Lack Of Dates

[Leigh 87]

You know you can get water for free right?!

 

No need to be thirsty

 

The whole point of this thread is to highlight how generous my bf is and how lucky I am--- and how I have now learnt a lesson regarding how much he earns and how much he should be spending.....

 

He was spoiling me to the point where he saved nothing and spent all his disposal on me.......

 

I have had to start to change the way I view my bf and how he spends.

 

I will always be a bit of a princess and both me and my BF don't really feel too phased by this. He knows how generous I am whenever I get a bonus at work. he knows I wanna pay my own way once I graduate. He knows it's just dates and small trips away and coffees and smoothies when we have a day at the mall---- are the things I'd prefer a man to wanna cover. A very generous man is what I prefer but not to the extent to which he is paying all the rent and buying lots of clothes for a woman that works full time.

 

I am spoilt but not utterly unreasonable. A true gold digger would not date a truck driver and they would not bother forging a career with the hope that a man would fund ALL her living expenses.

 

I need a guy to fund the treats. The leisure. Not the daily grind rent and clothes bar the occasional 1/10 dresses I buy.

 

Not that I plan on buying that many dresses.

[Leigh 87]

My boyfriends mum was a filthy gold digger and he is very sensitive to women who think their good looks can get them some rich guy to pay for their lifestyle.

 

He doesn't have contact with his mum. But skies his father and grandparents in Ukraine weekly.

 

He sees me as a girl who wants a good career and who simply likes to be treated to the non essential luxuries. For the daily cost of living we split it as fairly as possible.

 

Again, he went to buy our groceries today and I INSISTED that I pay.

[joseb]

The whole point of this thread is to highlight how generous my bf is and how lucky I am--- and how I have now learnt a lesson regarding how much he earns and how much he should be spending.....

 

He was spoiling me to the point where he saved nothing and spent all his disposal on me.......

 

I have had to start to change the way I view my bf and how he spends.

 

 

Fair enough, and good for you if you continue to follow through.

[GemmaUK]

Initially you went on cheap dates together.

Then he will have no doubt heard about the friend that you compare yourself to.

He will have seen designer clothes and skincare etc so when he took you out on the $200 date he thought that was what you wanted.

 

This could have been simply solved by communication and slipping into the conversation that for you a date is a walk on the beach and an ice cream.

 

There's the other angle too in that you most likely have much more knowledge of little haunts, great areas to visit and amazing cheap little cafes and restaurants in the area.

Step up and suggest some things you can do together for cheap, fun dates.

[Summer3]

I don't have the intellectual capacity to work full time and study full time.

 

No mature age students in my degree work full time. They ALL depend on Aus study and PART TIME work.

 

Pretty much no student here works full time. Most work part time and rely on government help.

 

Ask ALL the lecturers.

 

They ALL urge full time students to ONLY WORK PART TIME.

 

Why is that? Because it's not reason to expect full time students to work 40 hours a week on top of 40 hrs study. ...

 

Everyone in my particular degree agrees with me.

 

I only worked part-time when I was in college too. Don't feel you have to keep defending yourself.

 

You want what you want and you're able to get it. Some people here don't like the idea of a woman being pampered. Whatever.

[Lorenza]

Well, then there's no problem left here - Leigh understood that the way she approached the lack of dates was wrong, she's willing to share the living costs whenever she can and isn't going to her boyfriend to support her forever, she treats her boyfriend into things and is treated back but she wants the money he uses on clothes and stuff to be mostly used on going out instead and she communicated that to him. Not all of us share her views, but it seems that both her and her bf stand on the same ground.

[Leigh 87]

Exactly.

 

Doing things your way just because YOU all think that women should pay their own way on dates, won't make ME happy.

 

I am not forcing everyone to be pampered and spoilt. Because some women have made it clear that they prefer to pay their own way on dates and couple activities.

 

I don't think there's any reason to change unless it's unhealthy or hampering your efforts of finding a loving relationship.

[No_Go]

The issue is that it sounds like your preference stems from seeing what your very beautiful friend gets... You associate her being gorgeous with being 'spoilt' and expect the same to FEEL gorgeous.

 

Also the 'natural' desire of a man to spoil is not natural anymore IF you brought up the topic, even once. It is like begging him to buy you affection.... And he following what you asked for. I don't understand what's 'natural' here - he took you out for breakfast because you told him to (structured by the story of friend-BF-breakfasts )

 

Exactly.

 

Doing things your way just because YOU all think that women should pay their own way on dates, won't make ME happy.

 

I am not forcing everyone to be pampered and spoilt. Because some women have made it clear that they prefer to pay their own way on dates and couple activities.

 

I don't think there's any reason to change unless it's unhealthy or hampering your efforts of finding a loving relationship.

