Lack Of Dates

[Shining One]

People have a problem with:

 

- me being 30 and going back to school without choosing not to work full time

 

- you all think I'm lazy for only working part time

 

- the fact I allow my bf to pay rent when he absolutely insisted on it makes me a moocher and a gold digger

 

- my contribution of 200 a month to our phone bill and the fact that I spoil him when ever I get extra cash is insignificant and still makes me a super spoilt princess

 

- the fact I aim to work full time after my degree and also contribute my HALF of rent and stuff makes me a princess simply because I don't pay my half as it stands because I want to focus on my studies and work part time to allow for it

 

 

 

 

 

- you obviously all assume that I am able to get a night job that is full time and works around my schedule. I invite you all to come to where I live and try to find full time work after hours.

Loveshack is not a hive mind. We all have different thoughts. Speaking for myself, here's what I have a problem with:

• Your continual need in every thread to label men as cheap, tight, mean spirited, etc. for wanting to contribute 50% to dating expenses. Yet you don't apply that label to women (such as yourself) who desire to contribute 0%. I'm not a fan of double-standards.
  
• Your labelling of women as unattractive for choosing to pay their way on dates. I can only imagine how some of the ladies in this thread felt about that.
  
• The sense of entitlement. You feel that a man should spend 25% of his income on you simply because you are a woman.
  
• The "take take take" mindset that started this thread. You didn't even consider compromise until several posters suggested it.
  
• The mindset that Money Spent = Amount of Love. By this logic, you must not love your boyfriend much.
  

In the end, we are all just people on the internet with our own opinions. You don't need our validation to live your life.

[brakco]

I am 34 and I used to be a model. I later decided that my true passion was my art and now I do freelance character design for animation. My fiancé is 36 and a computer programmer. We make a decent living between the two of us. We go out for cheap but delicious Mexican food and a couple margaritas twice a month. I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world and I am "spoiled" ridiculously with his love for me and mine for him. Beauty and money have absolutely nothing to do with it.

[Ferret]

You have a fundamentally different outlook on being a full time student to me so you will never make me agree with you on this front. You believe that full time students who don't work full time to put themsleves through college are lazy. You also assume that all students here who want to workfull time are able to get an after hours full time role. Even you actually have no clue about the employment prospects in my smaller town.

 

So I am telling you right now that I will never think students are " lazy" for opting to work part time whilst they study full time. Nor do I believe that all students can just get a full timejob around their course load. Doesn't work like that whereI am from. Bar and hospitality workis all that is available to most people after hours and these jobs are very rarely full time...most staff are climbing over themsleves for more shifts here ( I hear this directly from managers whome I have dated).

 

So you can stop right there if you think that you're going to " help me see" that I am supposedly lazy for not getting full time work when I know for a fact I couldn't get the full timw hours even if I tried.

 

He pays rent. He also wasn't asked to. He knew that I was a student. He naturally adopted the role of paying the bulk of our living expenses whileI throw in as much money as I can.

 

He works full time. I am a fulltime student. He earns more so he pays rent. I don't see how that automatically makes a woman pampered?

 

Pampered to me is: NEVER planning on getting a full time job and wanting a man to support you for the long term. Me? I want my degree and I LOOK FORWARD to paying my own way when it comes to rent and stuff.

 

The truth is, if students were given the opportunity to work part time and study full time INSTEAD of having to work 40 plus hour weeks ON TOP of 40 hrs of study per week-- MOST STUDENTS WOULD PREFER TO WORK PART TIME. I have been given the opportunity to work part time rather than full time so I've taken it.

 

In fact, if most Australians felt us full time students were lazy for only opting to work part time, they would not have VOTED IN Aus Study allowance, which pays adults over 25 200 a week to study full time. 200 isn't enough to live off so most of us work part time.

 

If people felt I was such a disgrace, then most Australians would not have voted in a system that ENCOURAGES students to work PART TIME.

 

Moreover, there are actually opportunities for full time work after daylight hours for me. Not just everyone can " get a full time job" in the evening/ night. Getting full time hospitalityand bar work is rare as it is almost always casual unless you are very experienced.

