Lack Of Dates

[Lorenza]

I never said all women who are into paying their own way are not attractive.

 

Plenty of hot women enjoy paying their own way.

 

But attractive women get men who want to treat them to dates a whole lot more than plain or average girls...

 

Heck, when I got my braces off and got a nice figure, I straight away had men wanting to wine and dine me; sure some of them probably only wanted sex, but I am certain that a few of them were genuinely into me too. And wanted to discover who I was to begin with because I was slim and suddenly had nice teeth as opposed to the braces ladden chubby teen and early 20s Leigh 87.

 

Missed out this post before responding to the previous two

[clia]

lol it is funny how you think that a woman is a spoilt princess when she doesn't want to split the bill....

 

So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?

 

So having the one thing that she prefers a MAN to pay for makes her spoilt when things are otherwise equal?

 

OK then.....

 

But things in your relationship aren't otherwise equal! You aren't supporting yourself 50/50 and working full time. So why do you keep using that example? That's not you!

 

Look, I have no issue if you want a man to pay for your dates and buy you gifts. That's your preference. If you find a guy to do it, great. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be doing it sufficiently enough for you, but whatever.

 

However, your insistence that only attractive girls can find men who will pay for their dinner is just totally wrong.

[Kamille]

We're generalizing, so I'm going to generalize too (apologies boys!).

 

Maybe more attractive women get invited on more dates, but men will pull the wallet out on most dates. Their goal is to impress, seduce and hopefully get laid -and (sadly) pulling the wallet out is one way to achieve that. The minute a girl is on a date, she can expect some chivalry.

 

Why would a man ask a woman out on a date only to ruin his own chances by not offering to pay? Getting asked out on a date is about attractiveness. Getting treated on a date has little to do with it.

 

Also, here, we're talking early dating. Leigh, you live with your boyfriend. Hopefully you know by now that he finds you attractive.

[Jabron1]

We're generalizing, so I'm going to generalize too (apologies boys!).

 

Maybe more attractive women get invited on more dates, but men will pull the wallet out on most dates. Their goal is to impress, seduce and hopefully get laid -and (sadly) pulling the wallet out is one way to achieve that.

 

You don't need to apologise. You're just pointing out the obvious.

 

Loads of guys have zero game, and try to use money to get affection from women.

 

 

I have had MEN TELL ME that only unattractive wonen have to pay their own way because : beauty: dazzles men and makes them want to spoil women even if they aren't emotionally into them.

 

LOL. Yes. Men have told me.

 

You're right, Leigh. This is a very real part of the courtship that goes on between men and women. I'm not disputing that.

 

But you should understand why men act that way. It's not a good thing and shouldn't be encouraged, because it comes from a weak place. A guy that gets dazzled by a woman's looks and starts trying to use his money to attract her is a simp.

 

The exception is when a guy is very wealthy and it comes completely natural to him (in other words, he isn't trying to impress or supplicate his girlfriend). But there are very few men who I'd put in that category.

[Ferret]

lol it is funny how you think that a woman is a spoilt princess when she doesn't want to split the bill....

 

So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?

 

So having the one thing that she prefers a MAN to pay for makes her spoilt when things are otherwise equal?

 

OK then.....

 

 

But wait I thought this guy also pays for your rent and a lot of your other expenses? maybe im wrong but I could have sworn you said that earlier in this thread..

[Leigh 87]

But wait I thought this guy also pays for your rent and a lot of your other expenses? maybe im wrong but I could have sworn you said that earlier in this thread..

 

 

You have a fundamentally different outlook on being a full time student to me so you will never make me agree with you on this front. You believe that full time students who don't work full time to put themsleves through college are lazy. You also assume that all students here who want to workfull time are able to get an after hours full time role. Even you actually have no clue about the employment prospects in my smaller town.

 

So I am telling you right now that I will never think students are " lazy" for opting to work part time whilst they study full time. Nor do I believe that all students can just get a full timejob around their course load. Doesn't work like that whereI am from. Bar and hospitality workis all that is available to most people after hours and these jobs are very rarely full time...most staff are climbing over themsleves for more shifts here ( I hear this directly from managers whome I have dated).

 

So you can stop right there if you think that you're going to " help me see" that I am supposedly lazy for not getting full time work when I know for a fact I couldn't get the full timw hours even if I tried.

 

He pays rent. He also wasn't asked to. He knew that I was a student. He naturally adopted the role of paying the bulk of our living expenses whileI throw in as much money as I can.

 

He works full time. I am a fulltime student. He earns more so he pays rent. I don't see how that automatically makes a woman pampered?

 

Pampered to me is: NEVER planning on getting a full time job and wanting a man to support you for the long term. Me? I want my degree and I LOOK FORWARD to paying my own way when it comes to rent and stuff.

 

The truth is, if students were given the opportunity to work part time and study full time INSTEAD of having to work 40 plus hour weeks ON TOP of 40 hrs of study per week-- MOST STUDENTS WOULD PREFER TO WORK PART TIME. I have been given the opportunity to work part time rather than full time so I've taken it.

 

In fact, if most Australians felt us full time students were lazy for only opting to work part time, they would not have VOTED IN Aus Study allowance, which pays adults over 25 200 a week to study full time. 200 isn't enough to live off so most of us work part time.

 

If people felt I was such a disgrace, then most Australians would not have voted in a system that ENCOURAGES students to work PART TIME.

 

Moreover, there are actually opportunities for full time work after daylight hours for me. Not just everyone can " get a full time job" in the evening/ night. Getting full time hospitalityand bar work is rare as it is almost always casual unless you are very experienced.

 

You act like the fact that I am a full time student that CHOOSES to only work part time, makes me pampered and lazy. And again, you ASSUME where I live, it is possible to get an after hours full time job. Which I know is not the case.

 

By the way. When I was working full time doing a day job, I DID look for full time work that I could do in the evening around college which I knew was starting back up soon. I looked daily for hundreds of jobs. The rare trials I did get were for casual or part time work and I never got the jobs because I cannot work in crowds because of my Asberges ( but thrive in a 1 in 1 setting, which is why I picked podiatry aside from the fact I like the medical field)

 

It really is not a simple case of " you're a full time student with no night classes as option therefore you still need a full time evening and/ or night time job" --- and if you can't, mostof society thinks you're a lazy princess.

 

Where I live has a severe shortage for workers. MOST people travel to Sydney. There are very very very few full time roles that work around full time college where I live. It is one of those towns where you need to know someone just to get work.

 

And yeah after a full day at college excuse me for not wanting to catch a train to Sydney that takes nearly 2 hours, do a bar or hospital shift, finish late at night and then catch a midnight train from Sydney for 2 hours and get home at 2am. It is idiotic to travel alone as a woman at midnight. Plus no one is goint to travel 4 hrs a day just for a cr@ppy hospitality job ( the only evening option here that's fulltime) unless they HAVE TO. And I am in the fortunateposition where I don't have to work full time.

 

And besides, my own boyfriend doesn't actually WANT me to work full time! He would be VERY CROSS if I were to find evening work every night, because it would most likely involved me having to commute alone at night since I sold my car prior to college to fundthe first semester. And he works night shift so couldn't collect me.

 

So let me get this straight. .. I am a pampered princess for: earning less than half as much as my boyfriend and letting him pay full rent and also prefer that he treatsme to dates every now and again?

 

Did I force him to date me? Do I not work or contribute at all? Of course I do both! I work weekends so I have no days with mt boyfriend, and I pay 200 a month for our phone bills! And I spoil him when I have enough savings. I find it absolutely baffling that the fact that I don't work full time due to full time study makes me some lazy moocher to so many when I work weekends and contribute as much as my income allows for.

 

Where I come from, most students work just part time and it really isn't looked down upon. There are also a lot of mature aged students who also opt for part time work.

 

I just don't see the part where I am a pampered princess. Plenty of women prefer men who genuinely enjoy spoiling them as opposed to splitting checks and the like...

 

I intend to work full time ASAP ( so when I graduate it is feasible) and I want to pay my own way in terms of bills when I am able to. A pampered princess would opt to either never work full time or she'd work full time and not contribute.

[Leigh 87]

I get it.

 

People have a problem with:

 

- me being 30 and going back to school without choosing not to work full time

 

- you all think I'm lazy for only working part time

 

- the fact I allow my bf to pay rent when he absolutely insisted on it makes me a moocher and a gold digger

 

- my contribution of 200 a month to our phone bill and the fact that I spoil him when ever I get extra cash is insignificant and still makes me a super spoilt princess

 

- the fact I aim to work full time after my degree and also contribute my HALF of rent and stuff makes me a princess simply because I don't pay my half as it stands because I want to focus on my studies and work part time to allow for it

 

- you obviously all assume that I am able to get a night job that is full time and works around my schedule. I invite you all to come to where I live and try to find full time work after hours.

[Leigh 87]

I badly wanted to do 4 nights a week work in addition to my Saturday job. But I cos don't find anything for even 2 or 3 days a week in the after hoursindustries.

 

I would ideally prefer to work 5 nights a week for a few hours locally if you all must know. Sadly, there are not many bar or waitress jobs and I naturally suck at them and am terrible in large groups and have genuinely tried to ve " normal " and fit in with such jobs as I wanted to earn money whilst at college.

 

Me and others I know picked podiatry because you're 1 on 1 with patients and don't have to be in a room full of people.

 

It is a real shame that everyone assumes that I am just too lazy when they have no idea how difficult it is for me to get the only jobs that are available to me during the week nighte after college.

[SammySammy]

Bars are not conducive to study anyway. I picked night auditor at a small boutique hotel because I could spend most of the night studying.

 

I don't really care how much you work. I just didn't agree with your assertion you and all of your instructors had determined it was not possible and would lead to bad grades if attempted.

 

I just wanted to make the point that it definitely is possible and I had great grades. Not to mention my daughter also worked full time and will graduate in a few weeks with honors. My ex-wife is getting her fourth degree right now - a doctorate. While working full-time. Your instructors don't know what they are talking about. That was my point.

 

You can do what you want. It's your life, hon. You don't have to explain or justify anything to me. Just don't try to tell me and others what can or can't be done.

Edited March 24, 2016 by MidKnightDreams

[clia]

You are contradicting yourself all over the place.

 

You've had an ongoing rant over the past six years about how it's ridiculous to expect full time students to work full time. It's fine if you feel that way! You don't have to keep defending yourself!

 

But now you say you were looking for full time jobs that you could do in the evening around your college work, and you'd like to work evenings.

 

Well, which is it? You can't find a full time job or you are incapable of handling a full time job while you're in school? Or both?

 

The thing is...you've been a "full time student" for years and you are still years away from getting your degree. It's almost eerie looking at some of your past posts about university because it's the same old story. You're going to do this, you're going to do that. Despite all your talk (now and in the past) about how you can't wait to get your degree and start working full time, what did you do once you started your podiatry program? You chose to almost immediately take a semester "off" from school! (Off from what, exactly?) You seem to enjoy dreaming about the end much more than actually doing the work to get to the end. As far as I can tell, the past six years are full of partially started degrees, numerous changes in major, cert programs, part time jobs, etc.

 

I genuinely hope you get your degree eventually, Leigh, but you really can't fault anyone here for questioning your dedication given your history. It really does seem like you are actively avoiding getting to the point where you have to work full time and much prefer the life of a full time student living off the government and others.

Edited March 24, 2016 by clia

[Kamille]

I get it.

 

People have a problem with:

 

- me being 30 and going back to school without choosing not to work full time

 

- you all think I'm lazy for only working part time

 

- the fact I allow my bf to pay rent when he absolutely insisted on it makes me a moocher and a gold digger

 

- my contribution of 200 a month to our phone bill and the fact that I spoil him when ever I get extra cash is insignificant and still makes me a super spoilt princess

 

- the fact I aim to work full time after my degree and also contribute my HALF of rent and stuff makes me a princess simply because I don't pay my half as it stands because I want to focus on my studies and work part time to allow for it

 

- you obviously all assume that I am able to get a night job that is full time and works around my schedule. I invite you all to come to where I live and try to find full time work after hours.

 

A) we don't all think the same.

 

B) who cares what we think? I often get the impression that the reason why you contradict yourself often in your threads is because you're looking for LS approval. There's no such thing as LS approval. No one should live their lives trying to please the internet.

[Leigh 87]

You are contradicting yourself all over the place.

 

You've had an ongoing rant over the past six years about how it's ridiculous to expect full time students to work full time. It's fine if you feel that way! You don't have to keep defending yourself!

 

But now you say you were looking for full time jobs that you could do in the evening around your college work, and you'd like to work evenings.

 

Well, which is it? You can't find a full time job or you are incapable of handling a full time job while you're in school? Or both?

 

The thing is...you've been a "full time student" for years and you are still years away from getting your degree. It's almost eerie looking at some of your past posts about university because it's the same old story. You're going to do this, you're going to do that. Despite all your talk (now and in the past) about how you can't wait to get your degree and start working full time, what did you do once you started your podiatry program? You chose to almost immediately take a semester "off" from school! (Off from what, exactly?) You seem to enjoy dreaming about the end much more than actually doing the work to get to the end. As far as I can tell, the past six years are full of partially started degrees, numerous changes in major, cert programs, part time jobs, etc.

 

I genuinely hope you get your degree eventually, Leigh, but you really can't fault anyone here for questioning your dedication given your history. It really does seem like you are actively avoiding getting to the point where you have to work full time and much prefer the life of a full time student living off the government and others.

 

I have actually worked full time for a number of years.....

 

I have changed jobs a lot and often done a few at once though.

 

I have been working full time in a few diff jobs, saving and travelling. I gave haf assed attempts at college to be more stable and normal but my heart was not in it. I had travelled my whole life with parents growing up and then alone as an adult with my full time jobs. I was not quite ready to give up that lifestyle to be a student cos to me, being a student means not working full time.

 

I got tired of not having any pride in the way I made my living and felt the deepest desire to become a professional at last. I missed studying and after finishing my schooling as a ate teen, I finally felt ready to embark on study again.

 

I haven't been a ful time student for long. I did a year of social work and about 6 weeks of food science.... but just was not ready to commit. I am doing very well in Podiatry and have made connections and even had a job working in the industry to put on my resume.

 

I absolutly love my degree and a lot of students go into college without much fore sight as I once did. I took an entire year of researching degrees within the arena (science or medical) before deciding upon podiatry and feel it is a great fit.

 

And I do not want FULL TIME work but I wanted about 30 hrs a week ish because, well, OBIOUSLY I like money and would prefer to have some savings and pocket money through Uni!

 

I def was not aiming to work the 50 plus hours most American students seem to do....

[Leigh 87]

by the way there are no NON bar jobs at night where I live that are available full time ^^^

 

Ideally, I would love to work a few bar shifts at my local RSL either near to my flat or my Uni campus. I would love to be able to have the pride of paying towards rent, having some savings for my future and occasional pocket money.

 

My bf KNOWS how much I would love to be working more too but neither of us would advocate for full time work for any students unless they have absolutely no choice.

 

He is a kind and generous person who, unlike all you, does not think I am lazy for working part time.

[Kamille]

Hospitals are institutions that often recruits shift workers for a variety of tasks. Since you'll be working in a health related field, have you thought of looking there?

 

That said, you're allowed to work only one shift a week at your current job while studying full time. I'm not sure why you're suddenly looking for evening work - other than to dispel the impression some LSers might have that you are lazy. If this is the case, I repeat: don't live you life to please the internet. It's okay to ask for advice, but focus on what you need and what you want.

[Lorenza]

Btw, nothing wrong in being a student at 30 y o. Not everyone is ready to choose a life path directly after graduation. I have started two majors and haven't finished either of them, because it didn't feel righ and I couldn't committ. At age 26 I will finally start studying something that gives me joy. Except that I will continue working while studying.

 

If there is a guy who is willing to support Leigh while she studies and that support is acceptable for her - great. It might not be acceptable for me, but hey, I do take occasional help from my dad, so who am I to judge. The only thing that made me irritated reading this thread was the rant about dates and spoiling. That guys does more than enough for you Leigh.

 

Also, it's possible to work and study. I've had my own bussiness for 3 years now and started it while on my second year of Computer Science. It was quite normal among students to work, though, I agree, not full time.

[Leigh 87]

Hospitals are institutions that often recruits shift workers for a variety of tasks. Since you'll be working in a health related field, have you thought of looking there?

 

That said, you're allowed to work only one shift a week at your current job while studying full time. I'm not sure why you're suddenly looking for evening work - other than to dispel the impression some LSers might have that you are lazy. If this is the case, I repeat: don't live you life to please the internet. It's okay to ask for advice, but focus on what you need and what you want.

 

[i[/i][/b]

 

Oh I would LOVE to get in with a hospital. I am all about wanting relevent work but just ANY work....I am in the process of calling all the podiatrists in my local area and asking for a reception role. One agreed when they get enough patients at their new clinic!

 

He is one of the most successful PODS around the area....

 

Unfortunately, I have even found out from my podiatrist friend that he is a sleeze - but hey, I am desperate for profesional exposure and this guy is the real deal career wise I am still going to give it a go.

 

I had a job in my related field too last year that fell through.

 

My podiatrist friend worked in aged care but said hospitals purely hire trained podiatrists. The ONLY jobs I have seen within hospitals for NON professionals are as food servers of kitchen hands which I am NOT cut out for. I have tried LOL trust me.....

 

So I will prob try and get an aged care role since I will be working with the elderly a lot as a POD..... BUT a reception role would also be great, I hope this guy is serious when he has said he would give me the job but soooo many people have let me down when they promised me things work wise. So I am not holding my breath!

 

My bf spoils me and pays rent which I am so greatful for. Reading these comments on this thread made me realise how unreasonable I was for wanting more dates out.

 

I am on Easter break and will be calling local podiatrists and also following up that reception role.....

 

2 more days a week would be ideal for me. I would like to contribute a little towards rent and accumulate savings.

[Leigh 87]

My bf is all for that reception role and me working more often.

 

But I have not yet told him that apparantly the guy is sleezy...

 

So regarding dates as in the OP, I have decided to lay off asking and just be more grateful for the rent he pays and the fact he drops me off and picks me up from college without me having to ask, and generally treats me once every 2 mnths or so to a dress or item of clothing or bag.

[clia]

My bf is all for that reception role and me working more often.

 

But I have not yet told him that apparantly the guy is sleezy...

 

So regarding dates as in the OP, I have decided to lay off asking and just be more grateful for the rent he pays and the fact he drops me off and picks me up from college without me having to ask, and generally treats me once every 2 mnths or so to a dress or item of clothing or bag.

 

Can't you just go on inexpensive dates? I thought the whole point was to do more than sit around the house drinking and watching TV? You can do that cheaply! Why can't you do that on a budget, cheap stuff like ice cream, a walk in the park, mini golf, gallery openings, festivals, whatever.

[Kamille]

You said you are temporarily crashing in one of your parents' pads. To whom does your bf pay rent?

[ExpatInItaly]

You said you are temporarily crashing in one of your parents' pads. To whom does your bf pay rent?

 

I was just about to ask this. Perhaps he pays rent to her parent, which I could understand.

 

Can you clarify, Leigh?

[Leigh 87]

he pays it to my dad. My mum won't allow him to give her money...

 

It is not the act of going out I need weekly. We are both at our happiest at home watching DVDs.

 

We are not into crowded places full of people and noise. We are very selective and not really into being around people on a Friday night having drinks with friends - We are not the couple of has "drinks with friends". We do not have any friends really. I have a few but you know, we are strange introverts who can be good with people when we have to be but it does not come naturally to us.

 

To balance that out though, those wonderful times we most enjoy together at home watching movies.... Would be to go walking someplace - as I want to loose some weight as I have been inactive and out of shape for years now -

 

So rather than just chilling ALL day cuddling in bed, muching around etc and ewatching movies....I need to also get out of the house with him, some place not too crowded... There are nice walking tracks near where I live that I once loved going to when I was more fit and active.

 

It is only really once in a blue moon I need to be taken out places - Yes it is true, with a rich guy I WOULD need him to be generous, because I like generous men and a rich guy not into spoiling me would not fly.

 

But in general, I do not feel that need to go out for the sake of going out persay, it is me wanting to get dressed up and for us to both acknowledge that we are in fact, in a ROMANTC relationship, where it is... well, romantic seeing your partner wear heals and a nice dress. I want him to see me in that light to symbolise the romance in our relationship rather than just thinking along the lines of " well you are the most beautiful when you wake up in the morning" and therefore do not need to attempt to look nice and dress up for him at all.

 

I am naturally ok with and even favour spending most of the time in the house...but do get a bit stir crazy by Sunday and do need to just get out of the house, even just fofr exercise it does not even have to be a COUPLE thing...although I do think it would be healhier for him to get out at least once a day and I am sure he will agree.

[Rejected Rosebud]

lol it is funny how you think that a woman is a spoilt princess when she doesn't want to split the bill....

 

So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?

 

So having the one thing that she prefers a MAN to pay for makes her spoilt when things are otherwise equal?

 

OK then.....

A grown up woman who talks about being "spoilt" pretty much nonstop really does come off as an unappealing princess type.

[No_Go]

See, I totally get what you're saying here. I'm introverted and hate crowds as well, but still have the need to be out in the sun every so often. When I spend 12+ hours working and commuting, weekdays are not an option, so here come the weekends.

 

I think you should start going on these walks / tracks that you mentioned yourself, maybe with a girlfriend, if your BF is not a walking type. Maybe he can pick you up afterwards and grab a bite on the way back home? So both your needs (going out) and his needs (relaxing home) are met, but you still have couple's time?

 

For clothes - seriously, don't wait for his approval / appreciation. Men do NOT understand fashion in the way that women do... I'd think you'd be much happier going to college every day in a pretty dress (keeping it appropriate of course) then waiting to wear them on special date nights. The same counts for make up etc.

 

From what I've seen on your pics I like your dressing style a lot, and I think it is adaptable for day-to-day (just let say put a scarf on to cover up plunging necklines, or wear tights under short skirts - and voila, your night dresses are great for everyday and you are not dependent on your BF to take you out to wear them.

 

he pays it to my dad. My mum won't allow him to give her money...

 

It is not the act of going out I need weekly. We are both at our happiest at home watching DVDs.

 

We are not into crowded places full of people and noise. We are very selective and not really into being around people on a Friday night having drinks with friends - We are not the couple of has "drinks with friends". We do not have any friends really. I have a few but you know, we are strange introverts who can be good with people when we have to be but it does not come naturally to us.

 

To balance that out though, those wonderful times we most enjoy together at home watching movies.... Would be to go walking someplace - as I want to loose some weight as I have been inactive and out of shape for years now -

 

So rather than just chilling ALL day cuddling in bed, muching around etc and ewatching movies....I need to also get out of the house with him, some place not too crowded... There are nice walking tracks near where I live that I once loved going to when I was more fit and active.

 

It is only really once in a blue moon I need to be taken out places - Yes it is true, with a rich guy I WOULD need him to be generous, because I like generous men and a rich guy not into spoiling me would not fly.

 

But in general, I do not feel that need to go out for the sake of going out persay, it is me wanting to get dressed up and for us to both acknowledge that we are in fact, in a ROMANTC relationship, where it is... well, romantic seeing your partner wear heals and a nice dress. I want him to see me in that light to symbolise the romance in our relationship rather than just thinking along the lines of " well you are the most beautiful when you wake up in the morning" and therefore do not need to attempt to look nice and dress up for him at all.

 

I am naturally ok with and even favour spending most of the time in the house...but do get a bit stir crazy by Sunday and do need to just get out of the house, even just fofr exercise it does not even have to be a COUPLE thing...although I do think it would be healhier for him to get out at least once a day and I am sure he will agree.

[MidwestUSA]

We are not into crowded places full of people and noise. We are very selective and not really into being around people on a Friday night having drinks with friends - We are not the couple of has "drinks with friends".We do not have any friends really.

 

 

 

This may seem counterintuitive, but the bolded doesn't bode well for the future.

 

Long term, you both will need to have hobbies that you can enjoy separately, and alone. Learn to love cats as well. You might start now; it sounds as if your honeymoon phase is nearing the end.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Leigh - this thread is all over the place and it's hard to stay focussed! But - here is what I see as a KEY issue: you think 1) that the more attractive a girl is, the more money a guy will lavish on her, and 2) that the amount of "spoiling" (i.e. money spent on a girl) equates to the feelings a guy has about the girl.

 

Both of those things are FALSE. Just so you know.

 

One more thing: In healthy adult relationships, expressions of generosity are not usually examples of one person "spoiling" another person.