[Leigh 87]

The issue is that it sounds like your preference stems from seeing what your very beautiful friend gets... You associate her being gorgeous with being 'spoilt' and expect the same to FEEL gorgeous.

 

Also the 'natural' desire of a man to spoil is not natural anymore IF you brought up the topic, even once. It is like begging him to buy you affection.... And he following what you asked for. I don't understand what's 'natural' here - he took you out for breakfast because you told him to (structured by the story of friend-BF-breakfasts )

 

 

 

I didn't ask?

 

I've never expressed the desire to go out for breakfast.

 

I only ever suggested more dinner dates on some weekends.

 

He was hungry and trust me, he didn't take me out because he thinks he has to spoil me to shut me up. He actually just wanted to get some breakfast for himself and automatically paid for me too.

 

He naturally pays for dates and meals out. This was just the way he was long before we met.

 

As for my friend.. well her extreme beauty makes her men go love crazy. He has fallen for her on the inside ( 3 years later it's blazingly clear they are best friends) but her wild beauty just. .. did something to this already generous man.

 

I haven't seen plain or average girls get that pampered. Every.

 

When I met my bf we also had that instant attraction that was very natural. With him, I feel like I've got a taste of what I've always wanted in a man and also happened to bare witness to with my friend and her bf.

 

Don't kid yourself--- the better looking you are, the more likely it is that men will have more of an urge to spoil you.

 

I have lived it! I know first hand! The way I was treated when I was plain and had not yet gotten my braces or great figure... men would feel warm and fuzzy and semi affectionate but when it came to actually sacrificing their money..... they would rather sheepishly accept my money for dates:sick: and side step when things got too close or intimate or expensive gladly accept it my share.

 

I became more attractive and slim with nice post braces teety and bamn, men are swooning and taking me out and holding doors open. I just sensed and smelled their great effort and triumph in having an " attractive " girl in their view. The wallets camd out and they just had fhe URGE to spoil me with dates.

 

Trust me on this one. I went from very unpleasant looking as a child to very plain and the to quite attractive. The difference in the level of spoiling is phenomenal.

 

You can pretend like prettier women don't get spoilt more if it makes you feel better about yourself. But I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check and more attractive girls than me that I have met ALL had their bfs pamper them a lot more than mine had.

 

I would love to have my bf automatically get out his wallet when we are on day outings and treat me to anything I wanted that day. I love the way my friends bf just has an innate drive to pay for anything she wants to eat and drink or do on any given day they go out. He is on a high income though. Where as my bf does need me to chip in a bit at times during our days out of the house. But again--- it's the mentality I love about generous men who just want to totally pamper their gfs and stop them reaching into their wallets.

 

It all sounds a lot worse than it is though. It sounds like geesh, Leigh 87 must also want bim to pay the rent and groceries and I bet she isn't interested in a career, and dreams of a man taking care of her every need.

 

Which is not true at all. The mans reaction to a beautiful woman and how they just have that THING when they fall for a woman who is beautiful ( at least to him). Often, men processed with the most passion are apt to spoiling rather than splitting. Just something I've noticed.

 

And what's more-- men who are on good incomed but prefer women to pay their own way, justsimply aren't on my wave length. We have different likes and dislikes and that is all. No one is in the wrong here it is about personal preference.

[Leigh 87]

The issue is that it sounds like your preference stems from seeing what your very beautiful friend gets... You associate her being gorgeous with being 'spoilt' and expect the same to FEEL gorgeous.

 

Also the 'natural' desire of a man to spoil is not natural anymore IF you brought up the topic, even once. It is like begging him to buy you affection.... And he following what you asked for. I don't understand what's 'natural' here - he took you out for breakfast because you told him to (structured by the story of friend-BF-breakfasts )

 

He spoilt me long before any mention of my preferences.

 

A month and a half in he splurged on a 10000 hotel suit and sent me 100s whilst I was overseas.

 

And when we went to the mall he treated me to a skirt I had tried on.

 

So long looong before I broached the topic of dates he had already shown me that he was into spoiling me.

 

He is very stubborn. He would not do anything he didn't want to do.

 

He wanted to take me for dinner but needed promting. But he actually had been mentioning that he wanted to take me out but didn't get around to it because it just isn't a priority for him because he loves our home life so much and doesn't get urged for dates and romance the way girls do........

 

I stayed with him for months because he did seam traditional and as though he'd spoil me. Which held true. Just the date nights were too few and far between. If I felt we were incompatible on that front...I'd have seriously considered my options.

[Lorenza]

I think what No_Go meant is that you might have some hidden insecurities abour your looks and want to be spoiled as reassurance. Being spoiled = being reminded that you too, just like your friend, are beautiful and wanted. At least that's how I'd interpret NG post

[despgirl]

I didn't ask?

 

I've never expressed the desire to go out for breakfast.