 

You act like the fact that I am a full time student that CHOOSES to only work part time, makes me pampered and lazy. And again, you ASSUME where I live, it is possible to get an after hours full time job. Which I know is not the case.

 

By the way. When I was working full time doing a day job, I DID look for full time work that I could do in the evening around college which I knew was starting back up soon. I looked daily for hundreds of jobs. The rare trials I did get were for casual or part time work and I never got the jobs because I cannot work in crowds because of my Asberges ( but thrive in a 1 in 1 setting, which is why I picked podiatry aside from the fact I like the medical field)

 

It really is not a simple case of " you're a full time student with no night classes as option therefore you still need a full time evening and/ or night time job" --- and if you can't, mostof society thinks you're a lazy princess.

 

Where I live has a severe shortage for workers. MOST people travel to Sydney. There are very very very few full time roles that work around full time college where I live. It is one of those towns where you need to know someone just to get work.

 

And yeah after a full day at college excuse me for not wanting to catch a train to Sydney that takes nearly 2 hours, do a bar or hospital shift, finish late at night and then catch a midnight train from Sydney for 2 hours and get home at 2am. It is idiotic to travel alone as a woman at midnight. Plus no one is goint to travel 4 hrs a day just for a cr@ppy hospitality job ( the only evening option here that's fulltime) unless they HAVE TO. And I am in the fortunateposition where I don't have to work full time.

 

And besides, my own boyfriend doesn't actually WANT me to work full time! He would be VERY CROSS if I were to find evening work every night, because it would most likely involved me having to commute alone at night since I sold my car prior to college to fundthe first semester. And he works night shift so couldn't collect me.

 

So let me get this straight. .. I am a pampered princess for: earning less than half as much as my boyfriend and letting him pay full rent and also prefer that he treatsme to dates every now and again?

 

Did I force him to date me? Do I not work or contribute at all? Of course I do both! I work weekends so I have no days with mt boyfriend, and I pay 200 a month for our phone bills! And I spoil him when I have enough savings. I find it absolutely baffling that the fact that I don't work full time due to full time study makes me some lazy moocher to so many when I work weekends and contribute as much as my income allows for.

 

Where I come from, most students work just part time and it really isn't looked down upon. There are also a lot of mature aged students who also opt for part time work.

 

I just don't see the part where I am a pampered princess. Plenty of women prefer men who genuinely enjoy spoiling them as opposed to splitting checks and the like...

 

I intend to work full time ASAP ( so when I graduate it is feasible) and I want to pay my own way in terms of bills when I am able to. A pampered princess would opt to either never work full time or she'd work full time and not contribute.

 

1st off lets get this straight I really dont personally care how many hours you choose to work or not it doesn't affect me in the least it dose affect the people who pay taxes in AUS and are paying out for your living costs so they are the ones who might be ticked at that situation...ok moving on you made this statement..

 

"So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?"

 

Hence why I asked if you were even paying 50/50 cause I was confused as to how that applied to your situation it clearly doesn't as now hes paying the rent in full..

[Ferret]

 

It is only really once in a blue moon I need to be taken out places - Yes it is true, with a rich guy I WOULD need him to be generous, because I like generous men and a rich guy not into spoiling me would not fly.

 

.

What was the entire point of this thread tho I thought it was cause you needed more expensive dates more often?..

 

I also dont get why if a guy makes more or has more you NEED to get more of that money there is a name for that but im sure I dont need to say it...im sorry but if it walks like a duck and all..you honestly dont see were this statement makes you at the very least look a tad "princess"

[katiegrl]

What was the entire point of this thread tho I thought it was cause you needed more expensive dates more often?..

 

I also dont get why if a guy makes more or has more you NEED to get more of that money there is a name for that but im sure I dont need to say it...im sorry but if it walks like a duck and all..you honestly dont see were this statement makes you at the very least look a tad "princess"

 

Leigh has been diagnosed with Aspergers (admittedly on this thread and others)..... so yes I think it's quite possible, and probably likely, she doesn't see (understand) how that statement makes her look like a princess.

[Ferret]

I get it.

