daddymessedup Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Hi all, i want to tell you my story and see what you all think. My wife came to me 6 weeks ago and told me she was unhappy. I got upset and asked if she needed to goto counselor or back on antidepressents. I asked if she had been talking with anyone. She told me a friend who is having marital problems and cutting herself. I asked her not to continue talking to her. I left and went out for a few to clear my head. Ended up at bar and had few drinks, like 3. Came home and went to bed. Next morning she said she was leaving and going to her dads. Again i got upset asked if I could take our 2 kids and goto my moms. By the time I got home she was gone. I begged and pleaded for her to come home and not really any response. She told me it was because she felt alone for too long. Said that when i was home i wasnt there. I was working on projects and not being there for her and my family. I have done a lot of soul searching and have relized a lot of what i was doing and asked for her forgiveness. she said i had been forgiven but her side is not as easy to make better. She needs space. I have had a really hard time with this. After about three weeks, which we had kids back and forth, She emailed me asking to take one to Dr. which i did, when child and i left they wanted to stay with me and come home. Child told his mom this and she said ok. We asked other child and he wanted to stay w mom. Again i got upset and went outside with my child, she followed out. I told her you see what you are doing this is tearing our family apart. Not just you and i but the kids. Even told her that one has been waking up in middle of night freaking out that i was gone and he missed mommy. That following tuesday, i sent her an email asking to meet w her. I needed an answer as to what she wanted. She had told me that she didnt know. Tuesday night she said it was over. We met next night to discuss how we are going to separate all our stuff, house, visitation ect. When we started this i told her this is not what i want and asked if we could goto marriage counsling. We talked a lot and she said that after couple weeks we could got counselor. to add to this i had realized that she has been afraid to talk to me about most anything. Due to the fact that each time she would say she was unhappy or any conflict i would get upset, and dismiss problem so she had given up. she had told me she had been trying to get me to come around and i never did for over a year she said. I am going to counseling myself to help with my problems, but am concerned that i may be too late. She is not even wearing her wedding ring anymore. I have faith and hope, i am just scarred to death of what will happen. She currently wont really talk to me about anything other than kids and maybe how her day is. She told me she needed space and that is only texting in morning on how kids are and told for min in evening again as how kids are. No conversation about us. I am trying and think I am doing what she asked for space, but not sure. Any suggestions, help anything. I know i have made a lot of mistakes. I love my wife more than anything other than my children. What can i do. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Sorry that you're hurting. Let her have the space that she's asking for. She's asking for it because she feels that she needs it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I think the best thing that you can do right now is take this time for yourself since you said you did that throughout your marriage anyway. Use this time now to clear your head and keep on keeping on. Try and stay cool when you deal with her and talk things out in counseling. But seriously guy...what did you honestly think would happen if when the going gets tough you head out to a bar? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 First, cool your jets. You keep repeating "we started talking and I got upset". I see a pattern there. Also, going to a bar til 3 to clear your head is not smart. She has plenty of reasons to question this marriage from what you described. Figure out how you can become a better you. It's as simple as, Droping the alcohol and Picking up a task. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) First, cool your jets. Also, going to a bar til 3 to clear your head is not smart. Ended up at bar and had few drinks, like 3. I think he means he had 3 drinks, not that he stayed out till 3am. But you are correct in that again she told him she was unhappy, and again he ducked out of acknowledging her upset. Master of his own destruction. Edited March 21, 2016 by elaine567 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rum Tum Tugger Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Trust me she has been thinking about this for months, she didn't just decide to move out overnight. She has used two of the three phrases a woman uses when she is done "I am not happy", I need space" and finally "I love you, I am just not in love with you". If she feels she needs attention then trust me she is going to be looking for it elsewhere if she isn't already. If she has told you it is over and she has taken off her wedding ring then it is over. You are going to have to accept this, no amount of begging is going to change her mind, infact trying to get her back is only going to push her away even more. I know you are going to go through every moment of your marriage in your head and try and work out what you did wrong but trust me you are wasting your time. Just try and get your head around the fact that there will be a new man on the scene if there isn't one already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 She is not even wearing her wedding ring anymore. ask her to either put the ring in a safe place or give it back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 When this happened to me, it turned out my wife had been having an affair for over a year. It's worth investigating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Hopefully there's nobody else on the side. If there is, it's going to make things much more complicated and harder for her to even consider going to marriage counseling with you. Though with that said, I do think you two going to MC is a good thing as it just might make you (both) be completely honest and open the lines of communication and if she sees you're willing to change and be there for her in every way maybe just maybe she will come back home. If the love is there and it's just buried because of resentment, it can come back. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 don't make the wedding ring an issue man, in fact I wouldn't even mention it at all, just pretend its all good. When you start making it an issue you start feeding the fire and it will make her not want to wear it even more, you would want her to wear it because she wants to, not because you tell her to. I understand it hurts a lot but don't make her do anything she don't want, for example the marriage counseling. if she goes in thinking its a waste of time or she just does it because you want to, its not going to work. Counseling works when its 2 people that WANT to make it work. Also the children, try not to split them up, either they all go with u or stay with her, whenever it comes down to you taking them out or their mom. I think its important because although we sometimes dont see it, children provide support for each other, they comfort each other too in ways nobody else can. As far as you, focus on being a good dad, a better dad than before. No more drinking either. Let your girl do her thing, let her go out, let her do whatever, she might get it out her system, she might realize she loves you and wants to keep her family, and if you do get that second chance don't ruin it, but she might also decide she wants to be without u Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 ask her to either put the ring in a safe place or give it back. It's hers. He can't tell her to give back what isn't his or tell her what to do with it...I mean he can, but he has no right to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daddymessedup Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 Just wanted to give everybody an update I did find out about 3 weeks ago that she was having an emotional affair with somebody from another country I've asked her to end it with she has I asked her to start going to counseling with us but she has we've been on dates I told her that I can forgive her for this it's going to take time she apologized is very regretful I do know my wife my only concern right now is three weeks ago she was having the emotional affair today she's moved back home and she appears to be more in love with me than she ever has been it kind of scares me I don't know if she's still trying to cover something or if it's true any suggestions in this area it would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Again, WW do not leave the marriage unless they have an OM ready to replace their BH. So as husband hears I want a divorce he must search for evidence of an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts