Successful searching vs unsuccessful searching

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't think very many people make difficult changes in themselves and their lives unless they have kind of hit bottom and have a revelation that their way is just NOT WORKING for them at all.

 

Not everybody who's making themselves miserable reaches this point. So they'll just stay the same and keep on wondering why why why.

 

OP since it's clear that you are not satisfied with the way things are going for you, I truly hope for you to get sick enough of it that you'll come to a place of willingness to take a good honest look at yourself and make some hard changes!! Otherwise - this is your life, I guess.

[ZA Dater]

Not sure why that was the answer you were looking for someone else to spell out for you. Seems pretty pointless to have so many inquires about this subject if you have no intention of doing anything about it.

 

Well I suppose if nothing else I can see where I went wrong versus everyone else who seems to enjoy success without having to ask 20 strangers a week on a date.

[ZA Dater]

I don't think very many people make difficult changes in themselves and their lives unless they have kind of hit bottom and have a revelation that their way is just NOT WORKING for them at all.

 

Not everybody who's making themselves miserable reaches this point. So they'll just stay the same and keep on wondering why why why.

 

OP since it's clear that you are not satisfied with the way things are going for you, I truly hope for you to get sick enough of it that you'll come to a place of willingness to take a good honest look at yourself and make some hard changes!! Otherwise - this is your life, I guess.

 

 

Well reading through this again, I still don't know what changes to make, if I am going to make changes then they need to be ones which will actually get some results, a change of hair style and clothes style didn't bring any results at all.

 

 

I think in order to get some results I would have to waver from what I want and that's pretty difficult to do. Either I go looks and personality, more towards personality or I try go for purely looks in the hope I can live out some sort of immature fantasy.

[Empire87]

Well reading through this again, I still don't know what changes to make, if I am going to make changes then they need to be ones which will actually get some results, a change of hair style and clothes style didn't bring any results at all.

 

 

I think in order to get some results I would have to waver from what I want and that's pretty difficult to do. Either I go looks and personality, more towards personality or I try go for purely looks in the hope I can live out some sort of immature fantasy.

 

Nothing about your response makes any sense or provides any reason to make readers believe you are worth spending any time replying to. You have an excuse and reason why you can't or won't for every single thing slmeone says. Everything!

 

So the reason you choose to do nothing at all and take noones suggestions is because it would be "difficult" ?!?

 

How have you gotten to this point in your life? Really, I'm intrigued now because you don't seem to have anything to motivate yourself to do at any level.

 

You say your asking these questions and inquiring to figure out where you went wrong and why others can get dates but you don't want to ask girls out regardless. Yet when people try to tell you how you may come across and why girls would perceive your body language, overall outlook and approach to be unappealing... You retort by disagreeing with what's told to you and then shoot then shift the conversation towards what you declare as truth and the way things work.

 

Seriously... Write a book and place all of the statements you make about women, society, and what causes successful people to get dates, or unsuccessful people to stay unsuccessful so that you can start making money from all the revenue brought in.

[ZA Dater]

Nothing about your response makes any sense or provides any reason to make readers believe you are worth spending any time replying to. You have an excuse and reason why you can't or won't for every single thing slmeone says. Everything!

 

So the reason you choose to do nothing at all and take noones suggestions is because it would be "difficult" ?!?

 

How have you gotten to this point in your life? Really, I'm intrigued now because you don't seem to have anything to motivate yourself to do at any level.

 

You say your asking these questions and inquiring to figure out where you went wrong and why others can get dates but you don't want to ask girls out regardless. Yet when people try to tell you how you may come across and why girls would perceive your body language, overall outlook and approach to be unappealing... You retort by disagreeing with what's told to you and then shoot then shift the conversation towards what you declare as truth and the way things work.

 

Seriously... Write a book and place all of the statements you make about women, society, and what causes successful people to get dates, or unsuccessful people to stay unsuccessful so that you can start making money from all the revenue brought in.

 

You right I don't ask people out because each time I have to answer is a firm no or there isn't an answer at all. Instead of walking around like a wounded deer its much easier to walk around indifferent to the entire idea and concept. For the most part this thread has been helpful in me now realizing why I am unattractive and you are right have zero motivation to change, I tried last year on the idea of chasing someone I did want, guess what I got nowhere. There isn't anyone else of interest at the moment and that's my point behind there being no motivation. At least I am honest

 

When I meet someone great there is motivation but those instances are extremely rare. I really do think I did improve for the sake of this last interest but reality is she isn't and won't be interested and once again i just feel like a worthless POS. That emotion is easier to deal with by adopting a quiet reserved personality with an indifference towards anything dating related.

 

You can shoot me down but this is how I feel.

 

I just always hoped, wrongly that the inherent goodness in people is enough to get a look in the door. It isn't. What I do have to offer isnt enough, again not exactly a motivating thought. My matches on tinder and every other site are alll awful, again no motivation.

