Enweth Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) I dont' know if this is my way of coping. My ex left me suddenly a month ago saying that he doesn't feel in love with me. i was blind sided . Even though he never said the L word to me, i could tell from his actions and the look in his eyes that he loved me. we were together for 7 months and i noticed a change 1 month before our breakup. i have no idea what went through his mind, or if it was something i said or did. i was in shock when he wanted to break up, everything seemed to be going super well, we never argued, never fought. He said he was happy in the relationship and he still has feelings for me. when he broke up with me, we both cried. 12 days later, he changed his messanger status to " Got to love myself first in order to love others". I guess.. he was guilty.17 days after the breakup, i signed on tinder, since then i have met 2 guys, and i'm meeting another today. My ex is a foreigner, and everyone i met,or will be meeting are from his country. Yes, i'm looking for a replacement and yes, it needs to come fast because i'm crumbling badly inside and i cannot handle the pain. But the last 2 times i met the new guys, i felt terrible after the meeting. They aren't him. Today i saw his friends tagged some photos of him on FB. he looked so happy. i know it's just a photo but it hurts me so badly. how he can be so happy? Has he moved on so quickly? I don't know if me dating this soon is normal, but i don't know what other ways are there for me to cope with this pain. I don't want to meet my friends because i don't want to think or talk about my ex. i don't want to meet them because they are going to ask if i'm ok when i'm not. am i doing the right thing? Edited March 19, 2016 by Enweth Link to post Share on other sites
lucy14 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 So sorry you are feeling like this, we seem to be at the same stage in our break ups. My advice, but its only my opinion, to you would be to remove yourself from dating sites and let yourself heal, you are no good to anyone, including yourself, trying to date someone with your ex on your mind. I speak from experience as I have done the same, met up with a man from a dating site, after 3 weeks, who seemed really nice, but he wasn't my ex, I cut the date short and cried all the way home and immediately removed my profile. Also there is the rejection part, what if you meet someone you really like and he is not into you, rejection all over again. Please take time out and concentrate on you. xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enweth Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 thank you for your advice lucy, i guess i'm trying to find whatever distractions i have to not think about him. I wish can just forget the whole relationship like this. May i ask why you guys broke up? Link to post Share on other sites
lucy14 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 thank you for your advice lucy, i guess i'm trying to find whatever distractions i have to not think about him. I wish can just forget the whole relationship like this. May i ask why you guys broke up? You're welcome Enweth Yes I was the same, a funny saying "if you cant get over one get under one"(hope that made you smile), but if you really love someone it doesn't work. My break up, basically one day he was confessing his undying love for me then the next ignoring my phone calls, totally out the blue. Im devastated! Also I don't know how old you are but we are both 53 and at my age opportunities don't seem to come too often, and I am quite picky so to give my heart to this man was a massive step for me, but he made me feel so secure and loved I did, so imagine the shock when he just dumped me. I have had no explanation other than a drunken phone call saying he was a loner and needed his space, although he had said previously that he loved it because we had a fantastic life together but also did our own thing. Gutted is not a good enough word to express how I am feeling. A bit more about me if the link works. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/573823-acceptance-so-why-do-i-feel-worse We will feel better my dear as time goes on, its hard for us both at the moment. We need to concentrate on ourselves and as time goes on we will get better and be able to move on with clear heads and hearts. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy14 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Ps...right now I have not got much motivation but I am going to motivate myself to clean my shower and toilet with his toothbrush.... because I can xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tim_90 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I think I may have been, or am in a similar position to you. My ex girlfriend was Polish, we went out for 4 months then she broke up with me. At the age of 25 this was my first serious relationship and it wounded me deeply. A month after i signed up to Match.com and met up with another Polish girl! I'm certainly at the stage of coping now, but it makes me think did I just meet up with them for their nationality? I think the important thing to realize here is that nobody will replace our exes. This isn't a bad thing, its just that everyone is unique and you will meet people who will have some characteristic traits that are far greater than you ex and also some which are far less. My best advice to you, coming from someone who's been two months single now is keep yourself busy. Go and see your friends, join a gym and work towards a fitness plan. Delete any photos of them and remove anything that reminds you of him and do this in a ceremonial way. Burn it and say, from this point now I am moving on. Then start on the road to recovery. I certainly recommend going on a few dates, just so that you can start seeing the good in others and seeing the bad in this guy that left you and made you feel like this. If he cared for you then he wouldn't have made you feel like this. Another couple of months and you'll feel so much better. Then you can start doing the serious dating to meet a new man in your life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enweth Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Hi Lucy , Tim. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that we are all going through this s**t. I'm 36 and my ex is 31. Tim, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, dating the same nationality as our ex. I just got back from meeting another guy, it went well but it was not the same when I first met my ex. We has instant incredible chemistry, i had never felt this way with anyone..I was crying the whole day before I decided to meet the new guy and now I feel better. Lucy i read your other thread and I really feel you. You seem like a stronger woman than I am and i hope things turn out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Emaize3 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm in the same boat too. 2 months post b/u and thinking about dating because it's a great distraction. I'm trying to hold off and probably will for a little longer. I guess It's just nice to feel validated by the opposite sex after my love blindsided me so terribly. And yes, I'm getting out, cleaning house, hanging with my kids and doing stuff with "me". But there's nothing like the "high" of love. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy14 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Lucy i read your other thread and I really feel you. You seem like a stronger woman than I am and i hope things turn out well for you. Enweth believe me I am not feeling very strong at the moment, I keep bloody crying. I know I will be better off without him in the long run, he has a drink problem, but If he called me now I would be back like a shot. As the months pass we will both get stronger and look back and think, what was all that about!!..xx Link to post Share on other sites
Cooper04 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I went on my first date about 2 weeks after the break with my ex. Felt really unsure beforehand, but was nice to feel wanted and attractive. Hated every second of it. All I could think of was my ex. My first date with her went on for 10 hours(!) and we had instant chemistry, now I wanted to leave after 5 minutes. Felt horrible afterwards and like a real set back in the healing process. Haven't stopped thinking about my ex and wanting to break the no-contact since the date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Enweth Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 just came back from a date. it was awkward, boring and just bad. The feelings i had with my ex on our first date just came rushing back .. we had such great chemistry even though it was more than a year ago, i remember every second of it. i came home crying so badly, the tears just kept falling. I can't help thinking that my ex could be out there dating and enjoying every second of it while i'm here feeling so messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy14 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Awww Enweth feel for you sending a hug xx You have answered your own question really and you are not ready to date yet ,you are just upsetting yourself more. Give your heart time to heal put yourself first you will get there it's just going to take time..xx Link to post Share on other sites
tim_90 Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Sometimes I think that you need to work on you to make yourself not emotionally dependent on someone else. Its so hard to do and I have felt quite down and depressed and lonely today, wanting a woman to spend time with. Give yourself a life plan, workout what you want to achieve and who you want to become in the next month. Go out there and do it, follow the plan and then when you start to become better about yourself then start dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dork_Lard Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Today i saw his friends tagged some photos of him on FB. he looked so happy. i know it's just a photo but it hurts me so badly. how he can be so happy? A photo is a snapshot of 1/500th of a second. He might have smiled purely for the photo, or perhaps somebody snapped him the only time he laughed that day. Facebook is a platform for impression management, and people only put photos of themselves looking happy. That's why browsing Facebook is a very depressing, angst ridden experience. It's all an illusion of life, not life itself. The chances are either a) he's not happy deep down, or b) that photo's been published or tagged with an explicit intention for you to see it so as to create an impression of happiness. My advice? Stop using Facebook for a while, or at the very least block the elements which can lead to you 'accidentally' seeing pictures of him. Link to post Share on other sites
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