 

People have a problem with:

 

- me being 30 and going back to school without choosing not to work full time

 

- you all think I'm lazy for only working part time

 

- the fact I allow my bf to pay rent when he absolutely insisted on it makes me a moocher and a gold digger

 

- my contribution of 200 a month to our phone bill and the fact that I spoil him when ever I get extra cash is insignificant and still makes me a super spoilt princess

 

- the fact I aim to work full time after my degree and also contribute my HALF of rent and stuff makes me a princess simply because I don't pay my half as it stands because I want to focus on my studies and work part time to allow for it

 

- you obviously all assume that I am able to get a night job that is full time and works around my schedule. I invite you all to come to where I live and try to find full time work after hours.

 

Ok apologies for the multi posts everyone but I just saw this...Sweet jeebus! why dose anyone have to have a 200 a month phone bill?...and dont tell me its cause phones are expensive in AUS cause I know they have Vodafone and I know that costs around 50 or so bucks a month or less for a prepaid decent smart phone on a good plan what the heck kinda plans you on?

 

See its things like that that kinda make people wonder at the very least its poorly managed funds if you could cut that down to 100 bucks a month or less then you would have a extra 100 to put towards more important things like travel or eating at school or rent...and unless you live out in the boondocks outback surely there must be some sort of retail work around..

 

I dont know the phone thing kinda stuck out at me and my bf only pay 80 a month combined for our phones and we use them as our home line too..I just think since you are still working towards your degree now is the time to save on such things that's just me tho I prob have different values and needs I guess meh to each their own..also when did your age come into it? I dont remember that at all I think its great you are figuring out and going for what you want in life at any age..

[Ferret]

Leigh has been diagnosed with Aspergers (admittedly on this thread and others)..... so yes I think it's quite possible, and probably likely, she doesn't see (understand) how that statement makes her look like a princess.

She seams to be quite coherent when it comes to other things she wants and needs so yeah not a pass in my book shes even said it has little to do with her own mental illness..

[katiegrl]

She seams to be quite coherent when it comes to other things she wants and needs so yeah not a pass in my book shes even said it has little to do with her own mental illness..

 

That's fine, however I beg to differ that her posts are coherent or that she articulates herself coherently.... she is ALL OVER THE PLACE with respect to her thoughts, her desires, even how she views herself (her attractiveness, etc). (Apologies to Leigh for saying this, but it's true hon).

 

One day she feels one way, the next day (the next minute!) she feels another way then back to the original way.

 

If you call that coherent, then that's your prerogative but many of us have been reading her posts for a long time (myself more than a year) and it's the same way with all her threads and posts.

 

I am NOT getting down on Leigh, as I said, I know her and I KNOW her heart to be in the RIGHT PLACE, but the fact is she doesn't not express herself well, does not come off well on this board.... and is therefore misunderstood, accused of being things she is NOT (princessy, golddigger, etc)....

 

She even admitted herself that due to her Aspergers she is afraid to raise her hand in class and speak for fear she won't articulate herself well there either, and people will mis-judge her and perhaps even laugh at her.

 

I see the same things happening here.... but go ahead and carry on ..... as I said, your prerogative to have whatever opinion you like.

Edited March 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[strawberryshortstack]

I get it.

 

People have a problem with:

 

- me being 30 and going back to school without choosing not to work full time

 

- you all think I'm lazy for only working part time

 

- the fact I allow my bf to pay rent when he absolutely insisted on it makes me a moocher and a gold digger

 

- my contribution of 200 a month to our phone bill and the fact that I spoil him when ever I get extra cash is insignificant and still makes me a super spoilt princess

 

- the fact I aim to work full time after my degree and also contribute my HALF of rent and stuff makes me a princess simply because I don't pay my half as it stands because I want to focus on my studies and work part time to allow for it

 

- you obviously all assume that I am able to get a night job that is full time and works around my schedule. I invite you all to come to where I live and try to find full time work after hours.

 

I don't think you're lazy for not wanting to go to school full-time and work full-time as well.

 

But this is a choice you made, and you should learn to live within YOUR budget - not your boyfriend's budget.

 

You work part-time - manage your necessary expenses, along with your unnecessary, but desired, expenses with the money you make, not the money you WANT to make.

