circlesinfinity Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Sometimes my brother would compare himself to me but it's such an ugly trait. When does it is in a joking way but it makes me feel bad. He does have a lot going on he paints, attends an art college, etc. I just don't get why he does it. I'm very proud of him. I chose not to go away to school, have tried to take multiple avenues when it comes to a career too. My mom discouraged and severely criticized my work when I was a teen. It took me a while to love my artwork. I think it affected us both differently. I just don't understand putting me down like that if he is doing other things. I am to the point where I really don't know how to go about my dreams except get a job that I'm not too passionate about. What should I do to cope? This is the reason why I don't want to hang out with him much anymore. We are close but who wants to be made to feel this way??? Link to post Share on other sites
Lee hye ri Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I dont understand you a little ... What do you do ?i mean job ... Secondly ... Comparing between siblings is very common .. I do that with my brother and they do it too ... We joke... Even fight ... Nose bleed ... Lol ... So ... If he is joking with you .. Dont take it to heart .. That is the charm of brotherhood ... He criticizes you but if u need his help he will be there ... As for your mom ... All mothers do that ... You may talk to them and tell them what you feel ... As for your job .... Consider your dream along side with reality ... Good luck ... Just my opinion.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I dont understand you a little ... What do you do ?i mean job ... Secondly ... Comparing between siblings is very common .. I do that with my brother and they do it too ... We joke... Even fight ... Nose bleed ... Lol ... So ... If he is joking with you .. Dont take it to heart .. That is the charm of brotherhood ... He criticizes you but if u need his help he will be there ... As for your mom ... All mothers do that ... You may talk to them and tell them what you feel ... As for your job .... Consider your dream along side with reality ... Good luck ... Just my opinion.. Nope not "all" families or "all" moms do that. Well except for families that enjoy degrading and create tension to keep them from seeing the elephant in the room. Op, I tend to agree though in inquiring, what is your main source of employ at this time? Can it be possible that your sibling is playing the one up game? Try to separate your personal quandry and ask yourself,,what can I do to bring my life into balance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author circlesinfinity Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Nope not "all" families or "all" moms do that. Well except for families that enjoy degrading and create tension to keep them from seeing the elephant in the room. Op, I tend to agree though in inquiring, what is your main source of employ at this time? Can it be possible that your sibling is playing the one up game? Try to separate your personal quandry and ask yourself,,what can I do to bring my life into balance? We are very close so I don't see the point in the "one up" game and I think it's pretty unusual. I mean who is that insecure? I am unemployed and have been for quite sometime now. I am going back to school for web development so that I can have money to put toward a business. Honestly I never compared myself to anyone I just want to cruise through life easily without dealing with this type of stuff. My family has been there forever, they know the amount of jealousy I had to deal with from strangers, why would my own family want to hurt me? And I have never put anyone down, was condesceing or any of that, I'm Pisces so it's in my nature. I'm not perfect but I want to put it out there...I feel like one the replies will be about me provoking this type of behavior. Maybe I should just be a jerk/diva sense everyone else seem to think I don't know my potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Author circlesinfinity Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I dont understand you a little ... What do you do ?i mean job ... Secondly ... Comparing between siblings is very common .. I do that with my brother and they do it too ... We joke... Even fight ... Nose bleed ... Lol ... So ... If he is joking with you .. Dont take it to heart .. That is the charm of brotherhood ... He criticizes you but if u need his help he will be there ... As for your mom ... All mothers do that ... You may talk to them and tell them what you feel ... As for your job .... Consider your dream along side with reality ... Good luck ... Just my opinion.. If it was common I wouldn't have ask about it. It is not in my family. So I should just joke about my father ignoring him as a kid and talk about my mom's weight issue over several years? They know these things hurt me, that's my point! I have mentors who have a dream job in reality. I'm not being a jerk, just explaining everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) IOf coarse i didnt say you are. .. .. I meant that people personalities are different ... You may hate the joke but others will accept it and reverse it on the person. ... I also told you to speak with them about what makes you angry.. All my reply was about teasing and joking not hurting Edited March 21, 2016 by Lee hye ri Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 He acts that way because it makes him feel better. It's hard to know for sure what he is thinking, but perhaps he is thinking that he can justify his own actions by comparing them to yours. Like maybe he doesn't feel confident in what he does, so he tells himself at least he is doing "better" than you (in his own mind). If you weren't around, he would find someone else to compare himself to. He probably already does that. Maybe there are other students at his school that he compares himself to when he is not at home. My point is that it is nothing personal against you, even if it might feel that way. As for how to cope with it, well if I were you I would call him out on some of it. Next time he puts you down, ask him "why do you say stuff like that?" Put him on the spot and make him feel uncomfortable so that he will think twice about what he says to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 How old are you? What do you do with your time since you're unemployed for so long? Are you volunteering anywhere to improve your resume? I'm asking you because I want to see how YOU feel about yourself, apart from your sibling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author circlesinfinity Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 How old are you? What do you do with your time since you're unemployed for so long? Are you volunteering anywhere to improve your resume? I'm asking you because I want to see how YOU feel about yourself, apart from your sibling. I am in my late 20s, going to school for web development, Where I live there are little volunteer opportunities. I want an internship in that or at a textile company. My ultimate goal is to have my own textile design business from home. I need a job in one of those two. These companies seem to never want to train people and I'm not working in retail. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Then I recommend contacting someone in those companies and offering to intern them for free; it may not have occurred to them that they can get free labor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mirandaaa Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Sometimes my brother would compare himself to me but it's such an ugly trait. When does it is in a joking way but it makes me feel bad. He does have a lot going on he paints, attends an art college, etc. I just don't get why he does it. I'm very proud of him. I chose not to go away to school, have tried to take multiple avenues when it comes to a career too. My mom discouraged and severely criticized my work when I was a teen. It took me a while to love my artwork. I think it affected us both differently. I just don't understand putting me down like that if he is doing other things. I am to the point where I really don't know how to go about my dreams except get a job that I'm not too passionate about. What should I do to cope? This is the reason why I don't want to hang out with him much anymore. We are close but who wants to be made to feel this way??? Don't hang out with him. You cant choose your family you can only choose your friends so dont let anyone guilt you into spending time with your brother. Family sucks sometimes so it's okay to cut ties. Do it for yourself not anyone else, cause if YOU enjoy it, then don't stop. Just keep at it and you will get better and who knows what doors it will open up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author circlesinfinity Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 Don't hang out with him. You cant choose your family you can only choose your friends so dont let anyone guilt you into spending time with your brother. Family sucks sometimes so it's okay to cut ties. Do it for yourself not anyone else, cause if YOU enjoy it, then don't stop. Just keep at it and you will get better and who knows what doors it will open up for you. Thank you so much you are right!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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