My date Saturday

[Paulie]

Well...I saw this girl at the gym that I recognized from college. I started talking to her a few times, and we had had a series of 10, or 20 min. conversations. So, I asked her to do something before we each went out with our respective friends on Saturday.

 

We went to dinner, had a few drinks, had a good time, but there was absolutely no flirtation the whole time. Nothing was awkward, conversation went smoothly, and we felt comfortable enough with each other that we even made fun of each other a bit. Just kind of good-natured kidding around and stuff. We had a good time, but is it bad that there doesn't appear to be any romantic chemistry yet? I gave her a hug at the end of the night, because I didn't want to force anything, and nothing more would have been appropriate.

 

I am attracted to her for a variety of reasons, including:

 

1. She's pretty, attractive, but by no means a supermodel...the type of girl I usually "have to be with," and usually end up being more trouble than they're worth...

 

2. She's "Real."

 

3. She's extremely nice, but will tell you when she's pissed, or disagrees. Firm, yet feminine. Strong girl.

 

4. Smart.

 

5. Not a sl#t, which I come to value more and more the older I get. I start to care less and less about sex.

 

Sooo, my problem is that I called her tonight, we talked for about 5 minutes, I ended the conversation, and we agreed to do something again at some as of -yet undetermined time when we're both not too busy.

 

It almost feels too much like buddies.

 

She's real nice, and agreed to do something again, but I don't sense feelings coming from her end. Could she be just agreeing to do things with me because she's nice (in which case I don't want to bother her)...or am I just screwed up because this girl is nice, conservative, etc...and most of my past girlfriends have been (in retrospect)slutty,forward, outwardly flirtatious right off the bat?

 

Should I be able to tell at this point if she likes me at all? I'd like to persue this if she's just a conservative girl waiting for me to make the moves, but I don't want to be anybody's puppy-dog, either.

 

Thanks, guys.

 

Paulie

[Tony T]

She may feel you're a pretty decent guy yourself, one that she would like to get to know better...and she may likewise feel the same as you feel about her. She may not understand whether you see her as a buddy or whatever. After all, for your first date you asked her out to do something before you went out with your respective friends.

 

You have to make it real clear that this next get-together is an official, formal D-A-T-E. Treat it that way. Don't mix it in with any other activity. Conduct it as a date, have fun of course, but let her make no mistake that it is a date and not two friends getting together and hanging out.

 

You'll be able to read her much better that way. I think you're fine here. It's just a case where she is probably as confused as you...and one of you has got to define things a bit more.

 

In the outside case that she only wants to be buddies, this next DATE will flush that out...but I don't think that's the case.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Paulie (nice to see you back mate)

 

I agree with Tony. Don't be too freaked that she is not sexy toward you so far. I think you did well by playing it cool. I've done a fair bit of dating of late and I have noticed that there are women who will be all pouty and sexy very early, and then there are the more conservative types that play it cool and show their matey side first.

 

I think the most subtle way of flirtation is that where you get intensely into conversations with her, listen and talk with intent and ...um...passionately. See if you sense a change in her voice, her body language..then just keep going as you are...show her you are right into her but not ready to drop in her lap at the first sign of flirtation.

 

Forget suggestive talk...that's not the way..keep the conversation real. Be interested, light up your eyes.

 

The next step is to touch her shoulder as you get up to buy a drink or go away for a moment. Then come back and act as if nothing happened.

 

LOL...I'm giving you my best work here!!!

 

Oliver

[ashesmum]

Sounds like to me she wants to be buds and that's all. Next time you go out, try flirting a little with her, see if she responds. If so, you can slowly proceed. If not, then you can add a buddy to your list or tell her straight out what you are interested in. Good luck.

Well...I saw this girl at the gym that I recognized from college. I started talking to her a few times, and we had had a series of 10, or 20 min. conversations. So, I asked her to do something before we each went out with our respective friends on Saturday. We went to dinner, had a few drinks, had a good time, but there was absolutely no flirtation the whole time. Nothing was awkward, conversation went smoothly, and we felt comfortable enough with each other that we even made fun of each other a bit. Just kind of good-natured kidding around and stuff. We had a good time, but is it bad that there doesn't appear to be any romantic chemistry yet? I gave her a hug at the end of the night, because I didn't want to force anything, and nothing more would have been appropriate.

 

I am attracted to her for a variety of reasons, including: 1. She's pretty, attractive, but by no means a supermodel...the type of girl I usually "have to be with," and usually end up being more trouble than they're worth... 2. She's "Real." 3. She's extremely nice, but will tell you when she's pissed, or disagrees. Firm, yet feminine. Strong girl. 4. Smart. 5. Not a sl#t, which I come to value more and more the older I get. I start to care less and less about sex. Sooo, my problem is that I called her tonight, we talked for about 5 minutes, I ended the conversation, and we agreed to do something again at some as of -yet undetermined time when we're both not too busy. It almost feels too much like buddies. She's real nice, and agreed to do something again, but I don't sense feelings coming from her end. Could she be just agreeing to do things with me because she's nice (in which case I don't want to bother her)...or am I just screwed up because this girl is nice, conservative, etc...and most of my past girlfriends have been (in retrospect)slutty,forward, outwardly flirtatious right off the bat? Should I be able to tell at this point if she likes me at all? I'd like to persue this if she's just a conservative girl waiting for me to make the moves, but I don't want to be anybody's puppy-dog, either. Thanks, guys. Paulie