Lee hye ri Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Iam the type of friend that dont complain about anything ... Always give advice .. Always bear critisism... But i lately i feel so agitated ... Cant stand some of my friends .. One of them (S) always complain about us being late .. And the whole road .. Reminding us of being late .. If she waited for us after lecture ... She must remind us of the exact interval of time she waited .. So one day .. She did the same and repeated it many times .. So i told her to go home and i will stay to go home with my late friend .. She said its okay ... Then continued the same act .. So i told her ... "Thats why i told you to go home" ..next day i found out that she is angry .. So i went to ask her why .. She told me .. THAT ITS NOT A METHOD TO SPEAK TO HER .. So .. The end ... Another friend offended me in many ways but i didnt speak ... I told her to wait for me .. I called her and told her that i finished and coming ... I really finished but my tool was with others and i was waiting to take it ... So she called me and asked where i was. Many times ... Iam coming what do you want ... Iam coming .. Then when i arrived ,found her angry ... And told me ... That its not a method of speaking ... Like what the first said ... Another one is hardworking ... During any spare time she would go to library and study .. Doesnt stand with us ... Then text me on fb saying she miss us alot.. And i reply .. You will see us tomorrow ... At the same time she wants me to talk to her about everything i do ... Like dramas i watch ..etc.. I get annoyed bec. She says she misses me ... But any spare time , she would run to library ... Okay , i dont mean to ruin her future .. A couple of minutes is very good .. In that case i prefer she doesnt say anything .. That better for me ... I feel like its fake .. And i really hate fake words .. So , i want to know if my method of speaking is wrong or not ... Guys ... I really feel like iam stranger between them ... Does friends pick on every single word like that ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Frankly, you sound very disrespectful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Disrespectable of what ? ... They offend me many times but i dont get angry ... But if i said a word .. They get angry .. Where is the disrespect .. Can you point it for me please ? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 So , i want to know if my method of speaking is wrong or not ... Guys ... I really feel like iam stranger between them ... Does friends pick on every single word like that ? you said you were agitated and cant stand your friends at the moment...so it is you who is already not going to like anything they say and when you reply to them and what they say...you are short and agitated with them.....they can tell...if you are a friend to them...they can tell when you are speaking or feeling differently...maybe not in your words but in tone..... its like this two word sentence..... okay then..... said softly...... or OKAAAAAAAAAAAY THEN said with impatience in your voice and a death stare added for emphasis....... its only two words right? often with my oldest son ...i get impatient and uptight...he is often challenging........and part of me asks after..why did he react the way he did this time when we argue.....and he reacted because i reacted wrong.... its that simple.....if i change how i speak to him ...he changes his response to me.. if i speak to him with kindness...regardless of hwo he talks to me...he will eventually respond with kindness....... words can convey different meaning...its called inflection..different tones show aggression or submission or friendliness or kindness or pleasure....or displeasure.......and with words there is different body language to deliver those words as well... talk to people how you want to be spoken to...at all times....and dont hold onto drama..its the advice i have learned and i give myself the same advice.......and its tried and true......... .deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 And if i was direspectful... What is the solution ? What should i do if they offended me ? Thx for yr time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 say to them you are sorry that what you said made them feel bad ...and then tell them you were hurt too by how they spoke to you and say lets start over ..you dont want this to continue.....forgive them like you want to be forgiven by them...and by others.....and then let it go and just be the best friend you can be.........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 you said you were agitated and cant stand your friends at the moment...so it is you who is already not going to like anything they say and when you reply to them and what they say...you are short and agitated with them.....they can tell...if you are a friend to them...they can tell when you are speaking or feeling differently...maybe not in your words but in tone..... its like this two word sentence..... okay then..... said softly...... or OKAAAAAAAAAAAY THEN said with impatience in your voice and a death stare added for emphasis....... its only two words right? often with my oldest son ...i get impatient and uptight...he is often challenging........and part of me asks after..why did he react the way he did this time when we argue.....and he reacted because i reacted wrong.... its that simple.....if i change how i speak to him ...he changes his response to me.. if i speak to him with kindness...regardless of hwo he talks to me...he will eventually respond with kindness....... words can convey different meaning...its called inflection..different tones show aggression or submission or friendliness or kindness or pleasure....or displeasure.......and with words there is different body language to deliver those words as well... talk to people how you want to be spoken to...at all times....and dont hold onto drama..its the advice i have learned and i give myself the same advice.......and its tried and true......... .deb I didnt feel agitated until they told me that ... I was normal .. I began to feel like that bec. I felt i shoulnt stay silent when they offend me .. Iam also a human who get angry sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I didnt feel agitated until they told me that ... I was normal .. I began to feel like that bec. I felt i shoulnt stay silent when they offend me .. Iam also a human who get angry sometimes so you were angry.......why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 say to them you are sorry that what you said made them feel bad ...and then tell them you were hurt too by how they spoke to you and say lets start over ..you dont want this to continue.....forgive them like you want to be forgiven by them...and by others.....and then let it go and just be the best friend you can be.........deb I already apologized in the two situations ... Thats why iam depressed bec. I give them their rights while they dont Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I got angry bec. I dont get angry on them but they get angry on me Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I already apologized in the two situations ... Thats why iam depressed bec. I give them their rights while they dont you know saying sorry is more for you than them......it gives you peace of mind...its a deeper pleasure to apologise and a personal choice we make out of conscience.....you did the right thing...so why worry what they do about them giving you your rights...you took what right you had....you made yourself right........what they say is out of your control...they are your friends..is it more important to have them apologise or to be your friend?......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I totally agree with ... I always apologize for everything i do ... Bec. I like to do good and i hate to have anyone angry from me ... And if someone offended me .. I hold it in .. She is my friend .. I shouldnt take it to heart .. But sometimes i feel like i should speak ... In this time ,they get angry and tell me that it wasnt a way to speak to them .. In the end ... You r right .. Thank you .. You reminded me of my true self .. I shouldnt reply ... If i did sth ... I will clear myself .. As for them ... I will ignore their comments . thank you again Btw ... Althought i thank the other comments .. I "felt"the word disrespectable is too much for some one they barely know .. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I already apologized in the two situations ... Thats why iam depressed bec. I give them their rights while they dont do you feel that what they said to you is worth losing their friendship because they didnt apologise........people have bad days for all sorts of reasons and say the wrong thing to others..just like you were having a bad day....... and as satu said earlier...it is really drama you dont need.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 No .. I didnt think of them apologizing to me .. All i wanted is to bear each other .. If we r friends .. Not become the only one bearing Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I totally agree with ... I always apologize for everything i do ... Bec. I like to do good and i hate to have anyone angry from me ... And if someone offended me .. I hold it in .. She is my friend .. I shouldnt take it to heart .. But sometimes i feel like i should speak ... In this time ,they get angry and tell me that it wasnt a way to speak to them .. In the end ... You r right .. Thank you .. You reminded me of my true self .. I shouldnt reply ... If i did sth ... I will clear myself .. As for them ... I will ignore their comments . thank you again Btw ... Althought i thank the other comments .. I "felt"the word disrespectable is too much for some one they barely know .. this board called loveshack.org is to help people by showing you anothers view of your situation....anothers experiences...anothers advice..hopefully mostyl compassionate and kind advice......sometimes there are wonderful posts to opening posters that help them heaps...and sometimes there are ones that make opening posters feel not so good...but contain truth..take what helps you..thank everyone for taking time to write to you regardless of if it were useful or not.........dotn take advice you feel doesnt help you..and you will always get answered....respect goes both ways...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I didnt say i would lose the friendship .. These are trivial matters .. That why i felt strange when they got angry .. I didnt say sth that big ... To tell me mind my manners do you understand me now .. I said in the first post .. That friends shouldnt pick on every word Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Okay .. Sorry .. I didnt mean anything .. I was only surprised by the word .. I already thanked them many time .. Hope they dont take it to heart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I didnt say i would lose the friendship .. These are trivial matters .. That why i felt strange when they got angry .. I didnt say sth that big ... To tell me mind my manners do you understand me now .. I said in the first post .. That friends shouldnt pick on every word are you guilty of doing that picking on every word too though..... i think you know what is important and i am gathering you care for your friends but had a bad day...said the wrong thing.... and dont want to lose a friendship over it...which is good..i am sure that your friendship will survive.....and yes as humans...we get angry and have bad days..so just be the best friend you can be...and your friends should accept you are capable of having a bad day.....i wish you peace ...and loads of laughs with your friends....:0)...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Thank you so much .. I feel better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts