor there I dont care if you work full time that's your choice to me personally I have seen students work and go to school so if you ask me it can be done..your choosing not to ok good on you the only issue then arises when you are short on cash for the necessities and expect the tax payers to cover them and you never did answer why do you have a 200 cell phone bill? I am genuinely curious..

[Ferret]

Ferret. I never said nor implied that Leigh was *incompetent* so would appreciate your not putting words in my mouth, thanks a bunch.

 

To the contrary, I said she was highly intelligent and capable of doing quite well in school and at work.

 

I also said she was thoughtful, giving, caring and generous, so again would appreciate your not twisting my words to mean something they are NOT. Thank you.

 

She has Aspergers, and in a different thread I think she mentioned something about Bipolar (not 100% sure but it would not surprise me).

 

Never disclosed this before (don't know I might have way back when) but I have Bipolar 2, not as serious as Bipolar 1 ... but it does sometimes cause my brain to go into overdrive and my thoughts getting jumbled up.

 

So I get it.

 

After all the pleasantries you are basically saying she cannot communicate on this forum in a adult coherent manner. And that she cannot understand what we are saying cause of her mental illness. To me that's pretty much saying shes incompetent.

 

Im sorry if my choice of words upsets you but I dont dress things up in pleasant formalities...thoughtful, giving, caring and generous, while im also sure she might be have nothing to do with her competence..

[ChickiePops]

Leigh..bottom line..you have 34 pages worth of advice. Either dump him or lower your standards.

[katiegrl]

After all the pleasantries you are basically saying she cannot communicate on this forum in a adult coherent manner. And that she cannot understand what we are saying cause of her mental illness. To me that's pretty much saying shes incompetent.

 

Im sorry if my choice of words upsets you but I dont dress things up in pleasant formalities...thoughtful, giving, caring and generous, while im also sure she might be have nothing to do with her competence..

 

Fair enough, you are entitled to your opinion.

 

Your opinion of what I think or what I am "pretty much saying" is incorrect, but again you're entitled.

 

I vote we agree to disagree on this one and call it a day!

 

Have a great night!

Edited March 25, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

Ferret. I never said nor implied that Leigh was *incompetent* so would appreciate your not putting words in my mouth, thanks a bunch.

 

To the contrary, I said she was highly intelligent and capable of doing quite well in school and at work.

 

I also said she was thoughtful, giving, caring and generous, so again would appreciate your not twisting my words to mean something they are NOT. Thank you.

 

She has Aspergers, and in a different thread I think she mentioned something about Bipolar (not 100% sure but it would not surprise me).

 

Never disclosed this before (don't know I might have way back when) but I have Bipolar 2, not as serious as Bipolar 1 ... but it does sometimes cause my brain to go into overdrive and my thoughts getting jumbled up.

 

So I get it.

 

I have the less severe one. At least in my opinion.

 

Not enough for medication but enough to turn my life and relationships upside down if I don't manage it naturally with exercise and keeping busy.

 

My bf doesn't have Asberges but has the bipolar.

 

It is why we were so draw to each other. I believe like attracts like.

 

Men with a clean bill of mental health who were issue free and financial secure and good on paper bored me.

 

Unavailable OR unstable men who share my mental health issues pique my interest.

 

My bf and I are right alongside each othr in terms of our mental health ailments.

Edited March 25, 2016 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

Leigh..bottom line..you have 34 pages worth of advice. Either dump him or lower your standards.

 

 

I don't have to " lower " my standards.

 

I believe that I do have a highly generous guy. He just doesn't have the money at for weekly dates.

 

Plus we moved in too fast. So he no longer sees that we are indeed " dating" and has already reached the comfortable stage where he doesn't feel the need for dates out or to impress me.I

 

I am 30 and have plenty of options.... having a family or getting married may honestly not be on the cards for me but that's fine. But options I do have even if it's not in time for marriage or kids.

 

I had men with money who legitimately wanted a relationship with me. But thr thought of being stuck with mediocre chemistry my entire life for the sake of having money just isn't enticing I'd rather go earn the money myself.

[Haydn]

Not to go off topic too much...

 

Isn`t it fashionable to be `Bipolar` these days?

 

Just from the amount of celebs i see blaming their actions on `it`

 

`I slept with 7 birds last night, what was i thinking`

 

`My wife took me back because it was....` `Bipolar`

 

Dunno, i don`t know enough about it really so disregard what i just said, not meant to offend.

[Leigh 87]

Not to go off topic too much...

 

Isn`t it fashionable to be `Bipolar` these days?

 

Just from the amount of celebs i see blaming their actions on `it`

 

`I slept with 7 birds last night, what was i thinking`

 

`My wife took me back because it was....` `Bipolar`

 

Dunno, i don`t know enough about it really so disregard what i just said, not meant to offend.

 

 

I thought it was " sex addiction "

 

...or the sheer number of celebs who check themselves into " re hab"... lol citing " exhaustion ":rolleyes: because it's so difficult being given millions of dollars per movie and having nannies and personal servants to help manage their " busy schedule "

[Buddhist]

Maybe, just maybe. He likes spending time with you at home. That might be his preferred date. Why not look at it, as spoiling him, to eat pizza at home and drink some beer and cider instead of being so totally focused on you and what's missing in your life.

[Els]

Maybe, just maybe. He likes spending time with you at home. That might be his preferred date. Why not look at it, as spoiling him, to eat pizza at home and drink some beer and cider instead of being so totally focused on you and what's missing in your life.

 

To be fair to the OP, it's pretty reasonable to want to go out on a date more often than once in 3 months, especially if you have no kids. There is no way I would want to be in a R where the only thing we do for leisure is eating pizza and drinking at home. It just boggles the mind why, to the OP and her bf, there appears to be no middle ground between that and $200 dinners or $1000 hotel suites. Heck some going-out dates are cheaper than pizza and beer...

[Leigh 87]

End of the day, be isn't into leaving the house on his days off.

 

He has expressed interest in having a cute couple day yet never actuallyinstigates it.

 

Want you see in your relationship now is what you get.

 

People our age don't suddenly change.

 

I want to start exercising daily anyways so I have decided to get out and walk or jog most days. Getting out and exercising will keep me a lot happier. Without my bf having to pretend to be someone he's not and take me out, probably just to appease me.

 

He does enjoy nice restaurants but lacks the good income to afford them more often than a couple of times per year.

 

And he isn't interested in going to a " just ok" restaurant. He said his style is to either go all oit or not bother. He doesn't enjoy going out enough in public to go to a mediocre restaurant.

 

I am fine with the status quo. I really do feel better when I get out once a day.

 

I don't believe his lack of motivation comes down to his feelings for me. He gets in moods ehere he'll surprise me with a pandora charm. Or in month 1, he splurged on the hotel. ...

 

So I guess I'll just look forward to the once in every 2 month time where he seems to want to spoil me and do something material for me.

 

We can't have it all. I got the fireworks and guy where we make eaxh other laugh a lot and are compatible in every way besides dates out of the house........

 

I am happier for him to continue to not take me out on dates than for him to go through the motions purely for me.

[Blanco]

End of the day, be isn't into leaving the house on his days off.

 

He has expressed interest in having a cute couple day yet never actuallyinstigates it.

 

Want you see in your relationship now is what you get.

 

People our age don't suddenly change.

 

I want to start exercising daily anyways so I have decided to get out and walk or jog most days. Getting out and exercising will keep me a lot happier. Without my bf having to pretend to be someone he's not and take me out, probably just to appease me.

 

He does enjoy nice restaurants but lacks the good income to afford them more often than a couple of times per year.

 

And he isn't interested in going to a " just ok" restaurant. He said his style is to either go all oit or not bother. He doesn't enjoy going out enough in public to go to a mediocre restaurant.

 

I am fine with the status quo. I really do feel better when I get out once a day.

 

I don't believe his lack of motivation comes down to his feelings for me. He gets in moods ehere he'll surprise me with a pandora charm. Or in month 1, he splurged on the hotel. ...

 

So I guess I'll just look forward to the once in every 2 month time where he seems to want to spoil me and do something material for me.

 

We can't have it all. I got the fireworks and guy where we make eaxh other laugh a lot and are compatible in every way besides dates out of the house........

 

I am happier for him to continue to not take me out on dates than for him to go through the motions purely for me.

 

I've thought you were being unreasonable a lot in this thread, but this post just makes your boyfriend sound selfish.

 

You know what's romantic? Doing something that your partner actually likes or wants to do. Taking you to a high-end restaurant isn't that romantic if he's fully aware that you'd be OK with or even prefer a decent restaurant. That's him stopping short of telling you what you want.

[Ferret]

To be fair to the OP, it's pretty reasonable to want to go out on a date more often than once in 3 months, especially if you have no kids. There is no way I would want to be in a R where the only thing we do for leisure is eating pizza and drinking at home. It just boggles the mind why, to the OP and her bf, there appears to be no middle ground between that and $200 dinners or $1000 hotel suites. Heck some going-out dates are cheaper than pizza and beer...

 

I dont know im kind of the same way admittedly ive been wanting to plan a

nice weekend away in the city for me and mine ide rather save up for a big treat like a few nights in a nice hotel then go out to restaurants and stuff but me and him do other things that just aren't "dates" we go shopping or out just to hang out some wheres so I guess that helps..

 

 

End of the day, be isn't into leaving the house on his days off.

 

He has expressed interest in having a cute couple day yet never actuallyinstigates it.

 

Want you see in your relationship now is what you get.

 

People our age don't suddenly change.

 

I want to start exercising daily anyways so I have decided to get out and walk or jog most days. Getting out and exercising will keep me a lot happier. Without my bf having to pretend to be someone he's not and take me out, probably just to appease me.

 

He does enjoy nice restaurants but lacks the good income to afford them more often than a couple of times per year.

 

And he isn't interested in going to a " just ok" restaurant. He said his style is to either go all oit or not bother. He doesn't enjoy going out enough in public to go to a mediocre restaurant.

 

I am fine with the status quo. I really do feel better when I get out once a day.

 

I don't believe his lack of motivation comes down to his feelings for me. He gets in moods ehere he'll surprise me with a pandora charm. Or in month 1, he splurged on the hotel. ...

 

So I guess I'll just look forward to the once in every 2 month time where he seems to want to spoil me and do something material for me.

 

We can't have it all. I got the fireworks and guy where we make eaxh other laugh a lot and are compatible in every way besides dates out of the house........

 

I am happier for him to continue to not take me out on dates than for him to go through the motions purely for me.

 

Hes a hardcore homebody from the sounds of it OP can you really deal with that long term? in the end you might just be two very different people your only 30 not 70 you still have a little time dont waist it with a fundamentally wrong guy.

 

If the core values are totally different in the relationship and hes not willing to take your feelings and needs "with in reason" into consideration then maybe you need to take a step back and rethink things..

 

You def need to communicate to him your need to go out more if even to do basic things together why doesn't he join you on your jogs? suggest something middle ground that could be fun..

[scorpiogirl]

End of the day, be isn't into leaving the house on his days off.

 

He has expressed interest in having a cute couple day yet never actuallyinstigates it.

 

Want you see in your relationship now is what you get.

 

People our age don't suddenly change.

 

I want to start exercising daily anyways so I have decided to get out and walk or jog most days. Getting out and exercising will keep me a lot happier. Without my bf having to pretend to be someone he's not and take me out, probably just to appease me.

 

He does enjoy nice restaurants but lacks the good income to afford them more often than a couple of times per year.

 

And he isn't interested in going to a " just ok" restaurant. He said his style is to either go all oit or not bother. He doesn't enjoy going out enough in public to go to a mediocre restaurant.

 

I am fine with the status quo. I really do feel better when I get out once a day.

 

I don't believe his lack of motivation comes down to his feelings for me. He gets in moods ehere he'll surprise me with a pandora charm. Or in month 1, he splurged on the hotel. ...

 

So I guess I'll just look forward to the once in every 2 month time where he seems to want to spoil me and do something material for me.

 

We can't have it all. I got the fireworks and guy where we make eaxh other laugh a lot and are compatible in every way besides dates out of the house........

 

I am happier for him to continue to not take me out on dates than for him to go through the motions purely for me.

 

 

 

Had you written this sooner, 33 pages of posts could've been avoided. This is a reasonable level-headed post and I can completely see your point of view here.

[katiegrl]

Had you written this sooner, 33 pages of posts could've been avoided. This is a reasonable level-headed post and I can completely see your point of view here.

 

Absolutely 100% agree!

[joseb]

You do not have to go to just "ok" restaurants. You can eat out in really nice restaurants (as opposed to pretentious ones people go in order to impress people and name drop) for a lot less than $200.

 

Are you happy eating in a place with great food that costs say $30 each? Can't you do that every week or two?

Or is your boyfriend so averse to going our that that's too much? If so then you may have a mismatch.

[Els]

And he isn't interested in going to a " just ok" restaurant. He said his style is to either go all oit or not bother. He doesn't enjoy going out enough in public to go to a mediocre restaurant.

 

Honestly (and I'm kind of a foodie, have my own website and all) the amount you pay in a restaurant isn't always indicative of the quality of the food you get. Paying less does not automatically equate to a 'mediocre' restaurant. Fine dining does have its charms but there are so many places that offer great food for <$20p/p if you are willing to be a little adventurous. And doesn't it get boring ONLY doing fine dining?

 

Personally, I wouldn't date someone who could only either do fine dining or eat at home, with nothing in between. Variety is the spice of life.

[AMJ]

Had you written this sooner, 33 pages of posts could've been avoided. This is a reasonable level-headed post and I can completely see your point of view here.

 

I also agree. I've never seen a more circular argument in my life. First he doesn't take her on enough dates, which is a huge problem, and now she's okay with that. Baffling.

[Ferret]

I also agree. I've never seen a more circular argument in my life. First he doesn't take her on enough dates, which is a huge problem, and now she's okay with that. Baffling.

I think she wants the dates and she clearly wants to be spoiled shes "ok" with it all now cause shes telling us what she thinks we all want to hear IMO..I guess im the only one who sees it or is willing to say it..I cant help but think the title of this thread is still very much valid im sure we will see more like it once the sting of the back lash she got wears off...

[AMJ]

I mean, if you want to go on dates, get out of a relationship and start dating other people. Relationships aren't about cute dates, they're about building a life together. Sure, it's fun to go on dates once in a while, but it shouldn't be the focus of a relationship.

[joseb]

I think she wants the dates and she clearly wants to be spoiled shes "ok" with it all now cause shes telling us what she thinks we all want to hear IMO..

 

The thought had crossed my mind.

Maybe we are too cynical?!