 

If your boyfriend wants to pay your rent, that's great - good for you, and for him. But you can't have caviar on a fast food budget. You need to sit down and figure out what you absolutely cannot live without, and fit those things into the budget you have. If you don't qualify for government aid, you shouldn't be collecting it. And if you do qualify for it, it should not be used for luxuries.

[clia]

Leigh has been diagnosed with Aspergers (admittedly on this thread and others)..... so yes I think it's quite possible, and probably likely, she doesn't see (understand) how that statement makes her look like a princess.

 

Given that Leigh is pursuing a medical degree and has traveled around the world by herself, I think her mental health is just fine. She's not making excuses for herself, so why do you keep doing so?

[katiegrl]

Given that Leigh is pursuing a medical degree and has traveled around the world by herself, I think her mental health is just fine. She's not making excuses for herself, so why do you keep doing so?

 

I keep doing so because I believe she is being very wrongly judged this board, and yes she has blamed her inability to articulate herself well (among other things) on her Aspergers's..... why on earth do you think she disclosed it in the first place?

 

And if you know anything about autism which is what Asperger's is..... people who suffer from it are highly intelligent and often do very well in school and at work.

 

It's a social disease, an ability to understand basic social cues which allows for alot of confusion and frustration in their relationships and how well (not well) they relate to others.

 

Which no doubt explains why both she and her boyfriend have no friends to speak of and/or difficulty forming friendships, as she has disclosed that her boyfriend suffers from the same disorder.

 

But you know what? You guys just carry on with your judgments .... and I will stay out of it.

 

Knock yourselves out!

Edited March 24, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

I keep doing so because I believe she is being very wrongly judged this board, and yes she has blamed her inability to articulate herself well (among other things) on her Aspergers's..... why on earth do you think she disclosed it in the first place?

 

And if you know anything about autism which is what Asperger's is..... people who suffer from it are highly intelligent and often do very well in school and at work.

 

It's a social disease, an ability to understand basic social cues which allows for alot of confusion and frustration in their relationships and how well (not well) they relate to others.

 

Which no doubt explains why both she and her boyfriend have no friends to speak of and/or difficulty forming friendships, as she has disclosed that her boyfriend suffers from the same disorder.

 

But you know what? You guys just carry on with your judgments .... and I will stay out of it.

 

Knock yourselves out!

 

 

 

It is nice to know that you are one of the nice ones that wouldn't laugh at me when I make social blunders.

 

You're a rarity.

[katiegrl]

It is nice to know that you are one of the nice ones that wouldn't laugh at me when I make social blunders.

 

You're a rarity.

 

Thank you Leigh, and I hope I didn't offend you in my earlier post... I luv ya girl, like I said I think you have a heart of gold and wouldn't intentionally hurt a fly, and that you are a very giving and caring person.... but TBH some of your posts do NOT reflect this unfortunately.... which is why I posted I what I did.

 

As always wish ya the best girl!

 

((hugs)) and good luck in your RL!!

[Leigh 87]

I don't think you're lazy for not wanting to go to school full-time and work full-time as well.

 

But this is a choice you made, and you should learn to live within YOUR budget - not your boyfriend's budget.

 

You work part-time - manage your necessary expenses, along with your unnecessary, but desired, expenses with the money you make, not the money you WANT to make.

 

If your boyfriend wants to pay your rent, that's great - good for you, and for him. But you can't have caviar on a fast food budget. You need to sit down and figure out what you absolutely cannot live without, and fit those things into the budget you have. If you don't qualify for government aid, you shouldn't be collecting it. And if you do qualify for it, it should not be used for luxuries.

 

 

 

I agree. I didn't deserve the same lifestyle that my professional friends have and I once had when I actually worked full time.

 

But tbh I am very lucky that I do still recieve luxuries. From my bf and mother.

 

I made a thread about how to turn down my mother'gifts..

 

Mum feels like she was an absent mother because she lived overseas since I was very young due to my dad falling ill and being unable to work. So she took a 150K a year job overseas in order to support us.

 

She could have easily gotten a teaching job at the best schools locally yet she prioritized earning more money for her family to earning a more average wage and getting to live in the same country as her daughter.

