SammySammy Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 She should go to the authorities, but I'm not sure the chances of successfully prosecuting these guys are very high. It may be worth it to put the fear of God into them by starting the process though. May discourage them from doing this to another woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not even reluctant because I was out drinking... My mother knows that I was... However, I was drinking in a public place which I wasn't supposed to be doing, and I'm pretty sure that's illegal... But still, it's not that. I am afraid that I'll get in trouble for this but there are just so many ways this can end badly for me. I only know one name.. I only know one of the guys, and already he's denying it to my best friend.. And she's now sceptical of my entire story and.. it's just scaring me... If my best friend doesn't even believe me, what hope do I have of convincing anyone else. Oh, I’m so sorry. Keep yourself safe, physically and emotionally. A counselor could help a lot. Who around you do you trust to talk to and to give you loving support? Have you told anyone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EternallyDistant Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 I've decided to just give myself some time... I get what all of you are saying. I know that it'd be better to report this, but... I'm too scared. I've never considered myself a coward before, but in this situation, I am one. I'm going to wait... At least until I go back to school. Until then I'll be able to manage just fine, though I am a little nervous about when I go back because some of the guys I will see there... It kinda depends on how I handle having to see them... Luckily.. Or not so luckily... I'm already very ****ed up in the head. I've had **** happen to me all my life, so I already have pretty bad anxiety and such, so mentally, it's just another thing to add to the list. I'm not saying that this isn't affecting me.. God, I wish I was that strong... I'm just saying that my mother already knows I get nervous and depressed and over the last couple of months we've been trying to get a therapist anyway.. I reminded her again about it yesterday, because I know that I really need it now more than ever. Basically, I will be fine. I just need time. Maybe reporting this now would make me feel better, but if I report it, my entire family, and my entire town will inevitably find out.. and I don't think I can handle their pity... I do feel sorta bad about not reporting this now.. I know that they might do this to someone else.. But right now, I feel like I just have to be selfish. I'm not sure if any of you can understand that. Thank you all, though. I know most of you are probably just answering a question without really thinking about the person behind the post.. But I want you all to know that even though I may not have listened to you all, the support that you have given has helped me. It's nice to know that someone, even just random people on a forum, believes me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I would never ever say that you're being selfish. You're not obligated at all to report this. I've been through something similar, and know how difficult this is. You can take your time to deal with this, piece by piece, day by day, however you need to deal with it. There are people who can help you, and hopefully make this easier for you, because you don't need to handle this by yourself. Please don't feel like you have some greater responsibility to society to report this- that's BS. Reporting this is only for yourself. If anyone on here wants to argue that, they can argue with me, not OP. She's been through enough. Take care of yourself ED, sending you hugs and strength, and peace. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 (edited) I do feel sorta bad about not reporting this now.. I know that they might do this to someone else.. But right now, I feel like I just have to be selfish. I'm not sure if any of you can understand that. of course you have to do what is best for you. and imo, what is best is for you is to steer clear of these people, for good. and while i don't think i could ever bring myself to officially report these men, i would tell anyone who asks me that not only did some of these men "take advantage" of me while i was "not myself" the others did nothing to help me. whether anyone believes you or not, a little innuendo can go along way. Edited March 25, 2016 by Miss Clavel Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is a pretty typical rape scenario. A woman in Texas was recently awarded millions of dollars after one person did this to her, much less more than one. What happened to you was similar to what Bill Cosby has allegedly done to dozens of women. If you said no, I don't care how drunk you are, and they had sex anyway, that is rape. You will hear people from attorneys to some police and others try to act like it's your fault for getting drunk, but you know what? If they want to chastise someone, let them go chastise the men for raping, not a young free woman for having some drinks and partying! You have probably already showered and destroyed evidence, but take whatever clothes and shoes you were wearing in a clean bag to the police station asap. Showering after makes you lose critical evidence, so there may not be enough to make a case, but you should at least go see. Don't wash those clothes or shoes. Take someone with you that you trust, a parent or attorney or friend. You were raped. I'm so sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I'm so terribly sorry that this has happened to you. There is a LOT of help out there for you. Going to your doctor does NOT mean that the police will become involved. It's YOUR choice who knows & who doesn't. Even if you decide that you only want a doctor & maybe a therapist too to know that's ok. I would advise you to get checked out by a doctor. The help web sites are really useful for reading what others go through after these horrific crimes. "The victim’s own doctor Some victims prefer to visit their own doctor who can carry out a medical examination but will not be in a position to gather forensic evidence. After a sexual assault both women and men often feel more comfortable with a woman doctor and this should be facilitated. The law regarding rape and sexual assault The SAVI report showed that, of those reporting being sexually assaulted or raped in adulthood, only 1% of men and 8 % of women had reported the assault to the Gardai. This reflects the perception of many victims that the court proceeding are insensitive and intimidating, and that they will not be treated fairly. A counsellor inthe Dublin Rape Crisis Centre will, in a non-directive way, help the victim explore what s/he considers the best course of action with regards to reporting. The individual will be supported in whatever choice he or she makes." Huge hugs. I'm so very sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lychee Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 If you don't & can't consent. It's rape. Doesn't matter who it is. If you say no or you're not in the state of mind to say yes/no. It's rape. Report. Other women could be at risk. I'm so sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I'm really sorry you're going through this. This sort of thing angers me to no end, but it's definitely rape. And don't worry about getting in trouble. The police will investigate and once the first guy gets questioned, I'm sure he'll tell who else was there. From what you said about being able to hear and feel, but not move it sounds like you could have been roofied. Did you accept a drink from anyone or remember leaving your drink unattended at any time? Regardless, they're a bunch of scumbags...the whole lot of em. And please report it. They have to be responsible for their actions and you may very well prevent them from doing this to someone else. I'm so sorry about what happened and no wonder you are terrified and suffering from the trauma. From what you have said about the effect of the 'alcohol', it sounds more like an anaesthetic, in which case your drink could have been spiked. This makes sense when you consider how these guys, who should have been protecting you, acted. If there is a rape crisis centre near you, please call them. They will support you and will not force you to do anything. You need support now. I don't know why your parents reacted as they did, but people do strange things when they are in denial. It may well be that they hadn't absorbed what you were saying to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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