Patti Posted June 11, 1999 Share Posted June 11, 1999 My best friend is a guy who is one of the best people in the world. We share everything, trust each other with information nobody else would know, and love each other on a friend level. However, I also love him deeper, as in I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. We talk about our relationships and talk about people we are dating...this guy knows everything about me. So, my problem is...do I tell him that I like him more than just a friend or just sit back and hold it in? I don't think I could handle it if he ended up having a serious relationship with another girl. Link to post Share on other sites
mike Posted June 11, 1999 Share Posted June 11, 1999 no, i would not tell him that you love him. go ahead and read the message that i posted about telling a friend that you love him/her. what if your friend doesn't feel the same way yet? telling him that would make the relationship very, very,very awkward. then, he may NEVER fall in love with you because love should blossom naturally from a relationship. if you tell him that you love him and he doesn't love you YET-then that might make it even more difficult for him to EVER fall in love with you because, in a way, he may feel pressured to do so. what i would do is to start treating him more as a boyfriend than just a friend. be more flirtatious. give surprise kisses on the cheek or something or touch him in a way that is more intimate. that way, if he does feel the same way, then he would jump on the clues. if he doesn't feel the same way, then you would be protected because you never said that you loved him and he may feel that you are just being "extra-friendly." either way, you will get at least a little closer. mike Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAngel Posted June 12, 1999 Share Posted June 12, 1999 My best friend is a guy who is one of the best people in the world. We share everything, trust each other with information nobody else would know, and love each other on a friend level. However, I also love him deeper, as in I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. We talk about our relationships and talk about people we are dating...this guy knows everything about me. So, my problem is...do I tell him that I like him more than just a friend or just sit back and hold it in? I don't think I could handle it if he ended up having a serious relationship with another girl. Patti, I read Mike's response (and his post) before replying to this message, and like I'm going to say to him, this is a subject that's dear to my heart. Personally, I can't think of a more beautiful, ideal relationship than that between two "best-friends". In your case, you're fortunate to have a sweet-caring guy who you're not afraid to be emotionally intimate with. And that's great! It's scary making that jump, though. Especially if one or both of you aren't ready for that extreme of a social and emotional transformation. You have to realize that the role of "lovers" and the role of "friends" are two completely different things in the view of others and unless you have the boundaries clearly defined, you may find that others may react awkwardly. Are you make-out friends or are you close lovers? See where the danger lies? I'm one for throwing those social morays out the window though. Do what you feel is right! If you love this guy, and you feel you're at a level with him where you can share anything that you're feeling and that he feels just as comfortable, then go for it. You probably know him better than most and have the ability to judge how he'll react. It's scary, especially since his reaction will affect you both dramatically. He could say he shares those feelings and *bam* instant paradise, or he could say he doesn't and create a potentially awkward situation depending on the level of friendship the both of you possess. There's no clear cut answer, unfortunately. This is something between Patti and her best friend. Perhaps the best approach, and most comfortable way of bringing up the subject for you would be to mention the possibility of the both of you dating in the future and see what sort of reaction that causes in him. Chances are, almost 90% of the time, if you're as close as you suggest you are, he's going to feel the same way, and you may be both putting off the inevitable by hiding behind your fears. It's either finding out now or never knowing and it becomes to late. Would you rather know you gave it a shot, or think to yourself 20 years down the road "what if?". Shoulda-coulda-woulda is never the answer. Live life to the fullest and overcome your inhibitions. I think you'll find it a most rewarding experience. Best wishes to you, LoveAngel Link to post Share on other sites
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