mikeylo Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 What is yours ? What is your partners ? Is it even real ? According to the theory, we all have one love language that is dominant but I guess we all have a need for all of these, not just one. I like to be touched ( who doesnt ), I like gifts , I like affirmation , I like having quality time with wifey , I like when she does something special for me. There is nothing 'extra' that she should do to 'make up' , after an argument or in general. For her though, I know her buttons well ! Hers is touch. I can get out of any sticky situation with an extra Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I do believe the 5 Love Languages have merit and applicability in relationships. I'd rank mine (in order of importance): 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Physical Touch (running neck and neck with Quality Time) 4. Acts of Service 5. Gifts An important aspect the book illuminates on is the fact that most people express love in the way they wish to receive it. This leads to a lot of problems within relationships if you are unaware, or worse, don't care what your partner's love language is. I think they are all valid, but certainly one or two will have more importance than the others for many people. For instance, I enjoy receiving gifts from time to time. However, if my significant other buys me gifts on a consistent basis, but never says nice things to me ...... I'm not going to feel very loved ...... she might as well be speaking to me in Latin. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tread Carefully Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I believe it's real and knowing what yours and your partners are can make a big impact on your relationship. Mine are: 1. Quality Time & Touch (tied) 2. Words of affirmation 3. Acts of service 4. Gifts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RebelDiamond Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 I've just been reading about this. I was surprised that Words of Affirmation was top and it explains a lot! Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Quality Time Touch Gifts Gifts scored zero. There was only 1 point between the others so very close. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 1. Quality time/touch tied 2. Gifts 3. Words of Affirmation 4. Acts of Service By gifts, it can be the little things, doesn't even have to cost anything, liked a pick flower, or something cheap like a piece of dark chocolate, saying "I saw this and thought of you" bc you love dark chocolate. I think I am an anomally because my love tank was empty for so many years, so most of these rate high. Gifts could be right up there with No. 1., thus having a 3-way tie. I would give the shirt off of my back, and it is not uncommon for me to give little things to those I love. I definitely enjoy giving. But quality time and touch (hugs!) are equally important to me! Without those, I wither. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) 1.Quality time/touch tied 2. Gifts 3. Acts of Service 4. Words of Affirmation (Words don't impress me.) Edited March 20, 2016 by Summer3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm just going with the top two for each: Me: 1) Physical touch 2) Words of affirmation Her: 1) Quality time 2) Acts of service I was able to guess hers before she took the test. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I'm just going with the top two for each: Me: 1) Physical touch 2) Words of affirmation Her: 1) Quality time 2) Acts of service I was able to guess hers before she took the test. That's exactly the same in my relationship. Mine are the physical touch/words and his are quality time/acts of service. So frustrating! At least I found out after all of these years why he gets so agitated when I turn down doing something long/drawn-out etc. I find it a little "high-maintenance" but I'm sure he feels the same with hugs for me etc. I find the lack of sex extremely frustrating. But at least he does a ton of laundry to show his love 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 That's exactly the same in my relationship. Mine are the physical touch/words and his are quality time/acts of service. So frustrating! At least I found out after all of these years why he gets so agitated when I turn down doing something long/drawn-out etc. I find it a little "high-maintenance" but I'm sure he feels the same with hugs for me etc. I find the lack of sex extremely frustrating. But at least he does a ton of laundry to show his love Yes, this particular combination is frustrating to say the least. I ask her sometimes "Is it really THAT hard for you to just put your arms around me and say you love me?" it would mean the world to me if she did that without my asking her to, but it's just not how she is wired. But, I have read the book and I do put in a lot of effort to meet her needs. So, we get along well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Yes, this particular combination is frustrating to say the least. I ask her sometimes "Is it really THAT hard for you to just put your arms around me and say you love me?" it would mean the world to me if she did that without my asking her to, but it's just not how she is wired. But, I have read the book and I do put in a lot of effort to meet her needs. So, we get along well. You should read the book together! So she knows what *your* LL is and can make an effort to give you what you need. What happens is, we often give our partners what WE are needing, mistakenly thinking they need what we need. But everyone has different needs, so reading the book together will allow both of you to determine your respective LLs, understand them... and again take efforts to fulfill *each other's* needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I don't know if the 5 love languages are literally real specifically, but different people do have different values and do give and receive love differently. whether the 5 love languages are specifically literal or not, it is important to know what it is your partner values and how they give and receive love and it is important that they know yours and that each of you do your best to accommodate each other. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I don't know if the 5 love languages are literally real specifically, but different people do have different values and do give and receive love differently. whether the 5 love languages are specifically literal or not, it is important to know what it is your partner values and how they give and receive love and it is important that they know yours and that each of you do your best to accommodate each other. I think sex in and of itself should be a sixth one. I also think that they are just a benchmark to start at. Like certain touches inspire loving feelings but not others. Just like certain Gifts, acts of service etc etc etc. With my husband, he likes to watch TV with me while we chat about the shows. TV to me is SOOOOO boring. In fact, when we were separated, I didn't ever turn the channel off of the kid shows and my daughter was only allowed TV on the weekend. I didn't even know what to do when I needed to reset something to get it working again. LMAO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I don't have a partner, but I see how this plays out in platonic/family relationships, as well. I'll have to take the test again... I can't recall my list. I'm taking the test again, and with some of the questions, I want to choose both of them. Like, it's meaningful if I can spend time alone with someone, or they do something practical to help me. I think they're both meaningful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Your Scores 10 Quality Time 9 Acts of Service 6 Words of Affirmation 3 Physical Touch 2 Receiving Gifts Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 My scores were 12 Acts of Service 9 Physical Touch 4 Quality Time 4 Words of Affirmation 1 Gifts All the love languages are important and its important to respect them all. Partake in them all. But when someone has a very strong priority, like mine, then it will very quickly go boobies up if someone is not speaking my love language. A very quick way to my heart is just to help tidy up. I didn't know it but I do fall very quickly for men who do simple things like take their empty mug of tea to the kitchen rather than leave it on the side... Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 You should read the book together! So she knows what *your* LL is and can make an effort to give you what you need. What happens is, we often give our partners what WE are needing, mistakenly thinking they need what we need. But everyone has different needs, so reading the book together will allow both of you to determine your respective LLs, understand them... and again take efforts to fulfill *each other's* needs. I have it in Audio format. I'd like to have her listen to it sometime. I did discuss it with her but I think actually listening to it would do her some good. It did help me. I have been working harder on those thongs she finds important. More snughling in front of a movie. More fixing things around the house, folding clothes, etc. She can certainly appreciate the effort I'm putting in. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I believe it's real and knowing what yours and your partners are can make a big impact on your relationship. Mine are: 1. Quality Time & Touch (tied) 2. Words of affirmation 3. Acts of service 4. Gifts This is mine too. BF and I haven't talked about it but I would guess he's pretty similar except he is better with mushy words than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
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