ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Sorry, but your boyfriend is a tool with terrible boundaries and not much respect for you. He does, however, have a big soft spot for this other woman. Why are you sticking around? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 So you are acknowledging that his behavior at the party with her was inappropiate Uh? I've acknowledged he's an asshat since your first post here. This is just another round of inappropriate behavior. Even if 100 people said this to you -- what are you going to do about it other than complain? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 So you are acknowledging that his behavior at the party with her was inappropiate Men caress the hands of their mothers, their sisters and other close female relatives to show affection or to give support. They may caress the hands of strange women during in a traumatic event, eg a car accident - somewhere where touch can be soothing in a professional or non professional capacity. Caressing the hand of a former long term FWB who you have fallen out with supposedly, is "code" for "I care about you", or "Can we have sex sometime?" or indeed both. Ignore at your peril. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Men caress the hands of their mothers, their sisters and other close female relatives to show affection or to give support. They may caress the hands of strange women during in a traumatic event, eg a car accident - somewhere where touch can be soothing in a professional or non professional capacity. Caressing the hand of a former long term FWB who you have fallen out with supposedly, is "code" for "I care about you", or "Can we have sex sometime?" or indeed both. Ignore at your peril. Yes the hand caressing really bugged me and also the fact that he shared with her that he wants a daughter. You're telling a girl who you've banged for years that you want a child!! And caressing her hand. I feel like I'm being a little petty pointing out that he caressed her hand. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 It seems like he brought the candy with him because he knew it was a draw for her. This guy still cares a great deal for that woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 It seems like he brought the candy with him because he knew it was a draw for her. This guy still cares a great deal for that woman. He's so wishy washy when it comes to her. One min he gives her loads of attention. The next time he sees her he could completely ignore her. For instance she was over his moms house again and he saw her. She was talking to a friend of his and he approached them as they were eating chicken (lol) and he said something like "chicken and chocolate" they both ignored him for some odd reason?? Idk if he picked up the unwelcome vibe or something but he didn't attempt to talk to her anymore. I only seen him tell her "don't smile at me" when she walked past him and didn't appear to be smiling at him anyway lol!! After that he only glanced at her a few times. So idk if he's not sure about wanting to be her friend or what the deal is Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Heather, I will be totally honest with you. Please take what I say with the intent that I don't wish to be mean, just that it is probably high time you realize something. To him, you are nothing more than a road apple. He really has no true feelings for you. He was just trying you out as a different model from what he was used to. His FWB will always be there regardless if what either of them say. She will do him at the drop of a hat and they both know it. You are nothing more than a convenience to him at present. And that convenience is losing it's value. I know it is not something you want to hear. But I say it to you because to continue with this guy at the current rate is an exercise in futility. If it wasn't this girl it would be somebody else that he wants to screw round with. He is not going to magically just come to his senses in a Eureka moment. He will continue this behavior regardless of whom he is dating. I urge you to understand that you are worth so much more than the crumbs this guy is feeding you. You have done nothing wrong, but if you continue to be disrespected like this a pattern will emerge that will carry over to future relationships where you will literally go into them expecting to be treated poorly. Life is too short for that. Please dump this guy as soon as you can. No good is going to come out of this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Someone told me that last night he asked her again not to smile at him and she said "I smile at everybody" and he said "well don't smile at me. Be mean act sour that's what you're supposed to do" so I'm curious to know wth that even means and why he thinks she needs to be mean to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Someone told me that last night he asked her again not to smile at him and she said "I smile at everybody" and he said "well don't smile at me. Be mean act sour that's what you're supposed to do" so I'm curious to know wth that even means and why he thinks she needs to be mean to him. Meaning she's supposed to be sad because they aren't together. At least that's what I'm thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Elsa204 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 (edited) Obviously he's an idiot and it bothers him that she doesn't seem affected by their break up. And should be a red flag to you that he cares for her. I'm no expert but to me that's what I'm getting from it. Because why else would she be mean to him unless that's his dumb way of acknowledging he did something bad. Also id like to point out friends with benefits relationships are RARELY only that!! Especially if he's had her around of years. There's NO WAY he didn't grow fond of her. If you spend years around anyone you're gonna care about them in some way, be very familiar with them or like you said form a bond. Edited March 24, 2016 by Elsa204 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Someone told me that last night he asked her again not to smile at him and she said "I smile at everybody" and he said "well don't smile at me. Be mean act sour that's what you're supposed to do" so I'm curious to know wth that even means and why he thinks she needs to be mean to him. I guess, if they are in fact "putting on an act" that they have fallen out and are no longer together, then it will not make sense to others and to you, if she is there with a broad grin on her face whenever she sees him. So he told her to cut the smiling and act more like a "wronged" woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 I guess, if they are in fact "putting on an act" that they have fallen out and are no longer together, then it will not make sense to others and to you, if she is there with a broad grin on her face whenever she sees him. So he told her to cut the smiling and act more like a "wronged" woman. That would be bizarre if they're putting on an act and I don't think they are because I think she decided not to sleep with him anymore because she wanted more Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 That would be bizarre if they're putting on an act and I don't think they are because I think she decided not to sleep with him anymore because she wanted more OK what if she changed her mind and said "OK sharing you is better than nothing..." Plenty women "in love" will share a man and allow him to cheat behind his gfs back. She has history of having done so. Look, I don't know if he is cheating on you or not, but it is all just too suspicious and involved and "messy" for my liking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 OK what if she changed her mind and said "OK sharing you is better than nothing..." Plenty women "in love" will share a man and allow him to cheat behind his gfs back. She has history of having done so. Look, I don't know if he is cheating on you or not, but it is all just too suspicious and involved and "messy" for my liking. Yeah I completely understand what you're saying but the reason I'm dismissing that claim is they've separated before when she found out about the other girlfriend. When she finds out about other women she got very upset and broke it off in the past Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Heather, I will be totally honest with you. Please take what I say with the intent that I don't wish to be mean, just that it is probably high time you realize something. To him, you are nothing more than a road apple. He really has no true feelings for you. He was just trying you out as a different model from what he was used to. His FWB will always be there regardless if what either of them say. She will do him at the drop of a hat and they both know it. You are nothing more than a convenience to him at present. And that convenience is losing it's value. I know it is not something you want to hear. But I say it to you because to continue with this guy at the current rate is an exercise in futility. If it wasn't this girl it would be somebody else that he wants to screw round with. He is not going to magically just come to his senses in a Eureka moment. He will continue this behavior regardless of whom he is dating. I urge you to understand that you are worth so much more than the crumbs this guy is feeding you. You have done nothing wrong, but if you continue to be disrespected like this a pattern will emerge that will carry over to future relationships where you will literally go into them expecting to be treated poorly. Life is too short for that. Please dump this guy as soon as you can. No good is going to come out of this relationship. I appreciate your honesty ((: Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeatherT Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 Text message I found from him and her Him : why do you keep smiling at me? Her: look I smile at everyone and you're not special and you're not important enough to alter my ****ing mood find something else to say to me or shut the hell up So I guess she's actually not interested lol Link to post Share on other sites
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