 

This last lady was the motivation but no matter what I do it wont ever seemingly be enough. As i said this pain I carry makes it easy to build othrss up and help them because it's the right thing to do.

 

The people have good ideas and in many ways I wished I had "met" you all ten years ago. Change would have been easier then but the fact remains I live though birthdays which are largely empty, people try make me feel better but I have few real friends and it's on days like that I feel it most.

 

I probably thought a gf was a fix all solution, bring me out of my shell, give me someone to care about in that way and feel the warmth of someone else caring about me.

 

Thanks everyone, I am sure some will say this is attention seeking, it isn't but another reality it's you faceless people who take time to read this who take an interest in me, because nobody else really does.

[hasaquestion]

You right I don't ask people out because each time I have to answer is a firm no or there isn't an answer at all. Instead of walking around like a wounded deer its much easier to walk around indifferent to the entire idea and concept. For the most part this thread has been helpful in me now realizing why I am unattractive and you are right have zero motivation to change, I tried last year on the idea of chasing someone I did want, guess what I got nowhere. There isn't anyone else of interest at the moment and that's my point behind there being no motivation. At least I am honest

 

When I meet someone great there is motivation but those instances are extremely rare. I really do think I did improve for the sake of this last interest but reality is she isn't and won't be interested and once again i just feel like a worthless POS. That emotion is easier to deal with by adopting a quiet reserved personality with an indifference towards anything dating related.

 

You can shoot me down but this is how I feel.

 

I just always hoped, wrongly that the inherent goodness in people is enough to get a look in the door. It isn't. What I do have to offer isn't enough, again not exactly a motivating thought. My matches on tinder and every other site are all awful, again no motivation.

 

This last lady was the motivation but no matter what I do it wont ever seemingly be enough. As i said this pain I carry makes it easy to build others up and help them because it's the right thing to do.

 

The people have good ideas and in many ways I wished I had "met" you all ten years ago. Change would have been easier then but the fact remains I live though birthdays which are largely empty, people try make me feel better but I have few real friends and it's on days like that I feel it most.

 

I probably thought a gf was a fix all solution, bring me out of my shell, give me someone to care about in that way and feel the warmth of someone else caring about me.

 

Thanks everyone, I am sure some will say this is attention seeking, it isn't but another reality it's you faceless people who take time to read this who take an interest in me, because nobody else really does.

 

I don't think your posts are attention seeking at all. Besides most people like attention. There's no shame in a little attention seeking anyway.

 

Like I've said on here before, I don't think looks are your problem. You've described yourself as having a lot of "emptiness" in your personal relationships, lacking real friends, etc.

 

You come across as a very serious person who isn't good at the emotional stuff, who doesn't know how to connect with people well, and at this point is so deep in their own head with the self-loathing, that everything feels like a chore. That's honestly what I get from reading your posts.

 

Why are your matches awful? Is it because they are people you are not attracted to?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

My point has always been there are seemingly no generic things people can try which make them more successful. I used to think I could win people over, they would give me time to woo them but that just doesn't seem to be true.

 

 

If you were able to truly overhaul your base personality, then it would probably work, but that's difficult to do and not something I would suggest anyway.

 

The people I work with are all so different and all have different types of personalities and they are generally pretty decent people. I can tell they have been the way they have for many years if not their whole life. But that is what makes them who they are.

 

Improvement, and being interesting is a little more tricky.

 

Let's say hypothetically I quit my job and spent the next 2 years blowing my savings and traveling the world and experiencing really exciting things. Now THAT would be a lot to talk about. That would give me a lot more ammunition to be 'interesting' than any of the little suggestions that you get, such as taking zumba classes, or reading Stephen Colbert books.

 

Now, think about this. Of all the women who were not romantically interested in me in the past, would they be now that I'm a much more interesting person with those 2 years of experiences?

 

What do you think honestly think?

 

Just some food for thought.

 

BTW, if you really are at wits end and want to try something, I suggest getting a date with a woman and just acting all macho and saying brash things, being cocky, and etc. I do think there's a lot of women where attraction is more primal, and you could hook one that way.

 

For me, it's not a means to my end, because I'm looking for a friend and a wife. But I do think it works on occassion. But it could just as easily scare away somebody who is the best fit for you.

 

Lol. Good luck.

Edited March 29, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

For me, it's not a means to my end, because I'm looking for a friend and a wife. But I do think it works on occassion. But it could just as easily scare away somebody who is the best fit for you.

 

 

Agreed...it would actually be a practice in self-sabotage. As soon as you change your methods to something that would turn women on, then those actions would turn off a woman that would have been attracted to you if you stayed to your true self.

 

This is something for long term or marriage material, as you can only put up the act for so long.

[ZA Dater]

Well I got some feedback apparently according to K the issue with me is as follows

 

: too shy

: no confidence.

 

Apparently those two were the deal breakers.

 

Oh well at least I know. Doesn't make me feel a heck of a lot better though. Someone once said "the truth will set you free", obviously that person never had to deal with an uncomfortable truth.