A potential crush AND a friend who has feelings for me

[Lex30]

So I currently have two situations I need some advice on.

 

I have developed a crush on one of my best friend's closest friends. I have been hanging out with my best friend and one of her closest friends a lot the past few months. Her friend just recently came out of a long relationship and is single. She seems at the very least to like me as a friend, texting me a decent amount recently asking how I am and trying to offer advice with some things I currently have on my plate.

 

She also have made plans a few times for coffee the past three weeks, we've never independently hung out up until the point. She's also came out and asked me for these coffee "dates" each time. I have had a crush on her for over a year but never acted on it since she was in a relationship up until recently.

 

I have concerns and have not acted on her as a result. One, she just came out of a relationship. Too soon? Rebound? Two, she is one of my best friend's closest friends. If by chance things went sour or she is not interested at all, this could make things really awkward between my best friend and I. Or at least I feel that way. How can I gauge interest? Can I avoid the Rebound? Should I tell my best friend about this and ask for her advice?

 

The second situation is I have had a platonic friendship with a completely different female for about 8 years. We haven't been super close but we text every now and then and hang out. It has strictly been platonic though and I have felt from day one, its always been that way. Recently she has been flirting with me out of the blue and asking to hang out more, texting more, etc. Last time we hung out she grabbed my hand and held it for a few minute and also commented on how great I looked. I probably should have not allowed her to hold my hand but it caught me off guard. She also paid for my lunch last time we were out and wouldn't let me give her money. Seems obvious she is slowly trying to make a move on me. I don't have feelings for her though and also it seems awkward since we've been friends so long. She is attractive but I just don't have any feelings for her. What can I do to keep things platonic and not hurt her feelings?

 

Amazing both of these situations happen at once!

Edited March 18, 2016 by Lex30

[preraph]

On the platonic friend, did you tell her about the other girl you might like? Maybe she decided she better speak up or whatever. Anyway, you are going to have to tell her straight up, "I'm sorry, I only feel friendship for you."

 

The first girl, I think you should accept invitations and make invitations and then just be careful not to move too fast. I doubt the friend will hold it against you if you're sure she's just a friend. If turns out she has some feelings for you, the friend, then could get ugly. But I think you should just do the casual dates a few times and see if it's going anywhere.

[whichwayisup]

Seems obvious she is slowly trying to make a move on me. I don't have feelings for her though and also it seems awkward since we've been friends so long. She is attractive but I just don't have any feelings for her. What can I do to keep things platonic and not hurt her feelings?

 

Just be aware you could be in the exact same spot yet reverse the situation! Apply the same logic...You could be putting that 'friend' of your BF in an awkward position too!

 

Do not go there, even more so that she just got out of relationship. Not many girls like to be hit on right after a break up, and the fact she's your BF's friend.

[Lex30]

On the platonic friend, did you tell her about the other girl you might like? Maybe she decided she better speak up or whatever. Anyway, you are going to have to tell her straight up, "I'm sorry, I only feel friendship for you."

 

The first girl, I think you should accept invitations and make invitations and then just be careful not to move too fast. I doubt the friend will hold it against you if you're sure she's just a friend. If turns out she has some feelings for you, the friend, then could get ugly. But I think you should just do the casual dates a few times and see if it's going anywhere.

 

On the platonic friend situation, I never told her or anyone for that matter but the girl I had a crush on. She doesn't even know who she is or that I have been hanging out with her. I was kind of afraid of telling her we just have a friendship thing, my guess is it will hurt her feelings pretty good, I really don't want to that. I know though if it continues, I will have to immediately. She is out of town all this week for a work training, so I can at least avoid this situation for a week. There probably isn't a way to do this without hurting her feelings?

 

Regarding the other situation, I don't have to worry about her holding it against me. I have been platonic friends with this girls for years and she is engaged. So there is no fear she has feelings for me at all. Its tough because I just don't know where the girl I have a crush on head is with coming out of the break up. They dated for a long time, 4 years my understanding. I don't want to ask anything about this and I feel I can't ask our mutual friends either. She still seem quite intent on texting me and making plans as we have been texting each other all day and she asked about doing something early this week once she gets her work schedule tomorrow. She seems quite interested in hanging out with me and she is initiating majority of these text conversations.

[Lex30]

Just be aware you could be in the exact same spot yet reverse the situation! Apply the same logic...You could be putting that 'friend' of your BF in an awkward position too!

 

Do not go there, even more so that she just got out of relationship. Not many girls like to be hit on right after a break up, and the fact she's your BF's friend.

 

Its odd, I started crushing on this girl shortly after I met her. I have always held it inside and never acted on it. I did think it was odd that a few weeks after her break up, she started to text me more often. I was also hanging out with her and my best friend much more often during this stretch. I honestly took it as we are hanging out more hence us texting more. Then she started asking to hang out without our mutual friend. Since then, she has been texting me alot. I feel she's interested but for the two points you just made, I have really not acted on my feelings at all.

 

I actually wonder is she just texting me alot and wanting to hang out much more because she views me as someone she can trust since her best friend and I have been such good friends for a long time. Since she doesn't have a guy in her life right now, I have become the a guy she can talk to and hang out with, without the intimacy. I don't know but its something I thought of. She does occasionally flirt with me but she even did that stuff to me when she was in a relationship, so I figured that is just her personality.

[Lex30]

Well I really hurt my platonic friend but there was nothing I could do.

 

She sent me a long winded text about how she loved me, had feelings for me and wanted more from our friendship.

 

I really wanted to talk about this in person, and responded initially saying when she was back in town, lets meet up and discuss this. But she wouldn't and just kept pressing the issue.

 

So I told her I cared for her as a friend but nothing intimate. All she sent back is that she is beyond hurt and immediately blocked my number and facebook profile.

 

I don't know what else I can do. So looks, like I am down to focusing on my crush but I do really feel awful that I hurt someone I care for as a person. Its a terrible, deep seated feeling and it almost makes me want to throw up.