 

She is forever throwing gifts at me. She is where I get the nice skincare from. She is where my stellar wardrobe comes from. And also I have nice bags from my past... when I worked more.

 

My bf treats me to dresses once every 2 or 3 months. He takes me to colleclge and pics me up. My mother buys me nice skincare and a new wardrobe once per year. I am VERY spoilt and privileged.

 

I actually act like an impromptu tutor to any student I see doing it tougher than me, and I teach them how they can study effectively and give them as much help as I can and they can use to better their studies. Some students are clueless and I have a background at University/ college and combined with my privileged upbringing and current state of being spoilt, I love trying to help those around me who do not have as nice of a time as I do.

 

I don't spend on myself. .I have a nice mum but even still, I point blank REFUSE to accept jalf the things she throws at me.

 

I mean for Christ's sake, she just flew in today from overseas and already she tried to book my bf and I a fancy hotel for the weekend. Like WTF. Ny bf is a man and refuses to accept things off his gfs parents! He is the one who wants to be able to afford to take my parents out, not the other way around!

 

So I think you need to see where I get my luxuries from. And despite the option of pretty much getting what I want when I want, I choose not to accept at least half of what my mother tries to give me. She actually gets off on buying me things and it offends her when I say no, but I still manage to.

 

I am the same with the bf. He has offered to take me out numerous times and I have refused--- sure I like to be pampered but even I have my limits.

[Leigh 87]

Ok apologies for the multi posts everyone but I just saw this...Sweet jeebus! why dose anyone have to have a 200 a month phone bill?...and dont tell me its cause phones are expensive in AUS cause I know they have Vodafone and I know that costs around 50 or so bucks a month or less for a prepaid decent smart phone on a good plan what the heck kinda plans you on?

 

See its things like that that kinda make people wonder at the very least its poorly managed funds if you could cut that down to 100 bucks a month or less then you would have a extra 100 to put towards more important things like travel or eating at school or rent...and unless you live out in the boondocks outback surely there must be some sort of retail work around..

 

I dont know the phone thing kinda stuck out at me and my bf only pay 80 a month combined for our phones and we use them as our home line too..I just think since you are still working towards your degree now is the time to save on such things that's just me tho I prob have different values and needs I guess meh to each their own..also when did your age come into it? I dont remember that at all I think its great you are figuring out and going for what you want in life at any age..

 

 

I can't just get a full time retail job!

 

I am at my college campus 4 DAYS A WEEK.

 

I WORK WEEKENDS.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that it is not just a GIVEN to be able to go and get a FULL TIME retail job?

 

You seem like the type who ASSUMES that if I " wanted " to, I could go get a full time retail job that fits into my uni schedule.

 

Please come and live in my small coastal town, study during the week andsee how easy it is to find a FULL TIME retail job. Or better yet, try and get ANY full time job that works around a full time uni schedule. Where I live.

[clia]

I am the same with the bf. He has offered to take me out numerous times and I have refused--- sure I like to be pampered but even I have my limits.

 

Then what was the point of this thread?

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just don't understand, because in your OP you said he didn't take you out on dates, but now you are saying he offers but you refuse.

 

[katiegrl]

Then what was the point of this thread?

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just don't understand, because in your OP you said he didn't take you out on dates, but now you are saying he offers but you refuse.

 

 

Read my post 483, second paragraph, it explains.

[Lorenza]

Well, just be thankful for the things you're able to have and be happy, Leigh. Not all of us have the possibility to just study in peace and get nice gifts. You're blessed so just don't forget that.

Kinda made me sad though, thinking about my own mom who is struggling to live on minimum wage and afraid for her future since she can't bare the physicall job anymore. I earn too little to help and will soon have to study and work full time, so I don't have that much support in my life and think you're very lucky

[thefooloftheyear]

Not following this thread too closely, but I was just curious...Did you get your room tidied up? You posted a selfie a while back and your room was a complete disaster...

 

If you want a guy to be generous, you gotta keep the place neat!...

 

 

TFY

[Leigh 87]

Then what was the point of this thread?

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just don't understand, because in your OP you said he didn't take you out on dates, but now you are saying he offers but you refuse.

 

 

 

 

I get down because my friends have well off bfs and I have to look on Instagram and see their romantic dates every week.

