HeatherT Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I started dating my boyfriend in August. We had a rough start because I used to date his best friend for years. No one was accepting of us and he and his bestfriend are now not friends and would probably fight each other if they seen eachother. He was seeing a girl for about 2 1/2 years. They weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend and he stopped seeing her way before me (according to him). She claims they stopped seeing eachother in December (we'll get into that later). She was very hurt and messaged me saying just FYI they'd been sleeping together and I can have him. I told her she's insecure and that by looking at her I could see why. When he and I first started dating. He would comment on all of my pictures and post loving emojis under my pictures. He'd post things about me on snapchat too. He'd say he loves me when we hang up the phone Etc. He does not do ANY of that now. I mean he still says he loves me but none of the other things. His birthday was last week. He went to Miami to record his music and I went with him for his birthday and his music. He didn't post ANY pictures of us. I posted one picture in which we were wearing matching outfits. He didn't like the picture or comment or post anything the entire time I was there. He posted a video of himself recording music. I wasn't in the video and the video only said "happy birthday to me". He didn't acknowledge me at all. You wouldn't know I was there unless you went to my page or his producers page where you can see like us in the background lol. He hasn't liked any pictures I've posted on Instagram in months honestly and he used to like all of them. In the one picture we took together in Miami he didn't even smile!! Every other picture like New Years and Valentine's Day he didn't post them online, I did. I feel like maybe he's started to miss this girl he was sleeping with for so long. He said he didn't care about her and that they were only sex buddies. He said she fell in love and he didn't love her back. She messaged me when we went exclusive. That's when she told me I can have him. She confirmed that she wasn't his gf but that they have a (bond). She said he'd never admit he cares about her but she "knows" he does. I personally don't feel like he does because he dumped her for me. He tells me he thinks I'm more beautiful than her. I mean I don't see why he would miss her but idk. He was dating another girl for 4 years. This girl was actually his gf. He was dating her while sleeping with the FWB for years. She used to travel with him as well. He broke up with her for me . The FWB claims he would lie and say this girl isn't his girlfriend. I feel like he loves me more than any of them. Wouldn't him taking me out of town with him mean he's serious about our relationship?? He's NEVER taken the FWB ANYWHERE. Ever since they stopped communicating he still bickers with her ALOT. Their families and friends know eachother. Their families don't know they were involved however. They bicker ALL the time. I don't understand why they don't just stop talking. His family had a function and she was there. Literally anytime someone asked her a question he'd answer. Someone literally asked her how much she weighs and he answered. Or asked her about her fav things and he answered. He's told me before that they'd have an argument and go months without speaking and then start sleeping together again. Which is why I'm guessing she said they have a bond. I don't understand why he continuously went back to her for sex. He had a gf then so it's not like he had to put up with a FWB who wants to be more and fights with him. I mean if you're friends with benefits why are you arguing? Emotions aren't supposed to be involved. She punched him in the face before and they stopped talking for months and then he went back to her for sex. This was years ago. But to me I don't understand why you'd continue with a friends with benefits who punched you!? Their friends know about their drama and always tell them to stay away from each other. She went no contact with him. And it seems like she's never been this serious about it because he seems to be depressed about it. Well not depressed but he's stopped liking my pictures and commenting on them. When we first got together he wanted everyone to know. Now he doesn't really acknowledge me like on social media. He posted a quote saying "Hold on to what you believe in even if it is a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree that stands by itself" .... That rubbed me the wrong way idk why.... And could someone tell me what that quote means!! Why do I feel it's about her !! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 He keeps going back to her because the sex is hot, hot, hot. There is alot of fiery passion between them this is why they fight so much and then have make up sex. Look this guy isn't a prize. He got with his best friends ex, he cheated on his last gf with his FWB and who knows who else. No I would not trust him. Nor would I gage a mans love for me by how much he likes or posts my pics on social media. I would listen to what he tells me and how he treats me to know if he loves me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 He keeps going back to her because the sex is hot, hot, hot. There is alot of fiery passion between them this is why they fight so much and then have make up sex. Look this guy isn't a prize. He got with his best friends ex, he cheated on his last gf with his FWB and who knows who else. No I would not trust him. Nor would I gage a mans love for me by how much he likes or posts my pics on social media. I would listen to what he tells me and how he treats me to know if he loves me. But passion doesn't mean feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 He keeps going back to her because the sex is hot, hot, hot. There is alot of fiery passion between them this is why they fight so much and then have make up sex. Look this guy isn't a prize. He got with his best friends ex, he cheated on his last gf with his FWB and who knows who else. No I would not trust him. Nor would I gage a mans love for me by how much he likes or posts my pics on social media. I would listen to what he tells me and how he treats me to know if he loves me. And it's a big deal to me because he was posting on social media about me before. Why has he stopped now Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 But passion doesn't mean feelings. True! But it does create good sex which is why he keeps going back. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 And it's a big deal to me because he was posting on social media about me before. Why has he stopped now I don't know, maybe because you aren't knew to him anymore? Bored? Who knows with these men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 So the only way for him to stop going back is myself being as good in bed as her?? Is that what you're saying?? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) So the only way for him to stop going back is myself being as good in bed as her?? Is that what you're saying?? He's a cheater. I don't even think he loves any of you. Cheated on his gf with FWB. Seeing you while with FWB. I can't even imagine what he's done behind your back so far. I'm sorry to be harsh but you sound either really immature or desperate. You think love/emotional attachment is based on activity on social media or how hot you are in bed? Edited March 19, 2016 by Zahara 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 It is never a good idea to get into a relationship where your partner has "unfinished business" with someone else. He and she have unfinished business. He can't live with her, he can't live without her. Until he sorts his head out, he should not be seriously dating anyone else. YOU could get very hurt here. Be careful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 It is never a good idea to get into a relationship where your partner has "unfinished business" with someone else. He and she have unfinished business. He can't live with her, he can't live without her. Until he sorts his head out, he should not be seriously dating anyone else. YOU could get very hurt here. Be careful. Can't have unfinished business with a FWB you didn't have feelings for. I really don't think he thinks he can't live without her Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Can't have unfinished business with a FWB you didn't have feelings for. I really don't think he thinks he can't live without her How do you know he had no feelings? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 She and he both said he never made her his girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 She and he both said he never made her his girlfriend People say the most convenient things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 SHE said that as well. I stated above she said they weren't a couple but had a "bond" Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 SHE said that as well. I stated above she said they weren't a couple but had a "bond" Words are words, you dont their feelings. My point is: dont believe in words, believe in actions. If your gut feeling is telling you something, most of the time its because its true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well his actions were that he didn't make her his girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well good Heather it seems you've convinced yourself that everything is find in your relationship. Glad you were able to ease your mind here on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 20, 2016 Author Share Posted March 20, 2016 Well good Heather it seems you've convinced yourself that everything is find in your relationship. Glad you were able to ease your mind here on LS. Not at all. It's just points are being brought out that actually are false. I only said I don't think he has feelings for his FWB. If he did why has she remained a FWB ?? That's all I was saying Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Alright then, you believe in everything they are telling you. You said actions was not making her his GF. I say otherwise. Even if he made you his GF, that doesnt mean he doesnt love her. Maybe he went for you, and now regrets cause the sex was better with her. Maybe not. Dont flatter yourself, and dont take this the wrong way. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Ahh, pretending to be blind to his games until he screws you over. It's ok, but don't say you weren't warned. You're also putting more focus on her and not why HE continues to maintain this relationship with her across his other relationships. HE should cut the cord permanently if she doesn't mean anything to him. I'd venture to say he won't, and don't blame family history for that. "Your" guy is a cheater...plain and simple. Do you tend to argue with people you have no attachment to for prolonged periods of time?...probably not. So there is a "bond" there of some sort, whether you chose to acknowledge it or not. How easy would it be for him to tell another woman, you're just an obsessed ex or an old FWB that he's still friends with? Seems pretty easy to me, and that he is more than capable of doing it. I kind of wish social media didn't exist when it came to dating. People base their entire thought process on which picture someone liked, what they posted, what they didn't post, an emoji...like really?? What will you do when he makes that next trip to Miami a solo trip? Or what if he posts pictures when I'm not with him OMG (sarcasm)?!?! Regardless, tearing down another person based on the title of their relationship with someone you are now with is a very sophomoric thing to do. She is still in the picture for a reason regardless of her title. And that's what you should be addressing with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I do see what she means when she says they have a bond because they do. She's been around for years!! He's kept her around for years. He always went back to her because he wanted to. Yes you have the title but that means nothing honestly. The reason she cut him off is because she wanted to be his gf and found out about you. He knows that and still bickers with her. He's been around her for years. You said yourself he knows her fav things and even her weight because HE KNOWS HER. He remembers all of that about her and do you know why?? Because he cares about her. I'm not saying that he doesn't care about you but she has a place in his heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trishern Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Forget the FWB, look at how he's treating you now. That's what you need to focus on. He doesn't act like you are that special anymore. Maybe you should start holding back and see how much he chases you. Don't let your life revolve around him. From his behaviour in Miami, I'd say he wasn't overly thrilled you were there with him. I have to ask, is it or was it really worth ruining the friendship he had with his best friend? He doesn't sound like such a great guy from what you've said. Mrs T Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 We hung out with his family and hers last night at a family party of her moms and I wanted to see how they interact and I was not going to allow him to leave me at home. It seemed pretty normal he was joking with her because he said he seen her eyeing a pack of chocolate candy he had (chocolate was the favorite thing of hers he mentioned). Her, him and another guy talked for a bit and it was casual conversation. She asked him for some of the candy and he told her she couldn't have it but could open them and take some out. She ate some and then continued to ask him for more and he would eat them and smile at her to tease her. I seen her sneak one and he saw her chewing and asked are you eating my candy, she shook her head no like a child and they started to laugh. I pulled him to the side and told him I felt disrespected by him. He assured me they're just being friendly. They continued to talk and she was drawing on a paper the majority of the party honestly. Someone had a baby and he told her he was ready for another one and she asked how his son is doing and he told her he's big and that he wants a little girl now. He was showing her his teeth because he chipped one and she was assuring him that it doesn't look that bad. I was ok with all of this until the end. She asked him to throw the paper away that she was drawing on and when he took it from her, he caressed her hand. Then playfully told her to go away and she laughed and said see you later and he said "no you won't" and she said "well some other day idk" and he said something about seeing her later. I'm the car I blew up on him and asked him why he discussed wanting a little girl with her at all. And told him I seen him caress her hand!! He told me I was being insecure and jealous and that he doesn't like that. I told him it isn't her business whether he wants another kid!! And he shouldn't be touching her period and he said I overreacted Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Going off on him doesn't do anything. He doesn't care what you think or what you feel. He dismisses you because he knows you'll accept just about any type of behavior to be with him. You either get out or you stay quiet and tolerate. No in between. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Going off on him doesn't do anything. He doesn't care what you think or what you feel. He dismisses you because he knows you'll accept just about any type of behavior to be with him. You either get out or you stay quiet and tolerate. No in between. So you are acknowledging that his behavior at the party with her was inappropiate Link to post Share on other sites
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