 

I only ever suggested more dinner dates on some weekends.

 

He was hungry and trust me, he didn't take me out because he thinks he has to spoil me to shut me up. He actually just wanted to get some breakfast for himself and automatically paid for me too.

 

He naturally pays for dates and meals out. This was just the way he was long before we met.

 

As for my friend.. well her extreme beauty makes her men go love crazy. He has fallen for her on the inside ( 3 years later it's blazingly clear they are best friends) but her wild beauty just. .. did something to this already generous man.

 

I haven't seen plain or average girls get that pampered. Every.

 

When I met my bf we also had that instant attraction that was very natural. With him, I feel like I've got a taste of what I've always wanted in a man and also happened to bare witness to with my friend and her bf.

 

Don't kid yourself--- the better looking you are, the more likely it is that men will have more of an urge to spoil you.

 

I have lived it! I know first hand! The way I was treated when I was plain and had not yet gotten my braces or great figure... men would feel warm and fuzzy and semi affectionate but when it came to actually sacrificing their money..... they would rather sheepishly accept my money for dates:sick: and side step when things got too close or intimate or expensive gladly accept it my share.

 

I became more attractive and slim with nice post braces teety and bamn, men are swooning and taking me out and holding doors open. I just sensed and smelled their great effort and triumph in having an " attractive " girl in their view. The wallets camd out and they just had fhe URGE to spoil me with dates.

 

Trust me on this one. I went from very unpleasant looking as a child to very plain and the to quite attractive. The difference in the level of spoiling is phenomenal.

 

You can pretend like prettier women don't get spoilt more if it makes you feel better about yourself. But I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check and more attractive girls than me that I have met ALL had their bfs pamper them a lot more than mine had.

 

I would love to have my bf automatically get out his wallet when we are on day outings and treat me to anything I wanted that day. I love the way my friends bf just has an innate drive to pay for anything she wants to eat and drink or do on any given day they go out. He is on a high income though. Where as my bf does need me to chip in a bit at times during our days out of the house. But again--- it's the mentality I love about generous men who just want to totally pamper their gfs and stop them reaching into their wallets.

 

It all sounds a lot worse than it is though. It sounds like geesh, Leigh 87 must also want bim to pay the rent and groceries and I bet she isn't interested in a career, and dreams of a man taking care of her every need.

 

Which is not true at all. The mans reaction to a beautiful woman and how they just have that THING when they fall for a woman who is beautiful ( at least to him). Often, men processed with the most passion are apt to spoiling rather than splitting. Just something I've noticed.

 

And what's more-- men who are on good incomed but prefer women to pay their own way, justsimply aren't on my wave length. We have different likes and dislikes and that is all. No one is in the wrong here it is about personal preference.

 

I am sorry but the latest post really strikes me as bragging :/ "Look at me, I am so hot with big boobs and slim figure (which has been mention many, many times in this thread - how hot your body is), and therefor I deserve being spoilt and all the plain girls do not get spoilt due to being plain or less attractive".

 

 

Also, plain is a subjective concept and some people would consider you plain and superficial and not be attracted to that. To each their own!

[Shining One]

Don't kid yourself--- the better looking you are, the more likely it is that men will have more of an urge to spoil you.

But I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check and more attractive girls than me that I have met ALL had their bfs pamper them a lot more than mine had.

Most of the women I've been in LTRs with have been [very] attractive []. I didn't feel urges to "spoil" them. They did not have a desire to be spoiled. They wanted to be partners, not dependents. They didn't choose equality because they weren't "hot enough" to get a man to pay for them as you're implying. Edited March 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mattelipstick]

I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check

 

But you get upset when others make generalizations.

[No_Go]

Leigh, first thank you for the very detailed response, but you just confirmed what I tried to say (and Lorenza explained afterwards):

 

You are NOT a gold digger.

You are though insecure (because of having an 'ugly duckling' stage in the past?) and you EQUATE being 'spoilt' as being 'beauty-validated'. see what you just wrote:

"Don't kid yourself--- the better looking you are, the more likely it is that men will have more of an urge to spoil you."

 

I'd tell you the following: if there is a correlation, it is because the bimbo-looking types ask for being spoilt It could be subtle (like stating their friend is treated to meals because she's pretty;)) or direct. These are the 'high-maintenance' women, not the pretty ones (there can be an overlap but these are two different sets).

 

There is a big issue here: (smart) men know how to pull the strings on these women. You've seen it on your own - you repeated multiple times the surprise getaway 10000 hotel. From the first time I read it I thought - its a TRAP. That's what men do to their GF of 30 days when they want to manipulate her into something (in your case - living together... I don't want to go into this further though, because the only way to understand it is to experience it).

 

Don't get people pull your strings so easily. It is downright dangerous. Trust me.

 

Also an example: within days (i.e. same attractiveness from my side; btw I fit all your definitions for 'attractive' looking) I've been on dates with different men in the past - some want to pay, some don't. That's a counter example of what you're saying (more attractive = paid for).

[No_Go]

That's not a strong basis to stay with someone. What else you like about him?

 

I stayed with him for months because he did seam traditional and as though he'd spoil me. Which held true. Just the date nights were too few and far between. If I felt we were incompatible on that front...I'd have seriously considered my options.

[katiegrl]

I think what No_Go meant is that you might have some hidden insecurities about your looks and want to be spoiled as reassurance. Being spoiled = being reminded that you too, just like your friend, are beautiful and wanted.

 

I think this post ^^ has A LOT of truth to it.

 

The more men spoil me = the more beautiful I am (and feel!).

 

Leigh, don't get all defensive about this.

 

You have all but admitted it yourself.

 

Once you don't NEED that type of validation from men re your beauty (meaning instead your beauty stems from your own self-worth and esteem).... you might find you don't need to be spoiled as much to feel attracted to the men you date.

Edited March 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[normal person]

He spoilt me long before any mention of my preferences.

 

A month and a half in he splurged on a 10000 hotel suit and sent me 100s whilst I was overseas.

 

Since this thread is 28 pages long, maybe I can offer a solution. How about this: suggest that the $10K presidential suite seems perhaps a bit unwarranted, and that next time he wants to do something like this, he could go for a less opulent, but still luxurious suite for, say, one tenth the price, then use the remaining $9K to take you out to a nice dinner every two weeks for the next 3 years. You'd probably both have more fun and he wouldn't be so hesitant to do it.

 

Cash management, y'know? Problem solved.

[katiegrl]

 

A month and a half in he splurged on a 10000 hotel suite ....

 

Wow, $10,000 dollars?

 

Must have been one hell of a REALLY nice hotel suite! lol

[joseb]

Wow, $10,000 dollars?

 

Must have been one hell of a REALLY nice hotel suite! lol

 

Im sure I read it was 2000 about 20 pages ago, but no way I'm going back to check!

 

If it really is 10k that's just so utterly ridiculous given their income and her bf's talk about not wasting money.

 

Leigh you talked about charity before. How much better would you feel if you two had given that money to say those people still living in tents I'm Nepal one year after the earthquake. Heck you two could fly over there and spend a week meeting them and still have the bulk of the money to donate.

[Gaeta]

Im sure I read it was 2000 about 20 pages ago, but no way I'm going back to check!

 

I also read 10,000 but thought it was a typo and she meant 1,000.

 

Even at 1,000 it's highly irresponsible from someone living on a budget and supporting 2 adults. How many times they could have gone on <fancy> dates with that $1,000.

[joseb]

I went on a date recently with a very attractive woman.

It was obvious from the first minute though that she was a princess type and used to being spoilt and looking for validation (snapchat updates constantly)

I had no "urge to spoil her". In fact, despite her looks I was glad to finish the date and have not contacted her.

 

Your constant assumption that looks have something to do with splitting bills or urges to spoil people is the obvious erroneous thought process you have that people are trying to help you with.

 

If you keep thinking this was, you are going to revert back to being upset in the future when your boyfriend is no longer spoiling you to the same extend.

[katiegrl]

Im sure I read it was 2000 about 20 pages ago, but no way I'm going back to check!

 

If it really is 10k that's just so utterly ridiculous given their income and her bf's talk about not wasting money.

 

Leigh you talked about charity before. How much better would you feel if you two had given that money to say those people still living in tents I'm Nepal one year after the earthquake. Heck you two could fly over there and spend a week meeting them and still have the bulk of the money to donate.

 

No actually I think it was $1,000 and the 10k was a typo..... my previous post was meant to be tongue-n-cheek!

[Summer3]

I went on a date recently with a very attractive woman.

It was obvious from the first minute though that she was a princess type and used to being spoilt and looking for validation (snapchat updates constantly)

I had no "urge to spoil her". In fact, despite her looks I was glad to finish the date and have not contacted her.

 

Your constant assumption that looks have something to do with splitting bills or urges to spoil people is the obvious erroneous thought process you have that people are trying to help you with.

 

If you keep thinking this was, you are going to revert back to being upset in the future when your boyfriend is no longer spoiling you to the same extend.

 

Don't be too upset with Leigh. My mom DID tell me that only "unattractive" women have to pay. Really. There are some mothers who do condition their children into believing this. And my mom felt it was true. She also thought by making me believe this I'd be forced to date men who only were really into me. Men don't part with their money easily and if they do spend it on you then you're probably important to them. It may sound shallow but it also has a lot of truth in it.

[Lorenza]

Well of course beautiful women make their admirers wanna spend money on them to swoon them. Another thing is if they accept it.