 

It just felt like aasaaages since we went on a date. It had been 3 months. Yes I knocked back his offers once or twice during that period but after 3 months it just feels like he wasn't trying anymore and he lacked the drive to romance me and keep the spark alive.

 

I did turn him down but still.... 3 months plus without a date and it is enough to make many women feel like their guy just doesn't care about romance or seeing their gf in that light.

[Els]

Ok apologies for the multi posts everyone but I just saw this...Sweet jeebus! why dose anyone have to have a 200 a month phone bill?...and dont tell me its cause phones are expensive in AUS cause I know they have Vodafone and I know that costs around 50 or so bucks a month or less for a prepaid decent smart phone on a good plan what the heck kinda plans you on?

 

Yeah, I've been wondering this too - what kind of phone plan are you guys even on? My phone plan is $29/month and more than sufficient - covers a good amount of calls, SMS, and data. I used to be on $19/month when I was a student, but upgraded after I graduated.

 

(Edit: Modified after I checked the real numbers)

[clia]

Read my post 483, second paragraph, it explains.

 

No, it really doesn't.

 

And yes, I know all about Asperger's.

 

She started a thread because something about her relationship was bothering her. And people spent tons of pages trying to give her advice about that situation.

 

And now she's making statements that totally contradict that supposed problem.

 

She regularly makes statements that contradict other statements she's made.

 

That's not Asperger's. It may be some other mental illness, but it's not Asperger's. If you have a cite that says people with Asperger's make things up, I'd love to see it, because that's not a symptom of which I am aware.

[clia]

I get down because my friends have well off bfs and I have to look on Instagram and see their romantic dates every week.

 

It just felt like aasaaages since we went on a date. It had been 3 months. Yes I knocked back his offers once or twice during that period but after 3 months it just feels like he wasn't trying anymore and he lacked the drive to romance me and keep the spark alive.

 

I did turn him down but still.... 3 months plus without a date and it is enough to make many women feel like their guy just doesn't care about romance or seeing their gf in that light.

 

I don't blame you! I love going out on dates. I wouldn't be with a guy if he went three months without taking me out. My husband and I go out on multiple dates every week! It was even more when we first started dating.

 

But if you continually turn a guy down, he is going to eventually give up. I think that's normal human nature.

 

So stop turning him down. Or just say "Hey boyfriend, let's go on a date tonight!" And put on your cute dress and let him take you out.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out on a date, especially when you are in a new relationship, as you are. I think you two got too comfy too soon, with moving in together so quickly.

 

Honestly, don't give up on dates. I was surprised to see you doing that in this thread. You can go on cheap dates -- they don't have to be $200 dinners.

[Shining One]

I get down because my friends have well off bfs and I have to look on Instagram and see their romantic dates every week.

What other people's significant others do for them is irrelevant. All that matters is what the two people in the relationship do for each other. If seeing these pictures on Instagram bothers you so much, stop looking at them.

[katiegrl]

No, it really doesn't.

 

And yes, I know all about Asperger's.

 

She started a thread because something about her relationship was bothering her. And people spent tons of pages trying to give her advice about that situation.

 

And now she's making statements that totally contradict that supposed problem.

 

She regularly makes statements that contradict other statements she's made.

 

That's not Asperger's. It may be some other mental illness, but it's not Asperger's. If you have a cite that says people with Asperger's make things up, I'd love to see it, because that's not a symptom of which I am aware.

 

I don't think she intentionally makes things up clia... and Aspergers has a broad range of various symptoms, again I don't think Leigh intentionally makes stuff up... .I think her brain moves very fast, with several thoughts whirling around simultaneously... resulting in such thoughts getting jumbled up, so when she articulates herself, as I said, it's confusing and frustrating to the reader, or whomever she is communicating with.

 

It often happens to me too, and I DON'T have Aspergers!

 

Look I don't think we should be talking about her in the third person like this.... so I for one am going to stop.... I only chimed in to defend as I believe she is being unfairly and harshly judged and wanted to voice my opinion on that.

 

Bottom line... Leigh is a thoughtful, sensitive giving and generous human being, with flaws just like everyone else.

 

And I for one wish her the best.